Wednesday, 28 December 2005

DEATH IS THE GREAT LEVELLER

Mr KERRY PACKER (A GREAT AUSTRALIAN) And formerly Australia's wealthiest person, passed away on Monday Jan- 26. His demise is attributed to heart and kidney failure.
On a lighter note, many notable people have suggested that, Kerry, would have secured his future in advance. Kerry being a Fun person and someone who enjoyed life to the full, It is now expected that HEAVEN will soon be getting its first TV and Radio Networks, Plus Casino's and Slot machines, One Day 50 overs Cricket and Horse Racing.
The only way myself and many other people became involved with Kerry, was to contribute to his wealth.
Kerry I have been told was a great Philanthropist, although a few Billion would hardly put a dent into his balance.
I personally never came in contact with Kerry, however most people who did regarded him as a great person and a good guy.
Those intending to depart for higher places soon will have the surprise of their(New Life) Thanks to Kerry.
VALE KERRY.

Friday, 16 December 2005

CRICKET IV'E GOT YOUR WICKET, RIGHT HERE

The following preamble is a laymans explanation of the rules of cricket to the people of North America.
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in goes out, and when he is out he comes in and the next man goes in until he is out. When one side are all out, the side that's been out comes in and the side that has been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who are all out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice, after the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.
The general rules of actual play are saturated with a glossary of terms and conditions with sub rules, with the prefixes 'Unless, depending, benefit of doubt, and other Misc Claptrap, every morsel of important cricket goings on is recorded in WISDEN a sacred hard to get book with more info on cricket than Brittanica, from the time the first ball was bowled in Hambledon Hampshire England in the early 19th century . There is more to read in Wisden than the 'Holy Bible' or the 'SevenPillars of WISDOM'.
Any Cricket Jokes?

Wednesday, 14 December 2005

The future women of our world requesting hand outs from Santa, published in local rag.

Make the World a better Place.
Dear santa and elves and reinder, hi my name is Dayna and I am 7 years old. How are you? For ChristmistI would like 1, pet buney, 2 pet dog jerman sheped pointer, 3. a pet horse,4 a toy and much more.and to make the world a better place, 1, help the poor people, 2, give clean water, 3 give donasans for people, 4, give a good christmis to all people in the world,
And what I think abiat Christmist-I dekorate the home, 2, be good and be holly, 3, give love and canpassion. FROM ME Dayna, Lisaro. (Written with a bit of conniving from mom probably, V)

WE SHOULD PICK UP THE DOG POO
Dear santa. I would like a Bratz Doll thank you. I want people to pick up their rubbish, scrub the writings off the buildings, pick up their dog poo, no garbage in the sea or down the drain. Be nice to each other, listen to your Mum and Dad. a smile is free. be happy. Love Mollie, 6, Kariong.
(With help from mum again. V)

Can I have a pair of wheelies.
Dear Santa, For Christmas I would like a pair of wheelies size 4 or 5, Probably size 4. I'm 9 this year. you probably knew that. Love from Samantha, Blue Bay.

Any more requests Telephone the NORFPOLE.

You are watching Hebrew Television, There is little other choice.

It does appear that those who were ostracised by the govt of that 'One balled Chocolate waffling vegetarian Mr Shicklegruber, are now in total control of the media industry and walk hand in hand with their former enemies; the industrial and political Fascists. Both Ideoligies seemingly working together lovingly.
Why do 95% of film makers; despite the many differing creeds and racial origins globaly, always dominate their scripts with hebrew names for their actors.
Mind you, cronyism and nepotism is rife within the film industry and would seem that since the dawn of the Hollywood film set up, the Cecil B De- Mille's, Fred Zimmerman's, Goldberg's and Spielbergs and the like, have passed down opportunities to their own extended families and creed, hence a few years ago an Australian fronting up for his film industry award stated to the embarrassment of many present,"Seems like I am the only Gentile here tonight".
I am sick of people who play the role's of people not of their obvious genetic make up.
For example, like an Arab or Jewish person, portraying an Anglo saxon English country Lord of the manor or village Squire, named Larry Caplan and his beautiful A/sax wife Jennifer-nee- Finklestien. This was brought to my notice by a friend of mine , David, Moshe, Bennett, when only a few days ago told me that, he was staying in that night to watch some Hebrew television.
I am left wondering if I am the Only person to notice this. I dont need any anti semetic crap either; my dear grand mother was Jewish.
I do not take exception to Pantomime role's where for example unshaven men in drag play the part of the Ugly Sisters and women are playing principal boys, that's just too funny, but I do find it distressing when a smelly Billy Goat portrays the part of a Thoroughbred.

