A friend who recently returned from visiting relatives in Victoria Australia had this unusual story to unfold far fetched or not it is supposedly true and according to the person spoken to in a one pub town where he was visiting.
The story unfolds about the time when French Onion Johnnies on bicycles flooded the Southern English countryside, having come over from France in boats full of onions strung together which they carried in panniers on their bikes and over their shoulders to entice customers. Whether or not this still happens I am uncertain . However it came to pass that the person in question and his brother were not only flogging onions but also that 'C' drug which even sniffer dogs were unable to detect in large carved out onions containing cocaine wrapped in plastic sprayed with lashings of garlic. but after a few onion seasons someone cocked up and the racket was spotted by the pommy constabulary, these wooden tops not being too sharp, allowed our subject and his girlfriend Polly a former local streetwalker from Southampton to dodge the law,
A hand to mouth existence was not for Polly so she dobbed in her lover to the fuzz who kept him under surveillance and the Gendarmes knobbled him for possession and he was awarded a light custodial sentence in the slammer, then after his release, Polly the ex girl friend decided to part company and she demanded a release payment which meant one of his five houses in France had to be sold to grease her grubby palms, Jack we can now call him but not his real name.being of farming stock decided to sell up and flee the country( France) but having a criminal record was of little help,.
Then came the opportunity for Jack.With the testimony of Polly who demands further dosh to cover her ass at the inquest of Jacks elder brother who suddenly and very conveniently carked it from a self administered overdose.
After discovering Jacks brother Paul deceased a quickly devised plot to swap identities took place and first of all was the shaving of Paul's moustache.
It was at the height of summer and the flies had been to work on Paul when Jack returned a week or so later with his newly acquired lip whiskers to re discover his brother Paul's corpse and call the frog Bobbies who summoned Polly to join the scene the next day in the mortuary where she and a couple of short sighted locals swore on oath that the body was that of Jack; plus being they were aware of Jacks drug issues the Gendarmes closed the case.
Soon after fully funded and travelling on his brother Paul's passport Jack ended up in Victoria Australia where he purchased a failed farm which had lain fallow for several years. Jack was not new to farming and hard graft so he got stuck into his new venture which he learned about what to do and what not to do from an ex East African farmers journal..
Clearing the land from years of scrub growth , this was done by dragging ex navy ship or mooring cables by two bulldozers a hundred feet apart, a controlled burn off and elimination of weed and tons of cow Dung spread around then ploughed in, this left a pristine area of land full of growth potential , And when done he noted in his diary (without the interference of the dreaded Tetse Fly) which the Brits encountered during the failed ground nut scheme during the fifties in Tanganyika. Jack was successful and is due to commence work shortly on another property, Jack who now calls himself Paul say's grinning" am I not my brothers keeper" Jack/Paul now in his seventies has four workaholic sons who rarely seem to venture forth from the property it would also seem the Still and supply of wacky baccy plus a few sheep keep them in a state of contentment, must have had a KIWI mother?, but there is no mention of the mother or mothers of the now four grown men. but a lot of speculation exists
Jack/Paul was quite jocular when discussing his mailing addresses although trickydickyville or Joh -floville had been considered he finally settled after remembering the word Dung which he said had a certain ring to it , so he made his decision and combined the name of his dreadful scheming ex girlfriend with dung,
So when you pass that property in the outback of Victoria Australia named "DUNGPOLLY you will know about its History; in about a weeks time it will be fifty years old
You think I am fibbing don't you, or am I , Some weird things go on in country Victoria. there is a lot of history about skulduggery hiding down there. so be careful. them country bumbkin Victorians are a queer bunch. some would like to bump off the author of this publication.
Copyright. Vest daily gaggle.com