Monday, 23 February 2009

You Have to read this Nonsense

Ya gotta read this!!!

>
> This is a true story with an excellent outcome.
>
> On Thursday, 24th January 2002, Derek Guille broadcast this story on his
> afternoon program on ABC radio.
>
> In March 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a
> bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00.
>
> He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another bill and
> threw that one away too.
>
> The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating
> that they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them
> $0.00 by return mail.
>
> He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error
> and they would take care of it.
>
> The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out
> the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the
> account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament.
>
> However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.
>
> He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once
> again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a
> bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue.
>
> Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest bill was
> yet another mistake, he ignored it, trusting that the company would be
> as good as their word and sort the problem out.
>
> The next month he got a bill for $0.00. This bill also stated that he
> had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps
> to recover the debt.
>
> Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the gas company at their
> own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed
> his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the
> gas company nothing at all.
>
> A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the Westpac Banking
> Corporation called our hapless friend and asked him what he was doing
> writing cheque for $0.00.
>
> After a lengthy explanation the bank manager replied that the $0.00
> cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank
> could therefore not process ANY cheques they had received from ANY of
> their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 had caused the
> computer to crash.
>
> The following month the man received a letter from the gas company
> claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and
> unless he sent a cheque by return mail they would take immediate steps
> to recover the debt.
>
> At this point, the man decided to file a debt harassment claim against
> the gas company. It took him nearly two hours to convince the clerks at
> the local courthouse that he was not joking.
>
> They subsequently helped him in the drafting of statements which were
> considered substantive evidence of the aggravation and difficulties he
> had been forced to endure during this debacle.
>
> The matter was heard in the Magistrate's Court in Mudgee and the outcome
> was this:
>
> The gas company was ordered to:
>
> [1] Immediately rectify their computerized accounts system or Show
> Cause, within 10 days, why the matter should not be referred to a higher
> court for consideration under Company Law.
>
> [2] Pay the bank dishonor fees incurred by the man.
>
> [3] Pay the bank dishonor fees incurred by all the Westpac clients whose
> cheques had been bounced on the day our friend's had been processed.
>
> [4] Pay the claimant's court costs; and
>
> [5] Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the 5 month period
> March to July inclusive as compensation for the aggravation they had
> caused their client to suffer.
>
> And all this over $0.00.
>
> This story can also be viewed on the ABC website.
> Who employs these idiots??

Graeme.

Friday, 20 February 2009

Bonehead Muzzies Bugger Up Air Bus

Or maybe it was another Al Quueda stuffup.

Subject: FW: Airbus 340-600



THE BRAND SPANKING NEW AIRBUS 340-600, SAT IN ITS HANGAR IN TOULOUSE, FRANCE WITHOUT A SINGLE HOUR OF AIRTIME. ENTER THE ARAB FLIGHT CREW OF ABU DHABI AIRCRAFT TECHNOLOGIES (ADAT) TO CONDUCT PRE-DELIVERY TESTS ON THE GROUND, SUCH AS ENGINE RUNUPS, PRIOR TO DELIVERY TO ETIHAD AIRWAYS IN ABU DHABI.

THE ADAT CREW TAXIED THE A340-600 TO THE RUN-UP AREA. THEN THEY TOOK ALL FOUR ENGINES TO TAKEOFF POWER WITH A VIRTUALLY EMPTY AIRCRAFT. NOT HAVING READ THE RUN-UP MANUALS, THEY HAD NO CLUE JUST HOW LIGHT AN EMPTY A340-600 REALLY IS.



THE TAKEOFF WARNING HORN WAS BLARING AWAY IN THE COCKPIT BECAUSE THEY HAD ALL 4 ENGINES AT FULL POWER. THE AIRCRAFT COMPUTERS THOUGHT THEY WERE TRYING TO TAKEOFF BUT IT HAD NOT BEEN CONFIGURED PROPERLY (FLAPS/SLATS, ETC.) THEN ONE OF THE ADAT CREW DECIDED TO PULL THE CIRCUIT BREAKER ON THE GROUND PROXIMITY SENSOR TO SILENCE THE ALARM. THIS FOOLS THE AIRCRAFT INTO THINKING IT IS IN THE AIR.

THE COMPUTERS AUTOMATICALLY RELEASED ALL THE BRAKES AND SET THE AIRCRAFT ROCKETING FORWARD. THE ADAT CREW HAD NO IDEA THAT THIS IS A SAFETY FEATURE SO THAT PILOTS CAN'T LAND WITH THE BRAKES ON.



