Friends and Formerly Absent Family Members. It is "ALL FOOLS DAY"

Quite a turn out. Five sketchy seemingly unconscious family members who have never commented on this blog in its four years, fell hook line and sinker for the dubious offer on my recent posts, I am amazed that there is so much insanity and greediness within the tribe, covering both bloodlines.
However, the large majority of relatives (including some of those who never call here)I shall assume, were able to read and understand that it was another.................
APRIL FOOL JOKE.
No I cannot reveal the identities of the priceless opportunist Rello's, I shall leave that for them to tell you how they become disconnected from the real world.

If this post does not arrive on your pooter by Wednesday April 2 You may assume you have been 'Outed'.
Everyone have a thoughtful day.

Historic event. Vest was just Eighteen.
April 1st Easter Sunday 1945. The last seaborne invasion of WW2 took place that day on Japanese occupied Okinawa. Called 'Operation Iceberg'. During its eight weeks of continuous land sea and air fighting, losses were heavy on both sides and an estimated 250 thousand souls perished. But Vest made it.

BTW. "Your shoelace is undone".

Deadline , read a previous post 'Snail Mail.' This is important.

excerpt from 'SNAIL MAIL' follows.

I am asking with all due respect, for all contacts who never reply or those who do not wish to receive Info from this site to contact me by email by April 1 09 to confirm cancellation or otherwise. However, in some cases the status quo will remain.

Commenting for beginners: It is perfectly simple, easier to fathom out than the ancient Abacus or modern type writer and all that is required is one finger or more if you are dexterous.
Simply go to the base of the post or legend and single click onto 'Post a comment' where you are guided through the process. You may use a Pseudo name your real name or given name only, you may also comment anonymously or use a nickname.
Comments are moderated, some edited, excessive foul language will be deleted.
Well that's about all for now, please reply soon. Vest, Daily Gaggle.

Having the last say, particularly to Andrew 'B' Esq, the bane of misspellers.(Is that a word.)

It is in vain to set up a language police to prevent developments. (I have always suspected that correctness is the last refuge of those who have nothing to say.
English usage is sometimes more than mere taste, judgement, and education - sometimes it is sheer luck, like crossing a street.)
10 comments links to this post

18 March 2009.

IMPORTANT.

"You have to be in it to win it" so the lotto line goes, so interested relatives and friends may have a VESTED interest in a gratuitous windfall should they make it before the deadline. Don't come whining later if you miss out.

Have a thoughtful day.

I suppose we can't blame the Train, which makes a change

The alarm went off at 7 am, then brekky showers and ready by nine to catch the train at 9.24 am. Ten mins drive to train took 17 minutes including parking and being delayed by a Council bulldozer and the wife saying her customary goodbyes. Oh well we had six minutes to spare until the train arrives.
Not as such. That's right, the train pulled into the station at 9.18 am, just as we locked the car, we then made it to within 20 metres of the train but the train left us stranded on the platform. the ticket guy then told us the time tables had been changed. B---ocks, we will drive there.
Finding the map book is not easy especially when my son tidies up our car, the book is ten years old, and after about 15 Min's I had gained recall of the route to be travelled. we back tracked to the nearest gas station and after topping up waited five Min's for a gossipping lady to move her car parked in front of us.
We had 140 Klms to travel, 102 freeway the rest Sydney suburbia.
I estimated we would get to the club where we would meet our friends, about the same time as their arrival, we were supposed to meet them on the train, they being picked up at stations various, all ten of them.
However, there were a few glitches due to the age of the Sydney road directory, and I wouldn't be surprised if a speeding fine turns up soon but my other guess was Absolutely 100% correct, we arrived at the entrance of the club after parking within seconds of the train travelers.. The meeting went well, no punch ups, mind you we are beyond that sort of stuff now we are Octo blokes.
Our return journey around 3.30pm was stressful. Our confrontation with a One way street needed backtracking and eventually, so I thought we were on the right road - don't you believe it. Major cock up - had to travel 15 klms before I could turn back and we were in rush hour traffic. After a few finger pointing's both given and returned I successfully navigated our trusty Ford Falcon home to its roost.
Rosemary is shopping with her trolley today on shanks pony, as Rosemary passed the car she tapped it saying "You have a rest today darling, he must have really frightened you yesterday".

Age shall weary them and make them forget.

Going to be busy this week, even avoiding things I should be doing and being reminded by phone that, I have to attend the AGM of my Association tomorrow which will leave me with an unclear head until Friday.


This one is for those of us " over " 50's..

Now you know - if you're the only one at church, it's obviously not Sunday. You have to remember a lot of things when you get old.

For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - and for all of you who will be seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are!

And, speaking of senior moments:

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where his Sunday edition was..

"Sir", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as he was heard to mutter,

"Well, Holy hole in the head"... so that's why no one was at church today".
.....


Fortunately, I have the Sydney Daily Telegraph delivered to my door daily, and my involuntary visits to the house of God have been to comply to the wishes of those being married or buried.
.................
Question: Why were the sound of Church bells forbidden in Great Britain during WW2?

Your answers in comments section only, no Email answers.

The only Clue is 'Operation Sea lion'.
.................

