Sunday, 21 October 2018

Intro to Vests Ribald Yarns.


    Most of the supposedly funny ribald yarns I have written relating to that of Medieval goings on within the Chiltern villages in Oxford shire could really relate to those people who lived there not even that far back as the 1600s in the mid1800s Many people rarely left there home village let alone travel overseas. A study of church records showed that the 11th-century church records  of my home village where I lived for several years from the age of five in Chalgrove ; a half mile outside the Chiltern borders; revealed relatives of present-day residents of the village; mind you a few did appear to be a trifle barmy and with similar features.

The Chiltern Hills are about 20 miles from Central London and are crossed by several major roads, remain remarkably unspoilt and tranquil to the eye of the visitor. This is a secret landscape, much of its beauty only becoming apparent when one looks for it, and you can drive across its four hundred square miles on any of the Major through roads and barely realise you have been there.

To find the real Chilterns you must leave the main roads  and take to the  narrow winding lanes or some of the hundreds of miles of marked footpaths among rolling chalk hills with hidden valleys, Beechwoods chalk grasslands and picturesque ancient villages  with stone and handmade brick and thatched cottages  mostly of which are six or seven hundred years old. And wherein lived some of my Characters mentioned in several strange and ribald stories of medieval goings on.

I shall try and piece together a few more yarns until I run out of Ideas due to the fact that most of the lives of those forgotten villagers revolved around the same old humdrum happenings and it will be difficult to infiltrate the minds and the goings on of these earthy souls forever.

Vest... Daily Gaggle.
Memory is the scribe of the soul.

Thursday, 18 October 2018

Back late on Sunday.

My elder son and I will be heading south tomorrow 250 km to Miranda RSL to attend to their new website and drive a further 200 km to my second sons home and the 'Cattery at Woolimia near Huskisson NSW, We will return on Sunday and I shall be popping off to bye-byes soon  as an early start will be necessary.  Vest Daily gaggle.

Wednesday, 17 October 2018

Words On WEDNESDAY

Words this week involve two captions (PICS) of a rail line and a man with head cupped in his hand.sitting on a bench.

Present day Fogsend is a depressing place. Once a thriving village but like so many other places in the nineteen fifties in Britain died of desertion when scores of unprofitable rail branch lines were closed being deemed unprofitable by then 'British rail'. It's desertion transformed it backwards and likened it to the neighbouring village of  Frogsbottom; now sadly derelict and its evil past seeped in history sadly forgotten.

It is a strange fact that most Great Plagues in history have crept up on us without warning. During the 16 -17th Centuries our people woke up to full-blown disasters. Fogsend village two leagues distant from Charlsgrove and Studhampton was where the following meeting took place in the summer of 1669 on a bright Saturday morning. When Sid a swineherd from Fogsend and a varlet by nature,; came upon an elderly bald serf sitting on a  lichen covered log looking rather depressed with his head cupped in his hands. "How now" Quoth the Varlet to the thatchless serf. "Ye same to thee"  I be Bert from the mill. After which as usually happens when two sons of the earth get together for a chat, after about twenty minutes the varlet spoke.

In my my my Village the stuttering varlet Quoth, has chanced a strange happening and that which has created much marvel and Rummy is ye general verdict, in fact, I would warrant it to be rather peculiar, you see old grandfather Jim of the Mill suddenly turned Black yesterday. Black' says the bald thatchless serf well I will be blown by St Robbin the Philanderer if that doth not leave me in wonder as it came to pass yesterday where I live Fat George the swineherder hath turned black too. 'Thou dost not say; say's the varlet; of a verity I do says the Baldy I be an itinerant worker and I listen to many gossips and spread the news.

And it came to pass one week later the 'Black Death was all over the country. and a man who did not look like Al Jolson singing "SONNY BOY" could be scarcely found anywhere.

Much of the contents of this post caused problems with Grammarly

The powers that be from Grammarly have sent a directive to me stating that I should give prior notice of this type of post which incidentally sent Grammarly spinning out of control.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

More and more jaw droppers

                                             Early this week
       Human bone is four times stronger than concrete, Banging your head on a brick wall to test this theory is ill-advised.
Alaska is the most Northernmost, Westernmost, and Easternmost state of the USA. Alaska strawberries were 19th-century slang for Dried Beans.
The longest recorded flight of a domestic Chicken lasted 13 seconds and the highest ever jump of a Rabbit measured 3 feet 3 inches (  or a metre. )

The black day was coined on the day of 31st of July 1970 was when the last and final rum issue was made to men of the lower deck in the British Royal Navy. Rum it was said to make sailors cough in their rompers and the saying ‘Dead Marine’ meant an empty bottle also cupids measles were pubic lice and a custard bosun the chief cook and a randy naval padre a devil dodger
.
Although the word rank is something that smells something awful it also describes these officers in an odd way. A lieutenant in the army is two ranks junior to a major, yet a Lieutenant General is senior to a major general, cooky to say the least. Airforce and navy ranks are confusing too, it would seem both air and navy commodores are equal  but a rear admiral is equivalent to an Air vice marshal and a vice admiral to an air marshall and finally an Air chief marshal to an admiral

While at the Charleston. USA naval base in 1964.  I was sent to the provost marshal office to liaise with them should any of our Brit sailors land in trouble with the local laws or any local authority. The Us Navy Lieutenant asked me why I pronounced lieutenant ‘LEFTENANT’ I replied it is the correct way and the original French wording because using the word LOOTENANT simply describes a person who dwells in a lavatory.; he was not amused.

