Friday, 28 November 2008

"Darling I'm Working Late At The Office"

Which ever way this message is delivered, there are tell tale signs whether or not you are getting the truth.

Allegedly cheats provide much of the work and income for private investigators who develop their own checklists of telltale signs that should set alarm bells ringing.

I've taken the best of the bunch and provided you with a cheater’s checklist. (It can be applied equally to women to help sniff out an affair)

At the beginning of an affair, a husband may be more affectionate than usual due to feelings of guilt.

Later, once the affair has developed, he often starts finding fault with his wife as a defence mechanism to justify the affair in his mind.

Cheating husbands often lose interest in domestic activities, such as DIY and mowing the lawn.

He may have a change in sexuality and want more or less sex or make unexplained sexual requests.

The cheater's relationship with his family will almost always change. He might become more distant, cold, or fault-finding. Psychologically this is because he’s starting to blame the family, especially his wife, for his behaviour.

You may notice unexplained credit card charges or withdrawals.

Grooming habits change. He’ll probably buy a new wardrobe or may suddenly start to become more attentive to his personal appearance. You may notice him washing more, wearing a new aftershave and joining a gym.

Physical clues to the affair may start appearing, such as lipstick on shirt collars, perfume odours on shirts or jackets, secretion stains on underwear. Unexplained bits of paper, receipts, and condoms might start appearing in his pockets.

Suddenly the car might need more fuel than usual and see a husband popping out to ‘fill the tank up’ more often. Keep an eye on the odometer to check if he’s putting a lot of unexplained distance on the car. You could go as far as keeping track of distance covered (Mileage) against the time he leaves for, and returns to, work. Check payslips to verify any claims he’s been working overtime. You might notice him whispering into his phone, looking alarmed if you spot him and hanging up suddenly.
You might find that his mobile phone bill rockets and that he’s making calls to the same number right after leaving home and just before walking back in the door. Try to get a look at his itemised bill to check for unusual or repeated numbers.
He might become hard to reach at the office or on the road and starts coming home at unusual times or going to places alone

Be aware of any close platonic relationships. Many friends will not approve of the cheater’s ways but others may help facilitate it by providing iron-clad alibis.

To catch a cheater he must not suspect you’re on to him. Treat him the same as usual and give him plenty of time alone. If you think he’s cheating at home make false plans to be away for a weekend and stay at a local hotel. Park down the street from your residence, then watch and wait. Have a plan for what you’ll do if your suspicions are confirmed.
Remember; this is not just a male domain, females are quite capable too.
Need more advice. leave your title or name with your comment on Vest@dailygaggle.com

Saturday, 22 November 2008

Sodom And Gomorrah take your pick.

After four weeks of celibacy, meaning laying off the booze and giving the local clubs a miss, I ventured forth with er indoors to our local bowling club the Halekulani, I delivered one book to our favourite glass collector and sat down to a JW & coke apiece amid the the yells and screeching of two hundred sozzled M&F 18 to 30s.
The constant Thump - Thump - Thump from the DJ Booth didn't help the female M C organizing the bikini show which was badly put together. and it was fairly obvious who the winner would be. the only small scuffle to break out was put to order by four gigantic pacific island bouncers in badly fitting suits and bow ties. The normal orderly atmosphere was missing and so were the regular patrons. After changing seats twice to avoid the yelling it was time to go to the local soccer club.
Surprise surprise on our arrival at the soccer club the presence of four police cars outside with a milling mob both inside and out side of the club made me wonder if it was the Xmas police ball or a triple murder scene. Inside the club the band played on while a mob of youthful persons were doing their best to disrupt the entertainment, The police had closed the bar. and from what I could gather, the mob were celebrating the wake of one of their own who had lost the plot the week before.
There being no point in hanging around , we were at home by ten pm, two more JW's and a movie then bed.
Conclusion. It is so sad to see this happen in a normally sedate area in which we live. Both club managements get my slap on the ass for this sort of crap which need not have happened. The power of imagination makes us infinite, try using it.
Vest.

Friday, 14 November 2008

A Third of Britains Sperm Donors are Foreigners.

THEY shipped off their criminals to the colonies for stealing loaves of bread and handkerchiefs. Now Mother England wants her children back - or at least their DNA.

Up to a third of sperm donors in London fertility clinics are now foreigners and many are visitors from Down Under. One of the biggest clinics, the Bridge Centre, confirmed Australian backpackers were becoming donors to earn money to support their travels.

What you get with the 'grand tour' is very enterprising people who look at every single way of making a buck.

Would you ever consider donating your sperm for cash?