Congratulations to the England Ladies Cricket team and their Winning of the Women's World Cup.
Question: Why do some lady cricketers wear a Cricket Box when keeping wicket or batting?

Back later, Vest.

Snail Mail is becoming Slower

Last week I received a letter on Thursday which had been posted locally on Tuesday by a person who does not have a computer and lives two minutes bike ride distant. I informed him that he should engage the more speedier services of the Town Crier.
I recall being in Singapore in the fifties , when a letter posted in London UK and collected for delivery at 9:AM, would reach the recipient within 48 Hours at 4:30 PM - GH time in Singapore.
Sadly, due to the 'De-Havilland Comet (The first jet airliner,British) disappearing en-route a couple of times, the service back peddled to the half speed Bristol Britannia aircraft, which I also recall taking twenty eight hours in 1962, to travel the 8,300 miles to HongKong from London, including two hours both in Istanbul and New Delhi. Plus a wife and three children to provide entertainment during the journey.
In NSW Australia, we have five mail deliveries each week, no Sats or Suns, and I am reliably informed that it is due to the laggardly pace of today's human beings.
Posting a local letter where I live on a Friday at 5 PM; may with luck arrive on Monday, but expect it on Tuesday.
So it has slackened from approx three days delivery to the UK from Oz in the 60's to its present seven to nine days. So it is hardly left to wonder why postal services are decreasing World Wide. Get with it, no-one is too old, get yourself a POOTER.

Comments to The Daily Gaggle web site.

The main reasons for posting matters of interest(Factual or not), is to attract a comment of interest (Or not) from readers frequenting this site.
Most blog sites attract a regular following, some a few and some reach into the hundreds, however I am not into chasing heaps of comments to reply to.

Oddly the least volume of comments are received from the USA & Canada from people well known to me and are regular Visitors but most are under pressure of excommunication from their peers whom I crossed swords with in the past, Criticism is something Nth Americans cannot deal with, a list of these sites is available on request.
Comments from Australia, New Zealand and India lead the charge by those who comment the most, although Australian relatives comments run a very poor dead heat with those in the U/K.
Whether people know how to post a comment, I have no Idea, but it seems Emailing me instead and without reference to my latest post with a deluge of funny comic skits qualifies as their reply and a quick way to get away without commenting. although we still exchange family greeting cards - proving that we are still alive and kicking. Some have not replied in months. some never.

I am asking with all due respect, for all contacts who never reply or those who do not wish to receive Info from this site to contact me by email by April 1 09 to confirm cancellation or otherwise. However, in some cases the status quo will remain.

Commenting for beginners: It is perfectly simple, easier to fathom out than the ancient Abacus or modern type writer and all that is required is one finger or more if you are dexterous.
Simply go to the base of the post or legend and single click onto 'Post a comment' where you are guided through the process. You may use a Pseudo name your real name or given name only, you may also comment anonymously or use a nickname.
Comments are moderated, some edited, excessive foul language will be deleted.
Well that's about all for now, please reply soon. Vest, Daily Gaggle.

Having the last say, particularly to Andrew 'B' Esq, the bane of misspellers.(Is that a word.)

It is in vain to set up a language police to prevent developments. (I have always suspected that correctness is the last refuge of those who have nothing to say.
English usage is sometimes more than mere taste, judgement, and education - sometimes it is sheer luck, like crossing a street.)

Prisoners, Pets, and Overseas Pensioners Qualify for The Oz $900 Economic Stimulus Package

This is an extension to an earlier post last week.

Prisoners eligible for stimulus package payments

MURDERERS, rapists and drug dealers will reap $900 payments from taxpayers under Kevin Rudd's economic rescue package.
The jail grapevine is rife with news of the looming windfall for felons who worked on the outside in the 2007-08 tax year.
Thousand of inmates could get their hands on the latest round of stimulus cash, to flow from early next month.
While many may have robbed or bashed people for less, all they have to do to collect the money is file a tax return.
Should convicted criminals be able to receive the bonus? Tell us below
Prisoners are unable to have more than $120 in their jail accounts but associates or family could access the cash.
The Federal Government confirmed that recently arrived inmates would get the workers' tax bonus if they satisfied the eligibility criteria.
Victims' advocate Noel McNamara said giving money to criminals was a disgrace. "These people are felons, murders and deviants," he said.
"The Government should withdraw any obligations it thinks it has to these people and put the money where it's needed."
The revelation comes as the Government borrows $2 billion a week to finance its $42 billion economic rescue plan.
About $75 million of stimulus cash paid last December went abroad to 60,000 overseas-based pensioners, while tens of thousands of foreigners and expatriate Aussies will get the tax bonus payments.
Dead people also could be eligible for the bonuses, while there is a report that dogs could profit after the death of their master.
Opposition treasury spokesman Joe Hockey said the jackpot for criminals would do nothing for the legitimate economy.
"It's hard to spend money from jail," he said. "The entire package was poorly thought through. The wrong people are getting the money at the wrong time.
"Taxpayers will be outraged at the money being wasted by this Government."
Assistant Treasurer Chris Bowen's office said jail inmates would have to satisfy the normal eligibility requirements.
"Any Australian residents will be eligible for the tax bonus if they paid tax in the 2007-08 financial year, after taking into account available offsets and credits, and lodge their return by June 30, 2009.
"Direct support for consumption provided by payments such as the tax bonus is integral to the Government's response to the global financial crisis," his spokesman said.
It was reported on Sunday that pets left money in the estates of people who worked in 2007-08 could get the bonus.

