Sunday, 1 December 2019

An interesting rerun.

Cor blimey, What a night !

Got back to our castle from the club Via my mates house about 2am, much goings-on - still a bit of  swearing and people necking in the shrubbery, the bang clang music still blaring due to the neighbours being away places distant, I slept in the gardener's cottage(Shed) til 0800, was wakened by the visiting family of magpies tucking into several piles of vomit amid the cans bottles a broken glass reminiscent of a Barry Dog's Head Barby and general piss up. The local handyman had been summoned to clean up the chaos and had just returned from the local park after depositing the last three drunks from our back garden. Previously invitations had been sent to people with an option to bring a friend and their own grog and for those who were poor, a selection of the cheapest plonk was available from the family cellar. Several half-cooked steaks on the Barby being attacked by ants were cut up and fed to a couple of large crows, one of whom had flown off earlier with a condom so I was informed by her indoors who was upset about the demise of her fake Ming vase which we used as a brolly stand, then looking out of the front window after squeezing behind the sofa I trod into a discarded pizza portion when I noticed the front flower beds were in a sorry state and a lone car was parked on our frontage, Our handyman then asked me to  check out our pet enclosure where an old swimming pool housed a 2.5 baby Croc named 'Salty', Salty is quite amicable until you enter his territory , last year we found a football in his enclosure which was covered in blood, we are not sure what happened and no one has been reported missing so far , However today near a pool of blood lay a single shoe which we presumed may have belonged to the owner of the solitary vehicle parked out front.
So it was finally decided to phone the Old Bill. After redialling a Wooden Top answered my call, I told him I want to report a possible murder.
"What do you mean a possible murder is a person deceased or what, and who is the person", "dunno Say's I, Only salty knows the guy in question and he isn't saying anything". "Where are you phoning from says wooden top" I revealed our location and he replied we have two drunk drivers in our cells who say they were at your residence last night" "Be about right," said I.
Ten Minutes later sergeant flatfoot arrived and checked the rego of the vehicle out front with a personalised plate reading SPU TOO. the owner apparently a local SP Bookie...... after DNA Checks it was confirmed it was he the bookie who salty had for a late-night snack, now it is left to the bobbies to find out was he pushed or did he jump?.
Back soon, have fun, Vest. Copyright Daily Gaggle.com

jewish Christmas

Jewish Christmas.

One of my regular callers Frank Cooke from Barnados U/K has sent this to me, being I am very busy Frank can take care of any mud slinging from the Faith Industry followers.

JEWISH CHRISTMAS
As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas Time?", she asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys". "Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, my sister and I also go to Church with Mum And Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls and drive to our toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to the Bahamas."


Frank Cooke.    Per Vest Daily Gaggle.

Saturday, 30 November 2019

Today I returned from Wyong Hospital after thirty-six. hours of blood transfusions, Spare me the details., apart from that, the sojourn was made tolerable by the lady doctors and several charming nurses. Thank you, ladies.

It is Christmas Card time again


It is this time of the year when you drag out of that special drawer in the cupboard marked XMAS. In it, you will find a long list of friends and relatives who you deem worthy of a message of worthiness like love health wealth and happiness etc There is also a long list of those loving people whom you sent cards to the previous year and a Tick beside the names of those who sent a meaningful message to you.
This is where the bastardry starts, you say to yourself how can I reduce the problems of writers Xmas card cramp?. It is perfectly simple because I like a lot of sensible people will have bundled the last batch of Ho Ho Ho's together by elastic bands. these are placed on the table together with Two different (some cheap) Xmas cards you intend sending to those you received Jollities from the previous joyful year. 
By the time this brain exhausting exercise has been completed, you will find that the list has hardly diminished.  We have lost some by the will of God or have moved interstate or have no more interest in pursuing you for love or money. and then you have the newcomers who will be on your list for years to come. Not forgetting those who will appear for the first time this year most who send late and receive a reply in the new year.
The main reason for writing this load of gobbledygook is that I will have to reduce my blogging to accommodate this extra activity being I shall not be calling on your blog as often as I would  wish to( it doth seem that due to a lack of callers on my blog the XMAS card Madness has started earlier than even I have envisaged. 

Vest... daily Gaggle.

Friday, 23 August 2019

I am back once more after a sojourn in the local hospital (Wyong) where the experience of the week of treatment was gratifying and pleasant. I awoke this morning at home 99 % pain-free.that is until I checked the ENG v Aus Cricket Score. It seems the absence of SANDY Smith the OZ Batsman has left the Aus team with a piddling tiny score in their first innings. Nevertheless, my team can always win due to my Dual citizenship.
Here is an explanation of the game of cricket for people around the world who have missed out on this sporting debacle. Enjoy.

