Friday, 11 November 2011

Beer Belly Bandit bogged down in Bathroom Window

      The Lakesides burglar who we will call beer belly Bill was caught red handed by a guy  we will call Fred who saw him jammed in his neighbours bathroom window late at night.
Fred's neighbour we will call Alan was contacted by phone at a local club  and minutes later Fred and Alan assessed the situation and it seems the struggling burglar was jammed in the tight fitting window simply because the push up window lever with hole's for varied degrees of opening had come loose and the spoke on the ledge had jammed into his belt buckle.
Beer belly Bills plaintive pleas for help were mingled with the pain he was feeling, he had kicked away the bin which had assisted his entry of  Alan's bathroom window where he was now firmly jammed.
Alan then proceeded to photograph both ends of this writhing monster who was now saying sorry and pleading with Alan not to call the cops, Fred then found Bills wallet and  Alan photocopied his details also extracted the only forty odd dollars which he said was for any repairs to the window, Bill whined about it being all he had, Alan tells him then he won't be getting pissed for a while then.
After cautioning Bill the Burglar that any further activity like this the police would be informed, Fred cut Bills belt around his strides then with a big heave  Bill the burglar fell from the window banging his head as he went six feet down in a crumpled heap, his words before he shuffled off down the road were 'Thanks Fellas".
The following afternoon Alan who was aware of Big bad Bills address knocked at his door when Bill was away and gave his down trodden spouse the forty dollars plus then made it up to $100 telling her to hide it or buy something useful for yourself.
Bill has been barred from the local pub and clubs.

This story  is true, only the names are fictitious. ....Vest

5 comments:

Lower deck lawyer. said...

I have a feeling I might know the Alan alias but not Fred or the Bill bloke. Mike.

Anonymous said...

I don't recall hearing about this in the local newspaper. Fred

Vest said...

LDL: I have a feeling I may know him too.

Anon or Fred; I suppose it could be coincidal that you have a name similar to one of the alias Characters in this dastardly plot.
However,I would like to remind you that inasmuch it was reported here it did not make the local rag. it was a covert happening and not as sinister albeit funny as most. And the objective was to be certain the miscreants spouse did not suffer due to her idiotic husbands behaviour.
BTW Fred, A newspaper is read not heard. Get well soon.

WALLY. said...

My mum says she thinks you are one of the nice guy in the story and probly the the alan guy, right.

Vest said...

Wally: Really!!! Nah couldn't be me I'm a nasty old geezer.

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