THE NAUTICAL SCHOOL.

Words this week are Controlled. Belongings. Shook. Reminder. Routine. Black.

I don’t remember how I got to HNA, but I was very pleased to be back with my brother after a year of separation. Christopher seemed changed. He was in Class 2B when I arrived on Wednesday 16 December 1936. I was exactly ten years and five months of age. Christopher was in Seven Company and I was in Six Company, each company having about forty-five boys between the ages of eleven and fifteen-and-a-half. I had two days of schooling before the Christmas break when I was told I would be in 1A, not the 1B class. (The Headmaster had obviously read the letter from Mr Pointer. the head from  my previous school).

It was a BLACK* day for me when I had all of my belongings taken from me and clothing replaced by that of which the boys in that school all wore.
 Halls Naval Academy was a charity CONTROLLED* school with a nautical theme run on militaristic ROUTINE* principles. The estate was located in the Suffolk rural countryside far from the outside world. It was situated on the edge of a plateau that sloped east to a valley near the river Eastham where the school farmed the land. HNA had a population of a large staff and about three hundred students between eleven and sixteen years of age. The students were allowed to take two three-week vacations each year during the summer and at Christmas. All other holiday periods were spent at the school. Students without guardians never left the school. Students had no access to the outside world, arbitral access, or personal rights. Discipline was strict. Hunger and fear of punishment were constant. Love and affection were non-existent, I was constantly REMINDED * that my existence seemed to be modelled on a latter-day Oliver Twist.

 All communication to and from the school was censored. Those boys who never left the school on vacation became conditioned to their surroundings (like caged birds) and were probably happier at the school than those of us who had an occasional release from our incarceration. On the 20 December 1936, having been told by my brother that he was going home again to Auntie Parker, I raised the roof and said, “I should go, too!” I was told, “No money, no ticket, no permission. Sorry, you’ll have to stay”.. This SHOOK* me to the core.

Like bloody hell, I thought. Then the bugler sounded the action stations call and the lucky ones – about half the population of the school – marched to the East Oakville Station. Two or three hours later, I was on a train that had stopped at a large station. My friend, Ernie Booker and I had no idea where we were going,  we had done a bunk from the school, I had had enough of that school.
Halls Naval Academy

At the dead end station, we must have looked conspicuous. The ticket bloke and staff at the station locked us up. Soon after, we were back at HNA. Living in a dark cloud of rejection, I was totally at odds with that place. I wondered how much more I would have to suffer.

22 December 1936
My brother had arrived in Charlham. Meanwhile, I was confused and in a state of apathy. Ernie and I were in serious trouble. Having only been at this place for six days, I was to get six cuts of the cane. Having no one to turn to for help, I was wretchedly homesick. It was suggested by a few teachers that because it was so close to Christmas we should be forgiven, but our Capt. Superintendent replied, “Peace on earth and goodwill to all men applies only on Christmas day.” The remaining population of the school gathered to witness our punishment. A box horse for us to bend over was produced, plus the biggest rattan cane – even bigger than the one at Charlham School. Ernie went first. It seemed like a bloody execution – minus the knitting hags, the French National Anthem, and a basket for our heads. Ernie was brave but white as a sheet after his six and had to go to the sickbay. I later learned he had received a testicular injury. Ernie going first made little difference, as another instructor, ‘Gunner Marten’ was to be my tormentor. I felt bloody awful. My thin trousers barely hid the bleeding welts across my buttocks. After the six strokes, I shouted in agonising pain, “I hope you die, you rotten cruel sod!” and got number seven. Gunner Marten died during the war about four years later. I was unmoved. Christmas in HNA was over. Our total excitement had consisted of two church parades, an apple, an orange, and cake. Where was Charlie Dickens? What a pity he missed out on this place.

Excerpt from memoirs... 99% true. Vest Daily Gaggle.

A Merry Christmas Everyone...

Note! You may have to press the play button twice to start the video

Christmas Shopping..

.Christmas shopping for me these days hold few qualms, no lists and no what can I give is made simple by giving a monetary gift, providing of course should they visit their aged 93 year old grandfather if not no deal, in any case, it is now nineteen months since I last saw some of my grandchildren. Their parents will have access to this info shortly.

It seems the Christmas card debacle is over once again. but not without its questionable dealings with the large post office in my local shopping complex. It was on Thursday, November 29 a bad day for shopping being it was pension day for the frail and aged payday millionaires who crowd the shopping centre for their indulgent $4-00 Latte shots and other lavish spendings.

 Having circumnavigated the underneath carpark Several times I finally parked at a car wash section where the guys in charge said it was OK. Thanking them I then walked toward the Entrance and the elevator which was out of order and a two-minute climb was the next obstacle.
Having done the grocery shopping I returned to the car collected my Christmas cards and walked to the post office. On arrival at the post office, I posted a dozen or so cards in the mailing box, leaving ten local and thirteen overseas cards to be stamped and posted
. At the counter I asked the female person for my allowance of seniors local stamps and thirteen UK overseas stamps, she replied they had sold out of the discount stamps ( The same story every time I asked for them at all the post offices I visit). So I purchased ten Local stamps at 65 cents each and Thirteen UK at $2-30 each. I sat down at a table nearby and affixed said stamps but was short of three UK stamps; only ten had been supplied. I returned to the post office and informed them they had shortcomings with the supply namely Three  stamps costing me $6-90 the lady at the counter was adamant that she was right and I was to blame probably thinking I was old and stupid, and I  not pursuing the matter any further purchased another three stamps at a cost of $6-90.. So it seems in the washup of this dodgy deal three recipients of my fifty cent Christmas cards in the UK have nailed me for $4-60 postage each.
It seems a  long time since I have heard the old adage " The customer is always right".

Vest Daily gaggle.

AND THEN THERE WERE NONE

Lord  Haw Haw W J's broadcast was preceded by the first notes from Beethoven's Fith Symphony. Sounded like dit dit dit da or dot dot dot dash, as per morse code meaning V; or V for Victory
 But from what I can gather there is no particular word within the German language that commenced with a V which meant victory. this I was told by my English professor (Attilla) W Bates; eighty years ago. Memories.

WORDS ON WEDNESDAY.

                                                            The words this week Are                                                         OPERA. RECOMMEND. CHAMPAGNE. EXCITEMENT. SUNSHINE and JAM.

                                          An evening at the Opera.

It was during the eighties when my wife Rosemary and I attended our first Opera- a Gilbert and Sullivan "The Mikado". The tickets had been provided free gratis by a well-heeled business associate; However, The hire of the pretentious costumes was a wallet killer.

Rosemary my dear lady wife could hardly contain her excitement. Still, in her forties, she loved  to flirt a little and loved to be told she was pretty as she really was without a doubt despite mothering five sons

We had previously attended a champagne party in air-conditioned comfort but travelling along George Street in busy Sydney on a hot day in a traffic jam was something I would not recommend especially in a Taxi with faulty airconditioning
However it was mainly a great day, and to see my Rosemary so happy, made my day.
                                                   -------------------
Women are the decorative sex, whatever they have to say, they say it charmingly.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

It is Christmas Card time again

It is this time of the year when you drag out of that special drawer in the cupboard marked XMAS. In it, you will find a long list of friends and relatives who you deem worthy of a message of worthiness like love health wealth and happiness etc There is also a long list of those loving people whom you sent cards to the previous year and a Tick beside the names of those who sent a meaningful message to you.
This is where the bastardry starts, you say to yourself how can I reduce the problems of writers Xmas card cramp?. It is perfectly simple because I like a lot of sensible people will have bundled the last batch of Ho Ho Ho's together by elastic bands. these are placed on the table together with Two different (some cheap) Xmas cards you intend sending to those you received Jollities from the previous joyful year. 
By the time this brain exhausting exercise has been completed, you will find that the list has hardly diminished.  We have lost some by the will of God or have moved interstate or have no more interest in pursuing you for love or money. and then you have the newcomers who will be on your list for years to come. Not forgetting those who will appear for the first time this year most who send late and receive a reply in the new year.
The main reason for writing this load of gobbledygook is that I will have to reduce my blogging to accommodate this extra activity being I shall not be calling on your blog as often as I would  wish to( it doth seem that due to a lack of callers on my blog the XMAS card Madness has started earlier than even I have envisaged. 

Vest... daily Gaggle.

Words title this week is "THE BOARDING PARTY".

Words to be used are Transparent. Solve. Theory. Loot. Take Wing. Demonstrate. Graduate.

My story  Follows
.                               It was on the wedding day, of Princess Elisabeth and Prince Phillip, November 20 - 1947, When at around 9AM Myself and hundreds of another navy men were leaving Portsmouth England for the Mediterranean aboard HMS Illustrious an Aircraft Carrier.

