Our New Lawn Mower is a Catholic.

Our aged lawn mower St- yu Bastd; purchased in 1996 would have been 84 years of age had it been a dog. (don't worry it gets better)The sinews of our right arms have been stretched to the limits during our futile attempts to wake it from its monthly slumber, and a last minute kiss of life attempt to resurrect the octogenarian lazarus failed. Last Saturday, S Y B was wheeled into the shed to await its fate.The new kid on the block is a four stroke( wait for it) 'POPE' Meteor.I expect there will be a eccleslastical clause in its start up procedure, like a clasping of hands and a glance to the heavens. I shall now read the instructional manual, for tomorrow will be its Baptism when we name it 'HIS HOLINESS' and it is sent off to scourge the world of grass and weeds that thrive in our gardens.


Keshi said…
hahaha ur hilarious Vesty!

Anonymous said…
Good luck with trying to mow the lawns by Prayer Vest.
You gotta try anything once huh?
Anonymous said…
Our aged lawn mower St- yu Bastd; purchased in 1996 would have been 84 years of age had it been a dog.

It is kinda unfair
machines before they are given for repair

a cost benefit analysis is done
to repair or to scrap?

in humans there is too much sentiment

now with organ transplants a man or a woman can live forever

provided he can afford the bills for repair or transplant
Anonymous said…
In India the average life span is 55 Plus or minus 10

90 per cent of the population is productive

he is productive even at age 10
what the western world calls child labor

the western world dont give a shit for the plight of the child

but they want a level playing field
so they make a lotta noises about child labor

the western world cannot compete with India and China

we make things better and cheaper
the labor cost in India is only 10 per cent of that in USA

so manufacturing is out sourced to India and China

and the americans are loosing jobs
and Clinton and Obama are voying to stop out sourcing

but it cant be reversed if USA wants to remain competitive

5 Ford companies are for sale in US
customer care call centers is cheaper if out sourced
also software development

and Google and Microsoft have moved to India and Google too
Jim said…
a catlik lawn mower
Anonymous said…
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, “Mom, what are those things on your chest?”

Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, “Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Johnny thinks that’s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny’s dad comes home from work a few hours early.

Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, “Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying!”

His father says, “Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying?”

“Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy’s balloons and she’s screaming, ‘Oh God, I’m coming!’”
Anonymous said…
****There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,

'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'

Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to k's paradise,
such a lovely place such a lovely place such a lovely face..***
Anonymous said…
K has allowed annony mouse comments
I am having funn
Anonymous said…

The highly-endangered Olive Ridley Turtles visit India's East Coast every year to mate and lay eggs, and six weeks later their newborn babies make their way back into the sea. Orissa is one of the last places left on the planet where these turtles come together after swimming thousands of miles, from places as far away as Australia and the Philippines.

The species is fragile, it needs protection, it has nowhere else to turn to. If it dies, it takes an entire fragile ecosystem along with it.

But someone's already involved in pushing the remaining Olive Ridleys into extinction. If you've ever taken a taxi, made a phone call, sipped a cup of tea, stayed in a five-star hotel, or worn a wristwatch, chances are you've already met the culprit.

It's the Tatas. They're about to build a huge port in Dhamra, close to the turtles' sensitive breeding area, even though alternative sites exist. Greenpeace believes they can be stopped.

The great thing about the Tatas, you see, is that they listen to their customers (that's you) because you make them who they are. That's why we're not asking you to boycott them, we're asking you to make them better.

Ratan Tata has already promised that he won't build the port if there's any evidence of turtles in the area. Greenpeace has given him that proof, but he won't listen to us.

Maybe he'll listen to you. And turn the Tatas into the caring and nurturing corporate family that they profess to be.

To make sure Ratan hears you loud and clear, simply click here to send him an email.

On behalf of the planet's last Olive Ridley Turtles,

Ashish Fernandes
Oceans Campaigner, Greenpeace India
Maria said…
u seem to be a nice bloke
I am sorry for your condition

you raised my ego if nothing else
Keshi said…
Vesty hey Happy MUMS Day to Rosemary!

Anonymous said…
What's the difference between anxiety and panic?

- anxiety is the first time a man can't get it up the second time.

- panic is the second time he can't get it up the first time.
Anonymous said…
Happy lovers day Rosemary
Anonymous said…
Happy Mothers day Rosemary!

Our lawn mower must be C of E or Protestant. Like it protests for while before dad starts it, Iv'e seen him kick it a few times too.
tqmcintl said…
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

More quotes from Josh Billings
Vest said…
Thanks all of you nice people who have commented here on this post, particularly the ladies xxxxx. unfortunately I have been kept busy elsewhere and my blogging time restricted.
Anon continues with his dodgy ditties, and Amy's Dad 'Kick Starts' a Lawn Mower.
And for all you mothers out in blogspace have a loving 'Mothers Day'.Those ladies who are not yet Mothers - have fun while you can.x.
Anonymous said…
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"
Anonymous said…
Those ladies who are not yet Mothers and want to be

call me

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