Saturday, 25 January 2014

The Bacon Tree.



The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving.
They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Ees, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon,
double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, wees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? Wees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...
ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 meters,
Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath....

"Pepe... Go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees....



Ees.....


Ees....

Ees....
Ees...

Ees....


Ees..... a ham bush...."


SORRY. I know there's something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldn't help it! Little voices made me do it !!!

And I bet you tried to do the accent too, didn't you - I know you did! You are grinning.....aren't you!



Tuesday, 21 January 2014

The cooler weather is comforting

Not a bad summer up to now , a few hot days but we were able to deal with any excesses in temp with the air con, today quite pleasant 20c in doors and a westerly (cool) about 30 knots out side with rain at times, The grass (weeds)  is or are saying  thank you to the gods for their survival. Plus of course the seeds which I planted recently which were generously donated by a now disgruntled Rello who took exception to a remark he didn't hear but supposedly was said to his over weight  serial dissident partner, oh well,  that will keep the dung flying a little longer, I am unconcerned and am not at a loss by his excommunication of my blog from his website, but I'll bet he will take a squizz now and then, hard to remove old habits and curiosity.
My wife and I live on the central Coast of NSW Australia, ours is a semi rural seaside situation about two minutes walk from the water, rello's taking exception to me not wishing to trundle down to the hot sun and sand when they visit fail to get the message we are on permanent holiday here and such pleasantries are for visitors to the holiday amenities. our  domestic life is not totally in holiday mode, particularly now we are at an age to appreciate other forms of diversion. one remark I passed was, " while you are on the beach count the number of bikini clad 79 year olds and 87 year old guys in speedo's...
Last week  I trotted down to the local shops mainly to put on the Lotto, the wife forgetful again. Shoddily dressed; unshaven and straight from working in the garden The Guitar plonking hippy Say's something uncomplimentary when I flip him a ten cent coin, the old crone flogging something for Aus ex service blokes ( We are well Acquainted ) Says get a shave you pommy draft dodger, her breath smelling of garlic and booze makes one wonder if she is using public contributions to feed her drinking  habit.
We live in a pleasant Avenue, and we boast the second largest house and well kept I am pleased to say great neighbour's all except no 13 who drives across our lawn has shopping carts as decor among his grass and weeds and a unregistered wrecked car adorning his frontage  since last  June . I must phone the council to get it moved as they repeatedly ignore my emails.
I shall not mention a lot about the recent cricket hostilities between England and Australia, one teenage person I spoke to thought the Derogatory cliche Pommy meant  people from Poland . " An Ignorance of AUS teenagers" likened to a 'gaggle of geese', and a 'hatefulness of sportswriters'
Anyhow I have a new  title for the Aus cricketers , I shall henceforth refer to them as the FAB'S; You can work that one out for yourself, there are many connotations.. some extremely uncomplimentary

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful , committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

Vest.... Back soon.

Friday, 10 January 2014

Loving Your Tattoo Forever

Why do you need to be tattooed? most intelligent people will wonder or ask the question.It seems it takes less time to decide upon your tattoo than it does to study your dinner menu.
I bet you were not thinking at the time of your new permanent adornment " I Love Sally" on a big rosy heart, that it would be harder to erase  than acquire a divorce blessing from the Pope.
So why did you adorn your pristine body with a temporary obsession which will stay for ever more amen. Not all girls are named Sally your new wife Rose will be confronted with this tat each time you hanky panky in the boudoir
I believe you must be incredibly silly, drunk, bored  or retarded. or easily led.to become tattooed.
Tattoos remind me of the never ending display of graffiti we see in dark alley's and along railway tracks.
Tattoos now appear to be covering the bodies of most sports persons and despite their belief it makes them appear more belligerent, I believe it is the need to be noticed and to send the "I am a tough guy message" like a 21 stone Islander  thugby player completely covered in tatts will tell you it intimidates their opponents.
I also believe there is nothing worse looking than a tattooed female. In day's of yore women who became tipsy lost their cherry; now they get tattooed or both to commemorate the occasion
Would you re-mortgage your home in order to have your tatts removed if possible.,. Is there anyone reading this who has had tatts removed?
Do you believe that Micro willy Clarke and his mate Mitch Johnson - looks like a tattooed Mongolian with that face fuzz, are more attractive to women the way they appear?
I once lived in an environment  for nearly 25 years where tattooing was prevalent, the Brit  Royal Navy. I left with all my hair and teeth and clean bill of health having never grown a beard  and never caught carnal catarrh, although I had  one digit removed two wound scars and two operation scars. and 'No Tattoos'.
Did you become tattooed for a particular reason or do you detest tattoos , give me your reasons why.. Do you have a secret tattoo like a PIN or Phone number. and last of all where is the strangest place you have seen a tattoo?

One is never too old to know better. Have a nice day , be kind to others... Vest..... back soon.

Question.  What Australian Song was Sung by Druids at a fellow Druids Funeral?

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Anzacs and Cricket a poor mix.

