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Showing posts from June, 2006

BOILED HUMAN HEAD FOR DINNER FOLKS. SIT DOWN HERE FOR A FEED OF THIS GHOULISH GOURMET RECIPE.

The following is a few excerpts extracted and condensed from the local Sydney Australia news papers following this macabre story. According to her barrister, Katherine Knight's murder of her husband was a unremarkable domestic killing. The fact that she stabbed her De-facto husband John Price 37 times and skinned and mutilated his body was not heinous enough to deserve spending the rest of her life behind bars. John Stratton SC public defender stated, in a bid to have her sentence reduced. Knight 50 sat in the dock wearing a silver cross and heard she would be the first Australian woman to be jailed for the term of her natural life. Defence lawyer John Stratton stated, what took her crime outside the ordinary range of gravity of a domestic murder, was what she did to John Price after the murder but it was not enough to take it into the worst kind of murder. Now this will make your hair curl. Knight, a slicer and packer at the Aberdeen Abattoir meticulously skinned Mr Price's bo

RETIREMENT IS SO MUCH FUN

HI folks , Its going to be a busy time for me during the next four weeks, apart from the normal chores around the mansion(cant get good servants anymore). This morning I have to take the car in for inspection prior to registration; as it now over three years old and at the same time pick up fuel for(start you bastard)our lawn mower, then of course the grass has to be cut today before it rains again. The nearest and dearest is going with a friend to buy gifts for the two Christenings and five birthdays we have to fork out for; not including her's and mine, and shortly I shall hear "I'll buy a new dress for the Christening while we are out darling" and to follow will be, "No dear, you will look fine in that tux I bought you five years ago. The good news is I shall be getting an increase on my Navy pension and more still if I succeed in the next medical on the June 29, it will help towards my income tax payable on our five sources of income and outgoings to friends

THE RETURN OF ZOE THE KILLER PUSSY

Despite going native in the national park for the past four years Zoe is settling down to domesticity once more. This utterly adorable moggie and her seemingly mild temperament have saved her from death row, by veterinary nurse Karissa Simion. But in truth , was Karissa' gesture really benign? who is the winner here. Now that is wonderful news, but perhaps of cold comfort to the birds whose hearts are ripped out by our mollycoddled moggies. Domestic and feral cats slaughter 144 million native birds every year in Australia. This grim statistic is balanced by the number of vermin mice rats and rabbits-they also eliminate, mind you there seems to be always an over supply of birds of every variety, so the asshole who suggested she should be put down is little better than he thinks the cat is. All cats have killer instincts, show them a toy mouse or even a feather and their killer instincts emerge. Humans have been prone to cats seductions, which cats have honed over thousands of years

ENGLISH THAT DEFIES INTERPRETATION

Well yank my doodle this is a real dandy, this is right up my street, for years I suffered listening to this kind of codswallop, while serving in the British Navy, it now appears the 2nd best navy in the world has its own titillating but confusing jargon. I was quite relieved to discover that three inmates at Guantanamo had not committed suicide, It seems that it was just a communications glitch by the US Navy. The three men apparently just simply committed an act of asymmetric warfare. Sadly and unexpectedly for the US Navy, it has proved to be every bit as lethal as suicide. Who in the world would have guessed that? The cause of death was by hanging, but should they have survived their act of self destruction, they would have choked anyway on the over blown stupid frippery of the Base Commander Rear Admiral Harry Harris ( bomb happy Harry). "I believe this was not an act of desperation but an act of asymmetric warfare against us" he said. That is probably why Harry is

FOR PUSSY LOVERS ONLY

If you are a guy reading this its more than likely you will be disappointed, as it relates to the adventures of a Ginger Tom. "Hi dad we have a visitor" said my son Chris, as I looked down there was this beautiful example of felinity staring back at me, it then jumped up on the bed and purred around me as I said nice pussy and those silly sayings one says to pussies. G Tom was very friendly and seemed to have the knack of persuading his human carers to get what he required. G tom stopped at the fridge, I then fed him with chopped meat, when he'd had enough it was back to the fridge, where he indicated it was milk he was after, soon after he trotted down the stairs- his twin engines swaying in the rear. It was still raining outside and had been more on than off for the past week, G Tom ignored the box with newspaper and went off to the kitchen to finish off his brekky, then suddenly made a bee-line for the front door. It had stopped raining. Reminds me of the young studs

