Australian Fascist Cricket Bullies, The Worlds Best.

The cricket season in the land where cricket was invented lasts about 15 weeks and is much of the time marred by bad weather. In contrast, we have a 30 week cricket season in OZstrayer, with a 22 week
off season producing weather conditions far better than the dismal English conditions. Doesn't sound fair you might say. But the English have only themselves to blame for allowing Oz money grabbing cricketers in the past* to bolster Englands cricket crowds, *only one foreign player per county side will be permitted this year, allowing more English talent-?-into the first class games.
The term "It isn't cricket" famed for its description of unfairness, due to the gentle mental attitude of the game of cricket in days of yore, is now the subject of derision, now that the game is dominated by ferocity greed and skulduggery.Oh I nearly forgot Hatred. We often hear that crap about opposing sides being good mates off the field, personally I find that hard to believe except for the fact that the overdone kissing and cuddling by our Ozzie boys every time a wicket falls is a ' Good friends after the match warm up for a sexual encounter in the dressing room toilet'.
Being a bloke with normal tendencies, I find most of these gum chewing and frequently spitting bollock scratchers with their perpetual inane arrogant smirk simply offensive, that only an equally offensive female would be attracted to.
However, there is no argument that OZ cricketers are currently the best performers in the five day game but not world beaters in the Pyjama 20/20 and 50 over games, which brings me to question why they consorted to downright cheating during the recent Test Match against India, certain players knowing full well they were 'Out'; coupled with the coercion of the weak willed umpires being bullied by our Oz Players when giving Indian batsmen 'Out' when clearly it was not the case, also while in the OZ first innings two top Oz Batsmen collectively received three extra innings and other gratuitous let offs mostly by the intimidated pommy umpire and occasionally by the slow witted aged West Indian umpire, both of whom are not up to it and must be given a dishonourable discharge from the game.
Next we have the cycloptic goon show performed in the commentary box by expat and Oz past cricket performers now intent on making a Quid by appeasing Oz viewers with their 'One Eyed' opinion. Guys like Tony Grieg a totally useless old gitt who together with the grey ghost dick head Benaud make the ghastly commentary cock ups, My fav (I don't like your patronising commentary dick head an E Ba Gum Yorky - David Lloyd,) might help the English cause by not being so condescending to the opposition. I suppose it could be entertaining to the win at all costs - can't handle losing Oz mob in the stands.
In today's Sydney Daily Telegraph (My fav N/paper) we have heaps of opinion running parallel with mine. Reading between the lines we have....

Get rid of umpire Benson or provide him with specs and a hearing aid.

Get rid of Fat Lardo Mark Taylor and his ever BORING yakkity comment.

If Andrew Symonds takes issue by being called a Monkey, he should not disguise himself as a Monkey.
Finally, Andrew Symonds should return to England his birth place and learn some good manners, and it might be a good idea to take our Aussie team with him.
In the wash up I must confess being an Aussie myself, winning is all important as is not seeing the spectacle of another 'Kim Hughes' crying together with his Prime Minister Bob Hawk when he lost a test match.
BTW. Its only a game after all, enjoy your cricket.

Hey ! What is your opinion of that that dreadful Ford Cracking Catches advert with a mumbling Mathew Hayden, only a smidgen better than a previous one by Pup the Bingle Bonker?.


Anonymous said…
Ah the Aussie obsession with sport will out. I used to watch cricket (one day matches only - test stuff was too slow and boring for me) in the days of Richard Hadlee and Lance Cairns and the great matches between Oz & N.Z.
But not these days ... I think I've outgrown it as they all behave much like kiddies these days whose toys have been taken off them. Boo Hoo!
Anonymous said…
its hard to believe that the feminine looking twit clarke could be bonking bingle. most appear up themselves in regards to the other aus guys, juat a gang of arrogant privileged shit heads ,

Good write up vest
Anonymous said…
playing cricket is a job and should be aproached as such without all this air punching kissing and hugging-- can you imagine a foreman kissing a carpenter every time he bangs in a nail or a bricky each time he lays a brick!!!.... :((((
Anonymous said…
Good article
very articulate