There was no transparent theory other than we were expected to solve the problem of replacing the time expired Navy personnel on several different ships serving in the Mediterranean.

Ten days later I joined HMS Mauritius at Valletta in Malta. Then less than 24 hours later myself and others about 20 in all and All about my size and age, were sent to a training barracks where a very large but amicable Royal Marine Sergeant enlightened us to why we were here.

The sergeant explained he would take us under his wing for the next two weeks and there would be no drinking or smoking and any loot like tobacco or booze would be confiscated; and when you leave here you will be the fittest guys on your ship, maybe some of you will resist but in the end you will benefit.

The sergeant explained we had been selected for boarding parties, the task for your ship was to prevent illegal immigrants from entering the British mandate territory of Palestine, then take them to Famagusta in Cyprus where eventually 1,000 souls each month on a first come first to enter the promised land( The reason for this  being the Palestinian infrastructure could not cope  and as a result which most migrants were blind to would be they would starve to death. should they arrive en masse

We went through a gruelling programme of physical fitness and instruction on how to use batons and pistols. and were suitably dressed for the occasion with boots and gaiters plus shin and arm pads, not forgetting the leather backed helmet and the necessary cricket box to protect our manhood.

We looked and were a tough bunch and Our training served us well, however never was there an occasion where we had to use force it seemed our presence was enough. Plus onboarding we were given packets of cigarettes to hand out to the unfortunate people aboard these boats and ships; who came to realise we had a job to do.

As a result from all of this malarky, the unarmed combat instruction Came in handy and provided with a great deal of confidence particularly when I was confronted with a large Irish guy who for some unknown reason wanted to get me during a drunken stupor He was given the surprise of his life, but oddly Paddy Slavin became in later years an Irish heavyweight Boxing champ(true)

After boarding several vessels including the Pan Crescent with 7,000 souls We finally and thankfully left Haifa on May 14 -1948 amid small arms fire when the ship HMS Mauritius sailed for England.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

I am pictured middle left

GONE GONE GONE

Ninety minutes work Simply disappeared from my blog prior to posting. gone forever.  I am totaly*^!@^_^*# off.
vest

No Words this week.

 Sorry, but I am not feeling well, I feel tired and simply need to rest, Back Soon.
vest daily gaggle.

A soldier who marched at a rate of 120 x 30-inch paces to the minute had to travel 12 Furlongs to arrive at a point where he would be told to march another league to get to his new Barracks.

How long did it take him to arrive at his destination.?.

More jaw droppers

Victorians kept Hedgehogs in their kitchens to control Cockroaches.  A cockroach after touching another creature hurries away and washes.itself.

Patients admitted to hospitals at the weekend are 40% more likely to die than those admitted during the week.

Shark Bay in Australia, is now called Safety Beach. It changed its name to attract tourists, and the sharks are once again very happy.

The human nose can distinguish between 10,000 different smells. A renifleur is one who derives sexual pleasure from smells.Rhinotillex.romania is the scientific term for being unable to stop picking your nose. It is also impossible to Hum while holding your nose.

The game of Ludo was invented in ancient India. and chinese checkers was invented in Germany.

When Josef Mengele fled to Argentina he went through customs with several suitcases full of body parts.
 Iran is the only country in the world where it is legal to sell your kidneys.

PE Teachers were Originally banned from the Olympic because they were professionals. But the ancient Greek city of Megara held a version of the Olympic games which included a kissing contest. Only boys were allowed to enter. However, An Ostrich could run the London marathon in 4.5 minutes.
8,000 years ago Great Britain had so many trees that a Squirrel could travel from one end of Britain to the Other without touching the ground.  Nemophilia Is the love of spending time in all types of Forest.
Oysters change their sex up to five times in one year.  Men are more likely to die during sex if they are cheating on their wives. more than one-third of men using dating sites are already married More than one-third of married Canadians sleep in separate rooms- they should stop eating Oysters too often.
Anyhow, I must go as time flies like an arrow But fruit flies like a banana.

VEST Daily Gaggle

WORDS ON WEDNESDAY

                 The words this week are Enclosing. Purpose. Care. Patch. Jamming. and Shame.

                                                          THE MUTINY.

The year was 1759. The ex Brigantine Swordfish minus most of its heavy guns, commanded by Captain Flogger Turnbull had left Jamaica with a cargo of Rum it's destination Bristol England.

Most of the crew who were suffering from scurvy had not left the ship for months whilst in Jamaica. when the ship was in the CARE of the local Govt authorities and was being stored and loaded by local slaves, the PURPOSE of this being that the crew were prone to desertion and had been incarcerated by ENCLOSING  them in the bilges of the ship and JAMMING all exits.

On leaving Jamaica the crew were released and finally after their recovery mutined and seized the ship and dealt out the most severe of all maritime punishments. to its officers with one exception the navigator who was spared through necessity.

No maritime punishment has ever exceeded or is a PATCH on a good flogging and finally being Keel Hauled. The SHAME of being stripped naked and flogged and finally being Keel Hauled, meaning being pulled under the bottom of the ship from one side to the other against the resident barnacles usually skinning alive the victim who is then customarily thrown to the sharks to end his miserable life.

However, like most mutineers, the crews of such ships rarely returned to Britain and turned to piracy for the remainder of their miserable lives.
Vest Daily Gaggle.

Jaw droppers again.

A collection of boomerangs and a Z-Bed were found in Tutankhamen's tomb. He also died from a broken leg.

Some Whales are born with a small leg protruding from their body. Whales have hip bones, which means they must have left the ocean, grown legs, decided they didn't like it and gone back into the sea again.

Geronimo's real name was Goyathlay; meaning, he who yawns. Yawning cools your brain like a fan cools the inside of a computer. Babies yawn in the womb; they also swallow; stretch and hiccup. Pandiculation is yawning and stretching at the same time.

The I'm feeling lucky button on Google costs the company $110 million dollars a year in lost revenue.

A man named Ronald Man had a heart attack and crashed his car; the impact worked like a defibrillator and restarted his heart.
James Dean's last appearance on film before his fatal car crash in 1955 was in a road safety commercial...In 1895 the only two cars in Ohio crashed into each other.

Three US presidents died on 4th of July..; John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, in1826 and James Monroe Five years later. John Tyler the tenth president of the USA, was born in1790 but two of his grandsons are still alive.

The president of Niger was Major Wanke. And Blowing air up an Armadillo's bottom causes it to jump three feet into the air- and so would you.

And finally. The author of the Saint Books known as Leslie Charteris was in real life ,  born in Singapore in 1907 on May 12.his real name Leslie Charles Bowyer Yin. His mother Was an English Lady and his Daddy a Singaporean; a Doctor Yin. ( I have known this for some time )

More next week Vest back soon.

Words On Wednesday

                                                 The words for this Wednesday are as follows.

              Haircut. Speculate. Dangling. Molluscs. Crinolines. Couches. ( Plus Knickers.).Hmm.

                                            The Wedding of the year.

It was the year of 1597 Midst that of Billy Shakespeares lifetime fraught with mystery witchery and ignorance plus religious bigotry and burnings at the stake but the common denominator was ignorance among those who dwelt in the village of little Snorewood. where the first wedding of the year was soon to be.

The Wedding  had people agog with excitement and having only recently emerged from their winter
 looking like hair scratching humpbacked Morlocks were busy bathing in the village brook and having their bi-annual*haircut which made it a little easier to identify each other.

The term organisation was unheard of so *speculation as to how the day would proceed was anyone's guess.  although the occasional appearance of the local Squire and one or two of his mistresses dressed in *crinolines and he like a dandy for that is what he was so to speak being known as Desmond the dainty who had been blessed with peculiar marital habits.

A substantial feast of hot rabbit stew also boiled crayfish and mussels like *molluscs from the brook washed down with gallons of mead and rye bread was being prepared by the more-intellectual matrons of the village where trestle tables were being erected and satin *couches provided for dainty Desmond's dollies.

