Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Ok you Skinnies. here is your chance to become Obese like your Fat Friends.

Ok you Skinnies. Here's your chance to become Obese like your fat friends

I expect you remember the standard make up of the school kid gangs, one tall, three average size and one fat boy with spectacles. During recent years the order of things have changed to three four eyed fatties a stunted ginger head skinny.and a very fat girl, who is usually called tweety or laura for some odd reason.
So if you are a skinny and wish to move outwards to the fat trendy status, here is the best way to start.
In the School Canteen or in the lunch box mummy has prepared for you is the catalyst for expansion and the means to short circuit your life span. Start right now consuming heaps of Trans Fats which is found in a variety of foodstuffs notably those in a list shortly to follow, this will get you a proud pork belly in little or no time. Why? Because this crap you eat tastes delicious and is addictive because of that.
Mothers, whack some in your child's lunch pack, your skinny kid will love it and become a fat and happy rotund little blob in the wink of an eye.
Trans Fats are a deadly poison found on most supermarket shelves, even small doses are harmful, Trans fats are made synthetically in a process called Hydrogenisation. The changed fats extend the shelf life of cooking oil and improves the appearance and texture of baked food such as scones, muffins and cakes .
If a total ban is imposed, major food outlets will feel the impact most, also the fast food chain stores like McDonald's , KFC, Wendy's and Dunkin' Donuts.
So mums and dads keep your eyes peeled for this trans fats thingy if you want to stay thin, look for items which display the sign 'No Trans Fats, anything else has usually got this Trans fat crap. These are a few items you could avoid like the plague.

Margarine spreads and shortening.
Deep Fried Foods.
Frozen foods, including sweet pastries, sausage rolls, pies and fish fingers.
Pastries, donuts, muffins and cakes.
Biscuits, cookies and instant noodles.
Crackers, chips and crisps.
Confectionery,lollies-Candy and Chocolate, cereal bars and slices.
Cake mixes, dips, sauces and Chocolate spreads.

Ignore this warning and you may become only useful as a professional Santa Claus or a fat Tweety or Laura Claus.

Dedicated to two Fat Yankee Broads, Laura Widebeam and Tweety Fantail-Stern.

Click here for more info. http://www.choice.com.

41 comments:

Jimmy said...

I was always skinny
I need to put on weight

my gf weighs 3 times as much as me

Vest said...

Yesterday I was sat on a seat facing a Red Lea Chicken outlet which sold Chips (Fries) I had the smallest pack which was being shared with Rosemary. When.
I'll call her big Bertha sat on our seat taking up half with a overhang on the end, the seat is 6Feet long. This buxom wench gobbled her king sized pack of fries and got up for another half sized pack as we finished ours.

speaking hindi said...

Australin government denys entry of Tata Nano Indias cheap car which is very very affordable for poorer australiers. are they nuts?

Vest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vest said...

S H: India's rust bucket car the cheap and nasty Tata Nano is about as popular as the extinct Russian car the Lada Samara and the cheap and nasty Chinese Great wall death traps now on sale in Oz to unwary buyers. These are apparently made from recycled rickshaws.
These cars have failed most compulsary safety tests. only a complete nutter would buy one simply for its cheapness.

Jimmy said...

Correction
NANO has passed all the latest tests and is clean and fuel efficient

Jimmy said...

it does not give out unburnt methane gas as do Wally and Vest

Jimmy said...

and some times ROSE mary too

Vest said...

Jimmy; That may be the case for India - but its resemblance to a recycled 1959 Ford Dagenham dustbin, would deter even the shonkiest backyard dealer in Strayer mate.

Gordon the baker said...

Hey jimmy lad. you dirt poor Asians should stick to walking or riding bikes. think of the pollution you'd make. already adding to the stink of india's sewage problems.
we dont employ them in my workplace, boss say's you dont know if their hands are clean.

Thomas said...

u hate indians buddy?

Vest said...

Hello Thomas or should I say Jimmy.

I never hate but have variable likes and dislikes. it would appear you broach the subject of R H more often with your own brand of poking fun at your former masters.

Debbie. U/K. said...

