Showing posts from December, 2012

Cor blimey, What a night !

Got back to our castle from the club Via my mates house about 2am, much goings on - still a bit of  swearing and people necking in the shrubbery, the bang clang music still blaring due to the neighbours being away places distant, I slept in the gardener's cottage(Shed) til 0800, was wakened by the visiting family of magpies tucking into several piles of vomit amid the cans bottles a broken glass reminiscent of a Barry Dog's Head Barby and general piss up. The local handyman had been summoned to clean up the chaos and had just returned from the local park after depositing the last three drunks from our back garden. Previously invitations had been sent to people with an option to bring a friend and their own grog and for those who were poor a selection of the cheapest plonk was available from the family cellar. Several half cooked steaks on the Barby being attacked by ants were cut up and fed to a couple of large crows, one of whom had flown off earlier with a condom so I was inf

So the world will not end today after all.

What a shame, we could have enjoyed a merry Christmas and a happy end of the world all in one, dun fink its gonnahappen folks; so we may now continue our debauchery murder and love-hate relationships until the next stupid prediction.... Australia luckily has an advantage over most of the world and should be the first to experience the planet's doom, as predicted by ancient soothsayers of the extinct Mayan civilisation which disappeared a fair while back, so any further advice from the archives of these extinct geezers should be taken with a pinch of salt - or garlic if you are Latino or Hispanic....... Much more likely; is that we will all still be here come Saturday, in one form or another. Hopefully this could be the end for end of the world predictions...... Tomorrow pinch yourself to be sure....... Back soon Vest. BTW.For those readers of my blog who live on other planets, and I know a few of these non earthlings, Watch it Mate, your next.

Someone is actually reading my blogs.

Very few of my callers who comment on this blog are relatives. Hands up those who have called recently, It would help to compile my LWAT which is lacking legatees. Thank you Gerry for your glowing report on Christmas. Plus your Christmas good wishes, purely out of politeness in response to my own good wishes to you. Gerry said Sunday, December 16, 2012 Christmas I have trouble with Christmas. I am not a Christian. I am an agnostic with atheistic leanings who thinks Jesus was a dissident Jewish rabbi and brilliant spiritual teacher who got crucified for upsetting the religion-political apple cart. I'm quite impressed by his Sermon on the Mount, but that's about it. Let's move on, folks. However, this time of year, every year, I am bombarded with "Merry Christmas" wishes, mostly from people who aren't all that Christian either. Certainly their ability (or willingness) to live according to the Nazarene's teachings seems to be as dismal as mine.

The Stupid 2ND Amendment

"That's right, absolutely stupid" It should become the first of UncleSamlands plethora of daft amendments to be re-amended, better still abolished. Most of us are aware of the backlash one receives from brain-dead redneck boozy shooters every time this disgusting privilege is threatened, but the outcry worldwide regarding the latest slaughter of innocent children and their teachers hopefully will bring to the minds of all that this is the final straw enough is enough. ..... Since the end of the Illegal invasion of Vietnam by the (USA Who I refer to as the New Germans) approx 50,000 souls have died in the USA from domestic and criminal usage of firearms, this figure is similar to that of the number of USA military deaths during the conflict in Vietnam, but multiply that figure by five and we may be near the number of deceased Vietnamese who perished in that unnecessary war. ..... However we may be on the brink of change. But some USA Cits will tell us that it is none our

A Christmas Party.

Merry Christmas to ALL!! A Christmas Story 'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear? The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS. And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from the Tax office sent me a letter, They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money? And the kids these days--they all are the pits They want the impossible--Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them, They wan

Perfection personified.

To create perfection takes time. Dissatisfaction within your Marriage or Recognised Partnership known as the 'Seven Year itch, allegedly occurs after seven years of marriage. The pace of modern life being what it is , we seem to have accelerated the process and are hitting the seven year distance within one year, and it seems more couples are unhappiest during their first year of togetherness than those which follow. The phrase honeymoon period' clearly needs rethinking, but it is still worth considering why there should be so much dissatisfaction so early. Possibly it may be due to our present day culture being so demanding of every thing being immediate. However, most happily married couples know that perfection takes time. Give it more than one year at least. ....................................................................................... WHAT IS A HUSBAND. A Husband is a man you really like and really love - he's the closest frien

Leaving Rosemary in charge.

Leading up to the festive season Vest will be busily involved with matters other than blogging. but may squeeze in a pre Xmas post depending on time allowing such.So matters blogging will be left for My dear lady to sort out. Back soon. Vest.

So the World will not end after all

Despite the Mayan prophesy and other clap trap , soothsayers predictions and confirmation by Madam Carbon tax herself, sod all has happened and I'll bet Quids it will not. Take a squiz at this. Or do you think it may be a little late arriving for some obscure reason. Have your say before it is too late.

The alternative to being blind drunk.

A couple of days ago I made a trip to Dan Murphy's Plonk emporium, Dan M flogs his grog at a discount that makes other suppliers of bottled headaches wince. beside the 2 cases of beer; a case of Shiraz and other misc spirits, six bottles of JW Red size L 1.25 was a huge saving on the reg 700ml bottle price. Then on surfacing this morning er indoors handed me my Sydney Daily Telegraph( delivered daily to our door), together with my large glass of filtered water followed by a cuppa with one sugar. it was then shortly after I realised I should have bought JW Black instead of Red. A Kiwi guy named Dennis Duthie aged 65 had got stuck into the Vodka big time, Dennis from Taranaki New Zealand is a diabetic and the plonk he had been gargling had horrible reactions with his medication and sent him blind. Doctors at the local hospital realised he was suffering from formaldehyde poisoning sometimes treated by administering ethanol known to be in whiskey and treated Dennis with a Johnny Wal

"Pss't, Wanna buy a battleship".or ''Hi Sailor"

Sydney NSW. Today it was announced in my Fave news paper(Delivered daily to my door)that a Battleship had arrived on our shores. Of course most intelligent people would know that, in this day and age , no such thing as a Battleship exists any more other than those used as memorials and have become shore bound, or in this case the figment of the imagination of The Sydney Daily Telegraph's MS Caroline Marcus whose knowledge re the international classification of Naval ships is sadly lacking. ...................................................................................... So let's get this cock up straightened out. The South Korean Naval Vessel visiting our shores on a friendly visit which is obvious otherwise it would have been sunk by our by our half/asleep Navy by now, is not a Battleship; MS Caroline Marcus. It is a Warship of Destroyer classification. All Naval ships are Warships and come under Submarines, Frigates, Destroyers cruisers, Aircraft carriers, And Bat