Saturday, 20 June 2009

This applies to skinny chicks and porky ladies. Also Brussels Sprouts.

And I suppose blokes too might give it some thought.
Forget busty Pamela Anderson and scrawny Stick insect Paris Hilton Most blokes would prefer a Miss Average. The size 12 to 14 figure being the most sought after by men The most attractive woman is aged between 25 and 44, about 165cm or 5ft 6ins tall, with 40 inch hips and 30 inch waist, so skinnies beware of being the ugliest of all unless you come into the jumbo size bracket and wearing size 30 red flannel bloomers with galvanized gussets. Mind you it does help enormously if you dress to suit your body details. A while back a cocky young wench told me she had made the dress she was wearing, I told "I can see you have you must be very poor".
Then again this study on obesity I have been reading indicated that chubby people with a few love handles may help a person live longer and the bad news is; thinner people have the shortest life expectancy.

So professional Rolex clad blokes and other bad sorts of all ages still believe the Charm of the Merc or Lexus is enough to win a feminine heart, In a minority of cases such as sheer desperation, poverty, or gold digging yes, however the vast majority of ladies have different thoughts on this matter.
Men save your money, you don't need a car if you are a good looking Adonis your looks will divert the attention of that fair of face, delicious full bodied hour glass figure (12-14)away from cars whilst her red corpuscles are running hot and screaming for your attention.
In the wash up the good looking under twenty five guy in his hotted up Holden Ute. would fare better in the selection stakes than Mister cravat wearing middle life crises in his classic MG Roadster. In fact the vehicle would be viewed more favourably if were empty.

Where better to store them?

Dunny Scribes and their viewers will remember the main slogan daubed on many a insanitary S^#*t house wall.
"No need to stand upon the seat, the crabs in here jump fifteen feet"

A Sydney fish market that stored Crabs in a toilet cubicle is among the NSW Govt's name and shame list. Jemes fish market in Liverpool rd Ashfield was hit with two fines of $660.
Can you imagine the carnage to ones nether regions should those two species have mutated.

Something from my favourite whipping post the Brit Royal Navy.

Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sprouts off the menu on HMS Bulwark.
Reports coming in this morning indicate that, Captain Keble, RN, Commanding Officer of the assault ship HMS Bulwark has banned Brussels Sprouts from the ship's menu, believing them to be "the devil's vegetable". Now here is a selfish bastard if there ever was.
I would not agree with Captain Keble on this as I love sprouts but they must be cooked properly, just on the soft side of crisp, with scraps of cooked smoked bacon mixed in with them.
Modern day sailors are softie's compared to the WW2 sailors of the British Pacific fleet at sea for three months at a time with logistical support but living rough and feeding on dehydrated veggies,I am certain we would have welcomed Brussels Sprouts instead of the mystic miscellaneous ingredients of Sakashima pie with added weevils, served up at our action stations. Our only entertainment was the daily visits from the Japanese Air force Kamikaze acrobatic teams, Yes teams, never saw the same guys twice, they didn't have return tickets.( Commodore Bill Kelly, KGV Assoc U/K, how do you like your sprouts old mate)

Rosemary and I, (sounds like a forthcoming royal speech) Had a enjoyable evening at the Club where a 60's type band played music we were able to tolerate and move our legs to, yes we have still got it in the Hop dept, more so than some two left leg couples,. Mrs nice person as most would describe Rosemary-looked even more beautiful Its wonderful what diffused lighting and a couple of JWs can do. I have just had breakfast sitting at this computer, writing this twaddle. I must now move and get some exercise. See you later, have a happy day vest.




June 19, 2009 6:00 PM

22 comments:

Aggie said...

Glad you and Rosemary are still up to tripping the light fantastic. I won't go on to mention that for the ladies (fair turn about) size DOES matter in certain depts. Lol!
Have a fun week.

Andrew B @ ims said...

GOTO Blog
(As you may be aware I have known Roger, his family, Brother and
parents for more than 35 years, so cannot comment anything to you.
But If you want to read the blog, follow the link above.