The Bride to be was Elsie Wurzel Picker, the maidservant of the Reverand Nutgrove, who unbeknown to most was the father of Elsie Wurzel Pickers unborn child. Although the bridegroom.
Bert the Barmy, The illegitimate son of the widow Mrs  Parsnip and the village Molecatcher, Well and gravedigger; Silas shovelhead, was unaware he had been Cuckooed by the Vicar prior to himself frolicking in the nest with Elsie Wurzel Picker and most likely as well all of all those who wore trousers in the village

The Bells of the Quaint Norman era Church Suffering roof decay. St Alfred the Simple Showered dust and grime on the assembled parishioners as Elsie Picker swayed up the aisle her veil hiding her
 anguish the earth floor soaking up the trail she was leaving, when suddenly before the startled assembly she dropped to the floor and gave birth to her child who had decided it was a good time  to enter the world. prematurely and much to the horror of all had the similar countenance as that of the Vicar. "Gadzooks" was the simultaneous cry  From the Choirmaster and the bridegroom Bert the Barmy who drew his Sword seeing the child was from the loins of the Vicar. who fled in haste to the Crypt. But hardly an hour would pass when irate villagers had the vicar *dangling and roasting while burning at the stake on the village green. And were singing the ancient song "O dear what can the matter be"

   Oh dear what can the matter be, two young ladies, locked in the Lavatory
They were there from morning to late in the day
and nobody knew they were there.
The first young lady was Miss Gertrude Plumtree who merely went in to make herself comfy
She tried to leave but couldn't get her Bumfree, Nobody knew she was there.
The other young lady was Miss Elsie Picker who simply went in to fasten her *knickers
Who thought she was Quick, 'But the Vicar was Quicker- and nobody knew she was there
Chorus followed unending until the inebriated revellers departed in the evening to their hovels when the creatures of the night joined the dogs of the village to feast upon the remains of the well cooked Vicar. AMEN.

Vest Daily Gaggle(C)

Intro to Vests Ribald Yarns.

    Most of the supposedly funny ribald yarns I have written relating to that of Medieval goings on within the Chiltern villages in Oxford shire could really relate to those people who lived there not even that far back as the 1600s in the mid1800s Many people rarely left there home village let alone travel overseas. A study of church records showed that the 11th-century church records  of my home village where I lived for several years from the age of five in Chalgrove ; a half mile outside the Chiltern borders; revealed relatives of present-day residents of the village; mind you a few did appear to be a trifle barmy and with similar features.

The Chiltern Hills are about 20 miles from Central London and are crossed by several major roads, remain remarkably unspoilt and tranquil to the eye of the visitor. This is a secret landscape, much of its beauty only becoming apparent when one looks for it, and you can drive across its four hundred square miles on any of the Major through roads and barely realise you have been there.

To find the real Chilterns you must leave the main roads  and take to the  narrow winding lanes or some of the hundreds of miles of marked footpaths among rolling chalk hills with hidden valleys, Beechwoods chalk grasslands and picturesque ancient villages  with stone and handmade brick and thatched cottages  mostly of which are six or seven hundred years old. And wherein lived some of my Characters mentioned in several strange and ribald stories of medieval goings on.

I shall try and piece together a few more yarns until I run out of Ideas due to the fact that most of the lives of those forgotten villagers revolved around the same old humdrum happenings and it will be difficult to infiltrate the minds and the goings on of these earthy souls forever.

Vest... Daily Gaggle.
Memory is the scribe of the soul.

Back late on Sunday.

My elder son and I will be heading south tomorrow 250 km to Miranda RSL to attend to their new website and drive a further 200 km to my second sons home and the 'Cattery at Woolimia near Huskisson NSW, We will return on Sunday and I shall be popping off to bye-byes soon  as an early start will be necessary.  Vest Daily gaggle.

Words On WEDNESDAY

Words this week involve two captions (PICS) of a rail line and a man with head cupped in his hand.sitting on a bench.

Present day Fogsend is a depressing place. Once a thriving village but like so many other places in the nineteen fifties in Britain died of desertion when scores of unprofitable rail branch lines were closed being deemed unprofitable by then 'British rail'. It's desertion transformed it backwards and likened it to the neighbouring village of  Frogsbottom; now sadly derelict and its evil past seeped in history sadly forgotten.

It is a strange fact that most Great Plagues in history have crept up on us without warning. During the 16 -17th Centuries our people woke up to full-blown disasters. Fogsend village two leagues distant from Charlsgrove and Studhampton was where the following meeting took place in the summer of 1669 on a bright Saturday morning. When Sid a swineherd from Fogsend and a varlet by nature,; came upon an elderly bald serf sitting on a  lichen covered log looking rather depressed with his head cupped in his hands. "How now" Quoth the Varlet to the thatchless serf. "Ye same to thee"  I be Bert from the mill. After which as usually happens when two sons of the earth get together for a chat, after about twenty minutes the varlet spoke.

In my my my Village the stuttering varlet Quoth, has chanced a strange happening and that which has created much marvel and Rummy is ye general verdict, in fact, I would warrant it to be rather peculiar, you see old grandfather Jim of the Mill suddenly turned Black yesterday. Black' says the bald thatchless serf well I will be blown by St Robbin the Philanderer if that doth not leave me in wonder as it came to pass yesterday where I live Fat George the swineherder hath turned black too. 'Thou dost not say; say's the varlet; of a verity I do says the Baldy I be an itinerant worker and I listen to many gossips and spread the news.

And it came to pass one week later the 'Black Death was all over the country. and a man who did not look like Al Jolson singing "SONNY BOY" could be scarcely found anywhere.

Much of the contents of this post caused problems with Grammarly

The powers that be from Grammarly have sent a directive to me stating that I should give prior notice of this type of post which incidentally sent Grammarly spinning out of control.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

More and more jaw droppers

                                             Early this week

       Human bone is four times stronger than concrete, Banging your head on a brick wall to test this theory is ill-advised.

Alaska is the most Northernmost, Westernmost, and Easternmost state of the USA. Alaska strawberries were 19th-century slang for Dried Beans.

The longest recorded flight of a domestic Chicken lasted 13 seconds and the highest ever jump of a Rabbit measured 3 feet 3 inches (  or a metre. )

The black day was coined on the day of 31^st of July 1970 was when the last and final rum issue was made to men of the lower deck in the British Royal Navy. Rum it was said to make sailors cough in their rompers and the saying ‘Dead Marine’ meant an empty bottle also cupids measles were pubic lice and a custard bosun the chief cook and a randy naval padre a devil dodger

.

Although the word rank is something that smells something awful it also describes these officers in an odd way. A lieutenant in the army is two ranks junior to a major, yet a Lieutenant General is senior to a major general, cooky to say the least. Airforce and navy ranks are confusing too, it would seem both air and navy commodores are equal  but a rear admiral is equivalent to an Air vice marshal and a vice admiral to an air marshall and finally an Air chief marshal to an admiral

While at the Charleston. USA naval base in 1964.  I was sent to the provost marshal office to liaise with them should any of our Brit sailors land in trouble with the local laws or any local authority. The Us Navy Lieutenant asked me why I pronounced lieutenant ‘LEFTENANT’ I replied it is the correct way and the original French wording because using the word LOOTENANT simply describes a person who dwells in a lavatory.; he was not amused.

The first recorded Judge advocate of Australia was a discarded son of Sir William Bowyer, Richard an ex-officer in the Isle of Man Corps. Tired of  Richard his adopted father Lord Atkins sent him to the convict colony of NSW  where he was installed as the judge advocate of Parramatta. At the time it was recorded he was the evilest B------d to ever preside as an administrator of the law. .It is believed he was an earlier 19th century relative of mine.

Richard Bowyer's Brother Rear admiral retired George Bowyer on retiring after losing a leg at USHANT 1793. lived in a large house in Radley Near Oxford. Which is now a pub called the 'Bowyer Arms" Yes, Most of my tribe have paid homage there;  I many times.

And just before I go. Another George Bowyer who looked remarkably like the captain Smith of the RMS Titanic was the Southampton Pilot who left the Titanic after it cleared the Isle of Wight. Clever bloke. was George.

"No more will the Bosun's mate Pipe over the tannoy be heard at Eleven Am "UP SPIRITS" and hear the reply from the messdecks.",STANDFAST THE HOLY GHOST".    VEST Daily Gaggle..

The jaw dropper post has Just crashed computer died

 Enough to make a sailor cry in his beer I have to rewrite the whole post, but nothing will be the same B3#@^*#_^%#$@!ocks.Vest.

More.Jaw Droppers.

nks within

A few more Jaw droppers.

                                                                Jaw Droppers.

In the British Royal Navy, Bagpipes are referred to as Agony pipes or Porridge Guns.

In 17th -  Century England, effigies of Guy Fawkes were stuffed with live cats to make the figure Scream as it burned at the stake.

Beatles, John Lennon and Paul McCartney both had cats named Jesus.

Oymyakon in Russia is the coldest place on Earth; its only hotel has no hot water and an outside Dunny ie Toilet.

Mothers over 40 years of age are twice as likely to have Left-handed children as women in their twenties.

Until the20th century, left-handedness in a wife was grounds for divorce in Japan.

There are six villages in France called silly, twelve called Billy and two called prat.

There are eleven places in Utah USA called Mollys Nipple, Mollie's nipple or Molleys Nipple.

The 1978 Chess final at the HM Prison Wormwood scrubs in London England was contested between the "Moors Murderer' Ian Brady and disgraced member of the British Parliament Mr John Stonehouse.

Professional Cricketers who recently retired from giving their heart and soul to their former club Hampshire were named, Asher Hart and Chris Sole.

