Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Now my winter of discontent, But hope springs eternal.

A Dreary start to the week was the West Indies beating England in the Twenty - 20. That Goof De loit who invented the reduced overs plan for teams batting last in the game of cricket in the event of rain reducing the game, needs a good shagging - particularly the Twenty 20 version when it becomes totally ridiculous when the same number of batters are available, even silly Jimmy with half a brain could work that one out. However the better team lost. Mind you, having an Aussie Umpire didn't help the cause, grumble-mumble-*#)@^#*^, ce n'est rien, sod it.

THE NSW Govt which controls a Quarter of The OZ population, is probably happy with the Nat/Aus Bank Muslim loan thingy(last post)And are now putting the bite on the yellow hordes of the North.
Billions of Bucks worth of Government designated goods and services will have to be Sourced from Real Dinky Di Aussie companies and a total ban on China Products is envisaged, thereby protecting Australian jobs. Main items will include Building contracts, Vehicles, uniforms, stationary and software. There is talk leaking from the halls of power that Indian call centres will shortly be given the chop.
Adding to this list in order to make local bids more competitive
a minimum of twenty per cent discount will be applied to Oz products when comparing with overseas bidders.
Kevin Rudd the Hand out king and PM of Oz will not be happy with this decision and his secret plan on strengthening ties with China may be stalled or go down the gurgler. Smart arsed Kevin's powers would be better put to good use by passing legislation to control greedy banks who are now gouging yet another interest hike., although personally this will help me more than those with mortgages and (Sharia Law Loans)
As I mentioned before it is a dreary day, cold damp and piddling down with rain, The temperature here is similar to that of England at this moment where the pundits predict Summer will be on a Thursday this year, and for reasons known only to a few close rello's (for the time being) I hope the calculations are out of kilter.
This Thursday coming will provide the litmus test for an envisaged project. The ten thirty AM visit to the heart doc the key, however I feel confident all will come good, nevertheless the major preps already underway will probably sway me from any thought of abandonment.
Having said that, Madame black belt shopper will hit the girly clobber outlets, prior to that a wallet refill will be necessary for our number 56 on Saturday, (Red Roses for Rosemary day). Last year I bought her a Lawn Mower, I expect I shall get a new dress and a handbag (No I'm not like that).
Cont.1052, After morning tea and a bikky a strange apparition appeared in the sky - it is called the Sun and it has ceased raining. Have a happy day, I'll be back later.

30 comments:

Jimmy said...

put pics
a pic is more than 1000 words
and my eyesight is failing

Keshi said...

hey Vesty SUN is def a strange apparition that soothes the soul :) Well put!

I need ur honest opinion in my current post...not angelic interpretations ok lol! *HUGZ*

Keshi.

Vest said...

Jimmy you will get pics soon. A pic of jimmy in jail yelling "get me outta here".

Vest said...

Keshi: I posted a copy of an Email I sent to rellos regarding caring, concerning a rello: with delete when read not to be posted, it was knocked back due to size. Only the full script would make sense so it was aborted.

It would seem size does matter after all.
BTW, the size of a blokes hat is a good guide if he's bragging.

Jimmy said...

guys like VEST and WALLY with tiny winkle

have beeg CARS
fat WALLETS

and wear beeg HATS

Jimmy said...

am I right Rose?

Aggie said...

Happy No. 56 to you both. Enjoy.

Jimmy said...

me: pl tell biswas to mail me the schedule and my plane eticket
Chandrshekhar: I will tel hm.
Told
Sent at 11:04 AM on Wednesday


me: tanks love u kisses
Sent at 11:06 AM on Wednesday

Chandrshekhar: I accept divine love of platonic nature, sorry for kisses- I accept those only from fair n young ladies!!


me: SHIT
i been chatting with too many chicks
Chandrshekhar: Do they take those from an oldie like you?
me: I only go for OLD girls

Jimmy said...

betta to be Katies darling
than Keshis slave

rosemary said...

Poor Jimmy, you are not often right but you are wrong on this occasion too.
My Hubby had several nick names such as charlie colonel sausage and no doubt a few others from subordinates, but I was greatly impressed by donk which I discovered later to be superior to sausage.

Thanks Aggie for being the first for congrats.
Unlike this modern era none of our children witnessed our nuptials, a great excuse for not remembering to send a card.

chris said...

Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place:

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.

Third Place :

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?

Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill ?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer ?'

'Oh, Bill , you didn't' s he exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill , what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill . I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

Jimmy said...

A woman's duty is not only
to have the sex, she doesn't really want, but to enjoy it
Germaine Greer

Ever since Queen Victoria died, men have been trying to tame the female orgasm. As long ago as 1913 Alfred Adler published his conclusion that 80 per cent of women were sexually non-responsive.

In those days they would have been called frigid; these days we say they suffer from female sexual dysfunction (FSD).

Jimmy said...

Generations of sex manuals have endeavoured to teach husbands to reduce their wives to gibbering ecstasy, to no avail.

In 1975 Kinsey reckoned that 75 per cent of women did not often reach orgasm through conventional intercourse.

The Holy Grail of sexual chivalry was the multiple orgasm;

the only good orgasm was the vaginal orgasm,
which turned out to be more like the snark,

because nobody could prove it existed.

