Friday, 15 January 2010

FACE BOOK. Resurrected.

I wrote this post in Dec 2007, it was not published, this was due to a more comical explanation on face book formed on the opinions of 'Jay' a Canadian lady, her version was published instead of this one.
I will apologise for any affront this may cause to my dear relatives and friends who I love and respect, and are urging me to get on to this face book thingy, and so no further explanation will be forthcoming for security reasons.


Face book status updates 'is' no more.

Face book, the social-networking site beloved of twenty- and thirty somethings, has caved into user pressure and announced it is removing the mandatory "is" from member's status updates.

Changing status: Face book users will now no longer be restricted in their profile status
Status updates are one of the most popular features on the site, allowing users to inform other people in their social network what they are doing at that moment. For instance: "Mary is: writing an article about Face book".
However, because the word "is" is included as standard in all status updates, users are forced to either get creative with their status alerts or indulge in very grammatically incorrect sentences (Mary is: likes to bonk).
But according to the Face book fan site allfacebook. a blog wankers guide to greater wanking, Face book has told developers of third-party applications for the site that new verbs can be added to Face book status updates in future.
It is not yet clear when the change will take effect, but it's sure to be massively popular with Face book users. Most members regularly update their status throughout the day, and a Face book group set up on the site to campaign for the dropping of the mandatory "is" has more than 165,000 members. The word member conjures up other meanings of the word such as the penis is sometimes referred to as one's member, another connotation is 'Of parliament' - another bunch of intrusive pricks. so we can safely assume F B users are a complete bunch of dickheads.
It seems that Face book fans will still have to write in the third-person for a while longer, though, as there currently appear to be no plans to change this element of the status updates.
This is great news for the ghouls into Face book, whose sole reasons for being exposed, are influenced by the sexual gratification intake-those desperately seeking affection from some vague horny creation-wank wank.

The need to spew is brought about by the knowledge that 87 percent of Face book users are female and the most priceless info is the impressive figure of 71 percent for the number of lesbian bloggers. That being the case for Face book , could clear the way for 'ARSE BOOK to hit the blogs. Kin ell "What next"?....VEST. archives, 2007/11/21. draft only.

9 comments:

Vest said...

21 November 2007
Facebook makes me Suicidal...JAY writes on 'Kill the Goat'...The best explanation of facebook ever.

Blogging is just masturbating without the mess.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Facebook makes me suicidal.
If you have thus far avoided the vast, sucking hole that is Facebook, congratulations. You will never have to learn that your ex-lover got fat and bald and the guy you turned down in high school has just bought his second waterfront cottage.You will also never know what your good friends, your creepy relatives, your casual acquaintances, people you vaguely remember fucking, and others you added because you were too embarrassed to admit you didn't recognize their names really think about you.And by "think about you", I don't mean whether they think you're a decent person or a hard worker. I mean whether they want to make out with you, secretly or otherwise. Now, clearly this is a bit sketchy: you can't claim that only want to make out with your wife. You have to pick. And you have to pick between 2 random people on your friends list. So if Facebook asks if you would rather make out with the guy who lives across the hall from you whom everyone refers to as "Mr. B.O." or the old lady who runs your eczema support group, you have to choose.Worse than choosing between two need-to-gargle scenarios is the fact that these very people are also making the same decisions about you. And then the results of hundreds of these decisions are published for everyone to see.I discovered that 100% of my friends voted me "rather kiss" , "better body", "cooler", and "sexier", which is natural enough. Thankfully these were also tempered with "most entertaining", "smarter", and "funnier." All words I use in reference to myself on at least an hourly basis. What perplexed me was also scoring 100% of the votes for "rather get stuck in handcuffs with" (although, even I can admit that it IS a pretty likely scenario), "more likely to win in a fight", (okay, I do have a pretty kicky reputation), "can drink more" (jeez, you name one saint after alcohol and suddenly you're a lush) and "more likely to skip class" (let it go already!). And what worried me is that I got no votes at all for "well-mannered", "studies harder", or "better at science."Oh, so I suck at science, do I?Okay, so it's great that my friends know me so well. But aren't friends supposed to, you know, lie on your behalf? Pretend you're better than you are? Not give you suck-at-science complexes?I was just about ready to saddle up my high horse and ride to my closest Facebookian's house, and pound on their door shouting obscenities until they either called the cops (how quickly those handcuffs make an appearance) or give me the votes I am due. I realize I've wasted lots of good years by not stumping for votes, not polling my friends, not having fancy dinners that raise millions of dollars in order to have me elected Most Honest.Would it help if I got celebrity endorsements?Now, I'm not saying that you should withdraw your votes for "rather sleep with". I still want to be your hottest friend. I just would also like to be more your most talented friend, most accomplished, smoothest legs (okay, that one doesn't exist yet, but it should) - and hell, just for shits and giggles, let's throw in most organized as well. Fuck I'm impressive. Or, I would be, if only my friends were better liars.You know, as long as I'm here, I may as well just junk the so-called friends who dared point out the fact that I am not tech-savvy and accept applications for new friends. Facebook friends. The only qualifications you need is the ability to stretch the truth, a willingness to assume that I am the best singer and the best smelling, and above else - not be better looking than me.
posted by Jay.

C A. said...

Hey vest that Jay has talent. Certainly wouldn't argue with her.
I have found her website.

Jimmy said...

when VEST a Britisher is mad at u ...

Jimmy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jimmy said...

when an INDIAN Sardar is rreally mad at u
he will say

teri ma ki ki bosde mein, khat dalke

teri bahen ko chodega main

Jimmy said...

Blogging is just masturbating without the mess



must tell this to the mother of your jungle kids

Jimmy said...

The only qualifications you need is the ability to stretch the truth, a willingness to assume that I am the best singer and the best smelling, and above else - not be better looking than me.


HA

Jimmy said...

any FROG is better looking than u
and I dont mean a Frenchman

Jimmy said...

At Monday, 18 January 2010 1:03:00 AM AEDT, Jimmy said...
He will cuss u BLOODY INDIAN dog and ROSE will say Bloody Phool

TS MOM an Americal lady will say
SUCK U Charlie

Edited by Rosemary.