The very large sports stadium in Mumbai India, ( formerly Bombay) is called the "Wankhede Stadium".

There are Villages in County Durham England named No place and Pity me.

The people of France and Belgium acquired their taste for Horse flesh after the Battle of Waterloo when 10,000 horses were killed in battle.

The first 'Skyscraper was a particularly tall horse that won the English Epson Derby in 1780.

After the1945 General election in Great Britain, the Given names of the three political parties leaders
were CLEMENT Attlee  (labour) CLEMENT Davies (Liberal) and the wife of Winston Churchill (conservative) was CLEMENTINE...'. Now sadly "Lost and Gone Forever"

VEST Daily Gaggle. . More next week or soon.

Have a lovely Week-end. .

The new Harvey Norman Flagship Store ..A lot of Balls.

The new store opening in Auburn NSW in Australia described as a flagship store will or should I say must have a flag likened to that of the flag of merry England flying above its pretentious setting in skidrow surroundings like Auburn.  plus an Ex retired Admiral a member of its board of staff running the So-called flagship.
The admiral's flag is similar to the English flag of St George,. The vice admirals flag has a Red ball in the top left canton and the rear admiral two red balls in the left cantons.
 The misuse of the term flagship by out of touch ignorant pretentious high flyers, silver tails and the like should be ignored or banned unless the person is a Clam meaning a latter-day bloke reverting to female and without any testimonials.
Some of the store owners unsavoury dealing in the past were remembered by myself although press reports seeing him or his staff as squeaky clean did not come over as such about five years ago when I paid up front for a fifty-litre box  Freezer to be delivered. What arrived was not which I had ordered. It was shop soiled and had dents and was marked and not in its factory packing, It was returned to the store by the same delivery truck. Later we called at the store for a refund and travelled 20 klms to another store "The Good Guys" And bought a similar but a later model for less.

Definition of a flagship is any Repeat any type of warship large OR Small which carries an admiral within the command of the ship. The higher the rank of the admiral, the fewer balls he will have...on his flag.

Vest Daily Gaggle.  Back soon.

Bread Rationing in Great Britain 1946- 1948.

Words for Wednesday this week use the theme  'The best thing since sliced bread'

    During WW2, Bread was not rationed within the British Isles except for the Occupied Channel Islands.

It was on my mother's 47th birthday, and she let us be boringly reminded of it in later years. It was announced in parliament by the Food minister Ben Smith(or was it, ( John Strachey)  That the rationing of Bread, Flour and Flour confectionaries were to be rationed due to inadequate supplies reaching former European countries occupied by the Axis powers like France Holland  Belgium and Germany as well as most of Europe.

This news on the 21st of July 1946, was not *The best thing since Sliced Bread to people in Great Britain most of whom failed to understand the reason for its introduction., the cause being supply and demand during the war being reduced by less production  in grain exporting countries such as the USA & Canada due to less demand much of the produce in the1940 season went to waste, however, it took some two years before grain producing countries returned to normal production after WW2  and bread rationing ceased in Britain on July 24 1948.

And all the thin and scraggy Europeans became fat and unhealthy after gorging themselves to obesity by eating lots of sugary iced doughnuts. lovely yummy yum...

Vest  Daily gaggle

A Few more jaw droppers.

Most of these jaw-droppers are close to the truth.

   Until the1920's television was also known as Hear -  seeing by Wireless, Optiphone., Farscape and the electric telescope.

The French company Bich changed its name to Bic to stop people in English speaking countries pronouncing it 'Bitch'.

The 'Cassowary' is an Australian Flightless bird the size of an emu.it is also known as a Casserole containing unspecified ingredients.

A popular Roman hangover cure was deep fried Canary. .The Canary Islands in Spanish means the 'Dog Islands'.   Methinks that ye olde Roman cure was really the original 'Hot dog containing Es Span-ial Meat.

King James 1 of England only ever washed the tips of his fingers., and King Louis X111 was never bathed until he was almost a seven year old.

Octopuses and Squids taste with their testicles oop's sorry mistake I meant to say Tentacles.

North Americans.account for one-sixteenth of the people of the world but more than a third of their weight.

True. being a witness at the time,  On Passing each other at Spithead Isle of Wight Uk in the spring of 1948. HMS King George V A battleship heading for Portsmouth signalled to the RMS Queen Mary a Liner leaving Southampton. '" It is a rare moment in time for the King to meet his Queen on a misty spring morning.'Bon Voyage".

It has never been proven that the consumption of boiled hen's teeth is a cure for baldness.

In 1879, The Belgian city of Li'ege commissioned 37 cats to deliver mail to nearby villages. Not surprising, the project was a complete failure.

Finally True is that the brothers  Leslie Harry Compton b 1912 and Better known brother Denis Charles Scot  Compton.b 1918. Were English international sportsmen, both excelled in their time playing for the MIDDLESEX Cricket team and the ARSENAL football club. And they were not Clams.

More next week ..Vest Daily Gaggle.

Words For Wednesday.All the fun of the fair.

The words this week are proposed by Margaret Adamson and Sue Fulton.  They are Precipitation. Lanky. Grotesque. Clockwork. Still. & and; Transporting. My story gleaned from them is headed  'All the Fun of  The Fair'.


        The picturesque village of Frogsbotton lies in a small hidden valley within the Chiltern hills of Oxfordshire in England. Ancient thatched cottages line the several un-navigable lanes following the fast flowing village Brook.

 Frogsbottom named after the17th-century licentious second Earl of Frogsbottomar- although many years had passed since this nobleman had gone to hell the vibes from his tomb within the gothic church of Saint Robin The Thief was *still, to say the least;  frightening.

Of the one hundred, or more villagers most carried the same facial features and habitual traits which set them apart from inhabitants from surrounding villagers. the prime cause of this phenomenon is the seed of the Earl which had germinated the loins of most of the village maidens during his wicked lifetime.

Strange stories abound in the village of *grotesque atrocities hangings and beheadings, headless horsemen and the like which give the jitters to unwary visitors *transporting them back in time Giving out the feeling something awful could happen at any moment Also the fun fair which had descended on the village proved to be not as funny as was expected.

The centrepiece of the show was to be the newfangled  'Roundabout'; or' if you prefer a ' carousel' and at a rip off price of a penny a ride the most exciting experience for the day. the local village idiot could perceive, one whose height could cause a weather precipitation a large lanky lad of grotesque appearance headed for the carousel designed to accommodate normal people,

 After leaping on the wooden horse he was told to keep his head down during the ride. Soon after completing several circuits of bouncing and noise and frivolity from other children The *lanky lad stood tall in his saddle waving to onlookers as he cheered.

Sadly the lanky lads cheering was brief and for one *clockwork circuit of the Carousel, His head being removed by a steel parallel support frame. Screams of horror from other children complimented the ghastly event. simply another to be recorded by the historians of Frogsbottom.

Vest ... Daily Gaggle.

Our Callistemon (Bottlebrush) Tree

More jaw droppers. From Vest. D G.

 During the nineteenth century Entry into the tower of London was free if you brought a cat or a dog to feed to the lions.

Charles 11 of England Wore stilettos to his coronation. (Another Clam).

At least 170  Civil (Public) servants in the Uk are paid more than the prime minister.

Plants grow more quickly if you talk to them especially if you are a person named Prince Charles.

The rarest flower in Great Britain is the ladies slipper orchid, a single specimen lives on a golf course in Lancashire under police protection.

In French, Avocat means both 'Lawyer' and 'Avacado'.In German, Strauss means both Ostrich and bunch of flowers. In Norsk (Norwegian),pa'legg is anything that could be conceivably be put in a sandwich.

All man's life among men is nothing more than a battle for the ears of others. But to talk to yourself when alone is folly, it must be doubly unwise to listen to one's self in the presence of others.

The politician is trained in the art of inexactitude. Their words tend to be blunt or rounded because if they have a cutting edge they may later return to wound them..

Of president Don the frump. To watch him fumbling with our rich and delicate language is like seeing a Se'vres vase in the hands of a Chimpanzee.

In the early years of the past century and up to the seventies  Men involved with moving house during the weekends of the warm summer months and .who owned wire sprung beds, were often foolish enough to sit on them in their Underwear prior to the mattress was laid. Fire and rescue crews treated hundreds of such cases.
Single dwellers in isolated areas without access to a phone or neighbours to hear him yelling were the most at risk. One poor soul was trapped for two days by his genitals.only the postman delivering the mail on Tuesday saved the poor guy. from death before desexing.; and becoming a Clam.

And finally. A Diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Vest. Daily Gaggle.

