Monday, 6 July 2009

The making of a Baby

This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted

7 comments:

Vest said...

I am still too busy but will be ok in a couple of days.
Didn't go to #3 sons big 50 bash as I was unwell. Rosemary, and our son Chris who provided the music for the rented hall for four hours, drove down the coast 170 klms and then back again within nine hours. The whole of our extended family turned out except for P/son and daughters Tamara and Jacinta, pressured by their father P/Son.
They arrived here yesterday with their mum an ex daughter in law with whom we have a very friendly relationship; bringing with them Rosemary's umpteenth birthday gifts.
Beautiful Tamara has fallen out with Boyfriend, Tamara was 16 in May and has passed her driving test recently, Jacinta is a sweet and beautiful child (sorry young lady) aproaching 14. It is such a shame they rarely see their cousins.
"The time is always right to do what is right".

WALLY said...

hi mr vest whats happening?

Vest said...

Vest said...
Dunno Wally: Maybe people misread my message, including yourself.
The bomb dooesn't go off until the18th inst, it will then take about four weeks for me to come down to earth to continue blogging. Anyone still confused? email me,

Tuesday, 7 July 2009 7:17:00 PM EST

Jimmy said...

we are the World
earth song

Heal the World

Beat it
it dont matter if u r black or white


I am BAD?
Michael Jackson will never die

even in death, he built bridges to HEAL THE WORLD - Michael will be buried as per Islamic rites


there will never be another Michael Jackson

Jimmy said...

the making of baby is simple, easy and funn for the father


Wally just puts it in
wiggles a bit
and he is off

but for the mom, its not a piece of cake

the entry point that was just wide enuff to accomodate Wallys equipment, will have to be stretched way out


the baby will come out head first

Wally's Mum. said...

Silly jimmy must've come out arse first curled up sucking his toes.

Vest said...

W M: As in foot in mouth, that would be about right.