GONE GONE GONE

Ninety minutes work Simply disappeared from my blog prior to posting. gone forever.  I am totaly*^!@^_^*# off.
vest

No Words this week.

 Sorry, but I am not feeling well, I feel tired and simply need to rest, Back Soon.
vest daily gaggle.

More jaw droppers

Victorians kept Hedgehogs in their kitchens to control Cockroaches.  A cockroach after touching another creature hurries away and washes.itself.

Patients admitted to hospitals at the weekend are 40% more likely to die than those admitted during the week.

Shark Bay in Australia, is now called Safety Beach. It changed its name to attract tourists, and the sharks are once again very happy.

The human nose can distinguish between 10,000 different smells. A renifleur is one who derives sexual pleasure from smells.Rhinotillex.romania is the scientific term for being unable to stop picking your nose. It is also impossible to Hum while holding your nose.

The game of Ludo was invented in ancient India. and chinese checkers was invented in Germany.

When Josef Mengele fled to Argentina he went through customs with several suitcases full of body parts.
 Iran is the only country in the world where it is legal to sell your kidneys.

PE Teachers were Originally banned from the Olympic because they were professionals. But the ancient Greek city of Megara held a version of the Olympic games which included a kissing contest. Only boys were allowed to enter. However, An Ostrich could run the London marathon in 4.5 minutes.
8,000 years ago Great Britain had so many trees that a Squirrel could travel from one end of Britain to the Other without touching the ground.  Nemophilia Is the love of spending time in all types of Forest.
Oysters change their sex up to five times in one year.  Men are more likely to die during sex if they are cheating on their wives. more than one-third of men using dating sites are already married More than one-third of married Canadians sleep in separate rooms- they should stop eating Oysters too often.
Anyhow, I must go as time flies like an arrow But fruit flies like a banana.

VEST Daily Gaggle

WORDS ON WEDNESDAY

                 The words this week are Enclosing. Purpose. Care. Patch. Jamming. and Shame.

                                                          THE MUTINY.

The year was 1759. The ex Brigantine Swordfish minus most of its heavy guns, commanded by Captain Flogger Turnbull had left Jamaica with a cargo of Rum it's destination Bristol England.

Most of the crew who were suffering from scurvy had not left the ship for months whilst in Jamaica. when the ship was in the CARE of the local Govt authorities and was being stored and loaded by local slaves, the PURPOSE of this being that the crew were prone to desertion and had been incarcerated by ENCLOSING  them in the bilges of the ship and JAMMING all exits.

On leaving Jamaica the crew were released and finally after their recovery mutined and seized the ship and dealt out the most severe of all maritime punishments. to its officers with one exception the navigator who was spared through necessity.

No maritime punishment has ever exceeded or is a PATCH on a good flogging and finally being Keel Hauled. The SHAME of being stripped naked and flogged and finally being Keel Hauled, meaning being pulled under the bottom of the ship from one side to the other against the resident barnacles usually skinning alive the victim who is then customarily thrown to the sharks to end his miserable life.

However, like most mutineers, the crews of such ships rarely returned to Britain and turned to piracy for the remainder of their miserable lives.
Vest Daily Gaggle.

Jaw droppers again.

A collection of boomerangs and a Z-Bed were found in Tutankhamen's tomb. He also died from a broken leg.

Some Whales are born with a small leg protruding from their body. Whales have hip bones, which means they must have left the ocean, grown legs, decided they didn't like it and gone back into the sea again.

Geronimo's real name was Goyathlay; meaning, he who yawns. Yawning cools your brain like a fan cools the inside of a computer. Babies yawn in the womb; they also swallow; stretch and hiccup. Pandiculation is yawning and stretching at the same time.

The I'm feeling lucky button on Google costs the company $110 million dollars a year in lost revenue.

A man named Ronald Man had a heart attack and crashed his car; the impact worked like a defibrillator and restarted his heart.
James Dean's last appearance on film before his fatal car crash in 1955 was in a road safety commercial...In 1895 the only two cars in Ohio crashed into each other.

Three US presidents died on 4th of July..; John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, in1826 and James Monroe Five years later. John Tyler the tenth president of the USA, was born in1790 but two of his grandsons are still alive.

The president of Niger was Major Wanke. And Blowing air up an Armadillo's bottom causes it to jump three feet into the air- and so would you.

And finally. The author of the Saint Books known as Leslie Charteris was in real life ,  born in Singapore in 1907 on May 12.his real name Leslie Charles Bowyer Yin. His mother Was an English Lady and his Daddy a Singaporean; a Doctor Yin. ( I have known this for some time )

More next week Vest back soon.

Words On Wednesday

                                                 The words for this Wednesday are as follows.

