Cricket lovely Cricket has nothing to do with the 1950 song created by the West Indies team when they thrashed England for the first time, Remember the last line of the song? "Those two very good friends of mine Ramadin and Valentine.
In Sonny Ramadin and Alf Valentine's days cricket was the gentleman's game, sadly it has degenerated due to the fast moving society of today and newcomers to the game bending the multitude of rules & and regs for them to suit their nefarious activities. Dodgy umpiring was the first to go when the ICC decided neutral umpires would replace the local umpires. The sub Continent teams,particularly Pakistan were prone to skulduggery, Example being Javed Miandad only getting out LBW twice In Ten years play within Pakistan but twenty fold elsewhere. Mind you the Australians without the present day technology got away with scores of dodgy Lillee & and Thompson to Marsh caught behinds, helped by as suggested by English players patriotic Aussie Umpiring. Cheating if possible is rife among cricketers those who deny it are those who probably engage in it. The most recent turbulence on the cricket dodgy dealing scene stood out like a sore thumb on film,and eventually caught three Pakistani players red handed. Although the first ODI is scheduled to start at midnight OZ time it is a doubtful starter due the to the previous furore.
However I'll liven up my post with a little bit of jollity.
The list of excuses for losing the game goes on and on. The whingeing and whining, piss taking, uncomplimentary remarks and pseudo friendliness plus all the hate, racial taunts and unequal conditions; especially for the losers all add up to a quagmire of confusion.
Soon to follow, a list of unsavoury remarks, can stirring and general complaints. I have received.
However, I shall liven up the proceedings with a little tale about Billy.
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all of the children what there father did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Such as firemen, policemen, Salesman and carpenter etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
Billy stated that his father was an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all of his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him. The teacher took Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
“No” said Billy. ”He plays Cricket for England but I was too embarrassed to say.”
The stirring continues.
Commentators are. psychic: and explain to listeners exactly how a player is thinking and what he is about to do, Then a roar from the crowd as the batsman belts the ball for six and the Comment jocks prediction cock up is lost in the confusion.
Shane the womaniser and former drug cheat was the OZ best bowler, especially when there was a farting great hole in the pitch to toss the ball into..
Shane and Gilly are in love,
Cricket ‘Hero’s, Nah, they aint mate, they don’t put their life on the line, The game is now theatrical, and they are simply well paid icons.
The Oz golliwog, formerly from the UK and the black and white minstrel show, uses his lip salve to polish the shiny side of the ball, if not why does he wear lip cream when the sun aint shining.
Warney’s dress code is frightfully scungy; he rarely looks clean and appears to look like a sack of shite tied around the middle.
Yeah your right, Being a digger I feel ashamed the Aussie test team looked so shabby with their general appearance, unshaven, gum chewing, gob spitting also crutch scratching, nose picking uncontrollable loud mouthing. is why the bastards win so often, they probably wear ribbed rubbers to get more traction in the mud!.
Bing Lee the fast bowling weetbix muncher’s hateful air punching antics, does not set a good example to the younger people in the audience, they will have plenty of time in their lives to become hateful later.
Has anyone seen an Indigenous Australian true blue not in part(Aborigine) Play in a Aussie test team?.
Nah, it’s a white boy’s game played mostly By Micks. There seems to be an abundance of blokes with given names like Paul, Steven, Michael, Gregory, Mark, Kevin, guys with saints names seem to dominate the list, the products from Priv/Catho Schooling and privilege.
Aussie commentators rarely compliment the visiting team, their one eyed chatter regarding decisions by the umpires can be very annoying, taking the piss out of the visitors and referring to it as bad play, while a crappy Oz player is described as having some bad luck.
Billy Bowden a N Z umpire becomes an honorary Aussie citizen when England plays Australia.
It’s a fact I have been told, that, 75 % of Warne’s wickets. Are nines, tens, and jacks.
Body contact cuddling and kissing on the field of play is rife in Strayer mate, if you are a bum boy its rewarding , seems the more guys you get out the more often you get kissed..
The Daily Telegraph, my favourite news paper, delivered daily to my door is the best source of bigotry when you find the need to dislike the cricketing visitors, Journo’s like Jon Pierik (pronounced Prick) and his colleague Fanny Craddock, These two strayer bludgery galahs are great when it comes to stirring the bilges of the cricket world, the ‘Pom’ word they use in a derogatory manner, is distasteful.. In any case the first geezer J P; seems to have a greasy wop or wog name.
