The Daily Gaggle

Vest, Yours truly was nineteen years of age on that day sixty four years ago when the test bomb exploded in the New Mexico desert. I do not recall any joyful activity on my part and the day was as meaningless as the continual visits from the 'One way Ticketed Divine Wind' Japanese Air force planes to the British Pacific Fleet. Mind you Uncle Sam's Boys were constantly visited being they were soft targets compared to the Brits. Its true, over a period of six months the yanks lost over forty ships, the Brit fleet of 70 ships lost none. The 'A' Bombs were responsible for preventing a possible hundred fold more lives should the conventional warfare had continued to the bitter end. However unlike some poor souls I am still here with most of my faculties and still able to remember. For you Muzzles out there, July 16 ad 622, the Muslim calendar began. And at 2100hrs BST on July 16 1969, Apollo 11 took off for the Moon. Also on July 16 1966, Simply lucky to make it through,...

Here is the safe bet for the week, Were English cricketers cheating? Daily Telegraph July 14 (Bastard day-sorry Bastille Day) Vote here. An evens bet would double your dosh, Of course a bunch of one eyed morons suffering from a bout of sour grapes would scream yes, then I was surprised to note the "No" vote also proved that not every cricket follower was as biased as the majority. In my opinion the the most dramatic part of the first test at Cardiff where the pitch resembled a Cow paddock, was the final hour. The look of utter confidence within the OZ team when the wickets tumbled and the final pair of Pommy no hopers in the batting sense were faced with the daunting task of saving the game. With sixty six balls to be bowled, the final pair did the unthinkable and batted for fifty minutes and saved the game, both not out at the end, maybe the result was due to the piss poor pedestrian bowling by the gaily prancing-cuddling over confident arrogant attitude of the team administ...

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ... To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 recently, so here is the column once more: 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry. 13. Don...

This is hilarious! There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!-- The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhap...

Of course it is easy for the likes of myself to blather on about staying at home taking it easy. Being a person with many options; mostly whether I do it or not, all depending on my state of mind at that particular time, a person in the workforce does not have this luxury and in most case's pulls a sickie if he hasn't already used them up to watch sporting activities. However this is mainly for those workaholics and sadly in some cases people totally dependent on being there or being fired. THE CASE We are currently being bombarded with television adverts encouraging us to take Codral Cold Tablets so that we can continue to go to work despite suffering from coughs, colds and even influenza. The implication is that by "soldiering on" you are being brave and conquering adversity, and that Codral Cold Tablets will help you win the war. In fact, you are being stupid and anti-social. As I have written before, "there is no evidence based research indicating that over t...

Bargain priced 'No Frills' cars and utes(pickups) Guaranteed to spend more time being repaired than being of practical use to the owner are now on sale in NSW OZ. Now you would expect these soon to be rust buckets to be significantly cheaper when compared to the trustworthy history of other models that Tradesmen and ute lovers have become accustomed to, well they 'ain't mate', they are just a nibbling bit off the the regular mob prices but that's where it ends and your maintenance cost on these piss poor Chinese chariots become more expensive to support than Paris Hilton with six kids. A duo of these utes are now in Oz, both of these inferior vehicles are lacking some of the most basic safety features which are mandatory in other vehicles made or allowed into Australia. It is a pity I'm forbidden to use the 'F' word to describe the pair of 'Great Wall' named utes of differing power packages. However, a tradesman hitting a wall in ether of the...

March 2009 Andrew B .The Perfection Fascist. Andrew B, I have known for close up to thirty years from his age of approx 40. Andrew reminds me of Rowan Atkinson a bit; plus a super nerd with an answer to the worlds problems at his finger tips, at times he can be flippant and angry at what most people would regard as sufficient information to make a point during discourse. Physically non violent, Andrew will remain my friend regardless of his recent outbursts. Andrew's most recent outburst in an Email received today follows that of his rebuke regarding a recent post in which I posted a 'Joke Poem' , submitted by my bean counting friend Graeme, in the post titled. WRIGLEYS CHEWING GUM 9 March 09, in which Andrew submitted the following stupid corrections. Vest said... Andrew: my right to reply, without further remarks, regarding your audacity to infer that my English is imperfect. It is something I am already aware of. The following Email was sent to me by a friend Andrew B. W...