The DONG with a Luminous Nose.

During my schooldays at a Naval preparatory school, our English teacher an ex army Major WW1, Mr A D Bates(true) Who had been gassed in the trenches on the western front, yelled ; ''Open the windows open the doors" he was met with "Down with the roofs and up with the floors" from a chorus of boys who had been farting in the classroom before his arrival, the farting being attributed to the miscellaneous soup and dumplings served at lunchtime. Having crossed swords too often with Mr Bates I was singled out for punishment. I was told to open the poetry book at random and learn by heart the poem within. The look of dismay on my face followed large guffaws from that old sod when he announced my choice to the class who also saw it to be funny and in turn were given a similar task to learn "The Dong With a Luminous Nose".
This incident was resurrected when I answered a question on last Friday's Televised 'EGGHEADS' show, when I gave the only correct answer. That's right you guessed.
The Dong with a Luminous Nose. (This will test your patience and tolerance level) I am also offering The infamous Andrew , B. at ims unwired; (he being a clever dick) a prize of $100, should he be able to recite to me in person unaided - this poem which follows. Now take a deep breath. Tell me If you gave up before you read it to the end.


The DONG With A Luminous Nose.....
When awful darkness and silence reign Over the great Gromboolian plain,Through the long, long wintry nights;-When the angry breakers roar As they beat on the rocky shore;-When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights Of the hills of the Chankly Bore:- Then, through the vast and gloomy dark,There moves what seems a fiery spark,A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,-Hither and thither the vision strays,A single lurid light. Slowly it wanders, - pauses, - creeps, -Anon it sparkles, - flashes and leaps;And ever as onward it gleaming goes light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.And those who watch at that midnight hour from Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as the wild light passes along, - "The Dong! - the Dong! "The wandering Dong through the forest goes! "The Dong! the Dong! "The Dong with a luminous Nose!" Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay,Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl Who came to those shores one day.For the Jumblies came in a Sieve, they did, -Landing at Eve near the Zemmery Fidd Where the Oblong Oysters grow,And the rocks are smooth and gray.And all the woods and the valleys rang With the chorus they daily and nightly sang, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." Happily, happily passed those days!While the cheerful Jumblies staid;They danced in circlets all night long,To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,In moonlight, shine or shade.For day and night he was always there By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,With her sky-blue hands, and her sea-green hair.Till the morning came of that hateful day When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,And the Dong was left on the cruel shore Gazing - gazing for evermore,-Ever keeping his weary eyes on That pea-green sail on the far horizon, -Singing the Jumbly Chorus still As he sate all day on the grassy hill, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." But when the sun was low in the West,The Dong arose and said, -"What little sense I once possessed Has quite gone out of my head!"And since that day he wanders still By lake and forest, marsh and hill,Singing - "O somewhere, in valley or plain"Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!"For ever I'll seek by lake and shore"Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!" Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks,And because by night he could not see,He gathered the bark of Twangum Tree On the flowery plain that grows.And he wove him a wondrous Nose, -A Nose as strange as a Nose could be!Of vast proportions and painted red,And tied with cords to the back of his head.- In a hollow rounded space it ended With a luminous lamp within suspended,All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out; -And with holes all round to send the light,In gleaming rays on the dismal night. And now each night, and all night long,Over those plains still roams the Dong;And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;Lonely and wild - all night he goes, -The Dong with a luminous Nose!And all who watch at the midnight hour,From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,Moving along through the dreary night, - "This is the hour when forth he goes, "The Dong with a luminous Nose! "Yonder - over the plain he goes; "He goes! "He goes; "The Dong with a luminous nose.

My title would be "The Feller with the Luminous Smeller".

Ok Andrew B, ill raise the ante, another 100 bucks to charity, can't have you getting sloshed at my expense. Vest.


March 17 09.
Reply received from Andrew B. You will notice he is correcting my copied poem of Edward Lear, 'the Dong'.