Do you remember Kim Hughes an ex Aussie cricket captain bawling his eyes out when he lost a test match and the then Prime Minister Bob Hawke crying too. Bob then allowed Keppler Wessells a springbok opener to be given instant OZ citizenship to play up and play the game for Ozstrayer.
Ah “Lest We Forget” The nasty episode of Bad loser syndrome which reared its ugly head in Feb 1 1981, Greg Chappell the OZ cricket Capt., was the architect of this dastardly plot aimed at preventing the New Zealand team from having a fair chance of winning the game in question. Greg ordered his sibling Trevor to bowl the last ball under arm, to batsman Brian McKechnie, which resulted in a dodgy win for the ugly Aussies. This created a short break in diplomatic relations between the Prime Ministers Bob Hawke and the Late N Z, Prime Minister Piggy Muldoon.
[Go to Google- type- Underarm cricket ball. View a 23 second video of this shameful episode of Aussie cricket history.
Why do we have to see our short arsed bald bonce wanker of an ex Prime Miniture spouting gushing commentary compliments to the Oz team on the telly. This prick and famous chicken hawk,(Draft Dodger) is paid barrow loads of dosh to run this banana republic.
***Australia’s highest cricket test score against England was what? Yes it was an innings and heap of runs but how many? Google will not provide an answer.
I wonder how many of us Aussies wish to remember the saga of Rodney Hogg and the Pakistanis. This grand display of Aussie sporting behaviour hit a high, when a Pakistani fielder threw down Rodney’s wicket and told the umpire Rodney had not grounded his bat on completion of a run despite being back within the crease but dabbing his bat (gardening) outside of the crease. Rodney looked at the umpire who put his finger up saying “Out” A disgruntled Rodney was heading for the pavilion when Asif Iqbal the Paki Capt say’s “ Return to the crease it was a misunderstanding” A smiling Rodney returns to the crease to be told by the umpire that the Paki captain was not the umpire “You are out “. At that point Rodney’s mouth exploded and he then smashed down the stumps. Did the press give him some stick? A cartoon showing Rodney as a young dishevelled street Cricketer saying, “Stick yer ball I’m taking me bat ome”
And Dennis Lilley was not averse to using his bat as weapon, on the opposing team,
Lilley-Marsh Catches, real dodgy they were.
***Well the answer is, it ain’t as big as the England score against Australia mate, it is something us Aussies or some of us don’t want to remember. Vest remembers this test match as a twelve year old, played August 20-24 in 1938, the scores were.
England, 903 for seven declared. Australia, 201 and 123, English gents (Poms) beat the shit out of the Aussies. (Bludgers) By an innings and 579 runs. This matter is rarely mentioned in Australian cricket history.
The English cricket season lasts for three and a half months; during which it pisses down with rain for a third of the time. In Australia we have a sunny seven month cricket season. The weather conditions for the remainder of the year are far better than the English cricket season.. During the off season in OZ our greedy Oz cricketers trot off to England to play for English teams, thereby robbing English youngsters to play the game, its all money money money. The question arises, do fit English sporty persons want to play cricket when the earner is far greater for playing in the football codes for nine months of the year.
Australia is without doubt the ‘Lucky Country’.
Let us not kid ourselves that Australians are superhuman with a genetic makeup entirely different from other people in our world. The vast majority of us enjoy living conditions that are far and beyond better than most other countries.
We Australians have a head start when it comes to the opportunity to become proficient in outdoor sporting activities, it is without doubt we have the best climatic conditions in the World, although the U S A has a fairly good climate, It also has a huge population to choose their best sports persons from, and will always dominate because of this factor. Cash strapped; so called third world countries unfortunately rarely compete with their maximum talent.
European countries are basically into cold climate activities, such as (Association football or soccer), Rugby league, and Rugby and snow ice and above water sports. The adverse weather conditions are off-putting to prospective sports persons.
Getting out of a warm bed on a freezing cold morning about one third of the year. Treading gingerly across the cold floor even in summer and hoping summer will be on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday instead of the usual Monday or Tuesday does put a damper on out door activities when dressed in restricting volumes of warm clothing , hardly weather for cycling or swimming or even taking the dog for a walk.
Remember the truth is always more important than bending the facts to fit your own personal theory. But it is unfortunate that, not everybody shares that opinion.
vest@dailygaggle.com 