Let us give thanks to our favourite mentor.- god or whatever, that, the wretched Cricket Test match series in Australia has finally ended. The sickening stench of hatred stirred up by the  Biased and  retarded sports journo's one sided attitude rarely gave a fair account of what was really happening. although the England team were slightly underdone, the strayans or the bludgerygalahs were at their hateful best, using a double headed coin to win the toss is  bad sportsmanship, however, the nice English gents caught on eventually; but it was too late to notice the Vaseline to shine the ball in a bowlers eyebrows also chewy on the ball to make it swing. The Bludgers best bowler or 'Chucker' of the ball was an Afghanistan resembling Genghis inky arms. it seems that foreign cricketers  mainly Paki's get swift immigration approval called the ' Kepler Wessels fast track Migrant and Citizenship within ten weeks approval Bludge'.
As for the RSL Goon, A Mr Rowe who in  today's Sydney Telegraph commented in a column by Chas Miranda an all things British basher who uses the inane  Aus term Pommy; suggesting Britain was re writing history,  Mr Rowe said in his words ,after a lot of crap about WW1 ANZAC casualty rates, Maybe the Brits are annoyed at the cricket. Vest Say's "Grow up Mr Rowe you biased old rissole."
On behalf of the Anzac's and their generous contribution to the WW1 Conflict, Some unbiased history records reveal that a high percentage of Australian soldiers were migrants from Britain or sons and grandsons of Aus ex Britons who instigated the "Call to arms" to assist Britain during the 1914-1918 Great war.
High casualties resulted when taking a squizz over the trench and not using a trench periscope, also unnecessary  bravado.or lack of caution among Anzac's.
Anyhow much of the ANZAC Hype written today is being quoted by mostly non combatants who have little concept of actual warfare, a bunch of jumped up 'Tourist Guides.
Very few people have given much thought about the boot being on the other foot. Do the Turks really love Aussies and others going to the battle fields of WW1Turkey / I doubt it but the tourist dollar is the almighty reason the Turks allow it ; it is a big annual payday for the Turks. However I cannot  see it happening in Australia, If the Turkish nation had invaded  Sydney Cove and  holed up on Bondi beach for months Killing tens of thousands of Aussies before giving up and retreating back to Constantinople. What then?

Vest RN 7-1-42 until 16-7-66. Atlantic, MED, Ind/ocean, Pacific wars., Palestine, Korea and Suez  56 .
Labels JU 87s, And the divine wind blokes,  Migs. Nautical and bodily mishaps and  world wandering..plus.

Be kind to people, back soon.... Vest.

Spell check gone again.

Monday, 6 January 2014

ITS A FAT - FAT World .(Celle - ce fait mal))

The movie about a mass of flesh called the BLOB - the top ruling fatso is heading towards reality.
It is a fact that the world population is becoming FATTER and Fatter.
The number of Obese and overweight people in the world almost quadrupled to nearly a billion between 1980 and up to 2009  and considering it is now 2014 it must be worse today.
People in developing countries are leading the chase to fatness.
It beggars belief that with all the info available regarding weight loss, so called intelligent people continue to gorge themselves, laziness - inactivity smoking and greediness the main problem, although it can be said that a fat obese parent could be the cause of triggering obesity.
Diet, alcohol smoking and activity mentioned before are controlling my  household,. my weight remains steady although I am a little overweight our two main meals of equal proportion for each of us contains a high content of vegetables but my wife is losing weight despite the extra noggin or two; this can be happening due to the daily walks to the local retailers. Our elderly son has a serious problem with weight. the main cause as I see it is Smoking and a sedentary glued to computer lifestyle, Although I may be wrong; my own opinion is that obesity is created by inactivity or dare I say it , 'Bone Idleness. and too much pork onyerfork'

Maybe I should hide until the furore in our tribe settles down.

" The road from Fatness is the road to Fitness"... Vest.

Churchills Children Versus Adolfs Youth

 

CHAPTER 13 ...Not a heap of difference

My First Career

On 5 January 1942, I went to Shotley Royal Naval Base for a medical
examination, which I passed despite being under the height requirement
of five feet. I was four feet ten and a half inches, six stone six lbs (42.3 kg),
and fifteen years, five months and twenty days old. I was an undersized,
under-aged piece of ‘cannon fodder.’ The school received a twenty-five
pound Sterling bounty payment upon my delivery to the Royal Navy.
My body was sold for approximately 55p or Aus $1-15 a Kilo or 30 cents
US per lb.
After a gruelling train journey to Fleetwood (near Liverpool,) I
embarked in the early morning on the Isle of Man steam packet, ‘Rushen
Castle’. It took four hours to get to Douglas, the capital and main port on
the Isle of Man. I hadn't been at sea for four years.
Looking piteously at the first-timers vomiting on the boisterous Irish
sea, I was reminded of my first experience of seasickness on a
Portsmouth to Isle Of Wight ferry in 1938 the ‘Lorna Doone,’ a coal
burning paddle steamer that smelled of beer, egg sandwiches, and tarred
rope. I believe it was put to good use evacuating soldiers from Dunkirk
(Dunkerque) France in June 1940.
The Bible in my possession said, ‘To John Leonard Spencer on the
Feast of the Epiphany, 7 January 1942.” It was signed by the Rev.
Harling. I often wonder if the Rev. Harling ever made it to heaven.
Some of the other entrants who wore sailor’s gear like mine were from
other navy schools. Some wore civilian clothes. It was Wednesday, 7
January 1942. I was now a boy, 2nd Class RN. The Americans had beaten
me to this war thing by thirty-one days, but I was better prepared than
most for my next encounter with a new type of authority.

But this was 72 years ago, scratching the pile for youthful cannon fodder..

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...