You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable,or get married and wish you were dead.__________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?''Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.' __________When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .__________A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.' __________A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.' __________Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.' __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.__________If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. __________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.__________First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' __________ 'A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death' __________AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Joke Time. Add your joke here to compliment this Joke sent by NIGEL in England.
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Vest Has Left the Building
To advise that Vest (Les Bowyer) passed away this morning. Regards, Chris (Son).
In future ALL posts on this Site will have a section to be known as 'OPEN FORUM. this is to be introduced as from now and a reminder of ...
I was close to home when I saw the Coal delivery man open our front gate. I watched as the big lurcher dog from the mill mounted one of Aunt...
The following prompts are the words for this Wednesday. Glinting. Crop. Valley. Particular Cave Deliberately. Caldera. Merlin. Uni...
Did you hear about the Egyptian girl who was allergic to rubber and became a MUMMY.
A guy used a bicycle tyre tube as a condom so he could recycle and go non stop all night
Just dont give upon trying what you really want to do. Where their is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
Wally: Try being a little more subtle. Wally gets him bum smacked for that crude joke.
Ella: Cracks in relationships is what happens to us while we're making other plans. And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years.
my marriage was a huge joke
i married her coz I cudnt afford paying for it
so I bought the cow
but all I wanted was milk
my marriage was a huge joke
i married him coz he had a nice job and a bright future so I tot
I was rong
he lost his job
went into biz
lost his money too
Never marry a man with a bright future
is Ella single?
I am now
we are incompatible
I am horny all the time
she is not
she has headaches all the time
she dreamt of marrying a hunk
but the hunks didnt fancy her
so she married me
I am tiny
but i give good head
but I dont get any in return
its 666 all the way
she dont fancy 69
on our 25th wedding anniv
I booked a honeymoon suite in a beach side hotel
she made me cancel
we ended up seeing a Woody Allen movie
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
I am two with nature.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Marriage is the death of hope.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
My one regret in life is that I am not VEST
then I cud have had RM.
The Ideals which have always shone before me and filled me with the joy of living are goodness, beauty, and truth. To make a goal of comfort or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle.
However, a brief respite from the pain in and around my right eye, selfish as it may seem; is all I live for at this moment.
Anonymous-es: Thankyou for your humorous input. Great stuff.
Everyone have a lovely day.
laffter is the best medicine VEST
laff at Keshis antics
read it on IUMNUTSINCAPS
read KESHI hurts Maha atma too
goodness, beauty, and truth
i will take the second from u
I will take RM
Writing ought either to be the manufacture of stories for which there is a market demand -- a business as safe and commendable as making soap or breakfast foods -- or it should be an art, which is always a search for something for which there is no market demand, something new and untried, where the values are intrinsic and have nothing to do with standardized values.
More quotes from Willa Sibert Cather
Jim: Here is a list of 'Some' of my favourite people past and present.
George Cadbury (philanthropist).
Viscount Nuffield aka William Morris, philanthropist.
Dr Barnardo, Philanthropist.
Vice Admiral George Bowyer(Ushant 1893) my Grt Grt Grt Grt Grt Grt grand father.
Admiral Lord Nelson, the greatest, even though he was a fornicating rat bag.
Albert Einstein. Some might agree he was JC. returned to save us all.
A god like figure.
ER in doors. My nearest and dearest
Heaven sent, trusting and giving.
Keshi, A pearl. The irrefutable and unquestionable Keshi, the Goddess of blogging, and more, a breath of fresh air when needed.
my favourite guys
Ka Kr I cant decide who I love more
Anonymous: Any further references to Keshi I suggest you post them on her blog site, Ok.....Of course if they are favourable then that is a different kettle of fish.
Keshi loves lollypops
Anon: Told you so!!!.
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