Monday, 29 October 2018

Jaw droppers again.

A collection of boomerangs and a Z-Bed were found in Tutankhamen's tomb. He also died from a broken leg.

Some Whales are born with a small leg protruding from their body. Whales have hip bones, which means they must have left the ocean, grown legs, decided they didn't like it and gone back into the sea again.

Geronimo's real name was Goyathlay; meaning, he who yawns. Yawning cools your brain like a fan cools the inside of a computer. Babies yawn in the womb; they also swallow; stretch and hiccup. Pandiculation is yawning and stretching at the same time.

The I'm feeling lucky button on Google costs the company $110 million dollars a year in lost revenue.

A man named Ronald Man had a heart attack and crashed his car; the impact worked like a defibrillator and restarted his heart.
James Dean's last appearance on film before his fatal car crash in 1955 was in a road safety commercial...In 1895 the only two cars in Ohio crashed into each other.

Three US presidents died on 4th of July..; John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, in1826 and James Monroe Five years later. John Tyler the tenth president of the USA, was born in1790 but two of his grandsons are still alive.

The president of Niger was Major Wanke. And Blowing air up an Armadillo's bottom causes it to jump three feet into the air- and so would you.

And finally. The author of the Saint Books known as Leslie Charteris was in real life ,  born in Singapore in 1907 on May 12.his real name Leslie Charles Bowyer Yin. His mother Was an English Lady and his Daddy a Singaporean; a Doctor Yin. ( I have known this for some time )

More next week Vest back soon.


Wednesday, 24 October 2018

Words On Wednesday

                                                 The words for this Wednesday are as follows.

              Haircut. Speculate. Dangling. Molluscs. Crinolines. Couches. ( Plus Knickers.).Hmm.

                                            The Wedding of the year.

It was the year of 1597 Midst that of Billy Shakespeares lifetime fraught with mystery witchery and ignorance plus religious bigotry and burnings at the stake but the common denominator was ignorance among those who dwelt in the village of little Snorewood. where the first wedding of the year was soon to be.

The Wedding  had people agog with excitement and having only recently emerged from their winter
 looking like hair scratching humpbacked Morlocks were busy bathing in the village brook and having their bi-annual*haircut which made it a little easier to identify each other.

The term organisation was unheard of so *speculation as to how the day would proceed was anyone's guess.  although the occasional appearance of the local Squire and one or two of his mistresses dressed in *crinolines and he like a dandy for that is what he was so to speak being known as Desmond the dainty who had been blessed with peculiar marital habits.

A substantial feast of hot rabbit stew also boiled crayfish and mussels like *molluscs from the brook washed down with gallons of mead and rye bread was being prepared by the more-intellectual matrons of the village where trestle tables were being erected and satin *couches provided for dainty Desmond's dollies.

The Bride to be was Elsie Wurzel Picker, the maidservant of the Reverand Nutgrove, who unbeknown to most was the father of Elsie Wurzel Pickers unborn child. Although the bridegroom.
Bert the Barmy, The illegitimate son of the widow Mrs  Parsnip and the village Molecatcher, Well and gravedigger; Silas shovelhead, was unaware he had been Cuckooed by the Vicar prior to himself frolicking in the nest with Elsie Wurzel Picker and most likely as well all of all those who wore trousers in the village

The Bells of the Quaint Norman era Church Suffering roof decay. St Alfred the Simple Showered dust and grime on the assembled parishioners as Elsie Picker swayed up the aisle her veil hiding her
 anguish the earth floor soaking up the trail she was leaving, when suddenly before the startled assembly she dropped to the floor and gave birth to her child who had decided it was a good time  to enter the world. prematurely and much to the horror of all had the similar countenance as that of the Vicar. "Gadzooks" was the simultaneous cry  From the Choirmaster and the bridegroom Bert the Barmy who drew his Sword seeing the child was from the loins of the Vicar. who fled in haste to the Crypt. But hardly an hour would pass when irate villagers had the vicar *dangling and roasting while burning at the stake on the village green. And were singing the ancient song "O dear what can the matter be"

