The Daily Gaggle

Two-headed baby under police guard A baby boy born with two heads has been put under police guard in a Bangladesh hospital after a 15,000 strong mob arrived to look at it. The baby, named Kiron, weighed 5.5kg when he was born on Monday morning by caesarean in Keshobpur. Gynaecologist Mohamad Abdul Bari said: "He has one stomach and he is eating normally with his two mouths. He has one genital organ and a full set of limbs. "He was born from one embryo but there was a developmental anomaly." Doctors have been unable to determine whether the baby has one or two sets of vital organs. Due to the large crowds gathering at the hospital to try and see the baby, both the mother, 22, and son have been moved to a larger hospital and the police have been called in. "Around 150,000 people gathered yesterday from different areas. It became tough for us to care for the baby,” Mr Bari added. "We called police to tackle the situation and they are guarding the hospital i...

And it hasn't rained much either. So since the new edit of the water regs last June all due to the increase in water storage whereas one may wash the family car using a trigger hose instead of as many bucketfuls as you wished, I decided to give the car a miss and illegally water the back garden. The guy next door spoke to me about it and I explained that, I will not mention to the authorities about the elec/light being constantly turned on in his shed at the back of his garden. Having got him by the short and curlies, he suggested that being a pom (English) I should be given an extra quota of town water due to the assumption that most English people only bathe on a Saturday or the sabbath or to attend periodical social gatherings. This neighbour of mine has part of his rear garden dedicated to the storage of come in handy later items-the TV Saga of 'Steptoe and Son' comes to mind, sayings such as "Oi Arold" and you "Dirty old Man" by the motley pair of ...

Vest said... In future until further notice, all non bloggers meaning those without a blog site, may if they wish register their name or title with me as others have done already. Leave your name etc and email address and register before calling, this applies mainly to serial anony callers who use abusive dialogue within their comment, maybe Little Ben from Maitland should take note and also purchase a nose guard from your friendly sports store--gotcha you little fart. Remember all calls with unacceptable content will be scrubbed. Have a lovely day. Friday, 22 August 2008 10:48:00 AM EST

SO Britain is short on pools and soap so this prize pig states, not surprising since he and a heap of other Aussie Bigots have hogged the market for their daily ritual, 'The Washing Out Of Your Foul and Filthy Mouths With Soap'. John Coates: The Aussie Olympic Boss, the under qualified and grossly overpaid sporting moron living off the backs of true blue Aussies, should find himself another job that suits his general makeup, ideally as a 'Shithouse Cleaner' or with the North Korean Diplomatic Corps. This common Tyke has been asked to step down and should be regarded as persona non grata. Google 'The Sydney Daily Telegraph' archives, for the full story. The Need for (comfort) domestic swimming pools in Britain or Europe, is rare due to the adverse climatic conditions. The need to shower daily in Australia is a must or you would stink to high heaven, however, this option is not always the case, say during the winter season when the temperatures drop to equal t...

THERE is nothing so impertinent, so sensitive and foolish, as our way of vulgar discourse, when mixed with oaths and curses. Swearing, that lewdness of the tongue, That scum and excrement of the mouth commonly used by bullying peers in industry the office and the military parade ground, and now the entertainment industry, it is of all vices the most foolish and sensless; it makes a persons conversation unpleasant, his Discourse fruitless, and his Language Nonsense. On leaving; as a guest at a local servicemans club, I asked a senior staff person if I could be allowed to voice the "F" word during any social conversation within the club. I was told "No", our club will not condone swearing within the club at any time. My reply was; it seems the Pious bastards running this club can charge patrons $45..00 to listen to a barrage of gushing filth incorporating every known top drawer swear word known to man by that ugly bastard 'Rodney Rude' Billed as entertainment,...

This is far too close to the truth for my liking, A Somalian arrives in Birmingham as a new immigrant to the UK He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. Englishman for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!' The passer-by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Pakistani.' The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in the UK!' The Person says, 'I not British, I am Polish.' The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful things in England!' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from India, I am not British!' He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you British?' She says,” No, I am from Africa!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the British people?' The African lady...

CHAPTER 47 ( Another excerpt from VEST'S memoirs 'Waving Goodbye To a Thousand Flies') Back to Australia. After much preparation, our house sold for more than we expected. We said our good-byes to our relatives and hoped all would be well. On Independence Day, 1971, we sailed from Southampton on ‘Brittannis,’ a 22,000 tonne Greek liner. We had the option to fly out, but a thirty-one day cruise seemed the best idea, especially since it would be a new experience for the family. The journey to Australia was great – good accommodation, food, and entertainment. Mary’s 37th birthday was on 5 July. Even after delivering five healthy sons, she was still beautiful (and still is the love of my life.) Our boys were well behaved on the ship. We met an ex-Navy man and his wife and family with whom we are still in contact to this day. When the ship called into the Canary Isles, we all went ashore and nearly lost Christopher, who decided to go sightseeing on his own. The next stop was in...