CRICKET IV'E GOT YOUR WICKET, RIGHT HERE

The following preamble is a layman's explanation of the rules of cricket to the people of North America.
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in goes out, and when he is out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When one side is all out, the side that's been out comes in and the side that has been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out trying to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who are all out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice, after the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.
The general rules of actual play are saturated with a glossary of terms and conditions with sub-rules, with the prefixes 'Unless, depending, benefit of doubt, and other Misc Claptrap, every morsel of important cricket goings-on is recorded in WISDEN a sacred hard to get book with more info on cricket than Brittanica, from the time the first ball was bowled in Hambledon Hampshire England in the early 19th century . There is more to read in Wisden than the 'Holy Bible' or the 'SevenPillars of WISDOM'. 
Vest Daily Gaggle.

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Yesterday.15-7-2019.

      YesterdayI was told by my good neighbour; that her husband Spiros, a Mediterranean gentleman had passed away Aged  86. Much sadness.
       It was also my only sisters birthday who would have been 91 but sadly departed this world 20 years in the past.
Also, yesterday number one son Chris and I did a big grocery shop at Aldi which made other shoppers eyes pop, the bill came to 345 dollars, Just things we had run out of., it was exhausting packing it away at home.
     Today !6-7-69 marks the 50th anniversary of the Apollo moon shot departed 2100hrs BST and arriving on my Mothers birthday 21st July BST. On arrival, it was discovered that a COW had already jumped over the moon.
    TodayJuly 16 is the anniversary of the Muslim calendar which commenced in the year of our Lord 622 when Mohammad fled from Mecca to Medina, should he have missed his flight the world may
be a better place today.
    Also today back in 1945 the first Atomic bomb was tested in the New Mexico Desert and eventually saved the lives of possibly millions including those fighting the Forgotten war in the Pacific - yours truly at 19  included.
And now finally' Thank you Nigel'; My Nephew and his family in the Uk, for the solitary birthday card I have received so far today my 93rd Birthday.
 I shall be lost for 'WORDS" this week.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

Tuesday, 2 July 2019

A family member has provided me with a selection of words to keep me busy

Agents. Police. Several. People. Travelling. Tailors.

My Story Goes.

                          A ten-ton truck travelling a ton up along the Taunton to Tiverton trunk road was stopped by police for speeding. a policeman asked him why?. and he replied,
"Terrible Tiverton tummy is taking hold in Tiverton. Thousands traumatised, I am taking ten tons of toilet tissues to the Tiverton toilet tissue tsars- Timothy-Twaite &Tailors who are oursole Agents.

Groan away. Vest Daily Gaggle.

Wednesday, 26 June 2019

Words for Wednesday.

Welcome. Expecting. Trigger. Essential.  Taller. Moving.

A friend passing by during the evening told us he was in town. It was *essential we remained Alert,
We had been *expecting the un-*welcome *trigger happy guy to call on us after his release from prison.  Much* taller  than most men, his head was *moving above the bushes when I popped up my hat with the Floor mop above the window sill, It was then he was exposed when he fired and received  my calling card, "Gotcha."

Vest Daily Gaggle.

While waiting for words this week to appear. a family member provided me with six to play along with.

ROAR. POLICE. FAT. MOOR.FLASHED. LEAN.

      The Lightning Flashed and the Thunder  Clashed and loud the Police did roar, chasing two bedraggled  criminals across the foggy Moor
       One was a lean and lanky man whose face spelt pimples and failure,,
The other man a big fat guy. who had a couple of wives in Australia.

I did not sleep to well last night, Up early and I have prepared Dinner for today had breakfast and fed the moggies. and I am now waiting for words to appear on Elephants child Blog.

Vest Daily Gaggle.

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Words for Wednesday

Words this week are replaced by a picture of a river with what looks like a net draped from bank to bank. Below is my explanation.

The top picture is that of a net across the river ooze a tributary of the Rhine in Belgium Where a twelve-year-old boy named Russel was fishing recently and caught a strange unidentified green Coloured fish. the fish has had people worldwide flummoxed as nothing like it has been caught in the river anything like it but authorities are hoping the net may turn up another, in the meanwhile the fish is still alive and giving great wonder to scientists who have named it... yes its true.
                                                 
A RUSSELLS TROUT.

Vest. Daily Gaggle.

An interesting rerun.

Cor blimey, What a night ! Got back to our castle from the club Via my mates house about 2am, much goings-on - still a bit of  sweari...