Andrew B ims. I have spared you the indignity of exposure by not posting your vitriolic email contents worldwide although you will be aware by now a selected number of associates do have the full contents. Remember, True friendship is unconditional, at least it is with me. Andrew: May the almighty, grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Have a thoughtful day, Vest.

And I suppose blokes too might give it some thought. Forget busty Pamela Anderson and scrawny Stick insect Paris Hilton Most blokes would prefer a Miss Average. The size 12 to 14 figure being the most sought after by men The most attractive woman is aged between 25 and 44, about 165cm or 5ft 6ins tall, with 40 inch hips and 30 inch waist, so skinnies beware of being the ugliest of all unless you come into the jumbo size bracket and wearing size 30 red flannel bloomers with galvanized gussets. Mind you it does help enormously if you dress to suit your body details. A while back a cocky young wench told me she had made the dress she was wearing, I told "I can see you have you must be very poor". Then again this study on obesity I have been reading indicated that chubby people with a few love handles may help a person live longer and the bad news is; thinner people have the shortest life expectancy. So professional Rolex clad blokes and other bad sorts of all ages still believe ...

The visit to the doc yesterday confirmed my hopes, the day started miserably cold and wet, on leaving the Docs office the sun was shining and even if it were not I too felt much better than I have done for a few worrisome days. Today went well too and the sun shone all day for our not too comfortable trip on the train to Sydney(mainly coming back with school kids). Stepping out into George Street from central station I started humming the ding dong song, jeeze it reminded me of lunch hour on the streets of Wanchai and Kowloon, however the main purpose of the day was to visit a particular govt department to discuss a query affecting the progress of a future project. The Govt Bloke I must truthfully say seemed to be the most polite helpful non pushy bureaucrat I have come across ( Rosemary thought he was most handsome)Also I suggested before the interview we must at no point of the conversation touch our noses**. in the wash up we emerged sorry-I emerged 250 bucks lighter in the wallet b...

A Dreary start to the week was the West Indies beating England in the Twenty - 20. That Goof De loit who invented the reduced overs plan for teams batting last in the game of cricket in the event of rain reducing the game, needs a good shagging - particularly the Twenty 20 version when it becomes totally ridiculous when the same number of batters are available, even silly Jimmy with half a brain could work that one out. However the better team lost. Mind you, having an Aussie Umpire didn't help the cause, grumble-mumble-*#)@^#*^, ce n'est rien, sod it. THE NSW Govt which controls a Quarter of The OZ population, is probably happy with the Nat/Aus Bank Muslim loan thingy(last post)And are now putting the bite on the yellow hordes of the North. Billions of Bucks worth of Government designated goods and services will have to be Sourced from Real Dinky Di Aussie companies and a total ban on China Products is envisaged, thereby protecting Australian jobs. Main items will include Buil...

The National Australia Bank plans to tailor loans for Muslims Islam-approved line of finance. This is obviously a scam by the National Australia Bank to bypass archaic Sharia law which forbids money lending. The Federal Govt and all state Govts will go along with the idea seeing this will reduce Govt spending in the public housing sector. However , in the small print- so as not to make it appear a hand out for Muslims only,there is a small mention that non Muslims will be afforded this privilege too.(Probably if you swear on the Koran) Nat/Australia Bank is planning to introduce "Muslim-friendly" loans that do not charge interest, to comply with Sharia law. It will structure an Islam-approved line of finance to make money from alternative methods. These include profit-sharing on the transaction, joint-ventures or leasing-type arrangements. For example, to get round the Islamic ban on usury - or unfair lending - a Muslim mortgage often works by the bank buying the property, th...

Here we have a solution for the mess that we are in economically now . I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tiles, the chairs, the table .. everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I clean...

An Excerpt from 'Waving Goodbye To A Thousand Flies'. When Rosemary's elder sister in England passed away, she left an old diary that was shown to me by a relative. I recorded some amusing segments. It stated. I had made cakes in the oven and was enjoying the break from my baby sister, little Rosemary, who had already smashed her porcelain doll with a pair of pliers. This is typical of her behaviour. She will probably grow up to be a psychopath. Rosemary is a destructive young child. I had to leave her to go for a pee and found her teddy bear blocking the ‘S’bend in the toilet pan. Mother and father will be very annoyed that I was unable to control her tantrums,and my right arm is very sore from the bite marks Rosemary has inflicted on me. I am worried about the radio, as the acid from the accumulator burned into the oak table when Rosemary knocked it over, Rosemary pulled out all the wires from the radio, I put them all back, but somehow one of the valve things flashed and...