Very amusing Vest.Very entertaining also. I like it, but there are easier ways of making $100 (give us a break!)I'll happily buy you a bottle of scotch and you can be getting sloshed at my expense.As long as you don't go falling over any invisible steps again....Cheers!
The DONG with a Luminous Nose.
During my schooldays at a Naval preparatory school, our English teacher an ex army Major WW1, Mr A D Bates [insert space here] (true) Who had been gassed in the trenches on the western front, yelled ; ''Open the windows open the doors" he was met with "Down with the roofs and up with the floors" from a chorus of boys who had been farting in the classroom before his arrival, the farting being attributed to the miscellaneous soup and dumplings served at lunchtime. Having crossed swords too often with Mr Bates I was singled out for punishment. I was told to open the poetry book at random and learn by heart the poem within. The look of dismay on my face followed large guffaws from that old sod when he announced my choice to the class who also saw it to be funny and in turn were given a similar task to learn "The Dong With a Luminous Nose".This incident was resurrected when I answered a question on last Friday's Televised 'EGGHEADS' show, when I gave the only correct answer. That's right you guessed.The Dong with a Luminous Nose. (This will test your patience and tolerance level) I am also offering The infamous Andrew , B. at ims unwired; (he being a clever dick) a prize of $100, should he be able to recite to me in person unaided - this poem which follows. Now take a deep breath. Tell me If you gave up before you read it to the end.The DONG With A Luminous Nose.....When awful darkness and silence reign Over the great Gromboolian plain,Through the long, long wintry nights;-When the angry breakers roar As they beat on the rocky shore;-When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights Of the hills of the Chankly Bore:- Then, through the vast and gloomy dark,There moves what seems a fiery spark,A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,-Hither and thither the vision strays, [insert space here] A single lurid light. Slowly it wanders, - pauses, - creeps, -Anon it sparkles, - flashes and leaps;And ever as onward it gleaming goes light on the Bong-tree stems it throws. [insert space here] And those who watch at that midnight hour from Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as the wild light passes along, - "The Dong! - the Dong! "The wandering Dong through the forest goes! "The Dong! the Dong! "The Dong with a luminous Nose!" Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay, [insert space here] Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl Who came to those shores one day.For the Jumblies came in a Sieve, they did, -Landing at Eve near the Zemmery Fidd Where the Oblong Oysters grow, [insert space here] And the rocks are smooth and gray.And all the woods and the valleys rang With the chorus they daily and nightly sang, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." Happily, happily passed those days! [insert space here] While the cheerful Jumblies staid;They danced in circlets all night long,To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong, [insert space here] In moonlight, shine or shade.For day and night he was always there By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,With her sky-blue hands, and her sea-green hair. [insert space here] Till the morning came of that hateful day When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away, [insert space here] And the Dong was left on the cruel shore Gazing - gazing for evermore, [insert space here] -Ever keeping his weary eyes on That pea-green sail on the far horizon, -Singing the Jumbly Chorus still As he sate all day on the grassy hill, - "Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve." But when the sun was low in the West, [insert space here] The Dong arose and said, -"What little sense I once possessed Has quite gone out of my head!" [insert space here] And since that day he wanders still By lake and forest, marsh and hill,Singing - "O somewhere, in valley or plain" [insert space here] Might I find my Jumbly Girl again! [insert space here] "For ever I'll seek by lake and shore" [insert space here] Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!" Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks, [insert space here] Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks, [insert space here] And because by night he could not see, [insert space here] He gathered the bark of Twangum Tree On the flowery plain that grows. [insert space here] And he wove him a wondrous Nose, -A Nose as strange as a Nose could be! [insert space here] Of vast proportions and painted red, [insert space here] And tied with cords to the back of his head.- In a hollow rounded space it ended With a luminous lamp within suspended, [insert space here] All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out; -And with holes all round to send the light,In gleaming rays on the dismal night. And now each night, and all night long,Over those plains still roams the Dong;And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;Lonely and wild - all night he goes, -The Dong with a luminous Nose! [insert space here] And all who watch at the midnight hour, [insert space here] From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright, [insert space here] Moving along through the dreary night, - "This is the hour when forth he goes, "The Dong with a luminous Nose! " [insert space here] Yonder - over the plain he goes; "He goes! " [insert space here] He goes; "The Dong with a luminous nose.My title would be "The Feller with the Luminous Smeller".Ok Andrew B, I'll raise the ante, another 100 bucks to charity, can't have you getting sloshed at my expense. Vest.
I hope this saga ends right now. Vest.

Andrew B .The Perfection Fascist.

Andrew B, I have known for close up to thirty years from his age of approx 40.
Andrew reminds me of Rowan Atkinson a bit; plus a super nerd with an answer to the worlds problems at his finger tips, at times he can be flippant and angry at what most people would regard as sufficient information to make a point during discourse. Physically non violent, Andrew will remain my friend regardless of his recent outbursts.

Andrew's most recent outburst in an Email received today follows that of his rebuke regarding a recent post in which I posted a 'Joke Poem' , submitted by my bean counting friend Graeme, in the post titled. WRIGLEYS CHEWING GUM 9 March 09, in which Andrew submitted the following stupid corrections.

Vest said...
Andrew: my right to reply, without further remarks, regarding your audacity to infer that my English is imperfect. It is something I am already aware of.
The following Email was sent to me by a friend Andrew B. Who Say's--

