Sunday, 1 July 2007

Male versus Female at the A T Machine

Thought you might like this.

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new

Drive-through ATM machines

enabling customers to withdraw cash

without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are

requested to use the procedures outlined

below when accessing their accounts."


"After months of careful research, MALE

& FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate

steps for your gender."


MALE PROCEDURE:


1. Drive up to the cash machine.


2. Put down your car window.


3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.


4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.


5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.


6. Put window up.


7. Drive off.



FEMALE PROCEDURE:


Unfortunately, most of this part


is the Truth.!!!!


1. Drive up to cash machine.


2. Reverse and back up the required


amount to align car window with the machine.


3. Set parking brake, put the window down.


4. Find handbag, remove all contents


on to passenger seat to locate card.


5. Tell person on cell phone you will


call them back and hang up.


6. Attempt to insert card into machine.


7. Open car door to allow easier access


to machine due to its excessive distance


from the car.


8. Insert card.


9. Re-insert card the right way.


10. Dig through handbag to find diary;


with your PIN written on the inside back page.


11. Enter PIN.


12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.


13. Enter amount of cash required.


14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.


15. Retrieve cash and receipt.


16. Empty handbag again to locate


wallet and place cash inside.


17. Write debit amount in check register


and place receipt in back of checkbook.


18. Re-check makeup.


19. Drive forward 2 feet.


20. Reverse back to cash machine.


21. Retrieve card.


22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card


holder, and place card into the slot provided!


23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.


24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.


25. Redial person on cell phone.


26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.


27. Release Parking Brake.


SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH

AND TO THE LADIES YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

and God made woman
the Bible is wrong

God made woman first
man is an improvement on the earlier model

Vest said...

Anonymous:

This week is National Mental Health Care Week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.
My part is done!

lower deck lawyer said...

anon, creationists believe the first woman was made from a bone, and it wouldn't surprise me if they still are. Mike.

Anonymous said...

a man who kicks up his job (or his wife)of 20 years to follow his dreams is considered abnormal or mental


the whole damn world is mad
the really sane ppl are locked up in mental assylums

are u sane VEST ?

kate f.b.. said...

Hello vesty you lovely man. Who are these anontwerps why dont they find a name.

JD's Rose said...

Hey, there are some of us who are actually too short to reach the parking tickets that those stupid machines pull out!

Keshi said...

LOL very true :)

Keshi.

jeanie with a lump said...

I'm a first time caller an i'm saying us girls are made diff from guys, we are not silly but behave diff an control you guys an i'd like you to know that pussy power is all powerfull an without a squishy your boner is a goner an you can gess it was a boner what gotten my lump.

Vest said...

Jds rose: funny ha ha,xxx.

Keshi: always never too busy to call,xxx.

Jeanie with a lump: preggers eh, best of luck. I hope you are proud of the time when you conceived.

Ldl: Not all of them mate, but could name a few.

anon: "I dunno!! Are you?.

Jeanie: We are all in the gutter,but some of us are looking at the stars.

Anonymous said...

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when
he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that
called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top
of the other?"


She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him
the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play
with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and
said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's
called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

Jim said...

Anonymous said...
Sunday, July 1, 2007
The Misunderstood Disease

There have been advances in many areas of medicine, yet mental illness remains both misunderstood and mistreated.

Persons suffering from mental illnesses are still treated as if having mood or perception disorders means they are less intelligent and are incapable of knowing what they think or want.

In the United States, the current trend is to overmedicate people who show any signs of mental illness while ignoring the need for compassionate counseling. The trend of emergency personnel is still to become irritated with persons who arrive in the hospital with mental rather than physical issues.

There is still no avenue for proper treatment of such individuals. I have heard more than one health care professional say that they wished that people who came to the E.R. presenting with self-mutilation would just "do it right and get it over with."


This sort of uncompassionate lack of caring is but one reason why persons who are mentally ill are reluctant to get treatment. Another is cost.

Insurance does not provide for psychological counseling any better than it provides for "alternative" health care treatments such as chiropractic care.

Many people who are mentally ill lack the resources to afford adequate counseling and the choice becomes to either go to the county mental health center, where the counselors are overworked and used to handling only critical cases, or to forego counseling entirely. Cost aside, it is difficult to find a counselor that one can trust to treat them like a human being of equal worth rather than a defective second class citizen. Is it any wonder that so many people who are mentally ill go undertreated or untreated?


I went on the line and published my book because these issues need to be addressed--worldwide! I told the truth about the circumstances behind the creation of parts of the story because the spirit with whom I co-authored the book is one of the most shocking examples I've ever seen of how little mental illness is understood and how badly it's stigmatized.

The general population needs to be better educated about mental illness, but more sadly still, our medical and even mental health professionals need to learn greater compassion in treating the widespread and diverse problems of sufferers.


When you buy a copy of my book, 50% of the profits are donated to the World Health Organization's mental health division. Please spread the word.

-extracted from cheesemeisters blog

11:04 PM

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...