Friday, 29 April 2011

Disaster At the Barby, or 'Cook your own, (Turn it Once Only)

How often are you invited to a barbecue, and find a Bert Banger type bloke, the traditional piss up chef and Master of the household out door cooking stuffing up the sangers and steaks.  Well I reckon there are nine of these incompetent twits in every ten  households. In most cases these blokes have already been at the beer before your arrival and is usually confirmed by his nibs stacking his empty bottles so all can see what a mutton head he is. Now this guy should not be entrusted to get near that large juicy 16Oz rump steak fresh from the abattoir and already primed with oil, because you know how; and why it should be cooked.
 Having checked the temp of the Barby plate by dropping a blob of water and seeing it disappear fast, you place your steak or if you are poor ( hamburger or sausage) gently onto the Barby plate and pat down.
You then stand guard over your steak in case mutton head starts flipping it over and over like everyone Else's steak; which by the time you have Flipped your steak once only after five or six minutes. and the same time for the other side to cook, your juicy melt in the mouth steak will be on your plate and exciting your palate, whereas Mutton head has drunkenly flipped the other guys steaks umpteen times and still flipping when yours has been consumed.
As for Mutton heads steaks or should I say baked leather, they will require more than a sharp knife and razor teeth to masticate to a consumable consistency.

Happy Barby.....Vest....Back later.

24 comments:

frog said...

I am poor i cant even buy a sossodge

Anonymous said...

I dont like barbies and greasy fat meat an stuff.but you can cook a sausage for me anytime. loves ya. Kate xxx.

Ben romero said...

How is your book doing (Waving Goodbye to A Thousand Flies)?

Ben

Vest said...

Hi Ben: Vests Chisme Has performed better than I expected, but I hardly promote it anymore, not being too desperate. I am quite content in living in my own comfort zone without any mercenary hassles.
Playing old Vinyl today, found 'Ramona', singer was Delores Del Rio, I recall this song in Sydney 1945, Together with Emma.Hmm.

WALLY said...

How about some witchetty grubs, with a slice of Roo Rump. dunno what your missing vesty.

Graeme. said...

TRUCKERS BREAKFAST ~
A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order. He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... Are 2 slices of crisp bacon!

'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'

'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

Vest said...

Wally: We had Hal Al Pork Chops for Din dins Yesterday, got them from a Kosher Butcher blessed by the Rabbi.

Ben Romero said...

Good to hear from you, Les. I have not done any promoting of my books in years, and sales are down to nothing. I think I will give it one last boost, and promote the last one, just once. I, too, am in a comfort zone and am enjoying my later years, although I continue to work full time. Best of everything to you and your family.

Ben
-----

Vest said...

A Beautiful granddaughter of ours will be 18 today,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMARA..XXX

Vest said...

Frog: We don't do sossodges, , nearest to it is a sossige, sometimes called a banger or politely a sausage.

Jimmy said...

Sorry guys

Alina is keeping me busy these days
No time to drop in here

and no inclination either ...

Jimmy said...

Alina is a real HOTT chick

Vest said...

Jim, I have seen Alina, you must be either blind or brave.
I would rather risk a bonk with a Crocodile than have breakfast with her.
Poor Jimmy, how sad it is to lose you.
Everyone,all together now "Boo Hoo".

Jimmy said...

u seen Alina ??

Jimmy said...

OK mebbe u seen her
but u havent seen her nude

Vest said...

Jimmy: Having seen Sweaty Betty her skin and blister in the nuddy, would be enough

WALLY. said...

Iv'e never seen her teddy but Iv'e often seen her bear.

Jaded Jane said...

Poor Alina in total state of desperation clings to Jimmy in search of salvation or is it the other way around, How frigging pathetic, like a rat trucking its own asshole,

Jimmy said...

Shucks

Jane sure is jaded and ...

Jimmy said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweet sixteen



kisses
TAMARA..

Jimmy said...

that analogy is not analogiuos dear Jane

we both found love together
not salvation

watever that means to the Faith Industry

wats your brand of Xtianinty JJ?

Jimmy said...

saw the SECRET DIARY OF A WOMAN FINALLY BEING HONEST WITH LIFE AND HERSELF.


was terribly disenchanted
found nothing btw the covers

Jimmy said...

wish I was 18 again Tama

Jimmy said...

or u was 55

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