The list of excuses for losing the game goes on and on. The whingeing and whining, piss taking, uncomplimentary remarks and pseudo friendliness plus all the hate, racial taunts and unequal conditions; especially for the losers all add up to a quagmire of confusion.
Soon to follow, a list of unsavoury remarks, can stirring and general complaints. I have received.
However, I shall liven up the proceedings with a little tale about Billy.

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all of the children what there father did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Such as firemen, policemen,
Salesman and carpenter etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
Billy stated that his father was an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all of his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.
The teacher took Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
“No” said Billy. ”He plays Cricket for England but I was too embarrassed to say.”

The stirring continues
Commentators are. psychic: and explain to listeners exactly how a player is thinking and what he is about to do, Then a roar from the crowd as the batsman belts the ball for six and the Comment jocks prediction cock up is lost in the confusion.

Shane the womaniser and former drug cheat is the OZ best bowler, especially when there’s a farting great hole in the pitch to toss the ball into..

Shane and Gilly are in love,

Cricket ‘Hero’s, Nah, they aint mate, they don’t put their life on the line, The game is now theatrical, and they are simply well paid icons.

The Oz golliwog, formerly from the UK and the black and white minstrel show, uses his lip salve to polish the shiny side of the ball, if not why does he wear lip cream when the sun aint shining.

Warney’s dress code is frightfully scungy; he rarely looks clean and appears to look like a sack of shite tied around the middle.

Yeah your right, Being a digger I feel ashamed the Aussie test team looked so shabby with their general appearance, unshaven, gum chewing, gob spitting also crutch scratching, nose picking uncontrollable loudmouthing. is why the bastards win so often, they probably wear ribbed rubbers to get more traction in the mud!

The fast bowling weetbix muncher’s hateful air punching antics, does not set a good example to the younger people in the audience, they will have plenty of time in their lives to become hateful later.

Has anyone seen an Indigenous Australian true blue not in part(Aborigine) Play in a Aussie test team?
Nah, it’s a white boy’s game played mostly By Micks. There seems to be an abundance of blokes with given names like Paul, Steven, Michael, Gregory, Mark, Kevin, guys with saints names seem to dominate the list, the products from Priv/Catho Schooling and privilege.

Aussie commentators rarely compliment the visiting team, their one eyed chatter regarding decisions by the umpires can be very annoying, taking the piss out of the visitors and referring to it as bad play, while a crappy Oz player is described as having some bad luck.

Billy Bowden becomes an honorary Aussie citizen when England plays Australia.

It’s a fact I have been told, that, 75 % of Warne’s wickets. Are nines, tens, and jacks.

Body contact cuddling and kissing on the field of play is rife in Strayer mate, if you are a bum boy its rewarding , seems the more guys you get out the more often you get kissed..

The Daily Telegraph, my favourite news paper, delivered daily to my door is the best source of bigotry when you find the need to dislike the cricketing visitors, Journo’s like Jon Pierik (pronounced Prick) and his colleague Fanny Craddock, These two strayer bludgery galahs are great when it comes to stirring the bilges of the cricket world, the ‘Pom’ word they use in a derogatory manner, is distasteful.. In any case the first geezer J P; seems to have a greasy wop or wog name.

Do you remember Kim Hughes an ex Aussie cricket captain bawling his eyes out when he lost a test match and the then Prime Minister Bob Hawke crying too. Bob then allowed Keppler Wessells a springbok opener to be given instant OZ citizenship to play up and play the game for Ozstrayer.

Ah “Lest We Forget” The nasty episode of Bad loser syndrome which reared its ugly head in Feb 1 1981, Greg Chappell the OZ cricket Capt., was the architect of this dastardly plot aimed at preventing the New Zealand team from having a fair chance of winning the game in question. Greg ordered his sibling Trevor to bowl the last ball under arm, to batsman Brian McKechnie, which resulted in a dodgy win for the ugly Aussies. This created a short break in diplomatic relations between the Prime Ministers Bob Hawke and the Late N Z, Prime Minister Piggy Muldoon.
[Go to Google- type- Underarm cricket ball. View a 23 second video of this shameful episode of Aussie cricket history.

Why do we have to see our short arsed bald bonce wanker of a Prime Miniture spouting gushing commentary compliments to the Oz team on the telly. This prick and famous chicken hawk,(Draft Dodger) is paid barrow loads of dosh to run this banana republic.

***Australia’s highest cricket test score against England was what? Yes it was an innings and heap of runs but how many? Google will not provide an answer.