It is now into winter where I am right now, outside the sun is shining-hardly any clouds however the wind chill factor from that breeze from the south is a stark reminder to wear your winter woolies. Today's Sydney Daily Telegraph was very sparing in the sports dept, likewise was fox tel in the main news, a mention about thugby that was yer lot mate, maybe I thought if I search the hardly read interior pages where the bad news is tucked away between the likes of 'Hair Loss' and 'Ten percent discount on a treatment for Hemorrhoids' adverts where only few dare venture, I may find the embarrassing truth in small print, No not a thing about the supremo's of the Cricket world , the masters the top dogs, the very so called Best players the world has to offer thrashed in two games and out of the tournament,(That will teach them to be up themselves and too cocky. Remember the "Come On Aussie Come on" chant from the stands in the past, well it was certainly the...

June 06, 2009 12:00am WHAT a life. Professor Chris O'Brien made Australia a much better place to live and by all accounts enjoyed a fine time doing so. His death at 57 is immeasurably sad but certainly not from any perspective of chances missed or potential unrealised. Almost until his dying day, Professor O'Brien made the most of his chances and reached the very limits of his potential. His life is essentially a how-to guide for honest and spectacular achievement. It should be a matter of national celebration that Professor O'Brien lived long enough to ensure that his vision of an integrated cancer treatment centre would come true. The ultimate tribute to his life and work will come in 2012, when the centre is expected to be completed. People who have never heard of Professor O'Brien - people who may not even have been born yet - will continue to benefit from his decades of hard work. Meanwhile, those close to Professor O'Brien have lost far more than a master medi...

Numbers effect our lives more so than we imagine and sometimes they finally come home to roost when numbers you feel over time cease to become significant any more, except to those you leave behind who may cherish the timeless moments you shared with them in your lifetime. Apart from the number One on the house where I was a fostered child together with my Brother Christopher RIP When I was a six year old and Chris seven, I was not bothered by numbers too much even those at school bothered me little as at that time being a child in a happy rural environment was all and everything. My unfettered lifestyle came as a heart rendering crash when I joined my brother in a Nautical preparatory school at the tender age of ten years and four months; and from then I became Boy 117, my Brother Chris was boy 253 After being sold to the British Royal Navy for about 25 pounds sterling when I turned 15, I joined a class 17 at the RN training establishment and then joined my first ship on the 27th and ...

LIFE IN THE 1500'S (or Tasmania in the 1960's) Mind you things were understandably out of control concerning the practice of personal hygiene the further you delve into history. However, this is not too far back. Of course the place could be merry England or New England in the Nth American colonies but wherever it was the further north one lived the use of soap and water became less The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. (Jimmy this why your girl friend abandoned you)However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water..The man of the house had the privil...

Nepotism - Secure Jobs for Polly Family Members At Taxpayers Expense. Plus bad Continuity perfomers. Some Politicians really get cranky if their families become subject of media interest, some more than others , meaning those who crank up minor parliamentary jobs for relatives or friends. Exposure of these fiddles often have some Pollies contacting friends and back hander specialists within the media circus asking for their families not to be exposed, however,"I don't mind what you write about me providing it promotes my image". Now you could say "That sounds fair dinkum", but then you wonder why these morons fail to follow their own advice. Pollies, most of them failed lawyers seek high profile Images to retire with on a fat taxpayer paid pension from a minimum of eight years service- however,during that period gouge every drop of swill possible from their Hon Member dodgy cash trough. But instead of "keeping their families out of it", politicians fro...

"Hi Folks" A call to the loo brought me from my overnight slumbers after being awakened by the 'Waste disposal vehicle'(garbage cart). After drinking my traditional glass of filtered and boiled tap water with a blood thinning aspirin I went downstairs, well the first thing I noticed were the tyre tracks over our grassed frontage and the dead spikey branch of bush lemon tree missing, (a deterrent). **We have new neighbours now since the old bloke next door passed on, they have been here four weeks, Two families and a barking dog, so different from the previous owners who sadly; were quietly dying over the past two years but kept it maintained in good order. We are now back to picking up pooch poo and annoying items of rubbish of which the two family residents allow to be strewn around theirs and our frontage. The big problem is there are never fewer than five vehicles parked overnight both in their driveway and both on the road or illegally on the nature strip, and to ...