Monday, 18 January 2010

Countering the 'Threat of Terrorism'.

Post No 588.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British
issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the
French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the
alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military
Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change
Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
their allies, just in case.


Meanwhile...The Worldwide Gay Communities will stay neutral and avoid losing face on Face book by introducing the Bum and Suck Manual.

New Zealand (NuZillend)has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats
in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and
rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
Worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Four more escalation levels
remain, The 'Fat Tuesday Madi gra's will will gaily march on Anzac day to boost dwindling numbers, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
"The Barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
final escalation level.

23 comments:

Aggie said...

Very amusing ... I likes it ... I'll even go so far as to BAAAAAA along ...

Jimmy said...

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.


u need to get the front line troops mad at the ENEMY and the enemy is made non human

yellow dogs, communists for the VIET NAMESE

slit eyes and yellow too for the Japanese in WWII

and so Christian soldiers can kill dem without conscience problems

Jimmy said...

In INDIA the Generals urge the Sergeants who lead the JAWANS into bottle say

get them sozzled with Army RUM
then then tell dem the BRITISH RULERS are raping your sisters and wifes and daughters at home

Maro Sale ko
Uske lund ko kat do and aur kutho ko de do chabana ke liye

JAI BAJRANG BALI

Jimmy said...

Sorry Aggie
I am glad u dont understand Hindi bhasha

and ROSE too
she censored the rong comments

Jimmy said...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Vest said...

Fact. More Rum (Dutch courage)was issued to soldiers on the Western Front trenches in WW1 minutes prior to going 'Over the Top' than the Royal Navy daily issue in a decade.

lower deck lawyer said...

The Rum Bum and Baccy RN & RAN has slid gracefully into oblivion since I served as a nasho matelot in the RAN. Our mob now have bunks not micks (hammocks), ice cream, coka cola like the yanks during ww2, no rum but a beer ration, but worst of all, women in some command positions who are relieved of their jobs in time of REAL hostility. Even I wouldnt be able to hack the strife in Vest's wartime Navy, but they were a tough bunch of teenagers who were too young for a rum ration.

Jimmy said...

How Christianity has kissed ass
read on guys ...

WALLY. said...

My mum says if it wern't for the brit navy and the yanks the nips woud have bumped off all the aborigine race and aussis, any left from the slaughter would be noshing on whale meat sushi today, and working in sweat shops making cheap clothes for japanese, old women would be bumped off and the young un's working there ass off in a cat house.

Jimmy said...

Hitler was catholic
so was Mussolini
and the POPE resided in VATICAN CITY in Italy

the POPE bought peace with these guys by not speaking about the attrocities of these 2 catholics

they shud have been excommunicated
instead the POPE has excommunicated me for daring to DIVORCE my wife when the MATRIMONY was blessed by the local padre

who made me swear till death do us part in the Church of Christ

Jimmy said...

the pilot of the plane that carried the Atomic Bomb to bomb Hiroshima was pardoned by the Bishop of USA prior to the event ...

Jimmy said...

King Henry VIII wanted to have another wife

the POPE said NO
so King Henry created his own Church, the Church of England

the head of the Church of England is the Queen

Jimmy said...

Christian Churches have corrupted the teachings of JESUS


read THE THIRD CHRIST by Deepak Chopra

Jimmy said...

Wallyyyyyyyyyy
missed u baby

Arnold Taylor. Sydney. said...

And the incumbent Pope was a member of the fascist Hitler Youth organisation as a teenager and would have killed to order when told.
Another turncoat, also untrustworthy expounding the lies of the ancient christians, lies lies and more lies-as bad as the muslims and other lying faiths. no religious order escapes the untruths they preach.

Jimmy said...

I am with Arnie

CambridgeLady said...

That is so funny. How many national stereotypes can you get in one blog-post?? ;)

Anonymous said...
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quite interesting article. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did anyone hear that some chinese hacker had hacked twitter yesterday again.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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Chandrika Shubham said...

:) Interesting post! :)

The article on facebook is also very interesting! :)

Chandrika Shubham said...

:) Interesting post! :)

The article on facebook is also very interesting! :)