Got back to our castle from the club Via my mates house about 2am, much goings on - still a bit of swearing and people necking in the shrubbery, the bang clang music still blaring due to the neighbours being away places distant, I slept in the gardener's cottage(Shed) til 0800, was wakened by the visiting family of magpies tucking into several piles of vomit amid the cans bottles a broken glass reminiscent of a Barry Dog's Head Barby and general piss up. The local handyman had been summoned to clean up the chaos and had just returned from the local park after depositing the last three drunks from our back garden. Previously invitations had been sent to people with an option to bring a friend and their own grog and for those who were poor a selection of the cheapest plonk was available from the family cellar. Several half cooked steaks on the Barby being attacked by ants were cut up and fed to a couple of large crows, one of whom had flown off earlier with a condom so I was informed by her indoors who was upset about the demise of her fake Ming vase which we used as a brolly stand, then looking out of the front window after squeezing behind the sofa I trod into a discarded pizza portion when I noticed the front flower beds were in a sorry state and a lone car was parked on our frontage, Our handyman then asked me to check out our pet enclosure where an old swimming pool housed a 2.5 baby Croc named 'Salty', Salty is quite amicable until you enter his territory , last year we found a football in his enclosure which was covered in blood, we are not sure what happened and no one has been reported missing so far , However today near a pool of blood lay a single shoe which we presumed may have belonged to the owner of the solitary vehicle parked out front.
So it was finally decided to phone the Old Bill. After redialling a Wooden Top answered my call, I told him I want to report a possible murder.
"What do you mean a possible murder is the person deceased or what, and who is the person", "dunno Say's I, Only salty knows the guy in question and he isn't saying anything". "Where are you phoning from says wooden top" I revealed our location and he replied we have two drunk drivers in our cells who say they were at your residence last night" "Be about right" said I.
Ten Minutes later sergeant flatfoot arrived and checked the rego of the vehicle out front with a personalised plate reading SPU TOO. the owner apparently a local SP Bookie...... after DNA Checks it was confirmed it was he the bookie who salty had for a late night snack, now it is left to the bobbies to find out was he pushed or did he jump?.
Back soon, have fun, Vest. Copyright Daily Gaggle.com