Monday, 26 February 2007

Well yank my doodle its a dandy

A bunch of unemployable bludgers and layabouts who do little else but whine about their woes, drug addiction, weight problems and the state of their god fearing dysfunctional inbred families.
This how I picture this intercommunicating cesspit of North American bloggers who consider any non American fair game for abuse.
In order to correct and create a level playing field for non American commenter's, I found myself dissected and most of my opinion rejected, obviously my reasoning was beyond their zero IQ comprehension.
One blog administrater has called for my extinction, and at this point in time is rallying this festering mob to use whatever devious methods they can concoct to bring about my demise.
Not a single person in this group has the intestinal fortitude to stand alone, to be honest I would rather have a snake as a friend than anyone from this sinister bunch of creeps, who are devoid of humour and the social graces.
So to my detractors I have this well used statement to offer you.
No one can be so calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Dim Witted Americans, who do not comprehend studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute. But today you can cop this lot for a change.

Sunday, 25 February 2007

WHO WANTS TO BE A CLUCKWIT

Subject: Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever
Idiotic ‘Millionaire’ Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

Kathy X, the single dumbest contestant to ever get on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
NEW YORK – Ranier- Minnesota resident Kathy X brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.”It seems that Kathy, a 51-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to
make what fans of the show are dubbing “the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.”
After being introduced to the show’s host Meredith Vieira, Kathy X assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:
“Which of the following is the largest?” ) A PeanutB) An ElephantC) The MoonD) Hey, who you calling large?
Immediately Kathy was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.
“Hmm, oh boy, that’s a toughie,” said Kathy, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. “I mean, I’m sure I’ve heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.”
Kathy made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Kathy still remained unsure.
“Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!” exclaimed Kathy. “Darn. I think I better phone a friend.”
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Kath asked to be connected with her friend , Fat Tweety the local bonehead .
“Hi Fatso! How are you? This is Kathy! I’m on TV!” said Kathy wasting the first seven seconds of her call. “Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.”
Fat Tweety quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Kathy proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
“Come on Fatso, are you sure?” said Kathy. “How sure are you? Puh, that can’t be it.”
To everyone’s astonishment, the moronic Kathy declined to take her friend’s advice and pick ‘The Moon.’
“I just don’t know if I can trust That fat Tweety. She’s not all that bright. So I think I’d like to ask the audience,” said Kathy.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, ‘The Moon.’ Having used up all her lifelines, Kathy then made the dumbest choice of her life.
“Wow, seems like everybody is against what I’m thinking,” said the too-stupid-to-live Kathy. “But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let’s see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I’m going to have to go with B, an elephant. Because a cow can jump over the moon but certainly not an elephant. Final answer.” Kathy sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

THIS IS ONE FOR THE SCHOOL KIDS AND LATE STARTERS WITHIN THE COMMUNITY

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.


Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.If you agree, pass it on.If you can read this - Thank a teacher!

Thursday, 22 February 2007

AUSTRALIA IS OUR COUNTRY .

Yes It's Our Country
Most of us true blue Aussies feel very strongly about this, but for those of you who don't, read this at least twice.
Australia- The Right to Leave Our Country - YOU Have the right - the right to leave !
After Sydney not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Christmas lights.
After hearing that the state of South Australia changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her driver's licence with her face covered.
This prompted this editorial written by an Australian citizen. Published in an Australian newspaper.
Quote:IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It !
We are tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.
However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. We are not against immigration, nor hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.
However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.
We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, Learn the language!
Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then we suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, Because God is part of our culture.
If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like " A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, And we really don't care how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.

But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life, we highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, "THE RIGHT TO LEAVE" If you aren't happy here then rack off! We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted. Pretty easy really, when you think about it.

If we all keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, lets all try, please.

No matter how many times you receive it............................
Please forward it to all you know .






THE ALL AMERICAN HUSBAND STORE

The Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . .you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh mercy me" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still,she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Wednesday, 21 February 2007

HOW DOES YOUR FEMALE PARTNER RATE. IS SHE THIN, NORMAL, OVERWEIGHT, FAT or VERY FAT

Sitting at a desk collecting donations for charity gave Bob; a friend of mine an idea how to make the time pass more quickly.
The following day he arrived with prepared sheets of paper on which he recorded with ticks for all the women who passed him in the categories that most suited them.
Bob being a terribly honest person did not deviate from the standards he applied, and the results he obtained were quite astonishing. Bearing in mind the Central coast of NSW, Australia, Where I live have a higher number of retired persons than most inner met suburbs. Bob also precluded all children under the age of eighteen. so to enable this to be accurate, Bob did two surveys; both between 0900 and 1200 am, one on a Tuesday and the the other on a Thursday pension day. below are Bobs Results.