   Oh dear what can the matter be, two young ladies, locked in the Lavatory
They were there from morning to late in the day
and nobody knew they were there.
The first young lady was Miss Gertrude Plumtree who merely went in to make herself comfy
She tried to leave but couldn't get her Bumfree, Nobody knew she was there.
The other young lady was Miss Elsie Picker who simply went in to fasten her *knickers
Who thought she was Quick, 'But the Vicar was Quicker- and nobody knew she was there
Chorus followed unending until the inebriated revellers departed in the evening to their hovels when the creatures of the night joined the dogs of the village to feast upon the remains of the well cooked Vicar. AMEN.

Vest Daily Gaggle(C)

Sunday, 21 October 2018

Intro to Vests Ribald Yarns.


    Most of the supposedly funny ribald yarns I have written relating to that of Medieval goings on within the Chiltern villages in Oxford shire could really relate to those people who lived there not even that far back as the 1600s in the mid1800s Many people rarely left there home village let alone travel overseas. A study of church records showed that the 11th-century church records  of my home village where I lived for several years from the age of five in Chalgrove ; a half mile outside the Chiltern borders; revealed relatives of present-day residents of the village; mind you a few did appear to be a trifle barmy and with similar features.

The Chiltern Hills are about 20 miles from Central London and are crossed by several major roads, remain remarkably unspoilt and tranquil to the eye of the visitor. This is a secret landscape, much of its beauty only becoming apparent when one looks for it, and you can drive across its four hundred square miles on any of the Major through roads and barely realise you have been there.

To find the real Chilterns you must leave the main roads  and take to the  narrow winding lanes or some of the hundreds of miles of marked footpaths among rolling chalk hills with hidden valleys, Beechwoods chalk grasslands and picturesque ancient villages  with stone and handmade brick and thatched cottages  mostly of which are six or seven hundred years old. And wherein lived some of my Characters mentioned in several strange and ribald stories of medieval goings on.

I shall try and piece together a few more yarns until I run out of Ideas due to the fact that most of the lives of those forgotten villagers revolved around the same old humdrum happenings and it will be difficult to infiltrate the minds and the goings on of these earthy souls forever.

Vest... Daily Gaggle.
Memory is the scribe of the soul.

Thursday, 18 October 2018

Back late on Sunday.

My elder son and I will be heading south tomorrow 250 km to Miranda RSL to attend to their new website and drive a further 200 km to my second sons home and the 'Cattery at Woolimia near Huskisson NSW, We will return on Sunday and I shall be popping off to bye-byes soon  as an early start will be necessary.  Vest Daily gaggle.

Wednesday, 17 October 2018

Words On WEDNESDAY

Words this week involve two captions (PICS) of a rail line and a man with head cupped in his hand.sitting on a bench.

Present day Fogsend is a depressing place. Once a thriving village but like so many other places in the nineteen fifties in Britain died of desertion when scores of unprofitable rail branch lines were closed being deemed unprofitable by then 'British rail'. It's desertion transformed it backwards and likened it to the neighbouring village of  Frogsbottom; now sadly derelict and its evil past seeped in history sadly forgotten.

It is a strange fact that most Great Plagues in history have crept up on us without warning. During the 16 -17th Centuries our people woke up to full-blown disasters. Fogsend village two leagues distant from Charlsgrove and Studhampton was where the following meeting took place in the summer of 1669 on a bright Saturday morning. When Sid a swineherd from Fogsend and a varlet by nature,; came upon an elderly bald serf sitting on a  lichen covered log looking rather depressed with his head cupped in his hands. "How now" Quoth the Varlet to the thatchless serf. "Ye same to thee"  I be Bert from the mill. After which as usually happens when two sons of the earth get together for a chat, after about twenty minutes the varlet spoke.