I wonder how many of us Aussies wish to remember the saga of Rodney Hogg and the Pakistanis. This grand display of Aussie sporting behaviour hit a high, when a Pakistani fielder threw down Rodney’s wicket and told the umpire Rodney had not grounded his bat on completion of a run despite being back within the crease but dabbing his bat (gardening) outside of the crease. Rodney looked at the umpire who put his finger up saying “Out” A disgruntled Rodney was heading for the pavilion when Asif Iqbal the Paki Capt say’s “ Return to the crease it was a misunderstanding” A smiling Rodney returns to the crease to be told by the umpire that the Paki captain was not the umpire “You are out “. At that point Rodney’s mouth exploded and he then smashed down the stumps. Did the press give him some stick? A cartoon showing Rodney as a young dishevelled street Cricketer saying, “Stick yer ball I’m taking me bat ome”

And Dennis Lilley was not averse to using his bat as weapon, on the opposing team,
Lilley-Marsh Catches, real dodgy they were.

***Well the answer is, it ain’t as big as the England score against Australia mate, it is something us Aussies or some of us don’t want to remember. Vest remembers this test match as a twelve year old, played August 20-24 in 1938, the scores were.
England, 903 for seven dec. Australia, 201 and 123, English gents (Poms) beat the shit out of the Aussies. (Bludgers) By an innings and 579 runs. This matter is rarely mentioned in Australian cricket history.

The English cricket season lasts for three and a half months; during which it pisses down with rain for a third of the time. In Australia we have a sunny seven month cricket season. The weather conditions for the remainder of the year are far better than the English cricket season.. During the off season in OZ our greedy Oz cricketers trot off to England to play for English teams, thereby robbing English youngsters to play the game, its all money money money. The question arises, do fit English sporty persons want to play cricket when the earner is far greater for playing in the football codes for nine months of the year.

Australia is without doubt the ‘Lucky Country’.

Let us not kid ourselves that Australians are superhuman with a genetic makeup entirely different from other people in our world. The vast majority of us enjoy living conditions that are far and beyond better than most other countries.
We Australians have a head start when it comes to the opportunity to become proficient in outdoor sporting activities, it is without doubt we have the best climatic conditions in the World, although the U S A has a fairly good climate, It also has a huge population to choose their best sports persons from, and will always dominate because of this factor. Cash strapped; so called third world countries unfortunately rarely compete with their maximum talent.
European countries are basically into cold climate activities, such as (Association football or soccer), Rugby league, and Rugby and snow ice and above water sports. The adverse weather conditions are off-putting to prospective sports persons.
Getting out of a warm bed on a freezing cold morning about one third of the year. Treading gingerly across the cold floor even in summer and hoping summer will be on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday instead of the usual Monday or Tuesday does put a damper on out door activities when dressed in restricting volumes of warm clothing , hardly weather for cycling or swimming or even taking the dog for a walk.

Remember the truth is always more important than bending the facts to fit your own personal theory. But it is unfortunate that, not everybody shares that opinion.


Anonymous said…
English cricket's problems are manifold: Children don't play the sport at school(most schools don't have a cricket pitch); free to air T V won't touch cricket. Everyone is Football mad (you have to flick a news paper back ten pages before you get to the cricket news); the public can't name a player except Andrew Flintoff:and players that are not good enough.
Sadly, the biggest threat to the ashes is England giving up the sport alltogether.
Anonymous said…
Hi first time on your blog. but I dont blog myself.
The advertising standards board has deemed the word 'Pom' not to be a racial slur, and said it should be permitted on T V advertisements during the summer's cricket.
The A S B ruled that commercials poking fun at 'Poms' were not intended to vilify English people.
Community group British people against racial discrimination was among those who complained to the A S B about five advertisements, claiming the word was 'offensve','derogatory and 'racist'.
Anonymous said…
well said dad
Vest said…
Wally, Thank you for your comment.
These Stupid People from the A S B who deemed it permissible to offend even the smallest number of complainant's after careful scrutiny, should realize this situation is not flexible for certain occasions in order for newspapers to needlessly whip up a frenzy of hatred toward certain sections of our communities, it can only be right or wrong, there is
no need whatsoever to utter the word Pom, this needless verbal grenade can easily be replaced by using the word 'English'.

Anon. At my charity boarding school umpteen years back, we had a staff only cricket pitch used about ten times in a year, the students were not permitted to play any form of improvised cricket, punishable by 'near death' by caning, gee I detested that school.

David. Hi there #1 son. Thanks for your comment, the previous comment you made was 18 months ago, Ta son, dad.
Anonymous said…
I feel so sorry for the English cricketers. The superior attitude of the Australian cricket fans and commentators never ceases to amaze me.
Imagine the pressure the Poms are under and then they have to hear demeaning comments. No wonder they can't win a match - Who could with that amount of pressure?
What a race of 'Superior Sods' we are becoming.
Anonymous said…
Ah, how well I remember the underarm incident between Oz & N.Z. I've never subscribed to the point of view of Oz being true sportsman in any way, shape or form since. Long remembered here.
Anonymous said…
Hello mr vest,Zed(zac) Gordon and I have enjoyed your post, we are all Aussies but there does seem too much of our guys and commentators blowing their own trumpets,so to speak. Btway my opinion is shane warne is a total bumhole.
Anonymous said…
Australian, Mathew Elliot(another Mick)Has signed up with Yorshire for the coming English cricket season, Edging out another ENGLISH player.
Yorkshire CCC were the last team to use Foreigners,they insisted before that, it would ruin the chances for the local players.
Jim said…
cricket was a game played by the new maharajahs, the british in india