I had to edit your item as there are defects in the English.added the word 'me' between fetch -and- another----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Who said Australians weren't romantic?.When a sentence ends with a question mark, there is no need for a (period mark) . to followAs the ? already represents that and the . is included in the ? toindicate the end of a sentence.It means that when I'm ready, there's somethin there to grabIt means that when I'm ready, there's somethin' there to grab(apostrophe missing that denotes a missing letter)Somehow it was correct on the second line(Of course I love ya darlin'. You're a bloody top-notch bird.)I think its very sexy that you've got dimples on ya thighs.you've (is an abbreviation, (and a bad one at that) - of - you have.so placing 'got' after it becomes redundant.As it already means 'you have dimples on your thighs'....besides, got in fact the word 'get' means to obtain something by toil.So it does not belong in the sentence on two countsI swear on me nanna's grave now, the moment that we met,Red marked. What is this me nonsense? Written by a 12 year old no doubt.No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear, now shut up while the footy's on and fetch another beer..Changed to : No matter what you look like; I'll always love ya' dear,Writing just a letter u is a sure sign of illiteracy. (or mental laziness at best)... In the faint hope that the writers English will improve.In a bid to stamp out illiteracy.It seems that many adults have caught this disease.ims@unwired.com.au.................Vest Say's. " Andrew, go and get well and truly stuffed dicko, only an arsehole of your calibre would fail to recognize it was a copied message sent to me by none other than 'Graeme' who is an accountant and a regular contributor to the comments section". Andrew, if you are unsure how to use the comments section, ask and I will instruct you".Have a thoughtful day, your dear fiend - sorry er - friend ,J L S, aka L J B or Vest.There is only one success - to be able to live your life in your own way and not to give others absurd, maddening claims upon it.
Tuesday, 10 March 2009 08:06:00 AM EST



Today, 14 March 2009.I received the following from Andrew.

DELETE : Ressurect (Your teacher has marked your post as 7/10 due to spelling error.INSERT ResurrectSuggest you write it in Microsoft Word and do a spell check first, or request a spelling checker that will check manyvaried documents. You can possibly find one if by searching on Google. (Maybe the dictionary should be resurrected from the trash can)Also This brazen cockup, engineered by our recently Anointed Labour (Red, or Democrat)PM, relative of Robinfrigging HCheers! [Postscript] Try Labor It is clearly written on all promotional material, press and the party website.... You should not be making such stupid mistakes. You have been in Australia long enough to know better.NOW READ ON AND OPEN YOUR EYES..... (IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS)Note: If the citizens are not armed, what will they fight with if there is (and possibly will be in the near future) a civil war? Sticks? And forget about Martin Bryant, Do the research, read the court and evidence transcripts, and you will discover that he was set up, in order to convince the public to disarm. His future and rights are considered a small price to pay. ( A few dead? - just a small drop in the ocean of humanity) the proletariat needs to be kept powerless, the ruling elite have a need to maintain total power and control - no matter what - Give up your civil rights to be protected? (Rather like the fox telling the chicken that he will protect it) Open your eyes to what is really happening. The US Government is already preparing for a possible civil war occurring. Having pulled the teeth out of every regulatory agency they could locate, the US treasury has been looted by Bush & Co. And for their final coup de grace they bailed out [with public money] the very banks that were culpable for the large part of the financial debacle in the first place. The only thing they are not doing is flying the 'Jolly Roger' from their mast, although they have well and truly Jolly Rogered the world. Didn't see it coming? Come on..... I saw it. And here's the real clincher. Now the financial elite/Zionists/American Imperialists have installed their latest sock-puppet - Obama - to clean up the mess. He can't, so to knee-cap the inevitable revolt, he has Martial Laws at his disposal. And the black folk who are known to start revolts. Nobody can subdue the blacks like Obama can --- Crowd control it's as simple as that.... The ruling establishment has to maintain power and control despite the major Fuck-up they have caused over the past 8 years. Half the population are already pissed-off - they no longer trust the Government in general. A scheme has to be set up to keep everyone ignorant, because the system is falling apart at the seams. The youth are the first ones to protest, and the blacks have a history or rioting. Obama can (at least for now) pacify them. When new powers are passed, the people disarmed, and unable to fight Total control that Hitler would be proud of. Lets say you are one of the puppeteers who run the big show from behind the scenes , If you were one of the deeply embedded in the Military Industrial Complex, the Central Banking System, The Big 5 Media, etc. Yo know the people that steer and even rig the elections, The Disaster Capitalists whose portfolios are set to make profits of any and nearly all disasters. People who seek global domination, and use the United States as a machine to make that a reality. Bush's crimes will be buried forever - Continued perpetual war to create income/wealth for the industrial-military empire. Expansion of taxes to create a global tax to pay for the war on terror (which they themselves created) Build a new missile defense shield. and create a new 'cold war' - Expand copyright laws - (and jail the offenders, and confiscate their property) - Expand FBI powers not only in the USA but to other partner countries. Already, any country that has signed up to the FTA (Free Trade Agreement, is subject to the US Patriot Act. (Which supersedes, local laws) THe FBI have installed their own Office in those countries (Including Australia) This is said to be for the reason to protect US corporate Interests Obama does not speak out about the use of DU munitions issue, and use by the US in foreign countries. DU (Depleted Uranium) for your information has a half life of 4 billion ( 4 million x 1000) years. And caused birth defects and various cancers in those subjected to it) He is dodging the fact that the commission that investigated 9/11 which concluded that 9/11 was a total farce. To admit to the people that, would be political suicide. Obama is a member of the S&B (Skull and Bones) of which there are 900 members. (Bush's administration contained 11 of them) (Not to mention Bush's dad and brother Jeb. Zionist extremists commit equally evil crimes/atrocities like Muslim extremists. (calling for genocide against their enemy) (Same as Nazi's) The USA has become an imperialistic dictatorship. Any country that disapproves will be invaded and beaten to a pulp, and assets removed. Spreading fear about global warming will create new industries and more wealth to the ruling elites. The Carbon Trading Casino will be used to let the poor working bastards to be forced to play and pay, Like the Forex market, Bear Market, Commodities market etc. etc.... My recommendation to all the financial elites, banksters, zionists and stockbrokers working in high-rise buildings JUMP! YOU FUCKERS IMS



Vest Say's poor Andrew. Please get well soon, and remember to be pleasant to your elders. I have also given your medical prognosis to my Chinese doctor who became alarmed on hearing of your malady, he will contact you soon.
BTW, you did not spell check your most recent tirade. Have a thoughtful day. Vest.
PS, don't use the 'F' word on my blog.