Vest said…
The match referee in the 2nd test; Mike Procter an ex South African cricketer(during the Apartheid period) when coloured persons were deemed unfit to play for the bigoted South African Cricket team, has used his one eyed powers to suspend the best Indian bowler on the heresay of a guy who deliberately dresses in a manner likely to cause himself to be rediculed.
This will help Australias cause no end, particularly when our finger licking OZ capt and several others cannot handle Harbhajans spin bowling.
Have we got to the stage in Australia that the fear of losing has become pandemic ? I certainly believe so.
The phone poll has indicated that aprox 70% of callers found our Ausralian team sadly lacking in their general behaviour,that result confirms that stigma we have brought upon ourselves,"Ugly Aussies".
Anonymous said…
I totally agree with you vesty, only the bigoted will not. Mike.
Vest said…
I have just deleted a death threat from some geezer describing himself as a real Aussie, how sad!
Anonymous said…
Leopards do change their spots.
A few years back Ponting was a Drunken Punk, now he is a power drunken Skunk.
Vest said…
On two counts the scores deriding the Australian cricket teams bad image. The Sydney Daily Telegraph poll reads.

Does the Australian team play in the true spirit of cricket?
79% say NO....21% say Yes.

Is Ricky Ponting a good embassador for the game of cricket?
(it gets worse)
82% say NO....18% say yes
Anonymous said…
hi mate, its nice to see the truth coming from your own people, quite rare- like the bomb going off, coming back soon.Fred.
Anonymous said…
Not sure what Matty Hayden is spouting off about, or Bingle Bonker[thats funny]that clark boy talks real dumb.

Back early from hols[ all rain and floods]
Anonymous said…
Hi mr vest its a shame about all this cricket shit stirring, i thought simmo was a black feller like me and punter has got a bit uv
chonk, rik pon ting
Vest said…
Thank you cricket lovers for your comments, Yes Aggie I enjoyed watching 'Big Lance' whack the strayans about, you must be peddling it a bit to remember those blokes.

Henry: You could be talking about Oztrayers first gay cricket captain.

Amy: I always did the kissing and cuddling thingy before I banged my nail in, problem now is my hammer needs to be straightened.

Saby: Thanks.

LDL: Thanks.

Gordon: Punters time has expired like the extinct Tassie Tiger.

Frog: Yes it is nice to know at least 80 per cent of Sydney people want the truth to be told.

Kate: I think there is something girly about that person, also in dire need of a few lessons on public speaking, he could become another crying capt Kim.

Wally: Its ok for you to take the piddle out of another chocko, I have to tread carefully.

Yep thats ok, Rik pon ting, thats a good one, could be cantonese. and those eyes-definitely almond.
Jay said…
Wow, a whole post about a game I have never seen and fail to understand.
Vest said…
Hi Jay : Nice to have you call again. Jay, the laws/rules which govern the game of cricket can still baffle the most ardent followers of this delicately poised sport when decisions are made by compromised or incompetant umpiring. by the time I explained every current rule, several new rules would pop up, mostly ones which exclude Australia losing under any circumstances. The current cricket war has Australian cricketers labeled as dastardly perverters of the game, other rude words have also been uttered about the OZ cricketers general behaviour-both on and off the field of play.
Friends, Jay is a nice Canadian lady with a heap of writing skills, well worth a visit to her blog.
Vest said…
An old post, My 2nd in 2005.

Scumbag Cricketers

So why do we have to put up with watching our favourite sports people displaying them selves like drunken ape like louts at a Barry Dogshead afternoon Barby.
The crabby appearance of our nose picking, unshaven crutch scratching Oz Cricketers, who cheat like the blazes, even though being assumed as the best in the world, but I am not too sure about that.
Why refer to them as sporting Heros. I think not, that is bullshite.
Hardly a life threatening dying for your country situation, maybe for their opponents, when that dunny sized blonde weetbix munching dicko loses his cool.
I believe they are a bunch of arrogant actors-well paid icons. nothing else.
Are they worse than the other teams of flanneled fools?
Are Oz umpires cheating our opponents? I think so.
I believe the pommies are nice well bred players. What say you old chappie?
Where is the Wankhede Cricket stadium? Did Robbo once say, dunno I fink they all are?