these guys were too fat to play football
so they took to cricket
they hired the natives to run for dem

it lasted 5 days
untl kerry packer come along and introduced one day matches

i hate cricket and the guys who play cricket

i hate VEST
i am a footballer

and i kick ass
Vest said…
Saby for those who do not know, is a night soil collector from Mumbai (Bombay)India. Saby also works part time as a garbage collector at the Wankhede cricket stadium at Mmumbai.
Saby's other interests are Child pornography and other uninhibited sexual paraphernalia.
Saby is also into identity skulduggery and other Internet misbehavior, like many others his favourite word is 'Hate'.
Saby is also the Internet serial arsehole
There must be plenty of people of saby's ilk, if you are one of these; don't call here; please.
Vest said…
Saby, The worst start of a test innings was when India played England in India 1952.
Fred Truman took 4 Indian wickets in 5 balls from the 'First 6 ball over of the Indian first innings. Great stuff.

Thanks Rae, Anon, Sharon and Aggie.

Aggie is a beautiful person from New Zealand, who loves her cricket.
Anonymous said…
Hello Dad, gee you know how much i like cricket, the 20/20 was the best game i have ever seen, we should have more games like that and then england can try and try again hehe also i did not notice the grass growing , i wish you luck with the the cricket bat thing with the mozzies
Vest said…
There are so many theories regarding the origin of the contentious expression 'Pom'.
Very few Aussies know the real meaning, but if they did, it would refer more than likely to themselves; as the future generations of the criminal breed exported from Britain for around Seventy years from the 1880's and not the more recent arrivals who bear no convict qualifications.
Most of the convict ships sailed from Portsmouth, Hampshire in England, Where the expression Pompey had been in use for many generations prior to the sailing of the first convict ships in 1788. Even to this present day, residents of Portsmouth are called pomponians.
The word pomponions was then shortened to Pompies and then further to Pommies and now to poms.
All other theories are totally without substance.
Anonymous said…
I'm a paul who doesn't play mick cricket but i watch it a lot, Richie Benaud is a smarmy bastard and always buttering up his dreary comment in favor of us aussies, I'm from WA and I cant stand assholes like fat gutted tubby Taylors slack arsed commentry
Vest said…
Thank you Tim #5 son for your comment.

Paul: Seems you could be a combo of orange and green and you are from British roots and you live in W A which is 3,000 Foreign miles distant from Steak & kidney N S W OZ. Call again.
Jim said…
while the British play 5 day matches

and the ugly americans ride hosses and chase cows

INDIA is fucking the world
come read IMNUTSINCAPS asshole
Jim said…
The teacher took Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
“No” said Billy. ”He plays Cricket for England but I was too embarrassed to say.”

dat was a classic VEST
Anonymous said…
So according to Michael (another Mick)Hussey, The spirit of the game is unimportant but winning regardless a financial benefit, hardly a heroic deed when you know well you are 'OUT' and you cheat by staying put, checking decisions on video will get you back in the pavillion faster when this method becomes law.
Mick Hussey. You are the asshole of the week; so far.
Friend of the umpires Mathew(MICK)Hayden, Nickname 'triple chance' nice to see you collect a Zero.Sun 21st.
Anonymous said…
Hello mr Saby, I have got everything that you need lover boy
Anonymous said…
Bonsoir Monsieur Vest'e. The Anglaise silly Cricket boys should project duo rouge spheres at the the baton trio, the game will then be called 'Bollocks'.
Anonymous said…
I am back to work today- after a gorgeous romantic holiday gazing at the stars at night with my new beau.
sorry I don't understand cricket coming from a wop family, no one can tell whats going on, luvs ya vestie waiting to give you a big hug. Katexxx
Anonymous said…

u sure gott it

not many indian girls have wat u gott

VEST has gott ass too
but his is no comparison
Anonymous said…
u blind or wat
dat was her pic
Anonymous said…
give me a big hug too, Kate

VEST cant do much afterwards
Keshi said…
hey Vest that was my pic on Saby's blog...

btw u a cricket maniac too? :)

Vest said…
Keshie. is totally beautiful,
Gorgeous pic. I A I L W Y

BTW, as well as what?
Keshi said…
ty Vest!

**I A I L W Y

huh? :):)

Vest said…
The advertising standards board has relented to pressure
The word pom or pommie has been banned for use in advertising in Australia, read 2nd post Daily Telegraph.
Anonymous said…
does anyone now what a dennis lilly, our ashes great coin would be worth???
lucy said…
hey all, does anyone now what a, dennis lily, our ashes great coin would be worth??? thanks

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