Wednesday, 4 August 2010

New Telephone Greeting

New Telephone Greeting:

Wouldn't it be amazing, if this caught on,

All over the country...?



'GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED KINGDOM SOCIAL SERVICES AND BENEFITS OFFICE'



'Press '1' if you speak English.'

'Press ''2'' to disconnect until you can



If you agree......keep it going If not just delete.

11 comments:

Jimmy said...

Funny

Frank Cook said...

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan . . .

Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down
to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the
hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00,
and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to
buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and
surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.



Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures,
$20.00'.

'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into
the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later
he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.



The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men
Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his
fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When
the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost
passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender
unit........ which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

Jimmy said...

What’s a hippie?

… maybe it’s the time of year. Yes, and maybe it’s the time of man. And I don’t know who I am. But life is for learning. - Joni Mitchell/CS&N (Woodstock) 1970

What’s a hippie? What’s the difference between an old hippie and a new hippie? Once a hippie, always a hippie? These and similar questions are the source of much debate today. New subcategories like web-hippies, cyber-hippies, even zippies have become fashionable.

But what is a hippie and are you one? To answer this question, let’s see what defines a hippie. Some say it’s the way people dress, and behave, a lifestyle. Others classify drug users and rock 'n' roll fans or those with certain radical political views as hippies.


The dictionary defines a hippie as one who doesn’t conform to society’s standards and advocates a liberal attitude and lifestyle. Can all these definitions be right?

Jimmy said...

It seems to me that these definitions miss the point. By focusing on the most visible behavioral traits these limited descriptions fail to reveal what lies in the hippie heart that motivates such behavior.

To understand The Way of the Hippy, we must look at those circumstances that preceded the birth of the hippy movement, the important events that changed our lives, our resulting frustration with society, and the philosophy that developed from our spiritual maturation.

Hippy is an establishment label for a profound, invisible, underground, evolutionary process.

For every visible hippy, barefoot, beflowered, beaded, there are a thousand invisible members of the turned-on underground.

Persons whose lives are tuned in to their inner vision, who are dropping out of the TV comedy of American Life. - Timothy Leary (The Politics of Ecstasy) 1967

Jimmy said...

My view is that being a hippie is a matter of accepting a universal belief system that transcends the social, political, and moral norms of any established structure, be it a class, church, or government.

Each of these powerful institutions has it’s own agenda for controlling, even enslaving people.

Each has to defend itself when threatened by real or imagined enemies.

So we see though history a parade of endless conflicts with country vs. country, religion vs. religion, class vs. class.

After millennia of war and strife, in which uncounted millions have suffered, we have yet to rise above our petty differences.

Jimmy said...

The way of the hippie is antithetical to all repressive hierarchical power structures since these are adverse to the hippie goals of peace, love and freedom.

This is why the “Establishment” feared and suppressed the hippie movement of the ’60s, as it was a revolution against the established order.

It is also the reason why the hippies were unable to unite and overthrow the system since they refused to build their own power base.

Hippies don’t impose their beliefs on others. Instead, hippies seek to change the world through reason and by living what they believe.

Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people sharing all the world. - John Lennon

Jimmy said...

(Imagine)To be a hippie you must believe in peace as the way to resolve differences among peoples, ideologies and religions. The way to peace is through love and tolerance.

Loving means accepting others as they are, giving them freedom to express themselves and not judging them based on appearances. This is the core of the hippie philosophy.

Jimmy said...

(Imagine)To be a hippie you must believe in peace as the way to resolve differences among peoples, ideologies and religions. The way to peace is through love and tolerance.

Loving means accepting others as they are, giving them freedom to express themselves and not judging them based on appearances. This is the core of the hippie philosophy.

Jimmy said...

LET IT GO !

Let's go for 2010 ...by T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you, and hear me when I tell you this!

When people can walk away from you: let them walk!

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to

see you, staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. If they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.It

doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.

And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got

to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over.

Jimmy said...

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.

If it takes too much sweat, I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to
...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ... LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge .. LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents .. LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!


If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him... LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it,"

then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

Jimmy said...

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.

GOD is doing a new thing for 2010
LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!"

AMEN

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...