The Daily Gaggle

People wishing to become Kiwi's, New Zealanders that is, will be taught N Z values before they are allowed in. This initiative has been launched in an attempt to avert tension and violence between locals and newcomers as well as those already settled. Federation of islamic associations of New Zealand president Javed Khan said he welcomed the education plan, as long as it did not evolve into a series of compulsory tests. More is the pity the Australian Fed govt can't pull its finger out and co-ordinate a similar set of values for indigenous New Zealanders arriving here willy nilly without residential permits. About 3% of the population of New Zealand are now domiciled in Australia. Most of the males are employed in the security businesses like bouncers in clubs; due to their overpowering body size. Australian prisoner of war, David Hicks say's his time of illegal imprisonment by the American global terrorists in Guantanamo Bay concentration camp; was a torture, the like of w...

Vest say's these three morons should cop it and cop the lot like 50 years in the slammer , anything and anyone involved with guns is to be deplored, fellow gun loving bloggers take note you bunch of assholes, you too are potential killers. Three Officers Charged in Sean Bell Killing Plead Not Guilty, Family Calls For JusticeListen to Segment Download Show mp3 Watch 128k stream Watch 256k stream Read Transcript Help Printer-friendly version Email to a friend Purchase Video/CD The three police officers indicted for the killing of unarmed bridegroom Sean Bell pleaded not guilty Monday after surrendering at the Queens County Courthouse. Detectives Michael Oliver and Gescard Isnora are each charged with first and second-degree manslaughter. Detective Marc Cooper, was charged with second-deg...

Labour sperm donors: new lapel pin and ear-tagging for honors recipients Written by queen mudder and Approved and edited by vest@dailygaggle.com Story written: 30 December 2006 Email this story Print this story Gong recipients with personalised badges London - (Ass Mess): Easy recognition of cash-for-honors gong-winners has been announced today in the form of a lapel pin bearing the ancient heraldic symbol of the asshole rampant. Newly created Life Peers can also choose a personalised form of the badge, for instance the fistful of cash, the Prime Monsterial (tennis) racket or the offshore tax haven slush fund PO Box number emblazoned in brass.A variation on the lapel pin under consideration is the ovine/bovine ear tag with easily accessible bar code that may be worn by local government workers and IT consultants honored for their work on the government's NHS computer.Lord Archer will be offered the option of electronic tagging and this facility may also be something for Lord Le...

It was during the spring of 1965 when my ship the HMS VERYLAM had called into Hamilton, Bermuda, After being ripped off being charged three bucks for a haircut and later a meal at the services club, I met the local barber in the Ace of Spades club. Most of the guys in the club were either well tanned or locals. after asking what price he pays for a haircut one local told me I had been seen off. I then told the barber that he owed me a beer at least for being dishonest, he then told me as I was a Honky and as a bloody tourist I was fair game and I had a gall to bail him up in the local indigenous club. The barber on the receiving end of some ostracizing looks bought me a beer at the bar and then I him and he me several times until that sad moment an announcement was made that the singer 'Nat King Cole' had passed away, it was the day after St Valentines day Feb 15 1965. As a mark of respect the bar closed and most patrons finished up drinking at the 'Horse and Buggy'. Ab...

This is the sort of sicko message American bloggers are sending me for what reason heaven knows. However the swiftdsl has not been used on my site for nearly a year now. but it was suggested recently that it was the address to use by tshsmom to her sicko cronies to send derogatory messages to me personaly, being tshsmom is the only person I know who used swift dsl to mail me I returned the message. ----- Original Message ----- From: Cleveland To: vest@swiftdsl.com.au Sent: Monday, March 12, 2007 4:14 PM Subject: Hot Australian News SYDNEY, March 11, 2007 08:56pm (AEDT) - The Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard have survived a heart attack. Mr Howard, 67 years old, was at Kirribilli House in Sydney, his prime residence, when he was suddenly stricken. Mr Howard was taken to the Royal North Shore Hospital where the best surgeons of Australia are struggling for his life. Click on the link below to get the latest information on the health of the Prime Minister: The Australian - keeping...