With an official report yesterday warning that donor numbers in Britain were critically low, the clinics are hoping more travelling Aussies will lend a hand - so to speak.

We need them. We need that winning spirit and we need left-handed batsmen so we're hoping that's in the gene set.
If you're on the grand tour and you're spending 12 months in the UK, here's something you can do to make a bit of extra money.
They should have it on the same 'to do list' as going to the rugby at Twickenham.
It's a good cause and if we get enough Australian donors you could end up colonising the UK instead of the other way round.

Fertility clinics can offer donors limited reimbursement for time lost at work and travel expenses. For 20 visits over the course of several months, the payments can add up to £500 ($1200).

But donors are no longer afforded anonymity after losing their rights when new laws were introduced in the UK in 2005. Children conceived through donated sperm can now contact their genetic fathers once they turn 18.

The profile used to be completely different. It used to be British students. But non-British donors are now easier to recruit.
They know no one will be able to find them in 18 years.

Other donors come from South Africa, Poland, the Ukraine and Colombia.

A British Fertility Society report yesterday showed there was a 40 per cent drop in new donors between 1991 (503 donors) to 2006 (296 donors). Donation rates plummeted in NSW last year when the State Government changed the legislation to give children rights to identify their donor.
Some fertility clinics reported fewer than 10 men on their books, with couples forced to seek treatment overseas or wait up to three years.

Infertility consumer group Access Australia said the need for donors had also dropped in the past decade, with technology now making it possible for infertile men to conceive with their partners.

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Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Coloured Gun toting Rednecks not unlike their Creamy counterparts Buy up big In Unclesamland

So the Zombieslayer voted republican after all, following the lead from dirtcrasher, Neal and other gun loving ghouls, who reside in the land of the - 'free to kill anyone who opposes you'.
I thought it was too good to be true, meaning the 'Welcome back Vest' sign which greeted my first visit for weeks to his 'My shite doesn't smell blog 'Zombieslayer', Where he categorizes all adversaries as zombies earmarked for annihilation. This train-set loving would be Stalin or Shicklegruber has deemed; even my meant to be humorous comment on his latest post; inappropriate, one in which he advises his regular fat lady bloggers how to remove the pork from their stalk, he being fearful that I would usurp his attempts to become yet another fly by night phoney dietitian.
Zoms Republican vote came in the wake of info leaked from the Obama camp, its intent on imposing harsh restrictions on gun sales, which has resulted in a sales hike of 15% to 1.18 million in October in the USA. One whingeing gun shop owner stated "The second amendment says legally by law we can have firearms.[Obama is]going to attempt to take that right away from us."
Being a Non Prophet person does not exclude me from agreeing with some eccleslastical wisdom, like that of turning ones swords into ploughshares.
I am also deeply concerned that, Mr Obama being a black fellow may have less chance of surviving his period of office than the Catholic Kennedy's. My advice would be, Mr Obama should invest in a 'Pope mobile'.
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And in the end it's not the years in your life that count . It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln.

Most dangerous things are safe until you forget they are dangerous. Vest.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

For the Ladies. Have you got Compulsive Price disclosure?

Have you got Compulsive Price Disclosure? Dont fib tell the truth.

If you’ve ever been complimented on a buy and blurted ‘it was only £8!’ you may have CPD – meaning you can’t help boasting about your shopping prowess. We got three sufferers to bag as many bargains as possible for £50.

Andrea Parkinson, 41, is an account executive, from Stockport.England.

As my husband Mike is signed off work due to illness, it’s crucial that we stretch our money. But it can be a struggle as our children Oliver, 14, and Lydia, seven, grow out of things so fast.

I’m teaching them my money-saving tricks, such as shopping around rather than buying on impulse.

I definitely have CPD – whenever I find a bargain, I can’t help showing off. I found some black leather boots in the sale in George at Asda, reduced to £10, and bought two pairs.

I couldn’t stop telling people how cheap they were. On the day of the shopping challenge, I headed to Aldi, which is great for cheap beauty treats. Gok Wan recommended Aldi’s face cream on his TV show, so I bought the day and night versions for £1.89 each.

I also found a silicone bakeware tin for £5.99. A friend paid £15 for a similar one.

At my favourite haunt,

Poundland, bargains included glasses and a scented candle.

Lastly, I went to Matalan and bought a Lee Cooper shirt for Oliver and some jeans and tops for Lydia. It’s amazing how far £50 goes...