Nigel...... LION-KING@NTLWORLD.COM Subject: FW: THE SIX AFFAIRS The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM . The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!' The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen....

If you dunno what girt by sea means sport you dun Qualify. Regarding Our National Anthem I am sorry, but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Arabic - enough is enough. No where or at no other time in our nation's history, did they sing it in Italian, Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, or any other language because of immigration. It was written in English, and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. I am not sorry if this offends anyone, this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP ---- please pass this along I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and LONG LIVE Australia ! PART OF THE PROBLEM. Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offendi...

Court: Girl can't be called Talula Does The Hula New Zealand judge criticizes parents and orders 9-year-old to be renamed updated 6:32 a.m. ET July 24, 2008 WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it. Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed. Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said. The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy. 'Very poor judgment' "The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily." The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never to...

You might think a pupil would be marked down for writing a note on their English exam telling tutors to "F**k off". But one was rewarded with extra marks - because it was better than leaving the page blank and demonstrates "nominal skills". The pupil was given 7.5 per cent by top marker Peter Buckroyd for leaving the expletive on his paper. And incredibly, the Assessment and Qualifications Alliance (AQA) chief examiner said adding an exclamation mark would have taken the score to 11 per cent by showing proper punctuation. Mr Buckroyd said: "It would be wicked to give it zero, it does show some very basic skills, conveying some meaning and some spelling. "It shows more skills than somebody who leaves the page blank." Mr Buckroyd said he even uses the example, from the 2006 GCSE paper of a pupil who was asked "Describe the room you're sitting in", when training examiners. However, AQA, Britain's biggest GCSE examiner, distanced itself...

ABC foreign correspondent and accused drug trafficker Peter Lloyd has been discharged from a Singapore hospital and offered bail ahead of his next court appearance on Friday. The public broadcaster sent its senior legal adviser, Rob Simpson, to help Lloyd, who was formally charged at a private hearing in Changi General Hospital's prison ward with trafficking and possession of the methamphetamine ice. Lloyd, the ABC's South Asia correspondent, was on leave in Singapore when arrested on Wednesday. Peter Lloyd's life. The 41-year-old was being treated for an eye infection, but a hospital spokeswoman said he was discharged at 1am Sydney time yesterday. "He is no longer receiving treatment here,'' she said. "He was discharged yesterday.'' A Department of Foreign Affairs spokesman said the hearing had been attended by a consular officer from the Australian High Commission. Singapore Central Narcotics Bureau spokesperson Agnes Lim said of Lloyd: "He ...

World's oldest blogger, Olive Riley, dies at 108 An Australian woman believed to be the world's oldest blogger has died aged 108, after writing a post about her deteriorating health. Olive Riley began blogging in February 2007 after a friend suggested the idea and offered to type up the posts on her behalf. Her blog, The Life of Riley, became an international hit, with readers logging on from the United States to Russia to hear stories about her life. Mrs Riley' tales of surviving two world wars and the Depression, bringing up three children on her own and working as a cook in the Australian outback and a barmaid in Sydney, were also nominated for a Blogger's Choice award in 2007. Not content to stick to writing, she later branched out into video, posting clips of herself talking and singing on YouTube, the video-sharing website. In her 74th and final post on June 26, she wrote about moving into a nursing home because of her ill health. "I still feel weak and can...

Vest Say's. 622. On this day Mohammed begins his flight from Mecca to Medina, marking the start of the Islamic calendar. Vest Say's. Should he have missed his flight the World today would not be in such a Pickle. 1945. The beginning of the Nuclear Age, When the first test Atom Bomb was exploded in New Mexico USA. Saved countless lives in WW2, probably mine too. 1969. At 2100hours GMT. The first Moon Shot By Apollo 11. 1926. At 2359 Friday July 16, Vest arrived in the years of the 'Depression' Comment welcomed.

