Words On Wednesday

                                                 The words for this Wednesday are as follows.

              Haircut. Speculate. Dangling. Molluscs. Crinolines. Couches. ( Plus Knickers.).Hmm.

                                            The Wedding of the year.

It was the year of 1597 Midst that of Billy Shakespeares lifetime fraught with mystery witchery and ignorance plus religious bigotry and burnings at the stake but the common denominator was ignorance among those who dwelt in the village of little Snorewood. where the first wedding of the year was soon to be.

The Wedding  had people agog with excitement and having only recently emerged from their winter
 looking like hair scratching humpbacked Morlocks were busy bathing in the village brook and having their bi-annual*haircut which made it a little easier to identify each other.

The term organisation was unheard of so *speculation as to how the day would proceed was anyone's guess.  although the occasional appearance of the local Squire and one or two of his mistresses dressed in *crinolines and he like a dandy for that is what he was so to speak being known as Desmond the dainty who had been blessed with peculiar marital habits.

A substantial feast of hot rabbit stew also boiled crayfish and mussels like *molluscs from the brook washed down with gallons of mead and rye bread was being prepared by the more-intellectual matrons of the village where trestle tables were being erected and satin *couches provided for dainty Desmond's dollies.

The Bride to be was Elsie Wurzel Picker, the maidservant of the Reverand Nutgrove, who unbeknown to most was the father of Elsie Wurzel Pickers unborn child. Although the bridegroom.
Bert the Barmy, The illegitimate son of the widow Mrs  Parsnip and the village Molecatcher, Well and gravedigger; Silas shovelhead, was unaware he had been Cuckooed by the Vicar prior to himself frolicking in the nest with Elsie Wurzel Picker and most likely as well all of all those who wore trousers in the village

The Bells of the Quaint Norman era Church Suffering roof decay. St Alfred the Simple Showered dust and grime on the assembled parishioners as Elsie Picker swayed up the aisle her veil hiding her
 anguish the earth floor soaking up the trail she was leaving, when suddenly before the startled assembly she dropped to the floor and gave birth to her child who had decided it was a good time  to enter the world. prematurely and much to the horror of all had the similar countenance as that of the Vicar. "Gadzooks" was the simultaneous cry  From the Choirmaster and the bridegroom Bert the Barmy who drew his Sword seeing the child was from the loins of the Vicar. who fled in haste to the Crypt. But hardly an hour would pass when irate villagers had the vicar *dangling and roasting while burning at the stake on the village green. And were singing the ancient song "O dear what can the matter be"

   Oh dear what can the matter be, two young ladies, locked in the Lavatory
They were there from morning to late in the day
and nobody knew they were there.
The first young lady was Miss Gertrude Plumtree who merely went in to make herself comfy
She tried to leave but couldn't get her Bumfree, Nobody knew she was there.
The other young lady was Miss Elsie Picker who simply went in to fasten her *knickers
Who thought she was Quick, 'But the Vicar was Quicker- and nobody knew she was there
Chorus followed unending until the inebriated revellers departed in the evening to their hovels when the creatures of the night joined the dogs of the village to feast upon the remains of the well cooked Vicar. AMEN.

Vest Daily Gaggle(C)


A slightly different version of 'Dear, dear what can the matter be' than the one I know - but still fun. As is the rest of your tale.
Vest said…
EC, Thank you lover of my insane medieval scriptures.
Vest said…
Chris Thank you for your reply It has helped to fill in the gaps of absenteeism.
Anonymous said…
This story has been condensed from a historical time and the subjects therein plausible It is obviously meant to be seriously funny and it is although the song did not help. good thinking from the writer. 8 out of ten. Larry B.
Vest said…
EC. I did my best to keep it palatable for all. There are several versions; the Naval version not at all printable.
Vest said…
Anonymous. Or should I say Anothermouse who is scared to leave a name? My score was !! out of 10.
Most of the men and women in public don't care any more which words they are, apart from a feeble hankering after the seemingly stylish. The concept of finding the right words, which used to be a strong influence on that of finding a good word, is being lost. How such people keep awake when they write is beyond me.
Malcolm. said…
Hello Les,
Although I don’t contact very much, I am still thinking of you all , and enjoy getting your messages. June has been quite poorly for the last year, and spent quite a lot of time in hospital, but things are improving slowly now.
I hope all is going well with you.
Love from ,
Malcolm & June
Vest said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elsie Hanlin. said…
It seems Elsie Picker might have done well to marry a couple of months earlier so as not to spoil the wedding with both a birth and a death.
Vest said…
Elsie. Being wise after the event rarely if ever will solve the problem, Thanks for visiting; did your bus break down?.
Lee said…
To reiterate my response on EC's blog to your use of the words....

"You're a wild man, Vest! :)

Well done...I love your story! I was going to say "tale"....but that could possibly lead to some misunderstanding!! :)"
Vest said…
Lee . Dare I say it? Yes, I can; I Love your response.
messymimi said…
Gracious, what a tale! If things were like that in the Bard’s day, no wonder he wrote so well, no shortage of material.
Vest said…
Messymimi I would doubt if Will S. would write stuff like mine being it would be commonplace and Mundane. :)

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