Saturday, 9 May 2009

Tonight Mac Farlanes Lantern Wax'eth Bright all through the Chilly Autumn Night

Tonight I hope will not be a re-occurrence of the invasion of our club by Anzac day nutters who had been ejected from other local clubs. These loonies use Anzac Day as an all-day general binge drinking pissup and lose sight of the true meaning of the occasion.
Thank you anonymous commenting on my last post(No pun intended).I allowed your info, due to it being unintentionally intrusive. However my son David is faring well, after his operation and myself; well there is no need to wonder why; with regard to my Brain Scan. I am not being locked away, it is simply a precaution being taken, due to none booze related headaches I have been experiencing recently that may have resulted from a prior accident Feb-9-08.
Today I am feeling much better than yesterday, so I shall add a little bit of humour to wind up post Number 501.. I will return on Monday.


The Itch
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. ZOM the Zombie Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. However, he knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day ZOM revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Vest the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Vest thought about this and said that he could arrange for Zom to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Zom readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Vest made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Vest informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of 'Zom The Salivator' would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned ZOM to their chambers. Vest then slipped ZOM the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Zom worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and ZOM left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, ZOM found Vest demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, ZOM couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Vest could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Vest slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Zom.

The moral of the story............

Pay your bills.

Hi Zom you old c/s, Have a sucking good weekend. Vest.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

liked it lotts
David your son

Aggie said...

He he he ... I like Vest's revenge!

Jimmy said...

dunno why grown men still hunger for the breast


the breast is just a container
for milk
for babies

Jimmy said...

dunno whats come over me
I woke up at 4 AM

and logged on
hoping to see A here


Now I did
it was worth the wait

Jimmy said...

her girlie giggle turns me on

lusty said...

Sucking good

Jimmy said...

the greatest LOVE




Whoever said innocence is a vice,
let him probe the guiltless stares of infants


who giggles as mother writhe under pain,
after hard bites on her tender tits.

Yet, mothers offer forgiveness, not smacks


knowing that such acts in innocence,
are the greatest show of love.

Jimmy said...

HAHAHAHAHA
in this age of SMS

u gotta say
what u have to say

using the barest min words

Jimmy said...

Rose
will u cry when I die?



how may tears?
how will u no when I have died?


gimme your fone no.

jimmy said...

Jimmy said...
defecation and copulation !


hihihihihihi

Vivek baby
u r beyond redemption
too much of British in u


why cudnt u just have said
Shitting and Fbonking (edited)

as the Yanks do

Jimmy said...

Arre bhai

yeh kya ho raha hain??

Jimmy said...

Learning English on Mothers Day




http://ugotafriend.blogspot.com/2009/05/dailygagglecom-tonight-mac-farlanes.html

Vest said...

Jimmy: Are you having one of your off moments again?
I have just received an Email from a Indian polititian who suggests people of your ilk should be locked away at sunset.
He also quoted I should not give you access to my blog.
I replied to this pompous raghead Indian Sikh polly in an ungracious manner intended to offend, so far there has been no reply.

Jimmy said...

OMG
a Sardarji


hihihihihihi

Jimmy said...

I can se where dat is coming from
I been covering the Indian Elections o9 on my blog


and I been ducking all the Polly ticians


I spared no Perty, including Congress
but I gott soft sorner for Priyanka
and her mom Sonia, the Italian lady

who married an Air India aeroplne driver

who became PM of India
and got killed by the LTTE

for entering Sri Lanka with the Indian Army


the rest is HIS STORY

Jimmy said...

a rich man bought an expensive painting at an auction

and he hung it up proudly in his parlor
and he had a beautiful wife too

but he was Ducking around with other women


and a not so rich man Saby
wud visit the rich mans home

he was in raptures over the canvas
and he liked his wife too, a lott






Both the canvas and Mayo
rightfully belong to Saby

Wally said...

Jimmy I liked the bit about the air india aeroplane DRIVER - cool man.

Vest said...

Wally: About as smart as a rickshaw pilot. However, with retro vision I am able to see where the meaning of 'Jumbo Jet' originated from.

Jimmy said...

Air hostess in Air India
get paid a lott too

but I wudnt want to be an air hostess

its a LOUSY job

Jimmy said...

during the Gulf job market boom
villagers from UP
went to Gulf as painters, masons, etc


now these buys when they crap
they sit on their haunches and crap

in the plane
they didnt know u have to lift the seat

they sat on their haunches and shat on the toilet seat

the poor hostess had to clean up every time

Jimmy said...

VEST
relax
I aint coming to Austarlaya no more
the love affair is over

Now I got 2 more
Mayo and K


not Keshi

Jimmy said...

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and family values.



Stu said: "I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?"


Leroy replied: "I'm not sure what was her maiden name?"

Jimmy said...

Heyyy K
when will u be a mom

so I can wish u
Happy moms day




VEST tells me
u already are

and he is responsible

Jimmy said...