Bloggers who comment. "How many incorrect spelling and punctuation mistakes did Andrew score in his statement regarding the state of the union"? I counted 29.

This News will surely Resurrect the dead Quicker than J C.

Dead Cert For A $900:00 Windfall.

DEAD People may be paid $900:00 by the Australian Federal Government as part of its 'Stimulus Package'. Widely known as the Lazarus Odyssey.

The Australian Tax Office web-site says if all eligibility criteria is met, the money will be paid to the deceased persons estate.
Estates I believe normally have about three years to wind up so certainly there will be deceased estates, in other words dead people, (similar to some suspects who receive info from this blog and are too bone idle to respond although some may consider a funny non personal Email a quick substitute for a personalised communication)Feel insulted? too bad.
However, getting back to the freebie handouts. Eligible cadavers and those in vases on the kitchen shelf and those like some of you imitating the not too long departed will qualify for Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's $900:00 stimulus package.
This brazen cock up, engineered by our recently Anointed Labour (Red, or Democrat)PM, relative of Robin frigging Hood, was flawed from its beginning. due to KEV rushing the bill through with little thought in order to score leadership points.
Well there's great news for dead people - Kevin Rudd is going to give them $900:00 as part of the economic stimulus package.
I guess the question to Kevin Rudd is very simple.
What does he expect dead people to spend money on to stimulate the economy?

BTW: I have a regular bunch of callers from Canada and the U S A, comprising the majority of callers, but rarely commenting, however, these people are scared out of their wits fearful that they be caught out visiting here by that gun toting biddy from Minnesota. you know, the one who rides the V8 Broomstick.

Have a cheerful weekend, Vest, Daily Gaggle.

Once again GUNS Menace our Society.

No need to give details of the latest atrocities splattered all over the galaxy news broadcasts.

This time it is Germany's turn to shed juvenile blood, closely followed by Unclesamland determined not to be outdone by lesser gun loony nations.

Of course 'Lest we forget" the mayhem created by our own product of shame, the one and only patriarch of Gun killing loonies; Martin Bryant, who like many Tasmanians born with two heads accused each other in turn for orchestrating the tazzy massacre of 35 souls.

Guns menace our society.
The overwhelming majority of gun owners are responsible, respectful members of our community. they take care to register their weapons - note that I said weapons, because killing machines they are and in the hands of loonies we will inevitably continue to switch on to the breakfast time news of further killings. Yet it is natural for there to be widespread concern over the sheer number of guns kept in NSW Australia.
For reasons nobody can fully explain, Guns are flying off the gun shop shelves.
Some will argue no problem exists as long as safety rules are followed and the correct precautions taken.
But it is surely a matter of simple logic that the more guns there are, the greater the chance of a gun related death or injury. Currently the good ole boys in the US of A and a few women gun nutters from Minnesota hold the unapproachable record off death by gunshot injuries.
Accidents involving guns are rarely mild. As we saw in the case of 14-year-old Josef Cruickshank, fatally shot by a younger friend in December.
Gun owners, more than most of us, will be aware that it takes only one irresponsible or unbalanced individual to wreak unholy havoc with a firearm.
We must ask that they remain vigilant and ensure mistakes are not committed.

Everyone have a safe weekend, my w/e starts on Thursday's...????? No I am not Jewish.

Playing Tricks On Broomsticks.

Vest said...
Observing the full moon last night an eerie apparition came into full view - its spine chilling reminder of an old acquaintence in full Salem regalia drinking rum and coke with fag in hand astride a V8 baton swartz with long splayed out tail brush displaying Minnesota rego plates being chased by a barking mad Hairy Dawg.
Fearfully I slammed the window shut after projecting my half empty bottle of J D at said apparition and retired to bed in a cold sweat.

Reading Your Speedo's. And it's Great to Know.

No Girls! This does not mean getting a bird's eye view of that hunk wearing his Budgie smugglers. This is serious stuff which could threaten your livelihood and deflate your bank account.
It may be an on going sinister plot engineered by the National Road Transport Authority to raise funds to fix that pothole which caused that front ender with the Tele -Pole.
If you are a driver of any road vehicle you will inevitably discover your Speedometer inconveniently positioned with lots of other twaddle out of your line of sight below the dashboard.
In order to check your speed it is essential you cast your eyes momentarily from the road to under the dashboard, ( This in effect could cause an accident, no excuses; you must keep your eyes on the road).
(Catch 22) I have been reliably informed by a person in the motor vehicle repair business that, to install any speed indicating device above the dash board which enables the driver to avoid unnecessary speeding, is considered by the R T A to be an impairment of road vision ( And would create a loss in revenue).
A real situation occurred during a long weekend when double demerit points are deducted for speeding offences.
This old guy drove his wife to the supermarket in the pouring rain along a main highway (The Pacific Hwy near Lakehaven NSW Australia, near where I live). It was still raining when he returned from whence he came.
He later stated that, he was following a line of steady flowing traffic in both directions with others following him behind.
The RTA, Via the Speed Camera, fined the guy for both trips and doubled his demerit points (12)and his licence was confiscated plus he was gouged for about a 400 bucks fine.
So it is more than likely there were hundreds more who copt it on that fateful day.