In my my my Village the stuttering varlet Quoth, has chanced a strange happening and that which has created much marvel and Rummy is ye general verdict, in fact, I would warrant it to be rather peculiar, you see old grandfather Jim of the Mill suddenly turned Black yesterday. Black' says the bald thatchless serf well I will be blown by St Robbin the Philanderer if that doth not leave me in wonder as it came to pass yesterday where I live Fat George the swineherder hath turned black too. 'Thou dost not say; say's the varlet; of a verity I do says the Baldy I be an itinerant worker and I listen to many gossips and spread the news.

And it came to pass one week later the 'Black Death was all over the country. and a man who did not look like Al Jolson singing "SONNY BOY" could be scarcely found anywhere.

Much of the contents of this post caused problems with Grammarly

The powers that be from Grammarly have sent a directive to me stating that I should give prior notice of this type of post which incidentally sent Grammarly spinning out of control.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

More and more jaw droppers

                                             Early this week
       Human bone is four times stronger than concrete, Banging your head on a brick wall to test this theory is ill-advised.
Alaska is the most Northernmost, Westernmost, and Easternmost state of the USA. Alaska strawberries were 19th-century slang for Dried Beans.
The longest recorded flight of a domestic Chicken lasted 13 seconds and the highest ever jump of a Rabbit measured 3 feet 3 inches (  or a metre. )

The black day was coined on the day of 31st of July 1970 was when the last and final rum issue was made to men of the lower deck in the British Royal Navy. Rum it was said to make sailors cough in their rompers and the saying ‘Dead Marine’ meant an empty bottle also cupids measles were pubic lice and a custard bosun the chief cook and a randy naval padre a devil dodger
.
Although the word rank is something that smells something awful it also describes these officers in an odd way. A lieutenant in the army is two ranks junior to a major, yet a Lieutenant General is senior to a major general, cooky to say the least. Airforce and navy ranks are confusing too, it would seem both air and navy commodores are equal  but a rear admiral is equivalent to an Air vice marshal and a vice admiral to an air marshall and finally an Air chief marshal to an admiral

While at the Charleston. USA naval base in 1964.  I was sent to the provost marshal office to liaise with them should any of our Brit sailors land in trouble with the local laws or any local authority. The Us Navy Lieutenant asked me why I pronounced lieutenant ‘LEFTENANT’ I replied it is the correct way and the original French wording because using the word LOOTENANT simply describes a person who dwells in a lavatory.; he was not amused.

The first recorded Judge advocate of Australia was a discarded son of Sir William Bowyer, Richard an ex-officer in the Isle of Man Corps. Tired of  Richard his adopted father Lord Atkins sent him to the convict colony of NSW  where he was installed as the judge advocate of Parramatta. At the time it was recorded he was the evilest B------d to ever preside as an administrator of the law. .It is believed he was an earlier 19th century relative of mine.

Richard Bowyer's Brother Rear admiral retired George Bowyer on retiring after losing a leg at USHANT 1793. lived in a large house in Radley Near Oxford. Which is now a pub called the 'Bowyer Arms" Yes, Most of my tribe have paid homage there;  I many times.

And just before I go. Another George Bowyer who looked remarkably like the captain Smith of the RMS Titanic was the Southampton Pilot who left the Titanic after it cleared the Isle of Wight. Clever bloke. was George.

"No more will the Bosun's mate Pipe over the tannoy be heard at Eleven Am "UP SPIRITS" and hear the reply from the messdecks.",STANDFAST THE HOLY GHOST".    VEST Daily Gaggle..

The jaw dropper post has Just crashed computer died

 Enough to make a sailor cry in his beer I have to rewrite the whole post, but nothing will be the same B3#@^*#_^%#$@!ocks.Vest.

Saturday, 13 October 2018

A few more Jaw droppers.

                                                                Jaw Droppers.

In the British Royal Navy, Bagpipes are referred to as Agony pipes or Porridge Guns.

In 17th -  Century England, effigies of Guy Fawkes were stuffed with live cats to make the figure Scream as it burned at the stake.

Beatles, John Lennon and Paul McCartney both had cats named Jesus.

