NEWS in spoof from the dunny-bog front.
Sticksville Minnesota, in Uncle Samland, two dear friends of mine have gone from rags to riches. These two robust blubber queens have finally found their calling while pondering their fate when seemingly double parked on their own dunny, with over lapping butt flesh over the sides of the toilet seat creating circulation problems and being unable to rise from the seat without assistance.
This painful phenomenon has given rise to larger bog seats being made for obese people. Kate and tweety's designs, have taken off in the the land of the free, and the canucks in the north are said to enjoy the new resonating sounds from the stainless steel variety.
Only two seat sizes are being marketed at present, Size A and B for bigger, tweety and kate have a copyright on these comfortable designs which are called 'Butt spreaders' which can be bolted down to fit a normal size toilet bowl despite its width and stabilising bum pers.
Finding the spot for wiping or washing may prove to be daunting.
Although Obesity has not yet peaked in Oz to the extent of grossly bloated north Americans, some hotels in Sydney have them fitted for fat Yankee tourists'. American hotels have spent oodles of bucks for these new seats, private citizens are given the choice of a magazine subscription to enjoy while parked in comfort.
Airlines will be charging extra for people requiring larger seats. soon any passenger exceeding the 255 lbs or 120 kilo weight limit will be slapped with a fat surcharge.
Extra fuel costs and cuts in profits are the main reason for these changes.
Vest remembers: Getting caught with your pants down in a theatre of war, can be debilitating.
Korea April 19 , 1952. the complete 650 man crew of The British cruiser HMS Ceylon, were in a constant line up to use the heads or a handy bucket. For 24 hours soothing salves and ointments easing the soreness of their butts after taking numerous sulphur tablets to cure the outbreak of dysentery, one gay officer stated "Its like a cock up of mass proportions.
A final word from Abdul Karim Our middle east correspondent from downtown Lakemba in Sydney OZStrayer.
ARE you left handed or a mollydooker? If so, make it clearly known by wearing this info on your lapel or where it can be clearly seen, that a molly dooker you be. or face the wrath of your Muslim friends at a formal Noshup. It seems most Muslims use their left hand when dipping into the pot for their Nasi Goreng makan. the reason for this seems, that you don't use your butt wiping hand to maul the makan.
Dipping your right hand is the wrong hand and only right if you are left handed, makes sense doesn't it.
Has anyone had the unfortunate experience to use an Asian stoop dunny. Success comes from perseverance or being fitted with a bomb sight. My first attempt was disastrous, I missed and it dropped into my strides at the dip, so embarrassing. ta for now , aim straight, Vest.