BTW. Our street(Avenue sniff sniff) was resurfaced ten days ago, some good came out of it after all. And no, I was not the old Guy.
.......................
GREAT TO KNOW If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an A T M. you can notify the Police by entering your Pin # in reverse. For example if your pin number is 1234 then you would put in 4321.The ATM recognizes that your pin number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine.The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to help you. This information was recently broadcast on TV and it states that it is seldom used because People don't know it exists. ????Please pass this along to everyone possible. Australian Federal Police. AFP Web site: http://www.afp.gov.au <http://WWW.afp.gov.au/>

........................

A clever tale sent by Graeme , whose previous poem created on my last post sent ims@unwired.com.au into a spin over punctuation .
Bottle of Wine.
(Women will LOVE this one!) or if you are God fearing.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive..'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'MORAL OF THE STORY:Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

WRIGLEY'S CHEWING GUM + An Australian Love Poem.

WRIGLEY'S CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?' The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.' The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia.' The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence. The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Australian replied, 'of course.' Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia . The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex in the States?' The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?' 'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Australians turn to smile. 'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'



Who said Australians weren't romantic?.

Of course I love ya darlin. You're a bloody top-notch bird.

And when I say you're gorgeous. I mean every single word.

So ya bum is on the big side. I don't mind a bit of flab.

It means that when I'm ready, there's somethin there to grab.

So your belly isn't flat no more; I tell ya, I don't care.

So long as when I cuddle ya I can get my arms round there.

No sheila who is your age has nice round perky breasts.

They just gave in to gravity but I know ya did ya best.

I'm tellin' ya the truth now, I never tell ya lies.

I think its very sexy that you've got dimples on ya thighs.

I swear on me nanna's grave now, the moment that we met, I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get.

No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear, now shut up while the footy's on and fetch another beer..

Are you Missing Kissing.

Killjoy town bosses in Warrington, Cheshire have banned couples from kissing each other goodbye on the railway station platform – in case shows of affection disrupt departures. But Warrington isn't the only place you could find yourself in trouble if caught puckering up... In Indiana it's illegal for mustached men to "habitually kiss human beings". "I'm not surprised, its in America. In Hartford, Connecticut it's illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sunday and in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, it's a crime to kiss a stranger. Yankee nutters again. But don't let that put you off - here are 15 facts about kissing:- 1. You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss. (It is the reason why fat girls stay fat.) 2. The average person spends two weeks of their life kissing.(partners friends children rello's pets and secret lovers). 3. Eskimos, Polynesians and Malaysians rub noses instead of kissing. ( better than the taste of blubber or nasigoreng). 4. Romans kissed each other on the eyes or the mouth as a greeting. (Then they kissed each Udder). 5. In Russia, the highest sign of recognition was a kiss from the Tsar. ( Especially if you were a sugar plum fairy). 6. Victorian etiquette required a man to kiss the back of a ladies hand. ( This was my first lucky day when I first performed this rite). 7. A standard greeting in Europe is a kiss on both cheeks - could be two. . . could be four. ( Or even more, more than ten you could get lucky). 8. African tribes pay homage to their Chief by kissing the ground where he has walked. ( Much wiser than kissing the chief). 9. In Ireland, you will have good luck if you kiss the Blarney Stone. ( Clean it first or you may not). 10. The scientific name for kissing is philematology. (Covertly kissing your neighbours wife or husband is philandermatology. Is that a word?) 11. Longest kiss - 29 hours by contestants in the "Breath Savers Longest Kiss Challenge" in New York on March 24, 1998.(The foul breath factor became easier to accommodate as time progressed). 12. Longest underwater kiss - 2 minutes and 18 seconds in Tokyo, Japan, on April 2, 1940, ( This was challenged by two kamikaze pilots Tuesday April 3 1945 who never surfaced). 13. First movie kiss - John C Rice kissed May Irwin in the film called "The Kiss" (1896). ( the whole world was shocked) 14. Most kisses in a single movie - 127 in the movie "Don Juan" (1927). Mary Astor and Estelle Taylor got all of those kisses from John Barrymore. (And charged the studio for each of them; due to his booze and baccy breath). 15. The longest movie kiss timed at three minutes and five seconds was between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the 1941 film "You're in the Army Now".( It was a sad farewell gesture prior to a disastrous marriage to presido Ron reaganomics Reagan). Comments in Brackets by Vest.

NSW Vatican Bishop Pell Mells into Contradiction.