RED & BLUE POLITICIN AINT WHAT IT SEEMS TO BE A Wild West U/S Town was in a pre election frenzy. The two main Antagonists were a Democrat(labor) bloke wearing red and the republican (conservative) in blue.Rolling into town was the Medicine man with his horse and cart.Both political candidates challenged the medicine man on the validity of his claim, that, his Blue and Red medicines cured certain types of illness at differing times of the year.He Stated. The Red medicine was made from the bark at the top of the LACITILOP tree at the height of summer. The Blue Medicine was made from the bark at the bottom of the LACITILOP tree during the depths of winter.These medications are very similar to those you pollies propose to inflict on the general public, during your pathetic efforts to cure the financial woes of the state.But the truth is, MR RED if you allow him, will skin you from the earholes down.MR BLUE I am certain, will skin you from the toe nails upward.

Children of 11 to be Fingerprinted Children aged 11 to 16 are to have their fingerprints taken and stored on a secret database, internal Whitehall documents reveal.The leaked Home Office plans show that the mass fingerprinting will start in 2010, with a batch of 295,000 youngsters who apply for passports. Welcome to Big Brother Britain The Accuracy of Wikipedia After Wikipedia editor “Essjay” was caught bullshitting about his education and profession, news agencies have been questioning the accuracy of information on Wikipedia. I decided to test the site’s accuracy on subjects that I am familiar with. Retiree Stole $40,000 in Coins And Tokens Transit employee spends 20 years slowly stealing $40,000 worth of subway tokens, only to be foiled when transit system switches to swipe cards. The Ten Keys to Winning Any Argument Have you been at the losing end of more than just one argument lately? Read on for some comprehensive keys that will help you unlock your winning strategies and lure yo...

Copied from journal. Soon after taking on fuel at Gibraltar, our ship The HMS CEYLON The flag ship of Admiral Biggs RN, sailed to Takoradi on the Gold Coast of West Africa, where we unloaded stores and provisions for the ceremonies that were to take place further down the coast in Accra, the capital. Almost the entire population of Accra was Negro. They were friendly but misguided by their leaders. “Freedom, Freedom” was their familiar chant. On 6 March 1957 the Gold Coast, Ashanti, and Togoland became ‘Ghana.’ There was much celebration and dancing amongst us and the locals, this generated a fair ‘Whiff’ from the gyrating bodies as they shouted “Freedom! Freedom!” and I then shouting “Rexona! Rexona!” I stayed at the United Africa Co. Guest House. I remember “Reg H", a well-known red-haired professional cyclist from Nottingham England, who was in Accra flogging Raleigh bicycles to the locals; he had fallen down the stairs. He was not at all well from our binge the night befor...

A bunch of unemployable bludgers and layabouts who do little else but whine about their woes, drug addiction, weight problems and the state of their god fearing dysfunctional inbred families. This how I picture this intercommunicating cesspit of North American bloggers who consider any non American fair game for abuse. In order to correct and create a level playing field for non American commenter's, I found myself dissected and most of my opinion rejected, obviously my reasoning was beyond their zero IQ comprehension. One blog administrater has called for my extinction, and at this point in time is rallying this festering mob to use whatever devious methods they can concoct to bring about my demise. Not a single person in this group has the intestinal fortitude to stand alone, to be honest I would rather have a snake as a friend than anyone from this sinister bunch of creeps, who are devoid of humour and the social graces. So to my detractors I have this well used statement to of...

Subject: Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever Idiotic ‘Millionaire’ Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever Kathy X, the single dumbest contestant to ever get on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" NEW YORK – Ranier- Minnesota resident Kathy X brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.”It seems that Kathy, a 51-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing “the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.” After being introduced to the show’s host Meredith Vieira, Kathy X assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: “Which of the following is the largest?” ) A PeanutB) An ElephantC) The MoonD) Hey, who you calling large? Immediately Kathy was struck with an all consumi...

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it! Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rul...

Yes It's Our Country Most of us true blue Aussies feel very strongly about this, but for those of you who don't, read this at least twice. Australia- The Right to Leave Our Country - YOU Have the right - the right to leave ! After Sydney not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Christmas lights. After hearing that the state of South Australia changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her driver's licence with her face covered. This prompted this editorial written by an Australian citizen. Published in an Australian newspaper. Quote:IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It ! We are tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the ...

The Husband Store A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . .you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men ha...