Belated Words

This is not the original story intended for words this week, the previous Yarn was derailed by Google’s saving option which failed. I tried all of the recovery options to no avail.
I am not bent on becoming stoned or wallow in self-pity, I am simply not going to give up, I shall bridle my resources and endeavour to write something worthwhile.
It has recently come to my notice that my five sons are not united in their love for one another, the dislike for the incorrigible No 5 son is common, plus 2 and 4 don’t see eye to eye but whatever their differences it is of no concern to me.
Personally, I  never try to change people’s opinion of myself, if they like me -they like me if they don’t well they don’t. If you have enemies? Good, it means you have stood up for something sometime in your life. And if people don’t like you that is their problem., not yours. Maybe their sports team lost the night before or they are having a bad day, maybe you remind them of the kid who pushed them around at school. Don’t waste your time on those who do not like you, and put that energy to those who do.
The exciting part of the aging process is the bit where you start to care less about what people think about you. Alternatively, if everyone doesn’t like you, perhaps you should consider adopting a Dog, who will love you unconditionally.
We need words to keep us human. Being Human is an accomplishment like playing the Piano, it takes practice.

Vest daily Gaggle... Back soon.

Story gone in a flash WORDS FAIL ME.

About 75% of my story For WORDS. this week simply vanished, Having probs.

A few more jaw droppers.

         Not for the squeamish, I hope you will remember that!!.
                                              ----------

 The words  Proctalgia, Proctalgia, Pygnalgia and Rectalgia, all mean 'Pain in the Backside'.

Before dentists chairs were invented, the patients head was clenched between the surgeon's Knees.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. And the first Guillotine was built by a harpsichord maker.

80% of plane crashes occur in the first three or last eight minutes of a flight.

Spiders can survive underwater by entering a self-induced coma.

Spiders in Great Britain outnumber people by more than 500 to one. If all the spiders were Brazilian wandering spiders the population would be ten times more.

A Brazillian Work foreman applied to his company for housing entitlement being he had recently married. In his letter, he wrote Dear Boss I am now Married and require a permanent erection.
His Boss replied, 'Go take a walk in the Jungle and stop putting the Bite on our struggling company.

A bite from a Brazilian wandering spider results in an erection that lasts for several hours. This particular spider is often referred to as the Honeymoon spider.

The last speaker of the Amazonian language was a parrot.

Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven" was originally going to be about a talking parrot, seemingly bitten by a Brazilian  Wandering Spider. The poem was considered to be too explicit for publication.

Question. 'What do most convicted rapists in Brazil use as an excuse for their crime.?

The study of words is not the right thing for a person without a memory.

Linguistic analysis means a lot of people pointing out that we don't always mean what we say, even when we say what we mean.

Vest. More soon.

No Wednesday Words this week.

     Most of my blogging time has been devoured by the weekly shopping expedition, doctors appointments - work around the house and family business. and nodding off with exhaustion during the day.
 I went to bed last night at 1145 PM, and I was up again at 6 45AM about an hour ago as I write. Not having slept a wink all night.  Both moggies and I have had breakfast and shortly I shall shower and then prepare Dinner, There on I shall probably nod off for a while and hopefully feel tired at the proper time tonight. At this point in time, I am not thinking too clearly.

Back soon Vest.

Sunday.Jaw droppers with a fishy ending..

The oldest animal ever found was a 405-year-old Icelandic clam. It was killed by researchers trying to work out its age. But by then it was assumed to be female As it was perceived to be much older each day at 3 30PM. But it was still called 'Tim'.

The word ' journey' is from the French journe'e, and once meant the distance one could walk in one day.

The Swahili for the journey; is Safari.

The Barramundi is an Australian fish praised for its exquisite taste, but tasteless compared to that of Nth Atlantic Cod.

The nectar of citrus plants contains caffeine to attract bees.

King Henry VIII, put a tax on beards in 1535 but made sure his own was exempt.

King David 1, in Scotland. gave tax rebates to subjects with good table manners.

Lalochezia is Using swearing to relieve the stress of pain.

King John of England was named 'Soft sword' for his feeble Military and boudoir activities.

William the Conqueror the Duke of Normandy had been in England a fortnight before the Battle of Hastings in 1066. Similar to the Three old ladies locked in the Lavatory; 'Nobody knew he was there'.

During the Hundred years war, the French called the English 'Godons' because they were always shouting 'Godam'.

And Finally.

Two retired Australian aboriginal gentlemen were preparing for their journey home to the 'black Stump camp some ten Miles from the coast. They had hung their socks on the end of their spears close to the fish they had caught that day in order to deter the marauding flies.

On arrival to their humble homestead, they were greeted by a White man who seemed anxious to explain the wonderful workings of the small cart with a wheel which was able to carry several spear loads of fish in comfort and save a lot of human energy.

After a trial with the wheelbarrow, one of the Aborigine men announced, " we will take the Barramundi on our next fishing trip.

That's all folk, More soon.. Vest Daily Gaggle.

Words for Wednesday.

The words proposed by Delores are

Left. Batchelor. Dripping. Movies. Doorway. Mansion.

   Wayward Batchelor Earl Snodgrass, waited in the shelter of the stable. Although Dripping wet from the rain,  he knew this would be the best opportunity to access the interior of the Mansion.

The current owner a card shark had recently sold the Mansion; the former property of Snoddy lost in a poker game. for cash to a local drug lord, who with friends were attending a new movie in town and dinner laid on by the real estate agent- another crook.

Snoddy did not wait long before the revellers returned. a dozen or so rushed from their cars through the rain to the doorway opened by the butler, Snoddy seizing his chance dressed in a hoody joined the guests then after entering hid in a secret hiding place known only to himself.

Snoddy had the new keys to the safe containing Two Million Dollars in cash. The keys were provided by the locksmith's daughter who had earlier copied them and was waiting to pick up Snoddy during the silent hours and speed to the airport and a flight to Costa Rica The Rich Coast in South America. Good luck Snoddy.

Vest Daily Gaggle. back soon.

Jaw droppers. on wednesday

                                          Have a giggle at these.

Second Street is the most common street name in the USA. First Street is the third most common.

Most Clams begin life as Males, but half of them turn female when older (Tim you are a Clam!.)

The green zone golf club is on the border of Finland and Sweden: half of the holes are in one country and a half in the other.

The first woman to play golf was Mary Queen of Scotts.

Bruce Lee, was Hong Kong's Cha-Cha dance champion.

Women look their oldest at3,30 pm on Wednesday. I am lost for words. (Again).

George W Bush was a college cheerleader (Possibly a clam).

The oldest dance still performed is the Austrian shoe - slapping dance.

Nudiustertian means'relating to the day before yesterday.


Vest... Daily Gaggle.

Words on Wednesday Discovered on Thursday.

 Words this week are supplied by Delores at; Mumblings

Hitch, Quack, Curtains, Deplorable.Mundane, Ravelled.
My unhappy story Goe's.---

     During my later years, visits to my local Quack IE Doctor at my local hospital have become quite Mundane, most visits go along without a Hitch-even when having to display one's essentials when stripped.
However, a recent visit to the hospital left me Un- Ravelled when two young trainee nurses entered the room- which I found Deplorable, although the procedure they were witnessing was behind closed curtains, the doctor explained it was part of the nurses training.  nevertheless I myself found it to be totally embarrassing.

 I must admit what happens under anesthetic one is rarely aware of, but in broad daylight, it is a different matter.
Vest... Daily Gaggle.

Words undiscovered this week.

 I failed to find words this week so I have substituted some factual nonsense instead.
                                                   ---------------------
 One in 7 UK used banknotes carry traces of anal bacteria, In Zimbabwe, Most banknotes are used as cheap toilet paper.

 Winnie Pooh's real name is  Edward Bear.

It is illegal in China to show TV  Ads for haemorrhoid cream during mealtimes.

 The offspring of a Polar bear and a Grizzly bear is called Pizzlybear.

Jrr Tolkien and Adolf Hitler, both fought in the battle of the Somme during WW1.

During Adolf Hitlers years in power, his book Mein Kampf was given freely to all newlyweds

'Dogging in German means, Jogging with your dog and other activities.
'
The Asian firm of Samsung's first product was fish

More than half of the fish marketed as Tuna in the USA, Is not Tuna
                                             ------------
My last couple of weeks has been swallowed up with medical, social. family and  other unexpected activities.
Back soon, Vest.

Today in History Tokyo Bay.

  August 27, 1945, 73 years ago today The Battle Ships USS MISSOURI, HMS KING GEORGE V,& HMS DUKE OF YORK, enter TOKYO Harbour.

As a nineteen-year-old at that time, I felt some  emotion as my Ship The HMS  KG V  & Vice Admiral Bernard Rawlings had served the full two terms during the past conflict and followed the HMS  Duke Of York into Tokyo harbour which had not fired an angry shot and was newly arrived with a more senior admiral - Admiral Bruce Fraser ( Affectionally Known as The Station-master of the Fleet Train (Logistic vessells)  Who served his time in a Sydney office while the crew of  HMS  Duke of York enjoyed the Joys of Sydney
Unfortunately, there was a great deal of disrespect shown in many ways toward this Rank pulling by Admiral Frazer and the smell never went away, letters from men of the British Pacific Fleet vilified him but there was never an apology from  Admiral Frazer.