              Haircut. Speculate. Dangling. Molluscs. Crinolines. Couches. ( Plus Knickers.).Hmm.

                                            The Wedding of the year.

It was the year of 1597 Midst that of Billy Shakespeares lifetime fraught with mystery witchery and ignorance plus religious bigotry and burnings at the stake but the common denominator was ignorance among those who dwelt in the village of little Snorewood. where the first wedding of the year was soon to be.

The Wedding  had people agog with excitement and having only recently emerged from their winter
 looking like hair scratching humpbacked Morlocks were busy bathing in the village brook and having their bi-annual*haircut which made it a little easier to identify each other.

The term organisation was unheard of so *speculation as to how the day would proceed was anyone's guess.  although the occasional appearance of the local Squire and one or two of his mistresses dressed in *crinolines and he like a dandy for that is what he was so to speak being known as Desmond the dainty who had been blessed with peculiar marital habits.

A substantial feast of hot rabbit stew also boiled crayfish and mussels like *molluscs from the brook washed down with gallons of mead and rye bread was being prepared by the more-intellectual matrons of the village where trestle tables were being erected and satin *couches provided for dainty Desmond's dollies.

The Bride to be was Elsie Wurzel Picker, the maidservant of the Reverand Nutgrove, who unbeknown to most was the father of Elsie Wurzel Pickers unborn child. Although the bridegroom.
Bert the Barmy, The illegitimate son of the widow Mrs  Parsnip and the village Molecatcher, Well and gravedigger; Silas shovelhead, was unaware he had been Cuckooed by the Vicar prior to himself frolicking in the nest with Elsie Wurzel Picker and most likely as well all of all those who wore trousers in the village

The Bells of the Quaint Norman era Church Suffering roof decay. St Alfred the Simple Showered dust and grime on the assembled parishioners as Elsie Picker swayed up the aisle her veil hiding her
 anguish the earth floor soaking up the trail she was leaving, when suddenly before the startled assembly she dropped to the floor and gave birth to her child who had decided it was a good time  to enter the world. prematurely and much to the horror of all had the similar countenance as that of the Vicar. "Gadzooks" was the simultaneous cry  From the Choirmaster and the bridegroom Bert the Barmy who drew his Sword seeing the child was from the loins of the Vicar. who fled in haste to the Crypt. But hardly an hour would pass when irate villagers had the vicar *dangling and roasting while burning at the stake on the village green. And were singing the ancient song "O dear what can the matter be"

   Oh dear what can the matter be, two young ladies, locked in the Lavatory
They were there from morning to late in the day
and nobody knew they were there.
The first young lady was Miss Gertrude Plumtree who merely went in to make herself comfy
She tried to leave but couldn't get her Bumfree, Nobody knew she was there.
The other young lady was Miss Elsie Picker who simply went in to fasten her *knickers
Who thought she was Quick, 'But the Vicar was Quicker- and nobody knew she was there
Chorus followed unending until the inebriated revellers departed in the evening to their hovels when the creatures of the night joined the dogs of the village to feast upon the remains of the well cooked Vicar. AMEN.

Vest Daily Gaggle(C)

Intro to Vests Ribald Yarns.

    Most of the supposedly funny ribald yarns I have written relating to that of Medieval goings on within the Chiltern villages in Oxford shire could really relate to those people who lived there not even that far back as the 1600s in the mid1800s Many people rarely left there home village let alone travel overseas. A study of church records showed that the 11th-century church records  of my home village where I lived for several years from the age of five in Chalgrove ; a half mile outside the Chiltern borders; revealed relatives of present-day residents of the village; mind you a few did appear to be a trifle barmy and with similar features.

The Chiltern Hills are about 20 miles from Central London and are crossed by several major roads, remain remarkably unspoilt and tranquil to the eye of the visitor. This is a secret landscape, much of its beauty only becoming apparent when one looks for it, and you can drive across its four hundred square miles on any of the Major through roads and barely realise you have been there.

To find the real Chilterns you must leave the main roads  and take to the  narrow winding lanes or some of the hundreds of miles of marked footpaths among rolling chalk hills with hidden valleys, Beechwoods chalk grasslands and picturesque ancient villages  with stone and handmade brick and thatched cottages  mostly of which are six or seven hundred years old. And wherein lived some of my Characters mentioned in several strange and ribald stories of medieval goings on.

I shall try and piece together a few more yarns until I run out of Ideas due to the fact that most of the lives of those forgotten villagers revolved around the same old humdrum happenings and it will be difficult to infiltrate the minds and the goings on of these earthy souls forever.

Vest... Daily Gaggle.
Memory is the scribe of the soul.