NOT ONE MEMBER OF THE SEVEN-MAN ARAB CREW WAS SMART ENOUGH TO THROTTLE BACK THE ENGINES FROM THEIR MAX POWER SETTING, SO THE $200 MILLION BRAND-NEW AIRCRAFT CRASHED INTO A BLAST BARRIER, TOTALING IT.

THE EXTENT OF INJURIES TO THE CREW IS UNKNOWN, FOR THERE HAS BEEN A NEWS BLACKOUT IN THE MAJOR MEDIA IN FRANCE AND ELSEWHERE. COVERAGE OF THE STORY WAS DEEMED INSULTING TO MOSLEM ARABS FINALLY, THE PHOTOS ARE STARTING TO LEAK OUT????

From Malcolm Prior, Ex R A F, Our Daily Gaggle Correspondent In the U K.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

So the Dam Levels are 5% Higher over the past week.

Water Restrictions remain the same at Level 3, Mainly Watering cans for gardens and *trigger hoses for cars which replaced buckets (pails)as many as it took to do the job. The intelligencia who created the former rules, who have serfs to wash their Govt Limosines, have bowed to pressure from car washers such as my wife who found it difficult to hoist a pail of water to the car roof.
Our four hour drive down the coast on Friday may have been easier if we had used the boat instead of the car, Non stop belting down with rain all the way down and 95% of the way back on Sunday. However, it was nice to visit our #2 son at his 10 acre waterfront property (With room for a pony, true)and of course the flora and fauna, visiting Roos and other misc wildlife and the occasionally sighting of waccy baccy.
Yesterday we had a smidgin of sunshine(ten minutes) today since Midnight no rain but completely overcast, the temp steady on 18 f, so I was reading is the ideal Temp for daytime Boudoir activity, If you are into that sort of malarky.
I will be meeting an old shipmate at the club tomorrow Wednesday and sadly another of our associaion members crossed the bar over the weekend, Rosemary and I will be attending the funeral on Thursday. We are down to nine from the Aus members, I head the list(Alphabetically) of the remaining members, brings shivers, but I aintagoing yet mate. Everyone stay healthy and be nice to your loved ones. Vest.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Culture Shock !. Getting a Chinese Drivers Licence.

From the Daily Gaggle Special correspondent In Beijing, A,Carr.

BEIJING: If some one's intestines are protruding from an open abdominal wound, should you: A. Put them back in place; B. Do nothing; or, C. Cover
them with some kind of container and fasten it around the body?

The above is not from a first-year medical school exam, but is one of the 100 questions that locals and foreigners alike could find on China's written driver's license exam. (The answer, by the way, is C.)

Test candidates are given a booklet of 800 test questions, 100 of which appear on the actual exam. While the questions dealing with traffic signs are universally understood, others have singularly Chinese characteristics.

Sometimes two of the three answers could be equally right, or the answer that is considered right is obviously false.

Take the following example. "What should a driver do when he needs to spit while driving? A. Spit through the window. B. Spit into a piece of waste paper, then put it into a garbage can. C. Spit on the floor of the vehicle."

Answer? B.

On one recent morning, a group of Americans, Russians, South Koreans and French nationals waited for the test at the Beijing Traffic Management Bureau, in a room reserved for foreigners behind the toilets.

A series of gory images flashed across a flat-screen television: a badly injured person lying in a car's back seat, covered in blood; a dazed driver sitting on the ground after an accident; mourning relatives in tears.

Nikita, a Russian who works for an aviation company in the Chinese capital, was the most confident person in the group, after spending four days revising the multiple-choice questionnaire.

The 20 or so examinees took their seats, each facing a computer screen. The test began.

They had to write their ID numbers, pick a language, and click their way through the computerised test: A, B, or C. True or False. Yes or No.

All 100 questions had be completed in 45 minutes, with a candidate needing 90 or more correct to pass. Results were given immediately.

A group of US embassy staffers left the room, mostly in a jubilant mood -- all had passed except for one man, who only got 82 percent correct.

"We spent the entire weekend cramming," one of them said.

A woman tried to console the candidate who had failed. "It would've been an even bigger pity if you had scored 89," she said.

Nikita, for his part, was utterly devastated. Despite all of his hard work, he only answered 45 questions correctly.

"I couldn't understand a word of the Russian used on the test," he said.

Once the written test is over, foreigners who have a driver's license in their home country are not required to take a practical test, unlike the Chinese.

