Thursday, 25 October 2007

Remember: No one can make you 'Feel Inferior' without Your Consent.

SURBITON, Surrey, England, A wealthy gent from Pakistan has had the temerity to invade this sanctuary of the stock broker community, by using a proxy to purchase a rather posh residence, Mr Iqbal Mustavafag his wife and brood of nine children are now the neighbours of Colonel Richard E and Mrs Agrippina, Firkinhead, distant relo's of a former right wing MP for Smethwick in Birmingham. Mr (Send the sods back) Enoch Powel.

To stir the can or put the cat among the pigeons so to speak the Mustavafags called on the Colonel and the Colonel told them to "Shove off" because he explained he was more superior in the order of things than a Pakistani . When asked why, the Colonel explained , although our houses are identical my gardens are better and I own a brand new Daimler Car also we employ a chauffeur a cook and housekeeper and I have 5 million pounds in the bank. "Thank you for the Info stated the Pakistani I'll be back later"," don't hurry said the Colonel"

A few days had passed when the Pakistani gent called on the Colonel again with a liveried chauffeur and a brand new Rolls Royce limo, followed by two gardeners and four house staff.

The Pakistani gent then explained to the Colonel. "Even though I have ten million pounds in the bank and my assets are superior to yours, It is not the only reason I am now better than you Colonel, and the simple reason is that,"

"Unlike you Colonel, I don't have a Pakistani living next door to me.

Vest, Daily Gaggle.


--------------------------------------------


CARLINGFORD , Sydney NSW Australia. late 1980's. True story.

While my workers were involved in detailing adjacent houses prior to sale belonging to a family in one house and the grand parents in the other , I was introduced by the owner to the prospective buyer of the family home who made it clear he was above listening to what I had to say, It turned out this guy in the engineering business had a false brummy toffee nosed accent and did little else but complain why he left Birmingham in the U/K , Indians, Pakistanis and West Indies people bearing the brunt of his attacks.


The whinger from Birmingham bought the house.


It was some time later when doing a Quote in the area I happened to notice a bloke wearing a turban mowing the lawn in the adjacent house next to the whinger, who I spoke to; to confirm he was the owner. I then called on the whinger who scowled at me and slammed the door when I explained having Mr Singh next door was like the good old times back in Birmingham. Couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke.

19 comments:

Jim said...

Thursday, October 25, 2007
In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg of meat a day.The lion thought its prayers were answered. when one day a Dubai Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to Dubai Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment, a goat or two every day.On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.

The lion thought that maybe they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas to me?

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle... but... you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!! '

Moral of the Story.... Better to be a Lion in your own country than a Monkey elsewhere

Posted by Jim at 7:30 AM



1 comments:

Jim said...

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"


"I don't wake up until 7:00."

Jim said...

Sorrrry
dat was in bad taste



DONT POST IT

Vest said...

A family was visiting a large Zoo on a hot day and the husband had been scorned and nagged most of the day by his skinny loud mouth wife. On passing the Gorilla cage, a huge Gorilla grabbed at the skinny wife dragged her through the bars of the cage - ripped off her clothes intending to mate with her. The wife in a state of distress called to her husband shrieking "Darling darling, what shall I do?". Her husband replied, "Tell him you have a headache".

amy...swansea. said...

A large woman who had abnormaly small breasts informed her husband that she intended to have breast enlargement exercizes costing two hundred dollars.
Your joking said her husband, you don't have to spend money at all, all you need to do is rub your cleavage with toilet paper three or four times a day.
"What good will that do" asked the woman. "Plenty" said the husband.
"Look what it has done to your big fat Ass... lol...(--!--)b f a.

emma henry & agencies said...

Barmaid fined for bare-breasted can crushing.

An Australian barmaid who entertained customers by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons from her nipples has been fined.

Police in Western Australia said Luana De Favari, 31, admitted twice exposing her breasts to patrons at the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra, south of the state capital, Perth.

She was fined A$1,000 dollars (£439) after pleading guilty to two breaches of the Liquor Control Act

advertisementDe Favari "is alleged to have also crushed beer cans between her breasts during one of the offences", in breach of hotel licensing laws, police said in a statement.

