Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Batchelor Ladies, Independent Freemales, A personal Choice.

You know you're a freemale when:
… the idea of getting married brings you out in a cold sweat.
… you go to bed in a face mask and socks.
… your impressive collection of newly bought shoes is not hidden away at the back of the wardrobe.
… the lid of your lavatory is always down.
… you have a female friend listed as next-of-kin.
… all of your best male friends are gay.
… the only man who tells you what to do in your bathroom is your plumber.
… the only thing that needs looking after in your life is your cat - and yourself.
… the only time you read the lonely hearts column is for a laugh.
… you pity smug mums in TV ads sniffing laundry and gushing about freshness.
… you've never been speed dating - but you're an ace at the karaoke machine.
… before going on a (rare) date, you book an appointment not with your hairdresser but a counsellor.
… you buy your own jewellery.
… your holiday first aid kit is full of hangover cures, rather than Calpol.
… you haven't lost touch with all your friends.
… you're not waiting for Mr Right - or even Mr Right Now.

...Ultimately if you are worth your salt falling in love will trap you, a deep down desire for motherhood and lasting friendship will tip the scales of the loneliness of Independence and free love.
R ..Daily Gaggle.

33 comments:

amy... swansea said...

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.

lower deck lawyer said...

Women like silent men, they think they are listening.
Mike.

izzy dave said...

Ten measures of garrulity came down from heaven , says the Talmud, and the woman took nine of them

Anonymous said...

why are bachelor ladies called spinsters?
r they bluffing?

I am hitting on strong with a bachelor lady

first she told me
she is not divorced

now she tells me
she is living with a man for 18 years

then she tells me she is not a femme fatale

and that I am only flattering her

someday I will know the truth
but who wants to know the truth~

I just wanna get laid

saby dasouza said...

English Patient

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!

Vest said...

Memories.Tues June 5/45. My ship KGV entered Sydney harbour for replenishing and two weeks R&R. We would return to the conflict up north until the cessation of WW2. We would return to Sydney Sept 14. where I would lose my virginity to Penny and Emma.

Wally said...

Confucious say. Virginity like bubble, 'One prick - all Gone!!

Anonymous said...

Dummy
u can loose your virginity
just once

did u tell Rm
u r not a virgin

Anonymous said...

Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream, dream, dream, dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream
When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream, dream, dream, dream


-the wankers song

Anonymous said...

Wally
why do u think of virginity
only for women


how about one puss
all gone

I wonder how Vest got laid by 2 simultaneously

Vest said...

Anon (dummy)I wasn't too sure which one it was at the time so take your pick.
Oh I'm sure R M knows; she is a big girl now.

Anonymous said...

tell us how it happened Vest
did u seduce the 2 women

or did they seduce u ?

Vest said...

Anon: your anonimity does not fool me, Read WGBTATF pages 83 to 114, for more info ask.

Anonymous said...

OK

Anonymous said...

but I wanted other guys here to know too

Anonymous said...

u r a grrat soft porn writer Vest
with lotta humor

Vest said...

Several of my posts have been submitted for publishing, some made it some (most) did not. A recent incident in a shopping complex gave birth to my most recent story. However,I see no reason for not publishing it here, under Vest, that is if it is published in my real name and by sheer coincidence vest finds it and posts it here, Anyhow have a great weekend.

wally said...

That is very naughty mr vest- smack smack.

Jim said...

smack smack ??
u kissing his bum Wally?

u shud go whack whack whack
with a whip

Anonymous said...

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.

OK I am making my dreams come true
I will be chasing Amy now

Anonymous said...

"Ultimately if you are worth your salt falling in love will trap you, a deep down desire for motherhood and lasting friendship will tip the scales of the loneliness of Independence and free love."

Mare, Mary, Mother - the sea.

Anonymous said...

Hi Vest

Please check out our recent posts...

Faceparty Exposed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Latest from Faceparty Exposed

Anonymous said...

oops, am Davo from Wombats waffles .. made an anonymous comment - and suddenly discovered that it was one among many - unsigned.

You will, hopefully, understand the reference to Mare .. that have been to sea .. only on a 32' ketch .. and read your writings with interest. Internet connections are intermittent and sporadic.

Cheers, and best wishes,
David.

Vest said...

Davo: Been to Frogland.. familiar with 'La Mare'.
Voicing its praises has gone to the sea dogs since the demise of Edith.
Drop your hook here anytime.

sucker said...

You take your tongue and you start from the bottom and run it slowly to the top in one long motion. Take the tip between your lips, give a soft suck, tease it gently until you get a taste.

Grasp the base firmly with one hand and swirl your tongue around the rest with short but assertive strokes. Make it yours. When there are drips (there are always drips), lap them up with the very tip of your tongue, and try not to moan too loudly in delight as you swallow it down.

If your fingers get sticky, know you're doing something right. Messy is sexy. Do yourself a favour and make it last. Use your hot mouth to make it melt. Run your lips softly up the side, leaving a trail with your tongue, and if your lips come away a little creamy you've hit the spot, so lick them clean and keep it up.

A little nibble never hurt, just don't get greedy. Let your tongue do most of the work. If you get breathless, take smaller bites, and take the time to really enjoy the feel of it hitting your throat. At some point, you just let your instinct take over and you get lost in the pleasure: your jaw opens wider to accomodate more, your hand starts to slide up and down in eagerness, you know the end is near and you'd like to slow it down to enjoy it longer but instead your tongue just goes faster and faster and you can't help but work that oral fixation for all it's worth.


That's right bitches: ice cream season is back, and Little Miss Small Dipped Cone just got majorly creamed. Eat up.

Keshi said...

men like dumb women. they r easier to manipulate.

:)

Keshi.

saby said...

Pinocchio and Splinters

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.

"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"

"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.

"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How did the problem work out with your "Girlfriend.
said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"

tqmcintl said...

u gott an award
BORN AGAIN by Jim

saby said...

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Jim said...

It is the province of knowledge to speak, It is the privledge of wisdom to listen.

More quotes from Christine Lane

Jim said...

visit BORN AGAIN
u ASS

Vest said...

Jim - Careful with the compliments.

saby dasouza said...

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer:

An English princess with an

Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian who was drunkon Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you change the spelling)

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor.

This is sent to you by an Indian

using Bill Gates's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese chips,

and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Chinese workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported to you by Bangladeshi rickshaw-driver.

That, my friends, is Globalization.

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