Love is in the air

Everywhere I look around�
Love is in the air�
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish�
Don't know if I'm being wise�
But it's something that I must believe in�
And it's there when I look in your eyes


Love is in the air�
In the whisper of the trees�
Love is in the air�
In the thunder of the sea
And I don't know if I'm just dreaming�
Don't know if I feel sane�
But it's something that I must believe in�
And it's there when you call out my name


Love is in the air�
Love is in the air�
Oh oh oh�
Oh oh oh


Love is in the air�
In the rising of the sun�
Love is in the air�
When the day is nearly done
And I don't know if you're an illusion�
Don't know if I see it true�

But you're something that I must believe in�
And you're there when I reach out for you


Love is in the air�
Every sight and every sound�
And I don't know if I'm being foolish�
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in�

And it's there when I look in your eyes

Jimmy said...

I m in Love

Dont be silly Wally
its not VEST

but u r close

lower deck lawyer said...

Jimmy.I suppose the first 'Jumbo Jet' was as you say a "Air India Aeroplane Driver in control on a 'Howdah' fitted to a supersonic Elephant.

Chris B said...

An Aboriginal man in Alice Springs goes to the doctor with a problem - he just can't stop jogging or stand still !
'Hey white doctor" says the Blackman. "What ya think is makin' me run all over the place. It's to puckin' hot for dat sh!t."
The doctor says " It's got me beat but hey I might have a cure."

The doctor puts two rows of white powder on his desk and tells the Abo to snort them.
The black man does as the doctor asks and immediately stops jogging up and down and stands dead still.


'Puck me drunk it worked. Is that cocaine?' he asks the doctor.

'No' the doctor replies.

'It's Omo washing powder - and its guaranteed

saby said...

THE PROB WITH ATHEISTS and WHAT TO DO about it

1. THEY are too damn COCK Sure
Blanket statement: THERE IS NO GOD. period. no ifs and buts.

It is an EGO Prob says OSHO

Saby


On 5/11/09, saby dasouza wrote:
I am reading I AM THE GATE by Osho
as VRT and VEST, the Britisher wud say
it is a bloody good book, if I may say so

take it from me, it is a must read
He talks about BODY memories, reqd for Survival
and MIND Memories, the garbage which has to be thrown out (along with the damn atheists)

and Kundalini
still dont no what it means
but it sounds sexy

gotta read more ..
Bye
Saby

Vest said...

Saby: If there is a god or heaven I am sure i'll make it there sooner than you, you old sinner.

Jimmy said...

Sure Buddy
u make it to heaven
I make it with Rm

Jimmy said...

OSHOs Last Testament


"My trust in existence is absolute.
If there is any truth in what I am saying, it will survive.
The people who remain interested in my work will be simply carrying the torch,
but not imposing anything on anyone.

I will be remain a source of inspiration to my people.
And that's what most sannyasins will feel.


I want them to grow on their own -
qualities like love, around which no church can be created;

like awareness, which is nobody's monopoly;
like celebration, and maintaining fresh, childlike eyes.


I want my people to know themselves,
not to be according to someone else.
And the way is in."



more

Jimmy said...

OSHOs last TESTAMENT

"My trust in existence is absolute.
If there is any truth in what I am saying, it will survive.
The people who remain interested in my work will be simply carrying the torch,
but not imposing anything on anyone.

I will be remain a source of inspiration to my people.
And that's what most sannyasins will feel.


I want them to grow on their own -
qualities like love, around which no church can be created;

like awareness, which is nobody's monopoly;
like celebration, and maintaining fresh, childlike eyes.


I want my people to know themselves,
not to be according to someone else.
And the way is in."

Jimmy said...

OSHO and REINCARNATION


Originally I was going to make this a post on another thread. I chose to make it a thread of its own for reasons that become evident upon reading Osho’s view on reincarnation.

On the 'Reincarnation' thread started by Nanner, 'recoverer' states:

"Regarding there being thousands of enlightened people as you claim, I guess this is a possibility if immoral people like Osho are judged to be enlightened, and enlightenment means you have the incomplete and not completely accurate viewpoints that gurus tend to have."__recoverer

Osho's "immorality" pales when compared to the immorality that has come in varying moral disguises through the centuries. Osho did not persecute or send millions to their death. Osho did not cast waves of fear over the consciousnesses of other to gain control. Lastly, Osho's views on “gurus” were even more astringent than yours.

I am not here to defend Osho, I just want to point out that his contributions are worthy of study. Read the following, if it's "immoral" then I will gladly consider more immoral material whether I assimilate it or not.

Desert


SOURCE

Jimmy said...

Publish what u like
delete the rest, VEST

Jimmy said...

FACTS U SHUD NO


The chances of contracting erectile dysfunction goes up substantially with age, increasing significantly above the age of sixty-five-which is rapidly approaching for the baby boomers.

Although erectile dysfunction becomes more likely with advancing age, there is certainly no age cutoff for a sexually fulfilling life.


Some men enjoy sexual activity even in their eighties and nineties.

Vest said...

Jimmy: It is common knowledge that most men in those age groups are aware of their sexual capabilities.