  Vest Daily Gaggle.
 Some Smells last forever.

Cock-a doodle-doo.

Words for this Wednesday are.
 Yellow. Zinnias. Adjust. Boots. Chicken. Doomed.

  I remember well my pre-teenage years at the home of my adopted family within a  village in the English countryside. The front garden of the house was dedicated to flowers as was the custom and adorned with a variety of flowers. Although * Zinnias had become popular. Zinnias seeds dominated the soil and proved a pestilence to other varieties and other floral varieties were *doomed to extinction.

 The rear garden or behind the house and adjoining half an acre was deemed as industrial which included a large shed and *Chicken pens also a few goats and vegetable beds' where quite often a few loose chickens which somehow had escaped from the pen would be scratching around the soil. of course, chasing after these escapees in rubber boots would be a futile exercise They would eventually find their way back to the pen at roosting time in the evening. after which one was able to *adjust the hole in the wire netting.
.
Keeping a check on the age of the chickens was quite simple. New arrivals from hatchings after a few weeks, were fitted with the colour of that year flexible bakelite spring rings around one leg, from memory these rings were either red *yellow or green, those chickens wearing a ring denoting they were three years old were doomed for the cooking pot.
Unfortunately for chooks born male, their demise was somewhat earlier, due to the fact that only the more robust males were selected to service the Hens. the remaining cockerels were doomed to KFC or Sunday roast. however, the egg-laying efficiency of hens lagged around the three-year mark, at that time they were a bit scraggy and deemed to be old boilers suitable only for soups and stews.

Hence the derogatory term for the aged female 'OLD BOILER'.

Vest daily gaggle.

Ausydnestan -Jobless Australia.

Due to the constant problems with the internet availability in Country NSW Strayer, the  distant Asian country of the former USSR Ratshitasstan has offered their commiserations stating they are on an equal footing and seriously considering to adopt the morse code if things become worse, and to complete its sympathy wish to become sister states-referring to us as Ausydnestan.
And to make matters, even more, worse it seems that any voice communication with future Australia Govt call centres will be answered by a voice from Amritsar Mumbai or Dacca. Employees at Call centres in India will receive only 10% of the wages of those in   Ausynestan- Alias Australia.

For the past three months or more I have been plagued by the internet. despite calls to my provider and technicians calling at our office. It is down at the moment like it has been half a dozen times or more today. I shall post this at the first opportunity.

Hope springs eternal.  Vest.

 

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY BY VEST

And now for something completely different, all done in the best possible taste. and 99% true.                                                                Vest's words for this week are.
                      Dumped. Welcome. Incident.Sounded.Ended. Unaware, or and.
                      Moving. Attended. Responsible. Smell. Arrived. Window.
This story starts at around the same month I was on leave from my ship after the war in 1946 and follows the Albert Story.from last weeks ' Words', It then recalls earlier years.

My Foster Parent, who I referred to as Aunty had for a decade or more been enamoured to a  local farmer a Mr Turner. I had observed from an early age about when I was six or seven the strange secret meetings of this pair of lovebirds.

Auntie’s former beau Mr Turner had dumped Auntie Parker when aged fifty-three and married the shop lady, a frumpy but more frisky forty-year-old, who was the mother of Joyce my former skinny dipping friend, who became a GI Bride and was shipped off to the USA shortly after the war ended. Auntie still living in hope, attended the dance and booze up at the village hall in Chalgrove; where I had arrived earlier, to collect my fifty pounds welcome home money generously supplied by  those who were not veterans, The combined smell of beer body odour and kerosene lamp oil; was battling for supremacy over the stench of tobacco smoke. A dreary old band was playing ancient country yokel music, it was then I saw through the haze the familiar faces of (now married) Ernie and horse face Maggie Bellman, sitting next to their eleven-year-old twin daughters. It must be assumed then, it was Ernie who was responsible for the input of beautiful genes to their daughters who surprisingly looked quite pretty. Auntie remarked that I was probably aware of the time when Maggie conceived in the hayloft in 1933.

 Shortly after I spoke to Ernie about the incident and we had a good belly laugh. Ernie told me that if I had not given the game away on that fateful day in the hayloft, he would probably still be single. It was at the time back in 1933 during the last days at the farm cottage before moving to monument road.
During the last few days at the cottage, I had caught chickenpox and had to stay away from school. The lady next door attended to my needs, being that Auntie Parker had taken the bus into town. I had been told she was staying overnight with Uncle Robert in Oxford. However, from my bedroom window, I had seen Auntie sitting on the bus, but why was she sitting next to farmer Turner?

The cottage or Whites farmhouse was some 400 years old and harboured many mysteries. I had arrived there in the middle of 1931 as a five-year-old with my six-year-old brother. One day while alone in the back bedroom the daughter of my Foster parent heard me talking and wondered whom I was having a conversation with.  when I replied that it was a funny looking man with a large hat with feathers and buckled riding shoes they were aghast at my reply, the fact  that I would have had little knowledge of what they presumed was a spectre from the Civil war days, a Cavalier during the renowned battle of Chalgrove field on Thursday the 18th of June. 1643. It is of little wonder that the family were moving to a more modern residence.

I remember well that afternoon two years later while I was resting, the same day that Aunty and Farmer Turner were seen on the Bus together  I heard two distinct voices through the wall of my bedroom,. It sounded like they were coming from the hayloft. After a while, I crept downstairs and out of the back door. and by standing on the rain tank, I could see through the crack in the timber siding. Big Ernie Bellman was making love to horse-faced Maggie Sherbrook! Being only seven years of age, I was unaware of the significance of this tomfoolery. 'How dare they use our house for their skylarking."

 I crept around to the front of the barn and quietly squeezed through the barn door. I moved the ladder to the hayloft and put the bar down on the barn door, closing it tightly with the pin. My carer, Mrs, James who lived next door, saw me near the front door and scolded me for being out of bed. I told her what had happened. Shortly afterwards, a large number of villagers gathered around the barn door and a cheer went up when Maggie and Ernie appeared rather sheepishly, making all manner of excuses.

 I had begun to earn quite a reputation around the village. The following day, I got a smack from Auntie when she returned from her frolic with Mr Turner, I told her they were only doing what the Billy goat does to the Nanny Goat. However, Aunty's holier than thou attitude was wrecked in the village when local lad 'Ginger Spicer' - Ernies friend, revealed he had seen Aunty and farmer Turner at the same time he was in the Randolph hotel in Oxford when he was Courting the local butcher's daughter.

After having acknowledged Aunty's remark about the loft incident, and  Aunty is in a merry mood, and stating " they must be taking turns to wear a bag over their heads" It was then that Maggie came over and kissed me - while I closed my eyes during this frightful experience she told me she was pleased to see me after so many years. Maggie, I thought; had a lot to thank me for and I believe she realised it

The accent of one's early years lives on in our mind.and in our heart as it does in our speech.

Vest Daily Gaggle.




I

Words no 4

My Friend Albert.

                                Words for Wednesday, July 18. 2018
 Cheerful. River. Children. Sunday. House. Age. Or and. Demise.Noise.Point. Idea. Above. Year.

                                             Remembering Albert, an old friend..
   
  Old Albert as few of us young lads from the neighbouring village referred to him was a cheerful and helpful person. Most Saturday mornings we would find Albert fishing in the river Thame not far from where it enters the Thames at Dorchester on the Thames in Oxfordshire. It seemed to some, that Albert was an ordinary working person, However, my own judgement was otherwise, Although his dialect was slightly different than local his superior brand of fishing tackle suggested he was 'Well off 'so to speak

I was about nine years of age when Albert took the time to instruct me on how to catch that elusive Jack-Pike; a large predatory river fish, by tying a hook and line around a frog and allowing it to swim in an Eddy of a river bend

 But these Halcyon years of my youth faded to summer vacations from then on from my wretched boarding school at ten point five years until Joining the Royal Navy At a tender age of 15 years and Five months And like many other children became a crew member of a large battleship one year later.

It was during the Second World War in July1944 I had arrived home on leave from my ship which had returned from the Mediterranean and was refitting in Liverpool in order to form the British Pacific fleet later that year.

Chalgrove my home village was agog with activity, A British company had built an airfield within about 100 yards from our back garden. The noise factor was intense. So without much ado, I discovered my brother's aged Motorcycle which had a small amount of fuel to which I added a quantity of paint thinner.- It Roared to life after a few kicks then shortly after I  set off with my Fishing Tackle; praying this mechanical beast would make it there and back from the river.

