Thursday, 4 January 2018

HAPPY BARBEQUE

Thursday, 4 January 2018


HAPPY BARBECUE

You have been invited to a barbecue, and find a Bert Banger type bloke, the traditional piss up chef and Master of the household out door cooking stuffing up the sangers and steaks.  Well I reckon there are nine of these incompetent twits in every ten  households. In most cases these blokes have already been at the beer before your arrival and is usually confirmed by his nibs stacking his empty bottles so all can see what a mutton head he is. Now this guy should not be entrusted to get near that large juicy 16Oz rump steak fresh from the abattoir and already primed with oil, because you know how; and why it should be cooked.
 Having checked the temp of the Barby plate by dropping a blob of water and seeing it disappear fast, you place your steak or if you are poor ( hamburger or sausage) gently onto the Barby plate and pat down.
You then stand guard over your steak in case mutton head starts flipping it over and over like everyone Else's steak; which by the time you have Flipped your steak once only after five or six minutes. and the same time for the other side to cook, your juicy melt in the mouth steak will be on your plate and exciting your palate, whereas Mutton head has drunkenly flipped the other guys steaks umpteen times and still flipping when yours has been consumed.
As for Mutton heads steaks or should I say baked leather, they will require more than a sharp knife and razor teeth to masticate to a consumable consistency.

Happy Barby.....Vest....Back later.

4 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Rather a lot of families have a barbeque 'expert' who happily murders meat for the second time. Mostly male.

Andrew said...

I agree. Steak flippers and sausage piercers should be kept away from barbeques. It is a little like young people and their hair. I want to tell them, get it right before you leave home and then leave it alone. That is, don't primp in public. And so, don't fiddle with cooking meat.

River said...

Well at least you and I know how to cook a steak. My son in law too. My son, on the other hand barely cooks his steak at all, "just wave it across the flames a couple of time sand slap it onto my plate" he says. His father is the "cook it properly all the way through" type. Shoe leather, as you've said.

Vest said...

Ec, Andrew, River. When we moved last year to this new place of residence the Barby Was was left out the front to get rid of it, it disappeared overnight, and now Chris my son And I use an elctric grill to deal with such matters; much less fuss and bother.

WORDS ON WEDNESDAY.

Cindy has posted these prompts on her blog.  BIRTHDAY   HEPBURN ROBBERY.  FERRY. EARTHQUAKE.  ROLLING. POOH.  LEDGER. PARIS.  TOBRUK.. ...