Saturday, 8 September 2007

'Conundrums'. Do you have one to add to this list? I'll bet you do.

CONUNDRUMS



1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?



2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?



3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?



4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?



5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?



6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?



7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?



8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?



9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?



10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?



11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?



12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?



13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys Deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners Depressed?



14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?



15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?



16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so posties can look for them while they deliver the mail?



17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.



18. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.



19. Last night I played a blank CD at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.



20. Ever wonder about those people who spend $3 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE



21. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a Peeing section in a swimming pool?



22. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

7 comments:

kate fb said...

Ooh -first again, oh well try this
one
If chicks lay eggs and bricklayers lay bricks-why dun plumbers lay plum- right?

Vest said...

A Ham Fisted hammerer with a hammer cnnot make Ham, but a Ham Sandwich can kill by asphyxiation. 'Mama Cass'.

A beach Buoy does not always float.
'Dennis Wilson

'Armour' the kind of clothing worn by a person whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Auctioneer. A person with a hammer that has picked a pocket with his tongue.

lower deck lawyer said...

A dentist, prestidigitator who putting metal in your mouth, pulls coins from your pocket.
Adore, to venerate expectantly.
Mike.

loser jeff said...

from experience..Litigation. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of like a sausage, plus twice which is once too often. Jeff

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