TUESDAY.
Thin, 116... Normal, 128... Overweight, 167... Fat, 278...Very Fat, 257.

THURSDAY.
Thin, 87... Normal, 106... Overweight, 179... Fat, 302... Very Fat, 291.

AVERAGE COMBINED,
Thin, 203... Normal, 234... Overweight, 346... Fat, 580... Very Fat, 548.

Er indoors AKA my nearest and dearest, weighs in at 138 lbs or 65 kilos and is five feet seven inches or 165 centimetres tall, PERFECT.

So its a fair bet(about 7 to 1) that the broad (Broad around the beam )you are trying to get your arms around at night needs a heap of blubber removed.
How does your darling rate? don't lie, tell the truth.

Sunday, 18 February 2007

AUSTRALIA LOSE AGAIN, THE AUSSIES RATED WORSE THAN BANGLADESH, HAVING LOST FIVE GAMES IN A ROW.

Once again Strayer is defeated by the Kiwis, prior to that it was three in a row by the English cricket team. Five losses on the trot doth not make Australia the best team in the world, their best batsmen and bowlers are knackered and the new players just very ordinary and wayward.
It was good to see the look of dismay on the dials of the Aussie losers instead of their demeaning-arrogant attitude towards their opponents, these nose picking, bollock scratching, unshaven bunch of gum chewing has-beens; need to get back to basics.

Saturday, 17 February 2007

AUSTRALIA'S WORST ONE DAY CRICKET LOSS IN HISTORY. Rock Bottom, How low can the AUS Bludgers go?

A comment I received recently, suggested the English cricketers although under rated, were never tested during the recent debacle when defeating New Zealand and Australia. What a shame that the England team preparations for the World Cup have been damaged by having to play opposition that is so easy to beat, namely New Zealand and Australia.
I wholeheartedly go along with this jibe, made in retaliation to the on and off field derision by the Australian team and cynical nose in the air "We are unbeatable" press coverage by the bigoted Australian press towards the under strength and under rated England cricket team.
The jibes and sledging gave strength to to the England team, and with a lot luck and pluck, Plucked the opposition leaving them losing face.
I Quote:
Its not the size of the dog in the fight.
Its the size of the fight in the dog.

Today we hear of Australia's worst loss in O D I Cricket history.
Australia, 148 runs from 49 overs plus the loss of 10 wickets.

N.Zealand, 149 runs from 27 overs, scored the winning runs in half the time without loss of wickets.

I expect 'Piggy Muldoon's ' bones will will be rattling with laughter.

Congratulations to the men from the land of the 'Long White Cloud', Vest Daily Gaggle.

Thursday, 8 February 2007

Ok you Skinnies. Here's your chance to become Obese like your fat friends

I expect you remember the standard make up of the school kid gangs, one tall, three average size and one fat boy with spectacles. During recent years the order of things have changed to three four eyed fatties a stunted ginger head skinny.and a very fat girl, who is usually called tweety or laura for some odd reason.
So if you are a skinny and wish to move outwards to the fat trendy status, here is the best way to start.
In the School Canteen or in the lunch box mummy has prepared for you is the catalyst for expansion and the means to short circuit your life span. Start right now consuming heaps of Trans Fats which is found in a variety of foodstuffs notably those in a list shortly to follow, this will get you a proud pork belly in little or no time. Why? Because this crap you eat tastes delicious and is addictive because of that.
Mothers, whack some in your child's lunch pack, your skinny kid will love it and become a fat and happy rotund little blob in the wink of an eye.
Trans Fats are a deadly poison found on most supermarket shelves, even small doses are harmful, Trans fats are made synthetically in a process called Hydrogenisation. The changed fats extend the shelf life of cooking oil and improves the appearance and texture of baked food such as scones, muffins and cakes .
If a total ban is imposed, major food outlets will feel the impact most, also the fast food chain stores like McDonald's , KFC, Wendy's and Dunkin' Donuts.
So mums and dads keep your eyes peeled for this trans fats thingy if you want to stay thin, look for items which display the sign 'No Trans Fats, anything else has usually got this Trans fat crap. These are a few items you could avoid like the plague.