Sitting at a desk collecting donations for charity gave Bob; a friend of mine an idea how to make the time pass more quickly. The following day he arrived with prepared sheets of paper on which he recorded with ticks for all the women who passed him in the categories that most suited them. Bob being a terribly honest person did not deviate from the standards he applied, and the results he obtained were quite astonishing. Bearing in mind the Central coast of NSW, Australia, Where I live have a higher number of retired persons than most inner met suburbs. Bob also precluded all children under the age of eighteen. so to enable this to be accurate, Bob did two surveys; both between 0900 and 1200 am, one on a Tuesday and the the other on a Thursday pension day. below are Bobs Results. TUESDAY. Thin, 116... Normal, 128... Overweight, 167... Fat, 278...Very Fat, 257. THURSDAY. Thin, 87... Normal, 106... Overweight, 179... Fat, 302... Very Fat, 291. AVERAGE COMBINED, Thin, 203... Normal, 234.....

Once again Strayer is defeated by the Kiwis, prior to that it was three in a row by the English cricket team. Five losses on the trot doth not make Australia the best team in the world, their best batsmen and bowlers are knackered and the new players just very ordinary and wayward. It was good to see the look of dismay on the dials of the Aussie losers instead of their demeaning-arrogant attitude towards their opponents, these nose picking, bollock scratching, unshaven bunch of gum chewing has- beens ; need to get back to basics.

A comment I received recently, suggested the English cricketers although under rated, were never tested during the recent debacle when defeating New Zealand and Australia. What a shame that the England team preparations for the World Cup have been damaged by having to play opposition that is so easy to beat, namely New Zealand and Australia. I wholeheartedly go along with this jibe, made in retaliation to the on and off field derision by the Australian team and cynical nose in the air "We are unbeatable" press coverage by the bigoted Australian press towards the under strength and under rated England cricket team. The jibes and sledging gave strength to to the England team, and with a lot luck and pluck, Plucked the opposition leaving them losing face. I Quote: Its not the size of the dog in the fight. Its the size of the fight in the dog. Today we hear of Australia's worst loss in O D I Cricket history. Australia, 148 runs from 49 overs plus the loss of 10 wickets. N.Zea...

I expect you remember the standard make up of the school kid gangs, one tall, three average size and one fat boy with spectacles. During recent years the order of things have changed to three four eyed fatties a stunted ginger head skinny.and a very fat girl, who is usually called tweety or laura for some odd reason. So if you are a skinny and wish to move outwards to the fat trendy status, here is the best way to start. In the School Canteen or in the lunch box mummy has prepared for you is the catalyst for expansion and the means to short circuit your life span. Start right now consuming heaps of Trans Fats which is found in a variety of foodstuffs notably those in a list shortly to follow, this will get you a proud pork belly in little or no time. Why? Because this crap you eat tastes delicious and is addictive because of that. Mothers, whack some in your child's lunch pack, your skinny kid will love it and become a fat and happy rotund little blob in the wink of an eye. Trans F...

Border has no right to question my courage Say's Big Kev Pieterson . of Short arsed Allan Border. Kev questioned Borders latest loud mouthing, Border stating Big Kev was too quick to head home after suffering a broken rib, It was only cracked and he could have come good in a couple of weeks. Big Kevin Pieterson was struck by a ball delivered by the super mumbler and sledger , Glenn McGrath . Border Say's Big Kev, played in 156 Tests. But that doesn't give him a Medical Degree, Its a load of crap from some one I have never met-and don't want to. A B; watch out, a fat lip could be in the offing for you on big Kevs return to Oz . (I hope). Condolences for the ex p-m (English) cricketer And current member of the Black & White minstrel show who is now Strayer's Fav One day Cricketer, Andy Symonds is a victim of good English bowling during the Oz bludgers defeat on Friday Jan 2. "Cop That!" Andy Pandy , for defecting to the enemy. Get well soon; the ...

Very quiet, so I got a few oldie music masterpieces out, well I was the only person listening so there were no complaints, it was refreshing being able to hear the actual words of the song, instead of the mod version of bang clang noise, drowning the vocal drivel, sounding more like a M R Swahili choir. Most of you wouldn't have a clue who the Artistes are, but here is a list of those musical legends I listened to while watching the cricket minus the dreary commentary. Glenn miller, "In the mood" ** Sophie Tucker, "Some of these days" ** Judy Garland, "Over the rainbow" *** Al Jolson, "My Mammy" ** Fred Astair , "Putting on the ritz " * Delores Del Rio, "Ramona" **** Deanna Durbin , "Waltzing in the clouds" *** Eddie Cantor, "Making Whoopee" ** Jeanette Macdonald , "Merry widow Waltz" **** Peter Dawson, "The Floral Dance" *** Carmen Miranda, "I YI YI YI YI (I Like you very mu...