The Daily Gaggle

The reason for this Happy announcement is, because I am Zachary's Great grand Uncle. Congratulations to Louise and Simon

A Wild West U/S Town was in a pre election frenzy. The two main Antagonists were a Democrat(labor) bloke wearing red and the republican (conservative) in blue. Rolling into town was the Medicine man with his horse and cart. Both political candidates challenged the medicine man on the validity of his claim, that, his Blue and Red medicines cured certain types of illness at differing times of the year. He Stated. The Red medicine was made from the bark at the top of the LACITILOP tree at the height of summer. The Blue Medicine was made from the bark at the bottom of the LACITILOP tree during the depths of winter. These medications are very similar to those you pollies propose to inflict on the general public, during your pathetic efforts to cure the financial woes of the state. But the truth is, MR RED if you allow him, will skin you from the earholes down. MR BLUE I am certain, will skin you from the toe nails upward.

HAS RETURNED TO CRUNCH THOSE RIGHT WING CONSERVATIVE SCUMBAGS. Of course this is a matter of opinion, I would prefer to hear he was lost in the amazon jungle without hope of rescue. Remember : Your Good News Wish must be sensational or controversial..... no lotto dreams.....Babies .....Weddings ..... or death wishes. VENT YOUR SPLEEN RIGHT HERE.... NOW!!

This may not be important to most people. However, To my friends and associates of the HMS King George V Assoc, FREDERICK HALLIDAY (FRED) was a real Friend, a Mate and pleasant to the extreme, who will be sorely missed by us, and most of all by Freds dear lady Betty, to whom on behalf of the assoc, we send our deepest condolences. I first met Fred when he was stoking the donkey boiler (Hot water supply) on the jetty at Liverpool England, when our ship the large Battleship HMS King George V was refitting while in the dry dock. It was during WW2, when most of us were just young boys on joining the ship, but matured to the extreme by the end of hostilities. Most had served three or more years in the Royal Navy and by then had reached the ripe old ages between nineteen and twenty two. I joined at 15 and 5 months on 7-1- 42. Many years later an association was formed in Australia by former crew members of this famous ship that served with distinction both in Europe and in the Pacific areas ...

SEND IT BACK OR TO SOMEONE ELSE Junk Mail Help: When you get 'ads' enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these 'ads' with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage- paid envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular postage 'If ' and when they receive them back. It costs them nothing if you throw them away, but the postage charges increase according to weight, so in that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it into these cool postage return envelopes. ANOTHER GREAT IDEA is: Send an ad for your local plumber or chimney cleaner to American Express and a Pizza coupon with the assortment of supermarket gunge to Citybank. if you become over loaded with junk mail, stuff it in an old large u...

Patronage of the HALEKULANI Bowling Club, has in the past attracted persons of mature age in the main, and mature age memberships will continue to assist the club in its operations, while the elderly continue to retire in the area. However, it seems the HALEKULANI Bowlo is intent on self destruction, and without the help of the present downturn in club finances; due to the excessive pokie tax imposed by our state Govt. Mainly on a Friday evening, patronage is sometimes that poor in the entertainment (dance) area, that ten fingers are enough to count the audience. There are many excuses for this sort of occurrence offered by the club management, but none that add up. The main reason for this phenomenon is the reappearance of bands or artiste's who fail to impress their audiences time after time, so the punters become really pissed off and trot off to Doylo Rissole or the Budgie roundball Club, so at the the end of the nights booze up they spend more on the plonk as these clubs Who c...

(1) The three little words are "Hold On Please...." Saying this,while putting down the telephone and walking off(instead of hanging up immediately)would make each telemarketing call so much more time consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help to eliminate telephone soliciting. (2)Do you receive ANNOYING PHONE CALLS with no one on the other end ? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes telephone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This ruse is used to determine the best time for a Real sales person to call back. What you can do after answering.If you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # Button on the phone 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible.This confuses the machin...

If you are told not to walk across the paddock wearing a red shirt and get gored by the bull in doing so, you are an IDIOT. Put your head in a Lions mouth or stand in the middle of the freeway in dense fog or put your goolies under the office guillotine to check it out, you are an IDIOT. It is no less stupid; especially after being constantly warned of the severe penalties available to Loonies who are less intelligent than a sniffer dog, to go to a foriegn country and attempt to smuggle drugs either in or out, with the prospect of a mandatory death sentence being imposed if apprehended. So you are smart and get through one end of the journey, well there is another search at the other end. Maybe you will get away with it the first time, but not always, soon you will become careless and be caught. So if you are travelling with drugs in your possession you become a danger to yourself as well as others. I am not in favour of capital punishment, however a sound thrashing periodically adm...