ORIENTAL BROTHEL OWNER JAILED FOR TEN YEARS FOR OWNING CAT HOUSE SEX SLAVES

The first person in Australia to be found guilty of possessing sex slaves has been awarded ten years in the slammer. Melbourne -Australia Brothel madam Wei Tang 44 wept as she was sentenced to ten years in jail when found guilty on five charges of possessing a slave and five of owning a slave. The Court was told five Thai sex workers were smuggled here with a promise they would be eventually be able to work legally in the sex trade. But they were told they first had to work off a debt of about AU$45,000 each.

ABORIGINES SNIFFING PETROL FACE A STIFF PENALTY

TRAFFICKING Petrol on Aboriginal lands In South Australia will attract a $50,000 fine or ten years in the slammer, under new penalties proposed by the S/A Govt. A Bill to be introduced to parliament would make it a specific offence. Petrol sniffing has been a significant problem on aboriginal lands for many years . like glue sniffing has in the Americas and Europe. This can cause death or permanent damage to heath and an increase in crime and violence and a breakdown of families and the loss of culture The Govt will set up services for petrol sniffers to assist them to combat the problem.

STUPID AUSTRALIAN QUACKS DUCK FOR COVER AFTER ANOTHER HOSPITAL COCKUP

A MISTAKE by a doctor on a hospital admission form led a surgeon to remove the wrong breast of a cancer sufferer during a mastectomy a tribunal heard yesterday. The patient was admitted to Campbelltown Hospital near Sydney for a total mastectomy of the left breast but the Right breast was removed instead, later on the same day the 78 year old patient who suffered from dementia was forced to have a second operation to remove the malignant left breast. Yesterday the doctor WHO cannot be named, who wrongly completed the admission form appeared before the Medical Tribunal facing a complaint of unsatisfactory professional conduct. And so it goes on, just one big wobbly merry go round. It is probably the last you will hear about it.

AUSTRALIAN MATERNITY HOSPITAL THROWS BABY AWAY. ARE YOU KIDDING ? "No- I'm afraid it's true"

The distraught parents of the stillborn baby girl are bracing themselves for the worst possible news-Their Baby Daughter was thrown away, the hospital admin say's it was a tragic mistake. The 33 year old mother from western Sydney gave birth enroute by ambulance to Blacktown Mat/Hospital, nine days later the mother was informed that her stillborn baby named Angelina had 'Gone Missing'. Western Sydney health area chief exec Stephen Boyages states the expected conclusion is the baby was disposed of by tragic circumstances and unreservedly apologises to the distressed parents The family said they had come to terms with the death of their daughter, but could never recover from the loss of baby Angelina's body; described by the hospital as a 'systems error' when the hospital staff knew the baby was missing five days after the birth and kept the info from the parents for a further three days. Professor Boyages said if the finding is that baby angelina was thrown away

PILL POPPING PRONE BLOGGERS PARADE THEIR PROGESTOGEN AND OTHER PRESCRIPTION PILLS

Wandering around the blogs it is hard to avoid posts which continually make their aches and pains the main talking point, like what pills to take and not take and how many when and where. I am aware out there people are suffering some form of malady or illness; but why keep on harping about it,it becomes commonplace and boring after a while like the proverbial pain in the ass. Our weekend trip away down the south coast of NSW OZ TRAYER was predictably uneventful, we did that which was expected of us to do, drive 650 klms or 455miles there and back have grease burgers at MAC FRIES and inspect number two sons partially built 35sq 4 b/r house on a five acre plot while the 50 knot wind from Antarctica froze my nuts. Friday and Sat the few hours we spent in the local club was a break from not catching any fish, but nearest and dearest and I performed on the dance floor to an everything goes type of music played non stop for three hours, oh and the meal in the club for us was chish & fip