John Cleese has it about right:
are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore
raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not
been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The
last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat
level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other
levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British
army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday
that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two
higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate
Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
The Germans have increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the
other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about
is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their
new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass
bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor
Sunday, 1 September 2013
This you must see.
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