The first recorded Judge advocate of Australia was a discarded son of Sir William Bowyer, Richard an ex-officer in the Isle of Man Corps. Tired of  Richard his adopted father Lord Atkins sent him to the convict colony of NSW  where he was installed as the judge advocate of Parramatta. At the time it was recorded he was the evilest B------d to ever preside as an administrator of the law. .It is believed he was an earlier 19th century relative of mine.

Richard Bowyer's Brother Rear admiral retired George Bowyer on retiring after losing a leg at USHANT 1793. lived in a large house in Radley Near Oxford. Which is now a pub called the 'Bowyer Arms" Yes, Most of my tribe have paid homage there;  I many times.

And just before I go. Another George Bowyer who looked remarkably like the captain Smith of the RMS Titanic was the Southampton Pilot who left the Titanic after it cleared the Isle of Wight. Clever bloke. was George.

"No more will the Bosun's mate Pipe over the tannoy be heard at Eleven Am "UP SPIRITS" and hear the reply from the messdecks.",STANDFAST THE HOLY GHOST".    VEST Daily Gaggle..

The jaw dropper post has Just crashed computer died

 Enough to make a sailor cry in his beer I have to rewrite the whole post, but nothing will be the same B3#@^*#_^%#$@!ocks.Vest.

Saturday, 13 October 2018

A few more Jaw droppers.

                                                                Jaw Droppers.

In the British Royal Navy, Bagpipes are referred to as Agony pipes or Porridge Guns.

In 17th -  Century England, effigies of Guy Fawkes were stuffed with live cats to make the figure Scream as it burned at the stake.

Beatles, John Lennon and Paul McCartney both had cats named Jesus.

Oymyakon in Russia is the coldest place on Earth; its only hotel has no hot water and an outside Dunny ie Toilet.

Mothers over 40 years of age are twice as likely to have Left-handed children as women in their twenties.

Until the20th century, left-handedness in a wife was grounds for divorce in Japan.

There are six villages in France called silly, twelve called Billy and two called prat.

There are eleven places in Utah USA called Mollys Nipple, Mollie's nipple or Molleys Nipple.

The 1978 Chess final at the HM Prison Wormwood scrubs in London England was contested between the "Moors Murderer' Ian Brady and disgraced member of the British Parliament Mr John Stonehouse.

Professional Cricketers who recently retired from giving their heart and soul to their former club Hampshire were named, Asher Hart and Chris Sole.

The very large sports stadium in Mumbai India, ( formerly Bombay) is called the "Wankhede Stadium".

There are Villages in County Durham England named No place and Pity me.

The people of France and Belgium acquired their taste for Horse flesh after the Battle of Waterloo when 10,000 horses were killed in battle.

The first 'Skyscraper was a particularly tall horse that won the English Epson Derby in 1780.

After the1945 General election in Great Britain, the Given names of the three political parties leaders
were CLEMENT Attlee  (labour) CLEMENT Davies (Liberal) and the wife of Winston Churchill (conservative) was CLEMENTINE...'. Now sadly "Lost and Gone Forever"

VEST Daily Gaggle. . More next week or soon.

Have a lovely Week-end. .




Thursday, 11 October 2018

The new Harvey Norman Flagship Store ..A lot of Balls.

The new store opening in Auburn NSW in Australia described as a flagship store will or should I say must have a flag likened to that of the flag of merry England flying above its pretentious setting in skidrow surroundings like Auburn.  plus an Ex retired Admiral a member of its board of staff running the So-called flagship.
The admiral's flag is similar to the English flag of St George,. The vice admirals flag has a Red ball in the top left canton and the rear admiral two red balls in the left cantons.
 The misuse of the term flagship by out of touch ignorant pretentious high flyers, silver tails and the like should be ignored or banned unless the person is a Clam meaning a latter-day bloke reverting to female and without any testimonials.
Some of the store owners unsavoury dealing in the past were remembered by myself although press reports seeing him or his staff as squeaky clean did not come over as such about five years ago when I paid up front for a fifty-litre box  Freezer to be delivered. What arrived was not which I had ordered. It was shop soiled and had dents and was marked and not in its factory packing, It was returned to the store by the same delivery truck. Later we called at the store for a refund and travelled 20 klms to another store "The Good Guys" And bought a similar but a later model for less.

Definition of a flagship is any Repeat any type of warship large OR Small which carries an admiral within the command of the ship. The higher the rank of the admiral, the fewer balls he will have...on his flag.

Vest Daily Gaggle.  Back soon.

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

Bread Rationing in Great Britain 1946- 1948.

Words for Wednesday this week use the theme  'The best thing since sliced bread'

    During WW2, Bread was not rationed within the British Isles except for the Occupied Channel Islands.

It was on my mother's 47th birthday, and she let us be boringly reminded of it in later years. It was announced in parliament by the Food minister Ben Smith(or was it, ( John Strachey)  That the rationing of Bread, Flour and Flour confectionaries were to be rationed due to inadequate supplies reaching former European countries occupied by the Axis powers like France Holland  Belgium and Germany as well as most of Europe.

This news on the 21st of July 1946, was not *The best thing since Sliced Bread to people in Great Britain most of whom failed to understand the reason for its introduction., the cause being supply and demand during the war being reduced by less production  in grain exporting countries such as the USA & Canada due to less demand much of the produce in the1940 season went to waste, however, it took some two years before grain producing countries returned to normal production after WW2  and bread rationing ceased in Britain on July 24 1948.

And all the thin and scraggy Europeans became fat and unhealthy after gorging themselves to obesity by eating lots of sugary iced doughnuts. lovely yummy yum...

Vest  Daily gaggle


Intro to Vests Ribald Yarns.

    Most of the supposedly funny ribald yarns I have written relating to that of Medieval goings on within the Chiltern villages in Oxford ...