Oymyakon in Russia is the coldest place on Earth; its only hotel has no hot water and an outside Dunny ie Toilet.

Mothers over 40 years of age are twice as likely to have Left-handed children as women in their twenties.

Until the20th century, left-handedness in a wife was grounds for divorce in Japan.

There are six villages in France called silly, twelve called Billy and two called prat.

There are eleven places in Utah USA called Mollys Nipple, Mollie's nipple or Molleys Nipple.

The 1978 Chess final at the HM Prison Wormwood scrubs in London England was contested between the "Moors Murderer' Ian Brady and disgraced member of the British Parliament Mr John Stonehouse.

Professional Cricketers who recently retired from giving their heart and soul to their former club Hampshire were named, Asher Hart and Chris Sole.

The very large sports stadium in Mumbai India, ( formerly Bombay) is called the "Wankhede Stadium".

There are Villages in County Durham England named No place and Pity me.

The people of France and Belgium acquired their taste for Horse flesh after the Battle of Waterloo when 10,000 horses were killed in battle.

The first 'Skyscraper was a particularly tall horse that won the English Epson Derby in 1780.

After the1945 General election in Great Britain, the Given names of the three political parties leaders
were CLEMENT Attlee  (labour) CLEMENT Davies (Liberal) and the wife of Winston Churchill (conservative) was CLEMENTINE...'. Now sadly "Lost and Gone Forever"

VEST Daily Gaggle. . More next week or soon.

Have a lovely Week-end. .




Thursday, 11 October 2018

The new Harvey Norman Flagship Store ..A lot of Balls.

The new store opening in Auburn NSW in Australia described as a flagship store will or should I say must have a flag likened to that of the flag of merry England flying above its pretentious setting in skidrow surroundings like Auburn.  plus an Ex retired Admiral a member of its board of staff running the So-called flagship.
The admiral's flag is similar to the English flag of St George,. The vice admirals flag has a Red ball in the top left canton and the rear admiral two red balls in the left cantons.
 The misuse of the term flagship by out of touch ignorant pretentious high flyers, silver tails and the like should be ignored or banned unless the person is a Clam meaning a latter-day bloke reverting to female and without any testimonials.
Some of the store owners unsavoury dealing in the past were remembered by myself although press reports seeing him or his staff as squeaky clean did not come over as such about five years ago when I paid up front for a fifty-litre box  Freezer to be delivered. What arrived was not which I had ordered. It was shop soiled and had dents and was marked and not in its factory packing, It was returned to the store by the same delivery truck. Later we called at the store for a refund and travelled 20 klms to another store "The Good Guys" And bought a similar but a later model for less.

Definition of a flagship is any Repeat any type of warship large OR Small which carries an admiral within the command of the ship. The higher the rank of the admiral, the fewer balls he will have...on his flag.

Vest Daily Gaggle.  Back soon.

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

Bread Rationing in Great Britain 1946- 1948.

Words for Wednesday this week use the theme  'The best thing since sliced bread'

    During WW2, Bread was not rationed within the British Isles except for the Occupied Channel Islands.

It was on my mother's 47th birthday, and she let us be boringly reminded of it in later years. It was announced in parliament by the Food minister Ben Smith(or was it, ( John Strachey)  That the rationing of Bread, Flour and Flour confectionaries were to be rationed due to inadequate supplies reaching former European countries occupied by the Axis powers like France Holland  Belgium and Germany as well as most of Europe.

This news on the 21st of July 1946, was not *The best thing since Sliced Bread to people in Great Britain most of whom failed to understand the reason for its introduction., the cause being supply and demand during the war being reduced by less production  in grain exporting countries such as the USA & Canada due to less demand much of the produce in the1940 season went to waste, however, it took some two years before grain producing countries returned to normal production after WW2  and bread rationing ceased in Britain on July 24 1948.

And all the thin and scraggy Europeans became fat and unhealthy after gorging themselves to obesity by eating lots of sugary iced doughnuts. lovely yummy yum...