But they do have to have their eyesight checked, and this seemingly simple exercise also holds its fair share of surprises.

At a nearby hospital, a nurse asked the latest candidates to read letters from a lighted panel, covering the left and the right eye in turn.

But they have to read the panel in a mirror. And the letters listed do not exist in any known alphabet.
A backwards E? One that is upside down? How do you pronounce that?

Somehow, the candidates passed the sight test, and most left the traffic management office a short time later with licenses in hand.

But reality will soon set in.

At the entrance to the parking lot were two cars crumpled like accordions, and on the streets of Beijing, no one seems to pay attention to the rules of the road.

Drivers routinely overtake on the right, taxis breeze through red lights, cyclists ride against the traffic and pedestrians jaywalk.

Last year alone, 73,500 people were killed and 304,000 injured in traffic accidents in China.

Welcome to China's roads, among the most dangerous in the world.

----

Vest recalls his Written driving examination in Hong Kong (Fragrant Harbour)Aug 62.
Maximum time allowed 1 Hour. Out of approx 200 participants in the hall,. I was then told to wait for the pep talk when the hour was up; when I was first to put my questionnaire in the box. Our new Ist Lieutenant who had arrived In Honkers on the same plane as myself who remarked "Clever dick' was third. Later he told me it would have been dreadful if he had failed, particularly you having knowledge of it.

Excerpt from memoirs:
While in Hong Kong, Rosemary would buy ice cream from the vendor
across the road. One day she was attempting to get back over the zebra
crossing but the traffic wouldn't stop. The ice cream was melting fast, so
Mary ran across. A taxi stopped suddenly and there was a huge pile-up.
The road was blocked for quite some time with several banged-up cars.
Many fingers pointed up to where we lived.
Our first car was a four square Jowett Javelin, but we later opted for a
Blue Ford Prefect XX511, which gave us two years of comfort and
enjoyment.
One beautiful sunny day, we caught the car ferry over to Kowloon
and drove to Castle Peak Bay, where I parked under a tree, the shadiest
spot available. As we were leaving, I was presented with a parking ticket.
It wasn’t a huge amount. The following week when we arrived again, I
found the Governor Generals car parked in the exact same spot. I
approached the Chinese policeman who spoke English, and asked why
this car didn't have a ticket.
He replied, “Very important man.”
I said, “So am I.”
“Your car not look as important as this car,” he said. So I took a
picture of said oriental genius with the Governor Generals ‘Very
Important’ car and sent it to the Hong Kong traffic people, along with a
note indicating that my money would be forthcoming when they had
provided proof that the Governor General had paid his fine. I never
heard from them.
Our XX511 Ford Prefect had never been in an accident in eighteen
months. After we sold it, however, it failed to stop after leaving from
high in the Peak and travelling fast down Garden road. It then pranged a
large green tram that was coming from Wan Chai, and was subsequently written off.
3 August 1964 That sad incident occurred two days before our family flew
back to England. On hearing the news Rosemary said “"What a shame; I really
loved that car"”. I replied. “"Darling it must have loved us too, it just could
not live without us". By the way, the driver survived.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Aborigine Rain Dance a Waste of Energy. Wash the car , it works every time.

It hasn't rained in this neck of the woods for 32 days. Heaps of sunshine blue skies scorching heat and Bush fires have been the order of things, then the change came last evening with a brisk south easterly wind bringing relief, although the wind was not helping the people in Victoria 1000 kilometers in the south of OZ where enormous cost in lives and property has devastated the state.
This morning arrived with overcast skies and and a few bright patches later, however, the wind had dropped to light airs but cool enough for me to decide to wash the car and water the garden and plant a few seeds(Now the Cats have departed).
I haven't had my usual siesta to day - far too busy with chores one cannot do when the temperature becomes oppressive, ( Never mind Tim , you won't need the Air/Con now).
At ten thirty PM, finished suffering a rerun of Indiana Jones 4 on Fox, #1 Son announces "Dad its pissing down outside and I can hear thunder", I told him it was the best place to rain and was not surprised we didn't hear thunder due to the movie.
That just about covers all the excitement for today, I'll check the Lotto results then I'll be off to bed. sweet repose, Vest.

Saturday, 7 February 2009

Vest To Tim

DAD. ITS TIM CALL ME, NEED TO ORGANIZE AN AIR CONDITIONER. SO I DON'T DIE.