Being it was a Sunday it was fairly quiet except for a shout" Is that, you Les". An old Guy in his Sixties or more appeared. It was old Albert. he seemed pleased to see me again. I told him I intended to go to the lock keepers house to visit his daughter although much my senior Pearl was perceived to be a little above my station, nevertheless, we were good friends.

Albert placed his hand on my shoulder and say's " I'm sorry to disappoint you Les but the family have moved away, but to where I have no idea. You see the lock keeper had a complete breakdown on hearing of his sons' demise on the Battleship Barham last year.

I was fortunate to meet Albert on that Sunday when the summer rain arrived unexpectantly he said we should go to his house for lunch, it was not far as he had walked there but now hitched a ride on the pillion of the motorcycle - we were nearly there when the fuel ran out. We then wheeled the Bike to his amazing waterfront home.

It was discovered that a fuel line was the problem with the bike so It was arranged for it to be fixed and refuelled the following day on a Monday.

My fishing friend who apart from knowing him as a regular guy on the river bank; had a lovely home, We had lunch in a unique and interesting dining room where the walls were painted with beautiful murals in a panorama  of rolling hills and babbling streams, with winding roads which meandered through pleasant meadows, tiny houses dot the landscape and a small white church with a tall steeple.

That is the church I attended as a boy, up north a bit, Laughing he say's" I sat through many boring sermons in that church with my parents, they are long buried in its cemetery but in memory I go and stand by their graves and to hear them speak to me as in days gone by. it helps to sit here and return to the untroubled days when my life was new and fresh, it does something for me, it gives me peace.

It was several years later after WW2 when I revisited the area, to call on old Albert. Sadly old Albert unknown to me had retired from his business - shoe manufacturing in Northampton. and was living on borrowed time even when I first met him. His kind old body lies buried in the cemetery of that little white church with the tall steeple.

 I visited Alberts lovely home by the river, now occupied by a family with several children playing happily in Albert's lovely garden.

Kindly words are a honeycomb, sweet to the taste, wholesome to the body.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

Yesterday My 92nd Birthday.

I received cards and telephone wishes from family members, plus two cakes and it seemed like hundreds of calls on my hardly visited the Facebook page. now under control by my son Chris. Thank you Facebook friends. Also yesterday I renewed my driving licence, my local RTA complex seemed more humane since its upgrade last year and the people behind the desk more friendly opposed to what was formerly like a visit to the Gestapo headquarters. shortly after we had lunch at a cafe followed by a free haircut at 'CUTS Are us. I had filled the previous7 slots over the year.
 My Son Chris bought me a new keyboard for my PC and a new reading lamp.
I now intend to shower early and also have an early bedtime. I am becoming a trifle tired. I shall post "Words for Wednesday" soon . after this. See you all later on "WORDS". Love you all.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

ON THIS DAY 16th Of July.

                                                      On this day, the 16th of July.

The year 622. The beginning of the Muslim Calendar. Prophet Mohammad flees from Mecca to Medina.

The year 1945. The first Atom Bomb test takes place in the New Mexico Desert/.

The year 1969, at 2100hrs GMT. Appolo 11  Starts its journey to the moon

The year 1926.-92 years ago  Yours truly Me, VEST entered this Big World.

This year, Today Approximately 65,753 people in Australia will have a Happy Birthday.?.
.                                                 ----

This post will be available 24 hours earlier due to possible irregular activities occuring.

Words  On Wednesday.

         Words this week are
 Observation. Enjoying. Dining. Capacity. Manufacture Embarrassed.
                                                               Or and
Journey. Business. Baptism.Subject. Loudly. Surprised.

Half of these words were selected at random by a third party. the remainder selected from my story.
                                              Happiness.
My wife and I arrived early at the central station in Sydney for our twelve hours *Journey North to Brisbane, in order to attend our first grandson's * Baptism. It was intended to be a happy and rewarding reunion with family members as well as a comfortable first-class * journey plus *enjoying the scenery along the way.

Shortly after starting our trip my Wife and I  joined other passengers in the *Dining Car and sat across from a husband and wife who were strangers to us. The lady was expensively dressed, as the high fashioned clothes and jewellery indicated. But she was having a most unpleasant time with herself.
Rather * loudly she proclaimed that the dining room was dingy and draughty, the service abominable and the food most unpalatable. She complained and fretted about everything. Her husband, on the contrary, was an easy going man who had the *capacity to take things as they come, although he seemed to be a trifle *embarrassed by his wife's critical attitude and somewhat disappointed too as he was taking her on this trip for her pleasure.

To change the * subject, he asked what *  business I was in and said he was a  Doctor, then he laughed and said: " My wife is in the manufacturing * business". This * surprised me as she did not appear to be an industrious type of person, so I asked the Doctor" What does she *Manufacture" he laughed and replied " My wife manufactures her own misery.

Despite the icy coolness that settled on the table following this ill-advised * observation, I was grateful for his remark, for it aptly described what far too many people do.
On returning to our comfortable Ist Class seats, I fell asleep only to wake some two hours later, Feeling pleased with myself having rested, however, my wife was still snoozing but with a beautiful and happy smile on her pretty face. I feel blessed that today I am not a doctor, plus I have nothing that needs changing. Seems like we will have to take in the scenery on the return *Journey.
Vest. Dailygaggle.com.

Most that one suffers from unhappiness, comes from the tongue
 Words are like bees, Sometimes they have honey, sometimes a sting.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSEY. LOVE YOU"

 Today July 5 is the birthday anniversary of my dear departed Lady - Wife and Best Friend  Beautiful Rosemary.

 Rosemary was born in 1934 and would be celebrating her fun-filled fourth 21st today. Rosemary was an ageless person - Loving - hard to fault - priceless in every aspect.

It was also on July 5 at 2am 1971 on Rosemary's 37th birthday when our family sailed from Southampton on the good ship 'Britannis', a ship carrying mostly migrants to Australia.

                               

                                LOVE YOU ROSEMARY

L

Words for Wednesday .

Words this week provided by Vest,  limited to six words to enable more people to take part
     Mixture. Summer. Footsteps. Warmth. Shelter. Chilly. These words were selected by a third party and used in the following story

                             A late English Summer.!970

   Many of us manufacture our own misery. Of course, not all unhappiness is self-created, for social conditions are responsible for more than a few of our woes. yet it is a fact that to a large extent by our thoughts and our attitudes we brew from the ingredients of life either happiness or unhappiness for ourselves. Our good fortune in being able to send all of our school-aged children to school camp and the three-year-old to grannies for a week. was also a blessing and a sort of contrived happiness.

It was during this heaven-sent break from our lovely children on a bright English summer afternoon, my Wife and I went for a long walk into the woods where we were staying near the lakeside village of lilyponds our favourite weekend getaway in the Chiltern Hills. On this afternoon there was a*mixture of *summer showers and sunlit hours. being far from the * shelter we became soaked, we both looked a mess, then when the rain stopped we hugged each other and as we squelched our way back towards the village only stopping briefly in a sunlit area to rest and allow ourselves to dry out. Shortly after we walked under the trees in the woods; flying insects awakened by the showers hurried us along and later feeling tired we sat down on a lichen-encrusted log for a further rest, there we talked for awhile and then remained silent.

 We were listening to the quietness, the woods are rarely still, there is a lot of activity in progress, but natures sounds are quiet and harmonious, nature was laying its healing quietness on us, we were happy.

Shortly after we arrived at our rented cottage where we were greeted by the live-in help, it had become somewhat *chilly with a light northerly wind blowing. but the * warmth of the cottage interior was comforting and the oldie world aroma of the Steak and kidney pudding warmed our entry.

 That evening we planned to leave early the following morning in order  to visit my childhood village of Chalgrove and other surrounding villages where only * footsteps away were other quaint old-world cottages and the former homes of likenesses of Geoffrey Chaucer and who with Jerome K Jerome lived in more recent times and was buried in the local church in Ewelme. It is a region of Great Britain where history becomes alive.



Let yourself shine, do not compare yourself to anyone else.
 Vest ... back soon.

WORDS ON WEDNESDAY.

      Words this week are provided by  LEE.
     Caricature.Undercurrent.Multiple.Dominent.Confident. & Ultimate.

Aloysius was as the first child of Anne Smithers and a supposed unknown father, not at all like the other five siblings of three girls and two boys., aged between four and twelve years who constantly provided an *undercurrent of misbehaviour.

Hardly poor, her husband Fred the father of Josie the eldest girl, who had wed Anne Smithers to become  Anne Brown.  Fred Brown had been a *confident person until the day he stepped into the path of the local bus when leaving the 'Hare and Hounds' Public House thereby suffering *multiple injuries and his *ultimate fate.