Vest  Daily gaggle


Friday, 5 October 2018

A Few more jaw droppers.

Most of these jaw-droppers are close to the truth.

   Until the1920's television was also known as Hear -  seeing by Wireless, Optiphone., Farscape and the electric telescope.

The French company Bich changed its name to Bic to stop people in English speaking countries pronouncing it 'Bitch'.

The 'Cassowary' is an Australian Flightless bird the size of an emu.it is also known as a Casserole containing unspecified ingredients.

A popular Roman hangover cure was deep fried Canary. .The Canary Islands in Spanish means the 'Dog Islands'.   Methinks that ye olde Roman cure was really the original 'Hot dog containing Es Span-ial Meat.

King James 1 of England only ever washed the tips of his fingers., and King Louis X111 was never bathed until he was almost a seven year old.

Octopuses and Squids taste with their testicles oop's sorry mistake I meant to say Tentacles.

North Americans.account for one-sixteenth of the people of the world but more than a third of their weight.

True. being a witness at the time,  On Passing each other at Spithead Isle of Wight Uk in the spring of 1948. HMS King George V A battleship heading for Portsmouth signalled to the RMS Queen Mary a Liner leaving Southampton. '" It is a rare moment in time for the King to meet his Queen on a misty spring morning.'Bon Voyage".

It has never been proven that the consumption of boiled hen's teeth is a cure for baldness.

In 1879, The Belgian city of Li'ege commissioned 37 cats to deliver mail to nearby villages. Not surprising, the project was a complete failure.

Finally True is that the brothers  Leslie Harry Compton b 1912 and Better known brother Denis Charles Scot  Compton.b 1918. Were English international sportsmen, both excelled in their time playing for the MIDDLESEX Cricket team and the ARSENAL football club. And they were not Clams.

More next week ..Vest Daily Gaggle.









Wednesday, 3 October 2018

Words For Wednesday.All the fun of the fair.

The words this week are proposed by Margaret Adamson and Sue Fulton.  They are Precipitation. Lanky. Grotesque. Clockwork. Still. & and; Transporting. My story gleaned from them is headed  'All the Fun of  The Fair'.


        The picturesque village of Frogsbotton lies in a small hidden valley within the Chiltern hills of Oxfordshire in England. Ancient thatched cottages line the several un-navigable lanes following the fast flowing village Brook.

 Frogsbottom named after the17th-century licentious second Earl of Frogsbottomar- although many years had passed since this nobleman had gone to hell the vibes from his tomb within the gothic church of Saint Robin The Thief was *still, to say the least;  frightening.

Of the one hundred, or more villagers most carried the same facial features and habitual traits which set them apart from inhabitants from surrounding villagers. the prime cause of this phenomenon is the seed of the Earl which had germinated the loins of most of the village maidens during his wicked lifetime.

Strange stories abound in the village of *grotesque atrocities hangings and beheadings, headless horsemen and the like which give the jitters to unwary visitors *transporting them back in time Giving out the feeling something awful could happen at any moment Also the fun fair which had descended on the village proved to be not as funny as was expected.

The centrepiece of the show was to be the newfangled  'Roundabout'; or' if you prefer a ' carousel' and at a rip off price of a penny a ride the most exciting experience for the day. the local village idiot could perceive, one whose height could cause a weather precipitation a large lanky lad of grotesque appearance headed for the carousel designed to accommodate normal people,

 After leaping on the wooden horse he was told to keep his head down during the ride. Soon after completing several circuits of bouncing and noise and frivolity from other children The *lanky lad stood tall in his saddle waving to onlookers as he cheered.

Sadly the lanky lads cheering was brief and for one *clockwork circuit of the Carousel, His head being removed by a steel parallel support frame. Screams of horror from other children complimented the ghastly event. simply another to be recorded by the historians of Frogsbottom.

Vest ... Daily Gaggle.

THE NAUTICAL SCHOOL.

Words this week are Controlled. Belongings. Shook. Reminder. Routine. Black. I don’t remember how I got to HNA, but I was very pleased to ...