Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Thoughts




Thoughts


As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,

I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

..If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,

the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:


1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.


3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.


4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?


7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.


8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.


9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.


10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.


11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.


12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.


13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.


15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.


16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . .they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".


19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE?
                                              State Trooper recalls Christmas Eve

Touching!
State Trooper
Recalls Christmas Eve
  
 

                                          Malcolm, U/K.
No virus found in this message.

7 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Smiles. Thank you.

nbrsspot.blogspot.com said...

not that I remember.. LOL.. merry christmas and happy new year.. take care my friend.

WALLY said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS MR VEST

From my Mum me and our family in redfern Sydney my Mum sends Kisses xxxxx

Red Nomad OZ said...

HAhahaha, I wish I could see the original post while leaving this comment so I could remember what I'm actually commenting on!!!

Davoh. said...

Vestie, am losing track of all my blogs. Grunge shit Gurgle is insisting that i "join them all together" !!!!!

Can't immediately remember how to access Womby's Drivel.

Wot! Gurgle wanna have access to "everything that i write 'online'"? Nah Fukkorf.

Sheesh NSA, DST, ASIO and ASIS can only envy Gurgle.

Any way - my Best Wishes to you and Family (while i recover from Saturnalia) .. heh.

D

C A. USA. said...

You still alive you old basturd, cant wait to get you on my slab.

Vest said...

C A: It is all too rare today to hear the clear clean ring of an original insult, yours isn't.
"Go,Boil you testicles"
No one is so calculatedly rude as myself when it is deserved, which amazes Americans who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitue.

One ill word invites another.

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...