Get some Pork on yer Fork Dork..Bloke Bonks Bicycle..Sex Seeking Sleepwalker s, are they for real? More Bull from Barmy Britain.

Muslim prisoners may sue over ham

Muslim prisoners are considering suing the authorities for £2 million after they were offered ham sandwiches to eat during the holy month of Ramadan.
The inmates at HMP Leeds, a category B local prison, claim that their human rights have been breached as a result.
However, the Prison Service, which yesterday confirmed the incident, said it was a mistake which was "corrected immediately".

It said Muslim prisoners had been given "inappropriate" menu cards for their packed lunches but denied that any had actually been given ham sandwiches.
A spokesman said: "Guidelines state that prisoners must have a diet which meets the requirements of their religion."
Islam forbids Muslims to eat ham and pork, and prisoners reportedly said the incident was made worse because it happened during Ramadan, which took place between Sept 13 and Oct 12.
Leeds Prison holds more than 1,200 male prisoners, of which more than 200 are Muslim.


Another slant on everyone rides the village bike.

Man who had sex with bike in court.
A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
An object of lust?
Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.
On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.
She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.
Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.
He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.
Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.
Stripped to the Skin Sleepwalking Streakers with Stiffies, Stalk hotel Staffers.

Hotels train staff for naked sleepwalkers
Workers at a leading chain of budget hotels are being given advice on how to deal with naked sleepwalkers after an increase in the number of guests found wandering around in the night with no clothes on.
A study by Travelodge found a seven-fold increase in sleepwalking customers in the past year, to more than 400 cases — almost all of them men.
Many sleepwalked naked into the reception area asking for a newspaper, or saying they wanted to check out. One naked guest was arrested after being locked out of the hotel.
Chris Idzikowski, of the Edinburgh Sleep Centre, said: "These figures are a surprise.
"Sleepwalking can be triggered by a stressful lifestyle, sleep deprivation, alcohol abuse or not breathing properly during the night."
Travelodge said it was sending a guide to its staff on how to deal with sleepwalkers, such as keeping a supply of towels in reception to help preserve a guest's dignity.
Leigh McCarron, Travelodge's sleep director, said: "We have seen an increased number of cases over the years so it is important that our staff know how to help sleepwalkers when it arises."
What arises, their todger I bet?


Vest said…
This is another excerpt from my memoirs.

Soon after, the ship proceeded to Victoria in the Seychelles and then to Port Louis in Mauritius, where a friend and I had lunch and dinner with the police commissioner (true) and then on to Male in the Maldives, Cochin and Goa in India, Colombo and Trincomalee in Ceylon; where as usual I had a ball of a time exploring the beautiful countryside, and then Aden. While in Aden in South Yemen, which is at the lower end of the Red Sea (at that time a British controlled territory – well nearly, as local dissident tribesmen were constantly stirring the bucket) the ship’s company was told that the town precincts were safest for shore visits and shopping. When I went ashore, a strange thing happened. I had six pounds £6-0-0 East African currency and spent over two pounds. When I came back, I had over eight pounds! I’m sure that must have been the first time an Arab tradesman had ripped himself off!
Back on board, members of the crew were entertaining a large number of little Arab boys and girls and enjoying the food that had been provided. I asked the Duty Officer in charge, “What is in these sandwiches?”
“Pork luncheon meat,and they are really enjoying them” he replied. I threw the sweets on the table to the kids and hastily had the sandwiches collected and put over the side. The Duty Officer said, “Hold on! What are you doing?”
I replied, “Think pork, Muslim, Arab.”
Later, he said, “That was close.”
Anonymous said…
the bike bonker oviously never heard of everyones girlfriend miss fist
Jim said…
Leeds Prison holds more than 1,200 male prisoners, of which more than 200 are Muslim.

r u guys victimizing the muslims?
Vest said…
Wally: I do recall that icon of puberty, she must bring succour to people of your ilk.

BTW , there is a B in oBviously.

Wally's tribe has made great strides since leaving the 'Stone Age' 200 years ago.

The Best is Yet to Be.
Vest said…
Any, even the smallest segment of the global faith industry is completely worthless whether they are muslim or non can goists, Jim your following has more flaws than a boat without a bottom.
Anonymous said…
Guys having sex with the so called local bike I can understand, but pumping up a real bicycle could be a tire some exercise. Mike.
Anonymous said…
In a way I can what Wally means.
But using a bicycle is sicker than sick. what a moron.
Anonymous said…
My bike has been F^*#@d for ages, a friend stuffed up the gears and the flat tyres look like a pair of tits heading south.

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