FORMER NSW detective Roger Rogerson will be blogging on Tuesday at 1pm
to discuss the final episode of the Nine Network’s Underbelly TV crime
series. Send him your questions now.


IMS

Vest said...

Andrew: not sure how that Geezer detective Rogerson fits into the thread of this post. Ah 'Got it" the last para where the shithouse crabs were mentioned. Anyhow, I am not intent on degrading his tribe but his mother gave birth to a snake named Roger Rogerson whose exploits during his foul career would overflow the Cairo Sewerage system, I cannot be kinder to him than that, but given an opportunity I would relish the opportunity to give him a kick in the nuts. Please Andrew dont waste my valuable time by even drawing my attention to that major asshole.

Gordon said...

Gee vesty mate youv'e got lots of zip for 7 30 in the morning and you got it just about right about that C836t rogerson.

Vest said...

Thankyou Gordon.

Andrew B: As you requested, I popped over to Det Rogerson's blog. and gave him a serve which probably will not pass the moderater.

lower deck lawyer. said...

I suppose there have been worse people than disgraced ex detective Roger Rogerson but not too many.
Your posts are getting funnier,or is it me? Mike.

A B@ims said...

39 Cents of Understanding

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.

He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing
it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.
He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck,
"these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change
and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents.
Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle, "Here, Dolly!" he called.
ut from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by
four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence.
His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed
something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller.
Down the ramp it slid.
Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began
hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up.

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said:
"Son, you don't want that puppy.
He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down,
and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both
sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said,

"You see sir, I don't run too well myself,
and he will need someone who understands."
IMS

kate...fb. said...

Hi vesty, I liked that bit about crabs on the dunny seat.
Btw I'm 24 and a size 12 and I'm 168cm tall about 65 kilos. not bad what do you think, luvs ya, kate XXX.

Vest said...

Hi very desirable Kate. You failed to tell me you are brunette, and have a tattoo locacated 15 cm below your belly button which reads,
"You are about to get Lucky".X.

Kate is a local lady.

Keshi said...

u r so funny Vesty!

**scrawny Stick insect Paris Hilton

LOL @insect!


**The most attractive woman is aged between 25 and 44, about 165cm or 5ft 6ins tall, with 40 inch hips and 30 inch waist,

Did ya just give a description of KESHI there? LOL Im so vain, I know!


Jokes apart, I agree...a woman should look like a WOMAN..not like some desperate adult stuck in a underdeveloped teenager's body!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

And kudos to ya and Rose! ;-)

Keshi.

Kate...fb said...

Vesty you are very naughty , you know I havent.X

Vest said...

Kate: It just got worse. You telling me that, I knew you hadn't.

Wally. said...

I dun fink kate is brunette vesty..
Is sheas good as she seems.

I agree that failed cop det rogerson is a nasty bastard.

Rosemary said...

Kate - Mr Wishful thinking is getting playful.

Andrew B,@ims said...

Golfing in Heaven

Three golfers, Jesus, Moses and an old man, get to the 18th tee.
It’s all tied. All three have the same score.
Jesus’
second shot goes into the water and lands on a rock. He walks on the water out to the ball and hits it within a foot of the hole.
Moses` second shot also goes into the water and sinks.
He parts the water and then hits his ball within a foot of the hole.
The old man also hits his second shot into the water, but it lands on a water lilly. A frog comes out of the water and takes the ball. Just then a bird swoops down and grabs the frog and carries him, with the ball, right over the 18th hole where the frog drops the ball right into the cup.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I really hate playing with your Dad.”

Vest said...

Keshi: I should know about your dimensions, despite it being only a dream in that romantic story.X
Love to the kids.

lower deck lawyer. said...

Vest. Read your email sent early this morn re ims. who does that prick think he is , Gods gift to the nation?
Then he states he hopes this doesn't stir the can and does exactly that. Mike.

EMMA (Toukley) said...

Mr Vest, I read the email my friend Kate received as she is away.
Must say Andrew b@ims is up himself and rude to the extreme.
Full of contradictory statements and sounds like a real 'Mama's Boy'. I think you are a real sweety, Emma xoxox.

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