Off-duty barmaid Tracey Leslie, 43, was fined A$500 (£220) for helping to hang spoons from De Favari's nipples, police said.

The hotel manager was also fined A$1,000 for failing to stop the pair.

Supt David Parkinson said: "It sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behaviour in our licensed premises."

Jim said...

amy...swansea.
u crack me up

give us another one
just like dis

Jim said...

if she tells u she has a headache every time

then u need a better tool
and technique


visit SEX COUNSELLOR

Jim said...

WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR IN A MAN. Of course, in my usual style, I'm going to put an interesting twist on this concept. I'm going to argue that women will SAY that they "look for" one thing, but they actually RESPOND to something completely different.

All guys know that women seem to be "naturally"attracted to things like fame, wealth, Brad-Pitt-handsomeness, height, etc.

But I've now realized something that is actually pretty profound when you REALLY get it. I now believe that women DON'T KNOW what they are ACTUALLY responding to.

In other words, these things like money and fame trigger EMOTIONS inside of women. And if you're NOT rich or famous or naturally handsome, you can get the same kinds of responses from women if you learn how to TRIGGER THE SAME EMOTIONS.

So, in the end, what women are REALLY "looking for" is a man who triggers their ATTRACTION. Of course, a woman will never SAY this to you.

If you ask a woman what she's looking for,she'll say "I'm looking for a nice, honest guy who is successful and cute".

But if she actually MEETS this guy, and he just happens to be a WUSSY who acts needy and clingy,then she's NOT going to be into him. In this case, she won't respond to the guy that she's "looking for" by being attracted to him. And it won't work out.

On the other hand, if this same woman meets a guy who ISN'T what she "thinks" that she's "looking for", but he triggers her ATTRACTION EMOTION,then it's all over.

It DOESN'T MATTER if he's rich or handsome,because he's done something that TRUMPS these things. It has taken me a long time to actually get to the point where I BELIEVE this at a deep level.

And the REASON I believe it is because I've never been the type of guy that women "approach". I have friends that are tall and handsome... and when we go out, women start conversations with them. Before I learned what I know now, women never felt that powerful, GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for me that they do for my taller, handsome friends.

But NOW, now that I know how to use my body language and other communication to trigger the EMOTIONS in a woman, it's COMPLETELY different.

I get responses from women that I actually considered IMPOSSIBLE before. And it's not because I grew 5 inches or became more handsome. It's because I KNOW SOMETHING that most guys just don't know. As you've read in these news letters, there are certain techniques, like being Cocky & Funny,teasing women, never acting like a Wussy, etc. that will help you be successful as well. Use them. Use what you learn.

There's a BIG difference between what women are"looking for" and what they RESPOND TO. Don't let anyone tell you any different. AND, if you're reading this right now, and you're saying to yourself "OK, it's time that I stopped wasting time screwing around, and I GOT MY BUTT IN GEAR and learned how to meet women", then you need to do yourself a HUGE favor. You need to TAKE ACTION,

a sampling of posts from SEX COUNSELLOR

Wally, u need counselling

amy...swansea said...

Jim you are becoming a wicked person, this my final joke along these lines unless I think of another.
During ww2,seeing a queue or line up out side a shop would indicate that something hard to get was on sale
Seeing this a frail old lady joined the queue and asked the guy in front "what have they got" he sez "lollipops granny" " I'll have some of them" she sez, but at the end of the queue the V D Doctor in the white coat asks "Arn't you a bit old for this granny? Granny replied "Old be buggered, I can Still suck em cant I".

Jim said...

A golfer in Ireland hit a bad hook into the woods. Looking for the ball, he discovered a leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrifed, the golfer took his water bottle from his belt and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the leprechaun says. "Oh, I see. Waal, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes. Whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're alright!," the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm glad you're okay, and I apologize. I didn't mean to hit you."

And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him. I'll give him three things I would want --- a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in jokes like this) and the golfer is back, hits another bad ball into the woods and finds the leprechaun waiting for him.