Thursday, 8 December 2005

FOR MY RELATIVES FRIENDS AND OLD SHIPMATES OVERSEAS HAVE A JOYFUL CHRISTMAS

PLEASE feel free to comment, get it off your chest before the year runs out, about anything you wish to say. NO DELETIONS UNLESS THEY ARE OBSCENE.

VEST: I would like to say hello to my OLD shipmates of the HMS King George V assoc in the U/K to whom I will send a new JLS pen to replace their misplaced one ; should they comment here. We of the assoc in Australia have recently returned from a hilarious holiday in Coffs Harbour, going wild and enjoying life to the full, (Read your news letter)My beautiful Lady and myself are sailing down to Tasmania mid Jan, those of you who haven't yet lost their marbles will remember our ship going there Jan-8-46, and the great reception we had from the locals.
Reading your news letters really has me wondering what your domestic lives entail, as your assoc annual meanderings appear to be in need of a vitality boost, your several minor adventures were mostly centred around boring venues; unctious church services and retiring to your beds at 9PM, "How Frightfully Exciting". It also seems that, our Assoc in the UK is lacking in leadership, or is it that the 'Lord of the Manor come Village Squire Kow Towing Syndrome' is still prevalant among you. "I say, you old English chappies" "Do you have to have a senior officer not of our ships company to lead you". BTW if the rude old Chancre bosun I spoke to over a year ago is still around, please would you say "Thank you" for the 'J L Spencer book you asked for free gratis that I sent you. In the washup I feel you old guys in the U/K need a push in the right direction, but never mind; not long to go now; pray hard, I reccomend you click on to , www.afterlifecommunicationresearch.com For your next annual vacation. (just kidding) vest, www.dailygaggle.blogspot.com.

Tuesday, 6 December 2005

VANDIEMANS LAND

Where in heavens name is Vandiemans Land
Er indoors and I are off on a voyage of rediscovery on Jan-26-05. For the inquisitive check it out on Google.
I first visited Vandiemans Land Jan-8-1946, shortly after repairs to the ship I served on; The 'HMS King Geoge V', a huge Battleship during WW2, called into Hobart while on its journey home to England.
Unfortunately the ship was booked out for the Jan- 6-05 sailing, however, the sea journey from Sydney to Devonport; on the north of Vandiemans Land takes 22 hours, my darling and I are taking our car and have a cabin to our selves. Total cost for the return sea journey and ten days motel accom is estimated at less than Aus-$2,000, or US $1,500 plus spending money, the cost of the car on the ship is included.
Keep your eye on this website early Feb for this fabulous story of rediscovery to unfold. I hope to return with a host of TASMANIAN jokes to unleash onto my Nth American and Brit bloggers about Australias only Island State 'TASMANIA'. For your next seagoing experience it must be 'THE SPIRIT OF TASMANIA'.

Monday, 5 December 2005

BACK IN CIRCULATION FOR A WHILE BEFORE ANOTHER SHORT BREAK AT CHRISTMAS

The good news is my CAT SCAN has indicated that, I could be around for a few more years yet, provided I make an attempt to take up more healthy pursuits. mind you I still have a few aches and pains WITCH my Doctor; who is Chinese/Indonesian (racism not intended) tells me my problems are indicative to social excesses; as he pushes his account into my reluctant hand and asks " Why you look at me so suspiciously".

Not a very good night at the club on Friday, we left early due to a club member at our table who has a high opinion of himself deciding to crack jokes about Penises and BJs, who then objected to a nearby person using the 'F' word in front of his gibbering woman. However Sat night was far better at the Soccer Club, a 'Fleetwood Mac' tribute show, we then got to bed at 2am.

Sunday Dec-4. We were rudley awakened by an air rescue Chopper landing close by in our quiet secluded street, at 6 something am. Peering out of the window we saw one wrecked red car on the other side of the road; several Police cars and emergency vehicles plus one power & telephone pole down, leaving us without power until one pm, the five young guys in the car were returning from partying all night, all were flown to a major hosp close by, no news yet of any injuries. Last year the next pole up was demolished by a drunken pick up truck driver, when the cement mixer in the back of his truck;due to the sudden stop flew over truck cab and landed thirty feet down the road.
Mon Dec-5. Our peaceful street has returned to normal except for my friends crunched wall and a new utility pole.
I shall shortly pick up the calling cards our neighbors dog has left in our garden, as todays temp is expected to reach 35 cel, or 90 fah, for those countries dragging the progress chain.
We have cancelled our proposed trip to 'Fragrant Harbour' the sino name for Hong Kong, due to a possible continuation of the rioting in the former Brit colony.

Thursday, 1 December 2005

Goodbye Dear Rosemary. (Final)

      It was around 3 pm Wednesday March 8 That Rosemary returned from 'Day Care', she looked fine and healthy and bubbly and gave ...