The words for this Wednesday are as follows.
Haircut. Speculate. Dangling. Molluscs. Crinolines. Couches. ( Plus Knickers.).Hmm.
The Wedding of the year.
It was the year of 1597 Midst that of Billy Shakespeares lifetime fraught with mystery witchery and ignorance plus religious bigotry and burnings at the stake but the common denominator was ignorance among those who dwelt in the village of little Snorewood. where the first wedding of the year was soon to be.
The Wedding had people agog with excitement and having only recently emerged from their winter
looking like hair scratching humpbacked Morlocks were busy bathing in the village brook and having their bi-annual*haircut which made it a little easier to identify each other.
The term organisation was unheard of so *speculation as to how the day would proceed was anyone's guess. although the occasional appearance of the local Squire and one or two of his mistresses dressed in *crinolines and he like a dandy for that is what he was so to speak being known as Desmond the dainty who had been blessed with peculiar marital habits.
A substantial feast of hot rabbit stew also boiled crayfish and mussels like *molluscs from the brook washed down with gallons of mead and rye bread was being prepared by the more-intellectual matrons of the village where trestle tables were being erected and satin *couches provided for dainty Desmond's dollies.
The Bride to be was Elsie Wurzel Picker, the maidservant of the Reverand Nutgrove, who unbeknown to most was the father of Elsie Wurzel Pickers unborn child. Although the bridegroom.
Bert the Barmy, The illegitimate son of the widow Mrs Parsnip and the village Molecatcher, Well and gravedigger; Silas shovelhead, was unaware he had been Cuckooed by the Vicar prior to himself frolicking in the nest with Elsie Wurzel Picker and most likely as well all of all those who wore trousers in the village
The Bells of the Quaint Norman era Church Suffering roof decay. St Alfred the Simple Showered dust and grime on the assembled parishioners as Elsie Picker swayed up the aisle her veil hiding her
anguish the earth floor soaking up the trail she was leaving, when suddenly before the startled assembly she dropped to the floor and gave birth to her child who had decided it was a good time to enter the world. prematurely and much to the horror of all had the similar countenance as that of the Vicar. "Gadzooks" was the simultaneous cry From the Choirmaster and the bridegroom Bert the Barmy who drew his Sword seeing the child was from the loins of the Vicar. who fled in haste to the Crypt. But hardly an hour would pass when irate villagers had the vicar *dangling and roasting while burning at the stake on the village green. And were singing the ancient song "O dear what can the matter be"
Oh dear what can the matter be, two young ladies, locked in the Lavatory
They were there from morning to late in the day
and nobody knew they were there.
The first young lady was Miss Gertrude Plumtree who merely went in to make herself comfy
She tried to leave but couldn't get her Bumfree, Nobody knew she was there.
The other young lady was Miss Elsie Picker who simply went in to fasten her *knickers
Who thought she was Quick, 'But the Vicar was Quicker- and nobody knew she was there
Chorus followed unending until the inebriated revellers departed in the evening to their hovels when the creatures of the night joined the dogs of the village to feast upon the remains of the well cooked Vicar. AMEN.
Vest Daily Gaggle(C)
To advise that Vest (Les Bowyer) passed away this morning. Regards, Chris (Son).
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