Margarine spreads and shortening.
Deep Fried Foods.
Frozen foods, including sweet pastries, sausage rolls, pies and fish fingers.
Pastries, donuts, muffins and cakes.
Biscuits, cookies and instant noodles.
Crackers, chips and crisps.
Confectionery,lollies-Candy and Chocolate, cereal bars and slices.
Cake mixes, dips, sauces and Chocolate spreads.

Ignore this warning and you may become only useful as a professional Santa Claus or a fat Tweety or Laura Claus.

Dedicated to two Fat Yankee Broads, Laura Widebeam and Tweety Fantail-Stern.

Click here for more info. http://www.choice.com.au

Monday, 5 February 2007

Short Ass bludger, Oz test bat Allan Border,is Now a DOCTOR ? According to English super bat.

Border has no right to question my courage Say's Big Kev Pieterson. of Short arsed Allan Border. Kev questioned Borders latest loud mouthing, Border stating Big Kev was too quick to head home after suffering a broken rib, It was only cracked and he could have come good in a couple of weeks.
Big Kevin Pieterson was struck by a ball delivered by the super mumbler and sledger, Glenn McGrath .
Border Say's Big Kev, played in 156 Tests. But that doesn't give him a Medical Degree, Its a load of crap from some one I have never met-and don't want to.

A B; watch out, a fat lip could be in the offing for you on big Kevs return to Oz . (I hope).

Condolences for the ex p-m (English) cricketer And current member of the Black & White minstrel show who is now Strayer's Fav One day Cricketer, Andy Symonds is a victim of good English bowling during the Oz bludgers defeat on Friday Jan 2.

"Cop That!" Andy Pandy, for defecting to the enemy. Get well soon; the Bludgers need your 'Lippy Salve' to shine the ball.

Australia (Strayer mate) Has qualified as the best mob of flanneled fools world wide.

Josh Massoud, Ray Chesterton, Pretty-Ian Payten, Ben Dorries, super prick Jon Pierek, and not forgetting Fanny Craddock. This bunch of one eye'd venomous Oz supporting.
so called sports writers, do more harm to the game than good, get your act together, cut out your hatred and bigotry, it stinks of unfairness and a pig headed attitude.

Sunday, 4 February 2007

No Blogging No visitors. Just a lazy weekend.

Very quiet, so I got a few oldie music masterpieces out, well I was the only person listening so there were no complaints, it was refreshing being able to hear the actual words of the song, instead of the mod version of bang clang noise, drowning the vocal drivel, sounding more like a M R Swahili choir.
Most of you wouldn't have a clue who the Artistes are, but here is a list of those musical legends I listened to while watching the cricket minus the dreary commentary.

Glenn miller, "In the mood" **
Sophie Tucker, "Some of these days" **
Judy Garland, "Over the rainbow" ***
Al Jolson, "My Mammy" **
Fred Astair, "Putting on the ritz" *
Delores Del Rio, "Ramona" ****
Deanna Durbin, "Waltzing in the clouds" ***
Eddie Cantor, "Making Whoopee" **
Jeanette Macdonald, "Merry widow Waltz" ****
Peter Dawson, "The Floral Dance" ***
Carmen Miranda, "I YI YI YI YI(I Like you very much)" ***
Rudolf Valentino, "Kashmiri love song" * (unusual)
Nelson Eddie, "Rose-Marie" ****(Rosemary's assessment).
Edith Piaf, "Hymn to love" ****
Joseph Schmidt, "A star falls from heaven" ****. A four ft eleven inch Tenor.
Richard Crooks, "The holy city" **
Rudy Vallee,"The stein song" **
Marlene Dietrich, "Falling in love again" **
Allan Jones, "Donkey Serenade" ***
Richard Tauber, "Vienna, City of dreams," ****. Former family friend, Rip 1948
Andrew Sisters, "Boogie woogy bugle boy" ***

Well, that is my Star rating, some not mentioned, never rated at all in my opinion.

VEST IS SHUTTING UP SHOP UNTIL THE NEW BLOGGER GETS ITS ACT TOGETHER

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...