My Family sit down to dinner-tea -whatever around 5-6pm. To keep talk to the minimum we watch free to air news on the TV- Puctuated by irritating adverts which neither amuse or hold our attention. Our Favourite Disgusting mealtime advert is about the Smelly yellow diseased large toenail which opens up along with its accompanying chatter about smelly fungi and microbes. The equal favourite, is the Pensioners Insurance lady, who gabbles on like a Spanish-fishwife, without coming up for air. Or what is your favourite advert that has you sending missiles flying at the telly.

Doddering dozing dreadfully incompetant judges making decisions, or passing judgement on court proceedings that they have little if any; inkling of. Apparently there have been many occasions where Judges - Magistrates and the like have been seen to nod off during court proceedings and then passing judgement. Surely the public should not have to put up with this sort of behaviour, and if proven the crown(Govt) should be made liable to bear all costs of a further hearing. Are we sliding back to the hanging Judge Jeffries and Drunken Judge Adv Bowyer-Akins style of justice.

Here we go again. People griping and whining about speeding ..parking and other fines, common to brainless drivers in charge of petrol propelled misssiles who deserve what they cop, and should they complain be charged double. A bit draconian you might say, 'I think not', These loonies are the main cause of the carnage on our roads and deserve all what' coming to them. While driving for an hour along the F3 Freeway on the 17th March 05, my passenger recorded 83 incidents of vehicles speeding 5kph beyond the set limit some more than 10kph over the limit. My advice to you leadfoots is : Simply leave for your destination earlier than your usual time, slow down, notice the look of relief on your passengers faces as they eye the scenary, instead of the white knuckled look of fear when you drove like a dickhead. It is my personal view repeat offenders should be flogged in public, or their vehicle impounded or both. VEST.

Apes: Why should G R A S P grab the funds of well meaning Ape sympathisers, who are targeting the public in order to support the people who in turn give assistance to the various types of dwindling Ape populations on mother earth. Why not, you might say. Well I think not! with reservations of course. Those kind hearted people presently involved are doing a good job, No doubt about that, how far from extinction are they in their rapidly diminishing rain forests? could they be relocated to other rain forest areas like in Australia, unlikely, might be the reply from the immigration dept, If they tend to be more human than other animals repeat animals it would not be long before they claimed social security benefits like havent we got enough bone idle apes on the dole already. Would they assimulate into our suburban population and become model citizens? If so, what particular suburb would you recommend they be directed to,like, Appin or chimpindale or maybe they would be happy in Foresvill...

Other blogs have recently been inundated with misc crap relating to big ears and his horse, this is slightly different. Hopefully, as the pollies say this may keep you amused, especially some of you bone idle sods on the dole, lazing around, "Go on, Get your self a job". Anyhow i'll need an explanation from you, telling me why you had time to waste to enter the 'Limerick Competition' First Prize a self funded back packer holiday in Somalia. So here we go you Miltons Grays and Kiplings, remember, No dunny doggeral, like "One would think with all this wit etc" Remember, only five line limerick poems only, depicting the nuptials of Chas and Cam. Now get on with.

What happened to the slogan Kiss a non smoker and taste the difference. Did some tobacco company buy the copyright and ban its publication? If so what about a new slogan!! remember the kids will have to see it too. My partner and myself are non smokers and only experience this dreadful thing at pissy-arsed social gatherings. What have you experienced when kissing a tobacco smoker? be careful now. What are your thoughts on tobacco usage in general? like,Ban them, ration them or tax them into oblivion or wear a non smokers badge which states: "Blow that shit in my face and you will die you bastard". Remember you dopey smokers, It will reduce your shagging days considerably and each fag an hour of your life. Or should they be fitted with chimneys? YOU DECIDE.

So why do we have to put up with watching our favourite sports people displaying them selves like drunken ape like louts at a Barry Dogshead afternoon Barby. The crabby appearance of our nose picking, unshaven crutch scratching Oz Cricketers, who cheat like the blazes, even though being assumed as the best in the world, but I am not too sure about that. Why refer to them as sporting Heros. I think not, that is bullshite. Hardly a life threatening dying for your country situation, maybe for their opponents, when that dunny sized blonde weetbix munching dicko loses his cool. I believe they are a bunch of arrogant actors-well paid icons. nothing else. Are they worse than the other teams of flanneled fools? Are Oz umpires cheating our opponents? I think so. I believe the pommies are nice well bred players. What say you old chappie? Where is the Wankhede Cricket stadium? Did Robbo once say, dunno I fink they all are?

Good morning to you all on this wet and windy day on the Central Coast of N S W Australia. This blog is not intended for the overheated super educated persons, whose main intent is to impress us with their glossary of alternate words and expressions which tend to become meaningless to normal average people. I will not be impressed by inane one word stupid comments. You may use clear precise philistinic grammar. but keep it readable, for the masses. Overdone obscene statements may be deleted.