Friday, 1 June 2007

The MALE version of Pub-Club and Public Toilet tendencies. You only flick it once or you'r Wanking.

Having read the previous sad tale relating to the female toilet bungling, I thought it to be only right and fair that the peculiarities of the Male rest room be unfolded to the ears of our Female readers, I will focus mainly on what I have perceived and not the here say of others.
Male toilets usually resume the same filthy state they were in an hour after the cleaners have gone. Hand drying paper litters the floor, fag ends in the pee trough mixed with the vomit of drunks and wash basins coated with miscellaneous crap.
My biggest gripe is with whom I call the 'Shy Boys', who regardless of whether anyone is within the the rest room or not; these thoughtless dickheads, needlessly use the Cubicles with 'Sit Down toilets', OK, its alright to use them for the purpose they were intended for 'The big job' or to sit down if you are blind or maybe if your wee willy winkle is embarrassingly small, but piddling all over the seats is totally selfish, sadly few complain until it is too late and we find ourselves caught short sitting on a pissed on seat. One smart guy informed
me his reason for not using the stand up trough was, "My mates get jealous and tread on mine", HARD! to believe; as most of the upstanding blokes at the peeing trough are usually discreet and avoid eye contact, and least of all glance down to observe the size of the sausage dangling from your piddling neighbours pants. then having finished pointing your Percy at the porcelain, it gets a quick flick to be rid of the last drip, flicking your feller more than once is eyed with suspicion.
But most guys know that, no matter how many times you flick it the last drop always goes down your trouser leg.

A Simple solution to assist in keeping the mens loos clean would be to install a notic on the outside of the cubicle, stating:

THIS TOILET IS TO BE USED ONLY BY THOSE MALE PERSONS WHO WISH TO SIT ON THIS TOILET.
Urinating in a standing position is forbidden. Please use the correct facilities.

10 comments:

JD's Rose said...

Laughing my ass off. Now I am going to have to go and read the other one. I hate pee on the seat.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

xxx

Anonymous said...

One would think with all this wit
that Shakespeare had been here to sit,

wally said...

anonymous-yes my friend
this cud be true - cos
shakspeare had an asshole too.

Anonymous said...

ah
the pleasures of peeing

i dont know why men are so fussy for flicking the last drop off

in the case of women as they have no hose pipe to guide the stream
it sprinkles all over

the smell of pee turns me on
in the early morning when i pee there are traces of semen in my pee
wasted seed

we had a Prime Minister who didnt drink whisky
but he was not averse to swigging his pee

he called it auto urine theraphy
science has testified that it works
it is good for your health

i suggest to Vest and all u guys out here that u drink the last drop instead of trying to flick it off

Morarji Desai the PM lived a long innings

He wrote a book too on the subject
i am being truthful here

i am not fibbing

Anonymous said...

if VEST frequents the local pub less frequently henceforth

u can guess what happened

Vest said...

So many anon calls, so this will have to suffice as a general reply to all comments.
Thank you poetry lovers, most of the Lavortorian ditties were known way back before morris dancing became vogue.
With regard to the suggestion that myself and others should find a greater degree of fortification by consuming a cup full of early morning dew from ye olde pork sword or chipolata if you are a dwarf; is damm disgusting.
Maybe that deceased Indian Prime Minister-Morarji Desai would have lived longer, but it would have been less enjoyable.
In NSW Australia we are experiencing high drought conditions and it is likely we shall have recycled water pumped into our service reservoirs, so keep your legs crossed and live in hope that it doesn't happen.

While on this subject, if you have a bible handy, flick to the book of Isaiah chapter 36 verse 12 in the old testament, quite an eye opener.
Everyone have a lovely day, Vest.

Anonymous said...

But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words?

hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?





Isaiah, Chapter 36, Verse 12

Vest said...

Thank you Anon bible owner for your biblical transcript,I coudn't remember the whole verse although the placement was indelible. Remembering excerpts from the H Bible is a thing I have and was created from having it beat into me by brutal bible bashing exponents of the Christian faith industry at the rotten school I attended. Incidently, my School number was 117 and the shortest psalm was 117 with 3 verses, quite easy to learn but now forgotten. However, student 119 would have had 176 verses to remember, just bad luck I guess.

Hugh said...

I don't mean to give too much away, but there are sometimes other reasons for someone to use the cubicles. To take illicit substances, for example. I'm yet to see anyone snort a line of the top of the trough, or, indeed, to even hear anyone contemplate doing so...

Vest said...

Hugh: You certainly havent given much away as you so put it. It seems your familiarity with the procedures for indulging in illicit harmful drugs together with the terms of usage, give me the impression that you consider it your God given right that public toilets are indeed the relevant venue for carrying out this sordid anti social activity. listen up sport, clubs and pubs and their facilities are meant to be used by normal leisure seeking people, not social misfits; bent on stuffing up other peoples lives.
Got it? Have a nice day.

BTW Your blog site is disfunctional too.

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