posted by Vest @ 3/23/2005 10:23:00 AM 42 comments links to
Vest said…

The following preamble is a laymans explanation of the rules of cricket to the people of North America.
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in goes out, and when he is out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When one side are all out, the side that's been out comes in and the side that has been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who are all out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice, after the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.
The general rules of actual play are saturated with a glossary of terms and conditions with sub rules, with the prefixes 'Unless, depending, benefit of doubt, and other Misc Claptrap, every morsel of important cricket goings on is recorded in WISDEN a sacred hard to get book with more info on cricket than Brittanica, from the time the first ball was bowled in Hambledon Hampshire England in the early 19th century . There is more to read in Wisden than the 'Holy Bible' or the 'SevenPillars of WISDOM'.
Any Cricket Jokes?

posted by Vest @ 12/16/2005 12:01:00 AM 42 comments
Anonymous said…
Not quite cricket but may apply to the middle stump.

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, are in Alberta.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots

Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looks him over, "Nope."

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'

Furious, Bert yells,


'Nope,' she replies.


To which Margaret replies.........

"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert,

Shoulda bought a hat."
Anonymous said…
From the International Cricket Council
For immediate release (especially in India)

The ICC have announced several changes to the playing conditions for the forthcoming 3rd test in Perth between Australia and India. These changes include:
* Australia must win.
* The umpires shall be nominated by the Australian team. It will be acceptable if reserve Australian players rotate as umpires.
* During the game all appeals shall be referred to the Australian management team and the Australian media contingent prior to any decision being made. (This includes where an Australin player may appear to the naked eye to have been clean bowled.)
* When the Australian team is batting the boundary rope shall be moved inwards 20 metres.
*Indian bowlers shall bowl under arm.
* Australia must always be the winning team.
* Any time the Indian captain is on the field he shall be restrained in a full length strait jacket and muzzled.
* Any Indian spin bowler must advise the Aussie batsman in advance what type of delivery is going to be bowled.
* At any time Andrew Symons is on the field he must not wear a gorilla suit and must not accept any sledging in the light hearted manner that this is intended.
* Australia must win at all costs. Australia will pay umpires up to $500.00 for a dodgy decision, depending on the quality of the batsman.
* Piggy Hogg the Aussie 3rd Class spin bowler, will be cleared on appeal and be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Australian batsman may be permitted to use larger bats.
* Indian batsmen may use a bat every fifth over.
*Indian fieldsman should praise every batting attempt by the Australians by saying "Good shot chaps."Instead of calling them "Crutch scratching snot sucking spitters" Apart from this Indian players are not permitted to speak.
* During the lunch and tea break both teams shall get together and have a cup of tea.
* And decide that Australia must win.

The ICC and the BCCI hope that all Indians will understand these minor changes are intended in the best interest of the game.

The ICC would also like to announce that Steve Bucknor has been appointed as the ICC's new cricketing ambassador to Kazikstan. The ICC wishes Steve all the best in this important, newly created role.

RIP International Cricket. Authorised by the Oz Grey Ghost himself.
Ricketty Beenord.

This was sent to me by (enjoy life now) I have altered and reversed the original Australia and Indian inclusions, ie, where it was India, is now Australia.
Vest said…
Wally: Andrew Symonds is not an Aborigne as you thought; but a person born of Part Afro-West Indian parents in England.
Therefore Australias most prolific batsman despite any racial imputations; is clearly an English person, to wit - a 'Pommy'
They are every where!
Best sport is sex, makes all hearts much more democratic... :)
Vest said…
So the Un-mightyed OZStrayans got wallopped within four days by those dashing and masterful sub continental dusky cricketing gentlemen, and as an Assie I enjoyed the experience immensely.
Real great stuff.
Now it seems everyone wants to become an Indian.

BTW. It makes no sense at all, in wanting to acquire a tan.
Anonymous said…
vest, being a cricket buff and past eighty, you should apply for a new set of balls as in cricket after eighty overs.

Popular posts from this blog

OPEN FORUM. This is a new concept in blogging.

Contiued from previous post.

Words on Wednesday