Thank you for your recent update, sorry to hear you and Auntie Rose are having to have hospital tests, I hope all goes well with both of you. Thank you also for your lovely words regarding my scan results, I was very touched and send lots of love back to you both.
The weather here is still cold, but not as bad as it was, however it is very unsettled and I believe temperatures are due to plummet again soon :(
Dad is well, keeping busy as always. George Stanley, our grandson will be 8 next week, where does the time go eh! He is going to have an Indianna Jones themed party, as he is his favourite character at the moment.......too old for Thomas The Tank engine now lol!!! Both granddaughters have started dance classes, Daisy is learning hip hop and Tia, street dance!
Everyone else is fine, no real news to tell you, so I will close for now,
Take care
Deb xxxx

Jimmy said...

doubting Tommy is not me

Jimmy said...

u ass

Jimmy said...

dont think so
u r both one man woman
and one woman man

if u dont count the chickens and the goats and the other farm animals

no animal is safe on VESTs farm

Anonymous said...

Egg Heads Fail Dismally. Also Phonetics her Weakest link.

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

Vest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vest said...

Vest said...
I'll bet my shack to a brass razoo that Anon is none other than Andrew Burt.
Has time healed the pain and discomfort you suffered from my rebuke? If so it would be a one off. Many former blogging contacts in Nth America have yet to come to terms with my admonishments. Particularly the 'Gun Lovers' Of America.

Andrew : We now travel faster than ever in this philological age, everyone studies languages: that is, everyone who is fit for nothing else. BTW, all grammars leak.

My past American bloggers with tail between your hind legs:
No one can be so calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans, who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute.

Vest said...

Jimmy; Wipe your mouth, there is still a bit of BULLSHIT sticking around your lips.

Christine said...

I've only just read this article, you are so right, when I was a mere slip of a girl there was one fat boy and one fat girl that I remember in my class, there was also an unfortunate girl that we used to call fleabag (there's one in every class), children can be so cruel.
These days, when we are constantly being warned of the increased health risks caused by obesity, misguided parents are killing their children with love. They don't intend to and we see TV programmes where the parents are in floods of tears when advised by dieticians that their children will die at a young age if they don't change their eating habits and get some exercise.
In my opinion many parents are either too busy or too bone idle to make the effort to cook a proper meal for the family, in many households there are no mealtimes or occasions where the family sit at the table together to eat.
Lets have more home cooking and less takaways and convenience foods, we may be a healthier society if we reverted to what I have heard quoted as war time food, an extreme description but I think we all get the idea

Jimmy said...

Christineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jimmy said...

alias Rosemary?

Vest said...

Jimmy you have it wrong again.
Christine lives in Dover England. Christine is the daughter of Rosemary's Sister Audrey (deceased).
Christine is Gorgeous, is also a real lady. Christine is also spoken for.
So watch it sport.

Jimmy said...

NOTHING IS final
IN MY BOOK

if u try hard enuff
u will succeed one day


my dad told me
he never been proved rong yet

Christine said...

There's always a first time Jimmy

Jimmy said...

thats what I want with u hunny

Jimmy said...

Sigghhhhhhh

Thomas said...

Hey Jimmy,

Vest seems to have cooled off.

Probably recuperating from the doctor's scalpel attack, which takes a toll on one's energy.

Time for a warmup?

Christine said...

Oh Jimmy, you're going to be so disappointed, as my dear Uncle has already pointed out, I am well and truly spoken for and you wouldn't want Big Steve to meet you at Heathrow. Don't break open the piggy bank just yet

Jimmy said...

Lady
I am beeger than Big Steve
where it counts

Jimmy said...

Rosemary is worried

Jimmy said...

the doc is short sighted
he may chop off the family jewels

Thomas said...

Hey Christine, and Jimmy,

Comm'n, how can we cheerup Vest. We need him back in action.

Jimmy, your comment reminds me of one of my professor's jokes.

There was once a bull(stud), happy servicing the whole lot of cows in the ranch. He would showoff by jumping over the fence. Once while jumping over the fence, the over-enthusiastic bull loses his vital tool. Dejected over his loss, and seeing the cows mourn over the loss of their lone stud; he gathers courage and declares, "So what, if I have lost my tool, I can be a Consultant."

Jimmy said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jimmy said...

my favorite quote

those who can
do
those who cannot
they teach

Jimmy said...

I found dis immenesely funny
I m a CONSULTANT
www.tqmc.com

Thomas said...

Hi Jimmy,

how are you? Vest seems to have vanished.

Jimmy said...

his family jewels not functioning normal

Jimmy said...

hihihihihi

Jimmy said...

Blimey
GOOGLE has cached this page VEST