Vest Say's, if life were a game of Monopoly, the first acquisitions on my agenda would be a waterworks and a power station, followed by St Pancras station, preferable to the other stations. Combining these monopolies to work as a smoothly running machine would be my first objective, and the power station being the main player in the game would have to be powered with a sensible selection of fuels such as proteins carbohydrates veggies vitamins and minerals plus a clean water supply. St Pancras station would get a face lift, and its major engine named New Pancreas, it having replaced the former engine called 'Cloggedupanstuffedstonehengine'. nicknamed cloggers. Poor cloggers never had a good start in life and many pancreas'es were deprived of the easy to deal with fuels as described above, due to either the owners ignorance being not able to understand the proper procedure; but mainly because clogger's owner for example was desperately deprived and had to rely on a d...

A Portsmouth England Magistrate, has told the presenter of the Brit TV show The Weakest Link to say "Goodbye" to her drivers licence. This is a weekday show on Foxtel Sydney Mon-Frid's, followed by "Eggheads", I usually watch both, but have problems when it comes to Anne Robinsons Phonetics, hard to sort out Bs Vs Ds Gs etc, for example "Beginning with B ends up beginning with V. However, Annie Cocksure has come unstuck. Weakest Link presenter Anne Robinson was banned from driving for six months today, plus a 100 pound fine Aud$225.oo. The TV personality was convicted at Portsmouth Magistrates’ Court after admitting her fourth speeding offence since September 2005. The court heard the latest one occurred in Anglesey Road, Portsmouth on August 8 last year when the 63-year-old, who did not attend the hearing, was clocked doing 43mph in a 30mph zone. Michael McGoldrick, in defence, said his client was disorientated by the road system after leaving a ferry fr...

Who needs Viagra? Watermelon has the same effect. If you want to feel sexy the answer is to suck on a melon... The fruit contains citrulline which boosts the blood supply in much the same way the sex drug Viagra does. Citrulline is turned into an amino acid called arginine when mixed with the body's enzymes. Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it. But don't dump the Viagra just yet, you'll have to eat at least six cups of watermelon - mostly the rind - to get the same effect as the drug. And that can lead to stomach cramps and lots of trips to the toilet as the fruit is also a diuretic. -------------------------------------- The crab with giant claws Say hello to Claude the crab - but if you shake hands, do mind his grip. Living up to his nickname, his claws are bigger than a man's mitt and those powerful pincers could snip your finger...

Vest said... oops!! its gonnagin, feeling extra nasty today are you, someone nicked your broomstick agin. or was it deleted? 7/03/2008 12:41 AM Vest said... TeStyHS mommy dear Looks like your garden cart was formerly a roman toy chariot, seen better days. Aw shucks you deleted the technical details on how to fabricate a lawn roller El cheapo. There was that possibility someone may have benefitted from them' one of your callers from CA said she quite liked my comment but it seems the roller instructions have gone foreever but those who missed my reply here it is. Anon.....CA said... I spotted this comment on the tshsmoan blog in reply to a comment to the funny comment-but practical way to make an economical garden roller which I read last night on the tshsmoan blog - but sadly now deleted, being a regular visitor to tshsmoan blog makes me wonder was or is some sort of friction between yourself and tshsmoan? Ps, I did like the roller instructions. (after deletion) Vest said... Rea...

In reply to a post by 'KESHI' This shall be my reply. CHAPTER 30 Reminiscing Looking back over the past ten years and taking stock of the present state of my life, I felt the need for a new direction. Near the beginning of the last decade, I had a frightful feeling of being alone and unwanted. I had learned to live with the loss of my mother’s affection. Although Auntie Parker was affectionate, I felt she wasn’t providing me with real, open love and the freedom to embrace her at will. After all, she had her own brood of children to love. I also thought about my first affair with Emily Jane Courtney-Cowper and how I was drawn into that unusual escapade. Emily was a warm, fun-loving person who had the ability to make things happen. There was always something more that followed a period of fun. There was no such thing as an anti-climax; only total exhaustion or oblivion. Emily, who was three years older than me, seemed so grown up and worldly. Wanting to do things for me, she unse...

USA JAIL - SOME INTERESTING READING I would vote for this man and set him up in the UK Australia or in fact everywhere. as well. USA JAIL - SOME INTERESTING READING TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO, HE IS THE MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF ( ARIZONA ) AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER AGAIN. These are some of the reasons why: Sheriff Joe Arpaio created the 'tent city jail' to save Arizona from spending tens of millions of dollars on another expensive prison complex. He has jail meals down to 20 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He banned smoking and pornographic magazines in the jails, and took away their weightlifting equipment and cut off all but 'G' movies. He says: 'They're in jail to pay a debt to society not to build muscles so they can assault innocent people when they leave.' He started chain gangs to use the inmates to do free work on county and city projects and save taxpayer's money. Then he started chain gangs...