The Unhappy People.

They're not happy in Gaza . They're not happy in Egypt .... They're not happy in Libya ... They're not happy in Morocco .... They're not happy in Iran . They're not happy in Iraq .. They're not happy in Yemen .... They're not happy in Afghanistan ..... They're not happy in Pakistan ... They're not happy in Syria .... They're not happy in Lebanon ... SO, WHERE ARE THEY HAPPY? They're happy in Australia .... They're happy in Canada .. They're happy in England .. They're happy in France ... They're happy in Italy ... They're happy in Germany ... They're happy in Sweden ... They're happy in the USA .. They're happy in Norway ... They're happy in Holland ... They're happy in Denmark ... Basically, they're happy in every country that is not Muslim and unhappy in every country that is! AND WHO DO THEY BLAME? Not Islam. Not their leadership. Not themselves. THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN! AND THEN- They want to change those countries to be like, THE COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM WHERE THEY WERE UNHAPPY! Excuse me, but I can't help wondering... How damn dumb can you get? Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence: - No Christmas - No television - No nude women - No football - No pork chops - No hot dogs - No burgers - No beer - No bacon - Rags for clothes - Towels for hats - Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower - More than one wife - More than one mother-in-law - You can't shave - Your wife can't shave - You can't wash off the smell of donkeys - You cook over burning camel shit - Your wife is picked by someone else for you - and your wife smells worse than your donkey - Then they tell them that "when they die, it all gets better"??? Well No Shit Sherlock!.... It's not like it could get much worse!

Passwords

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

Appendage Health Problems.

Last Thursday AM I fronted up to one of our Local GP's, I am not sure of his name, However his appearance suggested he would have Knowledge of the 'Golden Temple of Amritsar.He listened attentively, weighed me and took my Blood pressure reading, I was then given a prescription of Meds to cover one week and was told to return in one week with a sample of urine. I had arrived that morning with a sample of urine taken on rising from bed at 7am, and informed said doctor of my predicament, Meaning My appendage was sore and had been peeing blood and other odd bits and pieces overnight, despite the sample showing otherwise. I asked the said GP to arrange a referral for the Specialist who has the history of my past problems concerning this matter.as this info was given to me by the specialist's Secretary whom I had phoned earlier that morning, to pass on to my GP. Over the past week signs of blood and other tiddly bits were frequently seen in my wee wee although the past two days seemed normal despite the continued soreness. This morning I again phoned the Specialist's Secretary who listened attentively and told me to get that elusive 'Referral Also she told me I had an appointment to see the specialist Dec 1. This morning I phoned the local Doctors office his secretary has arranged an appointment in four days time. My doctors office/ surg, is three mins walk away or 35 seconds by car, Shortly a note and sample will be delivered by hand to said place of healing. The only humour to creep out in this lot of twaddle was the remark by said doc last Thursday being, "Have you been seeing any women lately" Only my dear lady of 80 years and my self being 88 so it is HARDLY likely. 'The best is yet to be'...Vest Aus 2nd class, No G C, back soon. Spell check out again.

Last Thursday AM I fronted up to one of our Local GP's, I am not sure of his name, However his appearance suggested he would have Knowledge of the 'Golden Temple of Amritsar.He listened attentively, weighed me and took my Blood pressure reading I was then given a prescription of Meds to cover one week and was told to return in one week with a sample of urine. I had arrived that morning with a sample of urine taken on rising from bed at 7am, and informed said doctor of my predicament, Meaning My appendage was sore and had been peeing blood and other odd bits and pieces overnight, despite the sample showing otherwise. I asked the said GP to arrange a referral for the Specialist who has the history of my past problems concerning this matter.as this info was given to me by the specialist's Secretary whom I had phoned earlier that morning, to pass on to my GP. Over the past week signs of blood and other tiddly bit were frequently seen in my wee wee although the past two days seemed normal. This morning I again phoned the Specialist's Secretary who listened attentively and told me to get that elusive 'Referral Also she told me I had an appointment to see the specialist Dec 1. This morning I phoned the Doctors office his secretary has arranged an appointment in four days time. My doctors office/ surg, is three mins walk away or 35 seconds by car, Shortly a note and sample will be delivered by hand to said place of healing. The only humour to creep out in this lot of twaddle was the remark by said doc last Thursday being, "Have you been seeing any women lately" Only my dear lady of 80 years and my self being 88 so it is HARDLY likely. 'The best is yet to be'...Vest back soon.

Health Issues and Staying alive over the Weekend.

Last Thursday AM I fronted up to one of our Local GP's, I am not sure of his name, However his appearance suggested he would have Knowledge of the 'Golden Temple of Amritser'.He listened attentively, weighed me and took my Blood pressure reading I was then given a prescription of Meds to cover one week and was told to return in one week with a sample of urine. I had arrived that morning with a sample of urine taken on rising from bed at 7am, and informed said doctor of my predicament, Meaning My appendage was sore and had been peeing blood and other odd bits and pieces overnight, despite the sample showing otherwise. I asked the said GP to arrange a refferal for the Specialist who has the history of my past problems concerning this matter.as this info was given to me by the specialist's Secretary whom I had phoned earlier that morning, to pass on to my GP. Over the past week signs of blood and other tiddly bit were frequently seen in my wee wee although the past two days seemed normal. This morning I again phoned the Specialist's Secretary who listened attentively and told me to get that elusive 'Refferal' Also she told me I had an appointment to see the specialist Dec 1. This morning I phoned the Doctors office his secretary has arranged an appointmentin fourdays time. My doctors office/ surg, is three mins walk away or 35 seconds by car, Shortly a note and sample will be delivered by hand to said place of healing. The only humour to creep out in this lot of twaddle was the remark by said doc last Thursday being, "Have you been seeing any women lately" Only my dear lady of 80 years and my self being 88 so it is HARDLY likeley. 'The best is yet to be'...Vest back soon.

Jokes.

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. · A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." · "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." · "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr · "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill · "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow · "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). · "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas · "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain · "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde · "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill · "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. · "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop · "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright · "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb · "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson · "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating · "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand · "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker · "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain · "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West · "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde · "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) · "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder · "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Will English go to the Dargs?.

Watching Modern American Movies( Films)Can become frustrating to say the least when the dialogue becomes undecipherable. It seems most of these overpaid American clowns need what is called tuition in Proper English which is what other countries other than Americans use in order to get it right first time. It seems an American movie (film) relies on the draw card of disorientated but well known actors who usually part company with life with the assistance of booze and drugs,the need for them to be understood is minimal by the retarded people who watch some of this crap which is overwhelmed by 'Bang Clang' so called music or sound renditions, Which on even half volume is calculated to turn people permanently deaf. I Read a post recently where the person was saying his friend bob had got a new job as a cop dog handler in the local fort Translated verbally into American reads... Barb had gotten a new jarb as a carp darg handler at the Fart. American English is just so past tense. I would like to point to the creeping Americanisation of our English Language. The past tense of 'dive' is not 'dove' Dove Is a noun, it is also a Bird,or a brand name for a soap product. Among the worst 'in print' sentences I have read for many years, 'He dove, and panicked and freaked out, and came and gotten the wave. Come on, wake up and ensure that our language remains English, Or even an Australian Type of English. And before I get pilloried for my own bad English sort your own out if you wish to reply to this post, few of us are perfect. May you all have the strength and courage to change the things you can; and know the difference.. Vest.... back soon.

My name is Paul Weston, and I am a racist

A glimmer of hope.....Post 1258.

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about whatI have seen in America."The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?" The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is ... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis Or any From Bangladesh, Malaysia, Or the seven other Stans or Indonesia on Star Trek." The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."