Jimmy said...

Men were urged to make love more creatively,
varying positions and using instruments, pornography, roleplay and various pharmaceutical products,
from Spanish Fly to yohimbine,
to heighten women’s arousal.

Jimmy said...

A woman’s orgasm came to be more eagerly sought by a lover than his own.

The harder men tried, the more pressure women felt to produce the requisite moans so they could both get some sleep.

Faking it became a necessary part of sexual etiquette.


Part of the sexologists’ problem in quantifying female sexual response is that they were looking for the same intense, short-lived and localised orgasm as could be observed in men.

We now know that the clitoris is not a magic button but the summit of a dense network of neural pathways linking it to the organs.

We know better than to belittle the clitoral orgasm,

but we also know that the point of travelling is not necessarily to arrive.

In love-making sleeping in each other’s arms is at least as important as the orgasm, especially if it is to be followed in short order by detumescence,
back-t urning and snoring.

As the late Peggy Lee unforgettably sang,

“Is that all there is, my friends?
Let’s keep dancing.”



- I am MAD, as in CRAZY

Jimmy said...

Right Rose?

Andrew B, ims@unwired said...

June 17, 2009
Fantastic story. Thanks for that.
Though I gave formatted the text int paragraphs and a decent layout,
for easier readability. (and a few minor corrections) before I forward it on.

I read just the day before about the NAB trialling 'Sharia Law' Loans,
Apparently the loans will also be available to non-Muslims.

Keep up the fantastic work (IMS)

Vest said...

Thank you Jimmy for the sex instructions, It is a learning process from the start to the distance one intends to go. As for hubby and yours truly we have done the complete curriculum several times over, Rosemary, Daily Gaggle.

Andrew B, ims unwired, I see you are still up to your correction tricks, editing my posts prior to forwarding on to others.
Andrew, It is important to know that bloggers have their own particular style for the written word, typo's are ok as are mispelt words, obscure definitions, and I once had a bible puncher criticising my sentence structure. I referred him to the Bible, book of psalms and christian book of prayer plus christian hymn books, and if he was supposedly intelligent (like Einstein) he would not be looking in that direction. VEST

Steve Coleman. said...

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is my birthday, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Please help me?
Sincerely, Edna

The postal clerk was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
A few days later, another letter came addressed to God and in the same hand. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the
post office.
Sincerely,
Edna

wally said...

hi vesty, iv'e been busy owing to all this rain in sydney unblocking drains full of rubbish, earned a bit more , next year fully qualified. The banks dont give many loans to outback fellas and they are real aussies. it is true some have burnt there floor boards instead of looking for wood in the bush, what is this thing happenning soon.

Jimmy said...

Wally the tiny winkle is a @#$%#$@$ ^%$#

Vest said...

Wally: Can't say yet sport but I am trotting down to the big city tomorrow to iron out problems relating to this project, I am hoping all will be well by tomorrow.
BTW it is not a health problem.

Rosemary said...

Wally: Our friend Jimmy is off again on one of his bad turns.

Jimmy: On behalf of all bloggers I send this sincere message.
"GET WELL SOON".

Jimmy said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jimmy said...

it is not I who is unwell Rose

tommorow I am on a 10 day tour to Shillong on the hills

where the sun rises at 530 AM
and sets at 530 PM

the girls (young and old) are ROSY cheeked

(I will be thinking of u)


all paid for by my client

while u guys are in RECESSION
there is no RECESSION in INDIA

only the growth rate has been pegged down to 7% from the earlier estimate of 9%

Andrew B @imms said...

Wanted

A group of elementary school students were on a field trip to the local police station.
Several of the children were fascinated by the wanted posters on the wall.

Little Billy raised his hand and asked the police officer giving them the tour who the
people on the wall were.

“Those are pictures of criminals we are looking for,” answered the policeman. “We call those wanted posters.”.

Little Billy looked puzzled. His hand shot back up into the air.
“Well,” he wondered, “why didn’t you just keep them when you took their picture

Jimmy said...

I hear ppl say I LOVE my INDIA
EAST is EAST, WEST is WEST
but INDIA is BEST

when my cuntry men are hiding the dark side of my INDIA
u r walking down the FIGHTING SIDE of me


my CUNTRY, RIGHT or RONG
is not my CREED

wanna know about the SLUMDOGS in MUMBAI
how we treat IMMIGRANTS? from the NORTH
how we treat our WOMEN

read here

Keshi said...

lol @size of a bloke's hat!

Keshi.

Vest said...

At a cost of 240 dollars today, project PP E 31, starts on Sat July18, and ends August 18.you may Email me if you guess correctly, all correct guesses on this blog will be deleted for security reasons. This statement will be repeated in my next post soon.

Keshi: The lateral diameter of the Circumference of ones head (Hat Size) has long been the yardstick for that particular measurement. Some have said it varies up or down by some ten per cent. My hat size with a short haicut is a seven although my vanity has never stretched to the point to confirm this statistic, however I have never received a complaint suggesting the lower figure.

Anonymous.Willy.winkle. said...

Andrew B @imms. Vest should never let typo's and sub editors lackeys or you to get in the way of a good story, pull your head in.