Is anyone else bemused by the OZ faith industry leader Archbishop George Pell's chunterings about climate change?
This ecclesiastic crackpot was at it again on sunday, using his newspaper column to repeat his assertion that he's yet to see any scientific evidence that our planet is becoming hotter.
Pell like others of his flock of sheep are entitled to their opinions, however, given the nature of his day job, it's kind of hilarious to see this exalted faith industry leader demanding the most rigorous evidential standards for something which most non christian scientists support. It certainly jars with the other creationist stuff that he's prepared to accept - the immaculate conception, for starters, the water into - wine party trick J C used to pull, or the amazing recovery of that Lazarus bloke who, after an extended bout of death, roared back to life to live to a ripe old age.
If you admire S-Can stirrers and contrarians, Pell is one geezer you will admire, particularly for his gaffe's while whipping himself into a lather over gay marriage and abortion.
Pell is a Faith Industry ( Vatican branch) company man simply toeing the line, hardly surprising.
But a scientist he ain't, and if he is prepared to frame his entire being around a collection of cockeyed beliefs, all of which would produce much laughter out of a year 9 science class. He has no right to be a credible player in any scientific debate. Full Stop.


The faith industry(Catholic branch) has gone bonkers over a nine year old child having her twin foetus removed, the childs stepfather has not been excommunicated from the catholic church but the the child and her mother plus the whole medical team got the chop from the popeists. "Good on them I say", it will be a relief from having to follow another male dominated calling masterminded by unmarried pedophiles.


It is unchallenged knowledge that global average temperature has not increased since 1998.This corresponds to a 9-year period prior to 1998 during which,the level of atmospheric Carbon Dioxide,did increase by almost 5%copy the link and paste it into your browser From: GlobalWarmingFraudwww.youtube.com/watch?v=5B3EoiU3zKA or search you tube for
Glenn Beck: The Great Global Warming Swindle.

Lying Foul Mouthed Chef,. A Half-Baked Hero.

CELEBRITY chef Gordon Ramsay has been accused of lying about playing professional soccer to fight his way to the top of the food chain.

The foul-mouthed chef allegedly fabricated his much publicised soccer career with top European club Glasgow Rangers, with club officials saying it never happened.

The explosive accusation - published yesterday in British newspaper News of the World - comes just months after Ramsay was caught up in a sex scandal, in which it was alleged he had been cheating on wife Tana.

Ramsay, 42, has repeatedly bragged about being signed to the top Scottish side as a 16-year-old, saying he played with the team until a knee injury forced him off the pitch and into the kitchen.

It is believed he invented the soccer story in 1994 to help launch his first restaurant, London's Aubergine.

He has told of playing for the side in countless TV, radio and newspaper interviews since, including on Oz ABC TV's Enough Rope last year.

He really is a pathetic individual. He savours treating people like crap. Well now he knows what it feels like as the tabloids take apart all of his lies.

In his 2006 autobiography, Humble Pie, Ramsay even went into detail about what it was like playing for the top side.

"Outside the stadium, you'd be signing things like pillow cases and the side of prams, and families would turn up with their kids to have their trainers signed."

But club officials have slammed Ramsay's claims.

Respected Rangers historian, Robert McElroy, said Ramsay never signed for the team, never played in senior matches and was never offered a contract.

"It's all complete and utter nonsense," McElroy told News of the World.

And legendary Rangers coach Archie Knox - who the chef blamed for "dumping" him from the club - wasn't even with the club at the time of Ramsay's claims.

"He must be a very confused individual. I was the manager of Dundee at the time," Knox said.

"The first time I ever saw Gordon Ramsay was in 1996 when he launched his first book ... but he didn't know me from Adam because we'd never met."

Even friend and fellow top chef Marco Pierre White, said he once admitted he had invented his Rangers career telling him: "It just came out of my mouth and it was a good story at the time."

When Ramsay appeared on Radio Four show Desert Island Discs in 2002, Ramsay told host Sue Lawley how he was spotted by a Rangers scout while playing for Oxford United's youth team.

And how his family moved to Scotland to support him.

Lawley asks in the show: "And in the end the whole family uprooted and went to Glasgow because of you?"

Ramsay replies: "Because of the support. I think anyone signing for a professional team needs that kind of comfort."

In his autobiography, the chef claimed he started playing in testimonial games at Rangers and was included on the first-team sheet.

A club spokesman said Ramsay had trialled with the team and played a testimonial game, but failed to secure a contract.

Then manager assistant John Hagart said: "I don't remember Gordon Ramsay being at Rangers at all and I have a very good memory.

"He certainly never played in the first team. I looked after the reserve team as well as the youth sides and he wasn't in any of those either."

Ramsay's representative said the chef had no comment to make on the story.

Vest say's, I never use the 'H' word however, I dislike that Foul "f" word spouting 3rd class celebrity with great intensity. "What an Asshole".

Job Of A lifetime

TRUE STORY: Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park where cars and coaches can park. There was also a nice bloke with a hat and ticket machine charging cars £1 and coaches £5. This parking attendant worked there for about 25 years , then one day didn't turn up for work....Ho hum say Bristol Zoo management- Better phone up Bristol City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant......Err no say the Council...That car park is your responsibility...Err no say Bristol Zoo the attendant was employed by you wasn't he....Err NO!!!!

Sitting in his villa=2 0in Spain is a bloke who had been taking the car park takings for Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years...