Vest said...
Tim: Go to your local cheapo store and purchase a cheap Chinese fabricated fan(some Assembly required). If confused contact 'B' your friend, at United Assemblies.
Your mother and I shopping yesterday purchased a 40cm fan from the reject shop, costing $15-00, I assembled said fan in 20 minutes. The new fan was a replacement for the fan I gave you when you moved out on Tuesday, it came from my blogging room (Office). I am finding it comfortable on the first notch; although the outside temp has reached 38 deg Cel, the Loungeroom Air-con is not turned on. So pop out on your Bike and buy another fan and dont be a wimp.
Final costing for your move borne by your dear mother and yours truly- $644-00, this will be written off and join all previous write offs and monetary muggings.
BTW Tim, thank your lucky stars you are not living in the Uk, where everyone is sticking red hot pokers in their beer and avoiding icecream and fans at this moment.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Once More Our Prodigal offspring has left the Fold

Gratis living with Mater and Pater (Hopefully) will be a thing of the past for our much loved # V son. He has moved to Muswellbrook in N S W, which is 167 kilometers distant. To soften the blow and assist his departure Mater and Pater were gouged for another half grand(well Spent).
We are once again 'Catless', the catproof wire netting in the garden is no more, and the 30'x12' shed now houses the former contents of the Dble/Gar which is now useable.
We shall also have in excess of 150 bucks extra of disposable wkly income.
The news of his impending departure came as a relief, despite the scorching weather and the double journey on Tuesday; which finally ended 4am yesterday - Wednesday 4th.
Sleep deprivation took its toll with the blogging yesterday.
Another scorcher today with more promised. Sorry but I keep nodding off, so i'll get back to you soon.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Drawing Attention to one's self now gets you Three Months in the Slammer

Graffiti girl, 18, jailed three months on a first offence.

AN 18-year-old woman sentenced to three months jail for a single "tag" she scrawled in Sydney's Hyde Park has branded the penalty "ridiculous".

Cheyane Back yesterday slammed the sentence handed down by Magistrate Ian McRae - but vowed never to paint her graffiti signature "2shie" - or anything else - on public property again.

"I think (the sentence) was absolutely ridiculous for my first charge and for something so small," Back said after being released on bail.

Now that more details have emerged - read on below - we are running a poll on the issue. Vote here and send your feedback underneath the story. meaning Comment.

"But I'll never do anything like it again. I would clean it off, I'll apologise, I'll do anything. I was shocked and scared," she continued.

"Jail is a big step. I've been sitting in that place (the cells) too long and it's absolutely horrible, it's disgusting. It definitely taught me a lesson."

It's a very different attitude to Back's social networking site where she calls herself "Little Miss Shy" who is happiest getting drunk with friends.

"Loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty. Steal from the rich, hang with the poor, f . . . the world, f . . . the law," she wrote.

Mr McRae gave her a sobering wake-up call, saying graffiti cost the community millions in clean-up bills and taggers or graffiti vandals needed to be sent a clear message.

He said that unless the courts start treating it seriously people would continue thinking it was an innocent offence.

GRAFFITI vandals once sought to explain their crimes as "freedom of expression".

Denied other means of expressing themselves, they felt compelled to deface buildings, public transport and any other surfaces.



Vest suggests that all prisoners released from jail be presented the Bill for food and accommodation. Otherwise during this recession we had to have, the unemployed may seek relief in the form of solace in the slammer.

In the age of the internet, that excuse is no longer valid. Now freedom of expression is only a few keystrokes away.

Anyone with even an elementary knowledge of English can express themselves as expansively as they wish, and to a potential audience massively larger than any graffiti kid could wish for.
Teenager Cheyane Back has her own social network site - but despite that, she still scrawls on restaurant walls.

Not any more. Sentenced to three months in prison, Back vows she'll never return to her previous scribbly ways.

Back's sentence is a long overdue response to a serious urban blight. While it may seem harsh to send an 18-year-old inside for a relatively minor crime, the value in this sentence is the message it sends to other would-be offenders.

Individually, each graffiti incident is small. Collectively, they are ruinously expensive and ugly. That's why Magistrate Ian McRae's sentence is a worthwhile one. Well done mate.

Meanwhile, we can still enjoy Back's website poetry. One verse reads:

Steal from the rich. Hang with the poor

F . . . the world. F . . . the law

To which Mr McRae might have easily replied: Epic fail. Go to jail.


The final segment of her poem she may well find eay to come by in the nick.