"'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I wanted to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"That's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm a famous international golfer now," the golfer answers. "By the way, it's good to see you're alright."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game. And tell me, how's yer money?"

"Why, I win fortunes in golf. But if I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills all day long."

"I did that fer ye. And how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "Errr, alright, I suppose."

"C'mon, c'mon now. I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a day?"

Blushing even more, the golfer whispers, "Once -- sometimes twice a week."

"What!," says the leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

ben romero said...

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some
rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to
the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would
like some more.

'I'm sorry', says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any!'

'But I always buy it here,' says the blonde 'Do you have the
container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.

'YES', said the blonde, 'I'll go home and get it.' She returns
with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it
and says to her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant'

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out
loud from the container.........


'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.'

Jim said...

amy...swansea

i didnt get the joke
i am from India

u will have to explain
it is not obvious to me

and u accuse me of having a dirty mind

SHEEESSHH

Anonymous said...

i understood Ben romero and his blonde



hahahahahahahaha
by the way
my girl is blonde
and she can be dumb too

i pulled a fast one on her
she was to go for an interview for a job at AEROSPACE AGENCIES

i google searhed AEROSPACE and came to know the name of the CEO

i told mary dont worry
the job is yours
i just put in a word with john peters


hehehehe
she fell it for it

and ever since she looked at me with new found respect

until she went for the interview

i wont be surprised if she uses anal deodorant too

Keshi said...

its true..only u can let ppl make u feel bad...but sometimes we dun ask for it and we get it too :)

Keshi.

Jim said...

Enoch Powel
u britishers walked into India uninvited and u stayed here for 400 years

then one fine day
u just decided to pack up and go back

and russel peters said
heyyy guys
where u going?
u cant just go


wait a minute
we are coming with u


Now there are more indians in Birmingham than britishers

and Swaraj paul became MP
and Russel peters is playing to packed houses

the ticket is 90 dollars
and few white skin folks have that kind of money

the richest man in england is Mittal, an indian

tamara bowyer said...

hey grandpa i got ur message oki buh bye
i luv y0u xoxox. Tamara

Anonymous said...

Military Humor

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered another
jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now
let's try it again!
Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the
bewildered seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come
and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out
of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by
plane.
At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the
customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport
ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't
have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your
passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard
look.
Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came
ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it to."

************ ********* ********
An artist was asked at his award function:

"which is your best painting?
He replied: " my Next Painting"

so let your aim be better than the before...

************ ********* ********* ********* **
SELF RELIANCE IS LIKE A FLASH LIGHT
NO MATTER HOW DARK IT GETS. IT WILL HELP YOU TO FIND YOUR WAY.

FRIENDSHIP OF THOSE WE SERVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF OUR PROGRESS.

NO GARDEN IS EVER REALLY COMPLETE WITHOUT FRAGRANT FLOWERS TO MAKE IT SWEET.

IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE IN COOPERATION, LOOK WHAT HAPPENS TO A WAGON
THAT LOSES A WHEEL....

CHARACTER IS A BY-PRODUCT, IT IS PRODUCED IN THE GREAT MANUFACTURE
OF DAILY DUTY...

IT IS BETTER TO BE TOO BIG FOR YOUR JOB THAN TO HAVE A JOB THAT IS
TOO BIG FOR YOU...

A GOOD NAME KEEP ITS BRIGHTNESS EVEN IN DARK DAYS.

REMEMBER THAT OUR REAL WEALTH CAN BE MEASURED NOT BY WHAT WE HAVE..
BUT BY WHAT WE ARE..

A CUP IS USEFUL ONLY WHEN IT IS EMPTY; AND A MIND THAT
IS FILLED WITH BELIEFS, WITH ASSERTIONS WITH QUOTATIONS, IS
REALLY AN UNCREATIVE MIND...

Courtesy--M. Gangadharan- --I.I.T Bombay
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Vest said...

No one asked me for my passport either, when I landed in Yokohama Sept 30 1945, as a veteran of 3 years aged 19.

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...