Fred had been a * confident person and due to his good fortune in landing a  substantial win on the football pools made himself a great catch for the impoverished Anne Smithers who was still a somewhat vivacious young lady and very wealthy on the demise of her husband Fred. and subsequently bedded most of the local studs in the small market town of Sodbury Marsh-not far from the village of Frogsbottom, mentioned in an earlier tale of debauchery.

Anne Smithers and her brood of brats were the dominant sources in any undercurrent of dodgy business, such as shoplifting, bashings and school bullying, the leader of the pack being Aloysius who was quite large for his fourteen years.

Aloysius was not a pretty boy but one most artist would enjoy painting or draw in *Caricature; his name came from his father so it was believed the local priest at the time who was a spitting image of Aloysius who years before had  employed Anne during her early years as a flower lady at his church, and subsequently deflowered Anne accordingly...

Anne, being she was with child became enamoured of Fred, Fred being nouveau riche Fred was also quite handsome and a good catch but also was a drunkard of sorts and as mentioned earlier got himself knocked off by the local bus.

As time passed, a visiting Lawyer to the town heard of this local tale with great interest and like most ambulance chasers, knew he was able to make a tidy sum from the misery of the pub accident and successfully sued the local bus company then  wed the plaintiff to ensure  his share of the wealth he acquired would  be put to good use by marrying the plaintiff. whereby the crooked family of Filcher - Smithers lived miserably ever after.

This story has no connection to any sane living person.

VEST Daily Gaggle, Back soon.

WORDS ON WEDNESDAY.

nd a

CRICKET IV'E GOT YOUR WICKET, EXPLAINED RIGHT HERE

CRICKET IV'E GOT YOUR WICKET, RIGHT HERE

The following preamble is a layman's explanation of the rules of cricket to the people of North America.
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in goes out, and when he is out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When one side are all out, the side that's been out comes in and the side that has been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who are all out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice, after the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.
The general rules of actual play are saturated with a glossary of terms and conditions with sub rules, with the prefixes 'Unless, depending, benefit of doubt, and other Misc Claptrap, every morsel of important cricket goings on is recorded in WISDEN a sacred hard to get book with more info on cricket than Brittanica, from the time the first ball was bowled in Hambledon Hampshire England in the early 19th century . There is more to read in Wisden than the 'Holy Bible' or the 'SevenPillars of WISDOM'. 
Any Cricket Jokes?   

CRICKET IV'E GOT YOUR WICKET, RIGHT HERE

Cricket Lovely Cricket.But nothing to sing about.

Words for Wednesday are provided by LEE this week, however, I shall be posting them on my blog when an opportunity exists between outages of our wonderful internet provider. The words this week are as follows.
                Stellar. Resourceful. Frivolous, Revelation, Catastrophe, and Perspective. 
                                           The third ODI.
      If by chance you are an American or not a British Commonwealth Cricket loving person, most of this tale of woe will fall on deaf ears.
      I like most Aussies and ex-Brits would be interested in the tale of woe which sadly befell the depleted Australian cricket team Yesterday on the 19th of June. Mind you the English team was also depleted of two of its regular players, and the Australian team by three top players who were convicted of ball tampering earlier in South Africa- put into perspective simply not just frivolous but downright cheating. Most of us now know about this revelation which has depleted our Australian team. However, a stellar batting performance by the England team became a catastrophe for the underpowered Aussies despite their winning of the toss for the third time and gaining an advantage by asking England to bat first and so have better control of the game.
       Although Australia failed in the two previous games, we Aussies got whacked by a more resourceful England team. Not only did those cocky Poms(English guys) beat their own 50 Overs international record of 444 runs, it was quite a substantial increase, now standing at 481 runs. This was achieved on a playing surface with an average of around 275  per innings
       Hope springs eternal. Maybe tomorrow will bring better times for the Aussies in the fourth clash.
  COME on Aussie COME on.
     Vest ….. Back soon.
     
           

Remembering our 65th Wedding Anniversary

     Rosemary & Les; were Married at St Christophers  Church in Johore Bahru, Malaya on this day  65 years ago,. Rosemary was nearly Nineteen and I Les nearly twenty-seven.

    .Although Rosemary left to go to heaven in May last year, her presence remains with us constantly.
                         
                                                      LOVE YOU ROSEMARY

Computer continues to drop out.

      Despite having technicians from our provider call several times, checking just about everything that could go wrong, changing this that and the other, we are still getting dropouts- particularly annoying when posting on another blog and the effort one makes is shattered by an incompetent internet system. Chris my son and I are doing our best to resolve this problem.. While writing this I have had three outages lasting up to a minute or so. Right at this moment, there is an outage. Cheesed off.. for a use of a better expression.
 Back soon,,,, Vest.

Words on Wednesday, Camping disaster.

     Words today are  Attitude. Uphill, Insight, Lessons, Upheaval, Canopy

     The whole parody of this event was proposed with little *Insight of what could possibly *Occur Should things not pan out to the expectations of our dimwit leader Mr; Fizzy Spain who led our motley mob of inexperienced campers towards the distant hills.

      Each of us carried a part of the camping equipment on this mostly uphill seven-mile trek. although it was a moderately sunny day, the forecast was not all that bright.

      The poor * attitude of the inexperienced twelve years old novice campers, whose lessons on camping had been avoided mainly through much info leaking from previous disastrous camping expeditions from the school had already start to fester after each rest stop the motivation to keep going was not at its best.

     Eventually, after several stops, the motley group of exhausted boys arrived by the brook at the foot of a hill and washed in the clear pristine waters, before erecting a canopy over the cooking area and the accommodation tents. It was also about this time when the sunshine disappeared and doubt about our dimwit leader became set in stone when the drizzle turned into a downpour swamping the *Canopy and uprooting the tent pegs and sending the tents down the hill to float away in the brook.

     On seeing this, our bugle boy sounded the 'Retreat', then we the defeated trudged wearily back to the comfort of our wretched school but a more comfortable bed.

This sad tale is yet another of many unwritten bad moments at my wretched naval boarding school.not to be mentioned in my memoirs.
Happy Camping. Vest .... back soon.

Overnight Catastrophe

       Last night during the evening a large dark coloured pussy cat made a near fateful move by straying onto our property. On its arrival Minnie our female puss scooted indoors and sought the comfort of her daddies lap for the next two or so hours.

      At daylight on entering the large covered deck outside of the front door was a scene of catastrophic chaos. At first it seemed that Ginge our hairy doctored Tom Cat had come off second best during the overnight fracas with the dark invader. however, scattered around the decking were a couple of dozen wads of Gingers hair, but yet again a nonconclusive descision as to who was the victor was altered to favour a slightly thinner ginger Mog who sat proudly close by to the victors spoils, a torn tartan plaited cat collar with bell attached; the former property of visiting dark invader.

Goodonyer ginge.

    Vest .... Back soon.

Words on Wednesday.

                                        This words for this week have been selected by LEE.

                                            Comedy. Shadows. Loss. Rainbow. Emotional. Heart.


My story goes like this. Who decides whether you should be happy or not, the reply is you do.

      A television Comedy* celebrity had as a guest on his programm an aged gentleman in the *Shadows of his life. And he was a very rare old man indeed  His remarks were entirely unpremeditated and as well as being unrehearsed, they simply bubble out of a personality that was radiant and Un- *Emotional and happy., and whenever he said anything, it was so naive, so apt, that the audience roared with laughter. They loved him, The celebrity was impressed, and enjoyed it with the others and was at a *Loss to understand why his *Heart was so full of happiness and his smile likened to that of a * Rainbow.

    Finally, the celebrity asked the old man why he was so happy."You must have a wonderful secret for happiness," he suggested.

     "No," replied the old man," I have.no secret,  Its something I do every day early in the morning, the earlier the better." he explained, " I have two choices - either to be happy or unhappy and what do you think I do?. I simply choose to be happy, and that's all there is to it."

      Vest says. "Let yourself shine and don't compare yourself with anyone."

Back soon.


 
 

Words on Wednesday.

The prompt this week to use in this story will be the sentence,  Back to the drawing board.

      These are troubled times. We have a strike of water workers. this is an addition to my own personal waterworks problems I have been worrying if the water would dry up in the taps. I have even laid on a stock of top quality Aldi brand Perrier water in case we have to dig a well to provide washing water, I hope the situation does not get any worse.
      Then there are the interminable * Back to the drawing board talks over the limitations or even reduction of Nuclear weapons. the outcome of these talks is easy to surmise; they will end up with all the nuclear powers possessing more nuclear weapons than they did when the talks started. Once I would have worried about this also. Now I look forward to drinking the Perrier water even if the water talks succeed
      To speak the truth, not an invariable practice with me, I do not care in the slightest about the nuclear talks or their outcome, I do not care very much about the water taps going dry. Something graver weighs upon me day and night: my own personal plumbing.

Vest.... Back soon.