Hairbrush set, £3.49 (Aldi)

Concealer pen, £3.49 (Aldi)

French manicure set, £3.49 (Aldi)

Porcelain dishes, £3.49 (Aldi)

Face cream, £1.89 (Aldi)

Night cream, £1.89 (Aldi)

Silicone bakeware tin, £5.99 (Aldi)

Glass chopping board, £1 (Poundland)

Wine glasses, £1 (Poundland)

Microfibre hair turban, £1 (Poundland)

3pc girls polar fleece set hat, gloves, scarf, £1 (Poundland)

Ladies feather touch scarf, £1 (Poundland)

Six-pack face cloths, £1 (Poundland)

Large vacuum seal storage bag, £1 (Poundland)

Neutrogena sunless face tinting cream, £1 (Poundland)

Transformers bubble bath, £1 (Poundland)

High School Musical bubble bath, £1 (Poundland)

Candle in tin, £1 (Poundland)

Shampoo, £1 (Poundland)

Conditioner, £1 (Poundland)

Lee Cooper boys’ shirt, £5 (Matalan)

Girls cropped jeans and 2 x girls smock tops, £7.50 (Matalan)

Charlotte Trotman, 25, is a secretary, from Kingston, Surrey.

When I find a bargain, I want to tell everyone. I had to laugh when I heard about Compulsive Price Disclosure because I’m a classic case!

Someone will compliment me on my new outfit and, before I know it, I’m barking: “Primark, £8...”

Afterwards, I’ll feel a bit silly and wish I’d pretended it was a designer item.

On the day of the shopping challenge, I hit the shops at 10am and left at 5pm.

My flatmate Natalie swears by charity shops, so I went to Cancer Research in Kingston.

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Straight away, I spotted a stunning black Zara jacket, which looked nearly new but was priced at £6.

When I spied a black Nine West handbag displayed next to it, I grabbed that, too. Usually, bags in that range cost upwards of £40.

In H&M, I found a lovely skirt and dress on the sale racks. At the till, I found out they had been discounted again and were £2.50 each.

I was on the lookout for some new face cream so I headed to the Clarins beauty counter next.

The assistant recommended a product for £35 but when I told her it was too expensive she offered me a bag of samples.

I then got a pile of free samples from other counters to last months.

Lastly, in TK Maxx I found a nice brown jacket for £11 and multi-coloured silk Lipsy dress at £20. And there was still cash to buy candles and a bath set for a relaxing soak.

Bargains bagged – £49.50

Nine West black bag, £3.50 (Cancer Research)

Brown QED long jacket, £11.00 (TK Maxx)

Black dress, £2.50 (H&M)

Black Zara Jacket, £6 (Cancer Research)

Grey and black skirt, £2.50 (H&M)

Lipsy dress, £20 (TK Maxx)

Original Source bath and shower set, £3 (Bargain store)

Set of Marilyn Monroe candles, 50p each (Tiger)

Free beauty samples from Clinique, Clarins, Dior, Givenchy, ROC, Prescriptives, Lancome and L’Oreal from department stores.

Katherine Scorer, 27, is an estate agent, from Sidcup, Kent

After working as an estate agent for nearly a decade, I’m leaving the industry because of the current financial crisis.

It goes without saying that I’ve been watching every penny over the past few months, so my bargain-hunting skills have come in handy.

I hate trawling through rails of dodgy sales goods to find a gem but I love spending hours in cheap shops such as Primark and Matalan.

Whenever I get a bargain, I find it impossible to keep it to myself. As soon as someone compliments me on my new outfit, that’s my cue to proudly reel off the price. I definitely have CPD – I can’t help myself.

The only items I don’t scrimp on are the suits I wear to work. I spend £70 on a smart jacket and pair of trousers but, to save money, I’ll team them with a cheap top and shoes.

I also spend less on outfits for the weekend. Most of my casual clothes

are from Primark. I’m really proud of the things I managed to buy for £50.

I wanted a show-stopping outfit for my leaving do at the end of the month. I found the perfect glitzy black dress and funky pink satin heels in Primark. The whole look cost £25.

I found a lovely belted top and some smart grey trousers for £20 in total – also from Primark – for my new job.

With the money left over, I grabbed a chic scarf and decided to blow my budget on sexy, knee-high boots.

I figured that, seeing as I’d got so much for so little money, spending an extra £7 wouldn’t hurt.

That’s the danger with discount shopping – you believe you’re saving money when actually you’re spending more than you intended.

Bargains bagged – £57

Black dress, £10 (Primark)

Pink satin shoes, £15 (Primark)

Belted top, £8 (Primark)

Scarf, £2 (Primark)

Grey trousers, £12 (Primark)

Knee-high boots, £10 (Primark)

Remember the Pound is equal to Aud$2-00, US$1-75, approx.